Snappity. Snap, Snap,SNAP-Cardi B

 Waiting for my girl to come bring up the boxes, from the basement. Christmas is coming down.
 I enjoyed each and every bulb and ornament, but they gotta go. I have been festive for long enough now!! My son will take down the boxes tomorrow. I think if the two kids that live closest to us, ever move, Christmas Stops!!
   The baby in the manger brings us hope, and I still ask Mary,"Did you know?" She had to know how hard this was going to be. Do parents ever know? I hope her baby boy got to be a little boy, before he took on the sins of the world! What a burden to carry. Did Joseph really know, or was he just being nice? And all the brothers and sisters? Did they know who their baby brother may be? Its a lot to think about!! I see Mary at the foot of the cross so many years later, asking " Did I know this would happen??" The helicopter parent in me, would have altered the course of history, " No you are not going to the temple, to stir up something!" He was just a baby, I think I will leave the nativity up all year, I need to be reminded of hope. I need to know that my child and brother and sister, know that young man who did not remain on the cross. Loss is hard, you know you have loved with all your cells, when it hurts so much. I need the baby!! He stays out!!
   ( still waiting for my Emma, god bless her bones!) ( maybe I will call Hart also, I miss him!) Packing up Christmas, my emotions are raw.
    Just yesterday, I received a three short page letter from my boss in the Cath Lab. I knew before I opened it, the weight was different then a Christmas card only, I held my breath.
   It was a beyond sweet, memory of our time together. I have written about Dr. Robert Miller, before. He was one of my greatest teachers, about the heart. The science of it and the other heart! I was 21 when I went to work for him. This is a quote from my letter:
          I can truthfully say that my happiest times while practicing were the years you were in the Cath lab. You always seemed to know what I was looking for, and were always ready to try something new.He continued with only stories and people we knew together. We were all so young, doctors, nurses and technicians. I loved every second of every day, I worked for Dr. Miller. Bobby, Bob, we called him Chief. He had an extremely long career in Pediatric Cardiology and even Doctors without Borders. I hope everyone has had a Dr. Miller in their life. He also told me, about another Doctor we worked with, who has died. Dr. R. D. Jackson, and I hated to read those words. I adored him, loved him, learned from him, and reminded him in the lab, he did not have to be an ass! No one should have to work with an ass!! period, Doctor or not!! He was my friend, and I do not like knowing he is not on this earth.
   WHERE is that baby in the manger!! I may have to carry him around the house with me!!
   More people need to write letters, and thank you Chief for letting me know I did a good job, and like me, it was one of your most happiest times.
   Emma, the girl, just arrived, I have to finish, she is huffing about where do you want this and that, she knows!!! I may need holy water and the baby Jesus!!
   Do what is right, in the new year, sometimes it is hard, you know what needs doing. Ask Mary, she knew. Joseph knew, and the baby, well you know the story. 
   Snappity, Snap, Snap, SNAP, thanks Cardi B, for telling us, to start the New Year off right! 

Tell Me Somethin, Girl

  Shallow by Lady GaGa and Bradley Cooper, lyric is my title!!
  Spelled exactly like it is written, people thinking that they can talk southern!!
  I love this CD, but as usual, I sang it wrong. I thought the first line was, Tell Me Something Good!!
  Which if you think about it, works just as well!!
  ( I have been known to sing a different tune, now and again)

   December Christmas music of course is my go to, first choice.
   But in the car, Shallow rips through the tinsel!!
   That one song, I play over and over. If I like something, it is on overplay for a long time.
   I get hooked on things, addiction  to songs!!

   Not a horrible thing to be addicted to, unless you happen to be the rider in my car.
   No clicking buttons, no changing anything, my car, its happening!!! same song, over and over.

  With the rain and gloom, in Atlanta , the volume on that one song, may be turned UP!!!
  In my mind, at that moment, I am Lady GaGa on stage, with the voice of an angel. ( not Mrs. YellDell at church) ( true story) ( for Anderson Methodist people)
    We all need stress release, and music works. Like Books, it takes you away, for a few minutes. Even on a run to Kroger, or the beauty parlor, a good song will change you! You get out of the car, high on it, and that loaf of bread and milk you need, seems less of a pain in the ass, chore. ( you know Bill does all the grocery shopping!)( some of my story is fiction, at its best) ( I do go to specialty grocery stores!)
     This month I have decided to share things, that bring me joy, even the most simplest to the grand.
 I don't know your heart, but I am guessing, maybe my silly blog can bring you my everyday joy. A laugh or smile, and maybe a few tears thrown in. I send my thoughts and words, through the air, filled with love, hope and chaos!

     Getting ready to go have lunch with my daughter and her beau! This evening we have our Grandson, Wyatt for a spell. My high school class lost a very dear person, I feel a loss, but very happy for her spirit to soar.
     There is never just something good, life does not work that way.
     Another line from this song, Is There somethin (WHY are they spelling it like that??) else you are searching for??
    Keep searching, and if it get to be too much, search some more.
    Tell Me Something, Girl ( that is good) ( I think I should have been a writer)
     The name of the song is Shallow!! we are all in too deep, for that word!!
    God, I love this song!!
    Later
    B

Daddy Bush and Jagger

       My brother Benjie, called early, which causes my heart to skip a beat.( born worry wart, and older parents) He was still reeling about getting us great tickets to see The Rolling Stones. We had to go over our first adventure in 75, to see these babies back in the day. We walked to and from The Gator Bowl, from San Marco. Thought nothing of it, we can "hoof" it, what is a few miles, felt like a 100!! We were high on life, just that! We had no money, but we found some for tickets. Being young, has its perks!, bills to be paid?? They can wait!
   I remember the heat, I wanted water, but I think it was 1.00$, and The Stones turned the hose on us, about half way through their set. It was electric, my body burned from the sun, and the music. Susan  went with us, and a few more people whom I cannot remember. I recall taking a slight nap at First Methodist church lawn, on our walking trip back home.
  Benjie and I also saw them in Gainesville, many years later. My brother has seen The Stones 9 times, he may be a stalker fan! I have seen them 4, in April it will be 5. ( I hope he knows, we will be taking Uber!) Our mother Mary, said she wanted to go in a wheelchair, just to share the experience, of her kids, love of these people. Homer, daddy, said he would not go for free!! They will have to hear and see our story later. ( we will put on a play!) I told Benjie, that remember your number one sister is old, so no nosebleed seats, and I like the aisle seat for dancing. Also don't get me too near the stage, because I have been known to desire to get on stage and sing!! AND trust me that I have been very successful is my singing career, climbing over many an amplifier.!! B called on Wednesday, again scaring me!!( text me first, saying that when you call, its not about horror, or death!) ( heads up brother) Yelling and Screaming, Singing that we had great seats, and may have to sell a kidney to pay for them. I told him, as I grabbed my prayer beads, that I was busy asking the universe to keep, The Boys, alive so we can see them, one more time!!
       That was Wednesday and Saturday morning phone calls, the Saturday am TV told me a different story. Daddy Bush was dead. I always, called him Daddy Bush, I have a tendency to nickname people, and it sticks. I don't may have a reason for the names, but often, its random!!
     Daddy Bush was the only Republican I ever voted for. I had enough sense to see my party was in trouble, and the person we had running was not right. ( something that republicans did not recognize this past election!) ( red flags, mean RED FLAGS) ( what didn't you see??) ( grabbing a woman's pussy comment was not enough??) ( deals with Russians? not enough) ( bad hair, not enough)
    OK, I am back, Daddy Bush.
            I wrote him, after I voted and he won the presidents seat, that I hope I had made the right choice. I asked him to work with a Democratic congress, be fair and gentle. I know I would not agree with much that he had planned to do, but I had hope. That would carry me, and I trusted him.
Of course I heard back from him. He told me He and Barbara, thanked me, and would do everything in their power to do good things. ( I like that he included his wife) He told me not, to be so nervous, he would be a good listener. He also told me to write him anytime, maybe that is why I called him Daddy Bush. I loved President and Mrs. Bush. This big snowflake, whatever you may call my liberal heart, loved the Bush family. ( OK his son the other president and I had a rocky relationship)
    I knew he would not live very long, after his Barbara died recently. He was 94, lived a life of service, loved hard, and made mistakes. I am very glad to have known Daddy Bush, I was comfortable with him on this earth. I know his wife and daughter, welcomed him home.
    Two very different stories, touched my life, changed my life in ways, you never know.
    Politics and Music, are strange bed fellows, but I have slept well, knowing these stories.
    Love wins, and you remember the lyrics!!!

Get In The Boat and ROW!!

  We are smack dab in the middle of November and I am treading water.
   It has rained for a week, and with the time change, I have sunk!!
   I need to get in the boat and row.
   I have had this blog for going on 12 years, and I bet if you look at some of the old posts, you will see my disdain for cold weather, wet weather and the dark. This is early in the fall for this sinking feeling, usually January takes me to my knees. November has rattled my bones, early.
   Today is beautiful, but I have a VERY long memory.
   I forgive mother nature, but I remind God, that he or she, needs to hold me with two hands, in this portal of darkness. Just this week, it was around 5pm and I asked Bill why were there so many people on the road, driving. He huffed, they are coming home from work! Like I had no sense!!
  I thought it was at least 9pm, its maddening! I can not see good at night, so all driving for me stops at 4. AND...if I am riding with a person, its not a pretty picture....I am uncomfortable in dark, it all looks Clockwork Orange to me!!!
  What I am trying to say, is I find myself without good blog material.
   My art stops, my reading wanes, and you will find me wrapped in a blanket!!
   This is not a good thing..I have to work harder in fall and winter to be sweet! Do not worry, I stay inside, so you are all safe!! This may be a gross exaggeration, but it does not feel like it to me!! I think I may have been a bear in a previous life, and hibernation comes easily to me.
  Christmas gets me moving, and January birthdays for all my grandsons, a trip to mom and dads, a sunny day here and there, is it February yet?? GAD, this is when I concentrate on breathing!! and if I breathe like a dragon, no worries, I am covered and smothered in wool!!!( that makes me think of all the fires in Cali, and I just stay awake, thinking about so many people losing everything!!??) ( I have no worries, just a few unusable habits) ( well....maybe more then a few!)
   I was going to blog about the midterm elections, but Florida is still counting votes. Florida, can you not get new voting machines in this century, pay some taxes!! You are so far down the rabbit hole, I only see the tip of an ear. So no blog there.
   I have been reading this one book for three weeks, and normally I would have read three by now, so that has me in a flux. However the book is divine and I am hanging onto every word.
  Title: Southern Discomfort!! ( best title ever!)
  Author: I can only see the word Clark on my kindle, that is the last name. First name is covering with a check and I don't like to touch too many buttons!! ( I do have more then a few tics!!) ( that makes me happy)
  Some lines from this jewel,
             1.just registered the suffering that flowed from her like a silent song, a low constant hum of sadness ( November! to me)
             2. absorbed the lesson of gratitude as best I could
             3.Where I grew up in the south, church, like football and barbecue, is not the only religion. Its mandatory to go to church your whole life.
             4.drank in stillness, feeling it spread through me like warm mild ( describing sleep!)
             5. could see the rage and bourbon taken over ( not a good combo) ( too much alcohol, I hate it.) Most days, she was living in her room, with her other lover booze. Unhappiness slowly gnawing away at her.
( all words in parenthesis are my thoughts)
            6. The paradox of the south, its a savage place, complicated, yet it burrows into you. There is venom in the soil. But there is beauty as well. ( fact)
        I love southern lit, if the author knows the south, and the adjectives are not forced. I am still reading this book, through my covers!
       Last but not least, I hope even in bad weather, you take yourself to the movies. Its two hours of pleasure, and if it Bohemian Rhapsody it is stand in your seat, not caring who is watching, singing, loud and proud. I loved every second of this Queen of a movie. Go see it.
      That is it, getting ready to pick up my oars and row. Day is beautiful, so very thankful.
      Blue is my color, and love wins!!
      (man in picture is not in my metaphorical boat, but......its my blog!!maybe I hired someone to row for me!) ( a woman can dream!)

BOO, October

    So much heartache in this beautiful month of October.
    I lost my baby brother, had two friends from high school, lose their brothers. One friend lost her beloved husband, and my cousin lost her son. My hubs lost a cousin, and grief knocked at so many doors.
   I know if you are lucky to love and live a long life, grief will visit more often, but this month has been wicked.
   There has been more joy then sadness, there always is, if you look. However, in between the layers of joy, death hovers too close. I have no sympathy cards left in my drawer, and they never say what I want to say, which is nothing!! There are no words, to comfort people.I don't know how they feel, I just know that my heart hurts for them. My family is so sad about our Tommy, being gone. It has just been a few weeks, but in grief-time, that is nothing!!
   I remember after my sister died, my mom said, it took her four years, to see some life and light. I told mom, after my son Ward died, I could not last four years with the pain that was holding me hostage. Mom was right, I remember at four years, thinking, I could breathe without thinking if I was breathing. Now its been over eleven years, and I walk the journey daily.
  To my cousin Becky, God give you strength, You are in shock, and I think that allows your body, to rest some.  The loss of a child, is the end of normal. The new normal will be good, but its very hard work. To all my friends that lost brothers, I hope you loved yours, as much as I did. We have so many good memories, funny stories, and him being a pain in the ass stories, that keeps us laughing. Harriet, your love for Derek, is so beautiful and your devotion to seeing him on his journey, taught us all about love. May your days always be filled with so much love, past and present. Bill, I did not know your cousin, but I knew his parents. Uncle Ward and Aunt Virginia were fantastic people, so I have to assume Chris had a little of both of them. Over the years, I knew of his adventures through Christmas letters, from Aunt Virginia, I think he lived a beautiful life. I wish I had met him, one day.
   Our trip home from Barcelona was awful, I had food poisoning on the 10 hour flight home. My jet lag recovery on top of that horror, kept me isolated for a few days extra. When I recovered enough to see my kids, my DIL Nicole, asked me what did I like most about out trip??
  I quickly said, " Coming Home!!"
  Traveling teaches you to be tolerant of others in a profound way, takes you out of your comfort zone. Exposes you to history, art, cultures, food, different landscapes. It educates the soul. I am blessed to have seen so much of our planet, but, home is where I want to be. My family, friends, pets, plants, house, I like my diggings!! as my Grandmother would say. My stuff, my space, my spot of joy, is home.
     I hope all of you have a place to hang, that comforts you. Especially all of the people who suffer from loss. Smells, sounds, love surrounding you always.
   October, BOO!!
   November, be kind, we are waiting for you, and yes we are THANKFUL!

My Plate Is Full

  This trip to Barcelona came on the heels of me losing my brother, and worry about my parents.
   So to say it has been wonderful, is not fully true, but it has been a great experience.
 I am convinced the food, is so clean and fresh. Tapas are the norm, so you get to try many things.
 Yesterday we found a bagel-ish place, bar, darling owner, for lunch. He was an engineer, from Slovenia, that decided to change his sails!!
  I had a turkey, cream cheese, dates , avocados and arugula bagel-ish. Each flavor so strong, and one, I probably would not have combined. Bitter arugula and sweet dates, just think on that for a second!! Magic. The chips, had a drizzle of maybe mustard and horseradish on them, very interesting combinations. So I think what I am trying to say, not only is the food fresh it is put together so neatly. I have had eggplant with goat cheese and honey, that would make your eyes roll back in your head!! So many kinds of omelettes, I think the eggs are different over here, one with yellow squash and onions that surprised me. Prawns, fish, crab, pasta, pizza, bread, salads that wake up your taste buds!! Olives by the handfuls, with little olive dishes that I lust after!! Coffee is pumping through my veins, hourly, and maybe Proseco to wash it all down.
   Then you walk hundreds of miles, at least it feels that way, and you eat again!!
My plate has been full of new flavors.
My plate is overflowing with artist and their stories, and Gaudi rules this kingdom.
Picasso I loved, Miro loved more, Mares made me smile, Gaudi not so much.
  I have tried to explain it to my Bill, the husband, that he creeps me out, a little. I know as an architectural artist he put together buildings with a flair, just not my flair. We go to the Parc Guell, on Saturday and maybe I will warm up to him, but he seems large and something!!! I like Frank Lloyd Wright houses, Gaudi is a tad tacky for the party. Even the Sagrada with all its glory, and beauty, left me cold. He is buried there and I paid my respects, but I don't get him, and that is why art is so fun. There is some art for all of us. I am convinced, if I was not before, that all artist seem to be good in many mediums. Fabric, clay, oils, watercolors, whatever is laying in your studio or house. Picasso used fish bones, that he had just picked clean, to do a beautiful clay bowl. Gaudi says the nature guided his genius and madness, Miro used fire and painted on the floor, whatever works. My plate is full.
 People, transportation and weather, perfect.
 Hurricane hitting my beloved Florida panhandle, hurts my core being.
 My plate is full of sorrow, hope for a quick recovery.
One of the six books, I have had the privilege of reading , Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Callahan, reminded me, how full my plate was. C.S. Lewis, his life and stories, and now this one written in first person, from his wife's point of view, just beautiful. I have read all of his books, but I think I shall reread them all. He is wise and I want to listen to him again. When my Ward died, I read his A Grief Observed, with my brother dying, I want some of his guidance again. So now I start my 7th book, on this three week feast to Barcelona.
  We leave on Tuesday, and I will try and squeeze in another blog, no promises.
  I will be thrilled to see my kids and animals, I think I am a born homebody, who has enjoyed some really neat trips seeing the world. France has my heart, but thank you Barcelona.

A Good Yarn

My beloved hubs, takes the only laptop to school, and I cannot figure out how to do the blog on my Ipad. It has a tendency to stay in Spanish. Lucky for me, after six years of Spanish, I can say Hello and Goodbye!!!
   We are staying in the area of L'Eixample in Barcelona, and when you are in a new area, ( or downtown Atlanta) you explore.
  I like to find the pharmacy first, child of the sixties, we may have been medicated.
  There is a Big Green Cross on every corner, and I was in need of powder. ( I do not like to sweat)
  The lovely lady doctor, I think medical doctors are the pharmacist, they treat you!! could not understand me, so I went into my silent acting chops! Shaking salt move, on my arm, and rubbing it in!. She said, "Come."
  Talc powder is the same as in our language, the only difference is theirs smells a tad like weed!!
  She rang me up, no helpers in store, and I may have said Namaste, I meant to say Gracias!!!
     Next Grocery store and market locations, along with bakery and florist shop. Very daily, routine of shopping. You have to be carrying a loaf of hard bread, that will break your teeth, at all times.
    I asked my local baker, if they had any soft bread!! She walked away. I figured with enough olive oil and rubbed tomato, the bread will soften!! Fruit and Vegetables are beautiful, and fish and meat counters, not so cute!! I can not look at things with eyes and teeth, and who am I kidding, I am not cooking!! I make a salad at night, and we celebrate the food from the earth!! Our lunch in Barcelona is the meal of the day.
  Bus, schedules, train schedules, taxi cab friends ( yes I like to keep good taxi peoples cards) I'm older, I don't have time for meeting new taxi cab drivers!! I surround myself with good people.
  Beauty parlors, nail salons, I do have a little down time! found!!
  Churches, museums, restaurants and the Mediterranean, found and found.
    A surprise, which is awesome, a yarn store. I DO NOT NOT KNIT!! It was just so beautiful, and they looked like a party was going on. I bought two big balls of yarn and a needle, I always try to crochet. I just like touching yarn, and material, tactile thing!! Iam going to sit on a bench, in a park, and pretend to knit!! and drink tons of coffee, its a beautiful thing.
  Another very delightful surprise was our apartment windows, floor to ceiling across the front, facing a courtyard. Also facing, many other eight story apartment building windows. It is Rear Window, at its finest. I love people hanging their clothes out on the line, connected to their balcony or window. I enjoy seeing the lights come on and off in the morning and night, it is like Christmas. I try not to Really look, but I have seen, people having supper. Yesterday a lady, sang opera on her balcony for hours, it was fantastic. I have posted pictures of this, hope you get a chance to see them. The art of my courtyard, just a huge plus.
  Bill, hubs, goes into work early, and I have a couple of hours of quiet, to "Just Be"
  Before the rest of the world comes to their senses.
  I hope you find your magic courtyard, wherever you are and squeeze our some, "Just Be" time.
  And if you tell a good yarn, or buy some yarn, I promise you something wonderful happens.
  Getting ready to go to some very giant Gaudi church, La Sagrada Familia .
  Bob NEWHART, my darling, just asked me, if my hair was ready for church??? Please..Jesus knows what I look like, and Gaudi doesn't care!!Guess I better go look.
  Until later
    BBB