A Girl and Her Tree

  Sunday from Spain, we are headed out somewhere soon.
  I needed to jot down some thoughts.
  One, the political climate will have me off of Facebook for a spell. It hurts my heart and head.
  I do not have to explain myself or my beliefs on a daily basis, or prove anything. I work hard for my party of the people, and will continue to do so. All this back and forth, no changing anyone's mind is sucking the pure joy out of me. It will only be me at the voting booth, having to live with my choice, and my convictions. So peace out FB, I am on vacation.
   I will try and blog once a week, because it is therapy to me, and it's my thoughts, you don't have to click on it to read, again its about choices. I like for all to have options!!
       Grief looms in between each word I type. I miss my brother, Tommy who died a few days ago.
Being far from home, I think increases the sadness, who knows, there is certainly a veil of quiet around me. I worry about my parents, being so lonely. At their age, to suffer this kind of pain, is just too much. At any age to lose a child, is just the end, of a whole person, called you.
  I miss my children and grans, but text often and know they are good. I think I will never be a world traveler, I like three day visits max. We will be in Barcelona for 3 ish weeks. On the other hand, it is a remarkable trip, with much to do, and the hubs to share it with.
   The food, weather, art, churches, people, yogurt!!( yes yogurt, I have found so many new flavors, and it taste better then ours!!) It is a pleasure to experience so much, I just want to share it with all of the people I love. ( And if you are reading this, it may be you!!)
      I think the food is clean and fresh, and I adore going to grocery store on the way home. Walk to everything, ( my legs ache in a good way??!!)
      we have traveled by plane, train, taxi and bus. Yesterday on the bus ride to the beach, I was sitting in the older person section ( yes they have one) and apparently I did not look old enough. A women got on the bus, looked like Ethel on, I Love Lucy, and gave me a look and a hiss, and some hand gestures, that said, maybe I should offer her my seat. ( she walked better then I did) She moved on. We stepped off the bus, and I grabbed Bill's arm, " Get me to a church!" He of course...said.."Now."
"Yes damn it, I just had a curse put on me by Ethel Mertz!" He does not even question me, because he knows, I mean business!! So to the holy water I went, Italian, Spanish, Jewish, Southern women, I know a hex when I see one!!!
   The two other quick tid-bits, Picasso is a genius, and he was mean to women and children. At his museum, his early work, middle and late threw me into orbit. The brush strokes, the heavy paint, the different mediums, glorious. There was a collage of apples, made me cry. A yellow house/cottage that was so bright, I stood for hours it felt like, to think how he came about such light. Even his cubist things, not my cup of tea, were much more fascinating to my eye. I hope you have a museum to go to, near you, walk the aisle of brilliant people.
   Last but not least, the Mediterranean Sea, called me, just like all bodies of water. So calm and strong she is.
  The thing I will remember most, is the lone lady, under the one palm tree. I laughed, smiled and thought, you have the right idea. Away from the world, yet right in the middle of it. You and your tree, tuned out to everything but the sun and water. I hope you have wonderful thoughts laying right where you are. We left the Beach, I got to thinking, maybe she was passed out from the night before, I should have checked her pulse!!! Nah, she is a happy warrior woman, under her tree, whom I will never forget.
  Until later,
  Adios

Wheels Up

     I have about an hour before the DIL picks us up for the airport.
     We are headed to Barcelona, Spain for a few weeks.
     Daughter and son, are on animal and house duty. Lucky that they live so close, and are semi willing to house/animal sit, but to hear them, I may not have really asked them!! PLEASE, they owe us a hundred times over, and they know it. I just want them to be thrilled to do it! Smile and do a good job, precious babies of mine, I may even bring you a present.
    I am trying with all that is in me, to be looking forward to this adventure, but life had other plans. My baby brother, age 58, Tommy died last week. We were startled, floored, yet not surprised. He had begun a self destructive course in his life, that we can't know or explain. The only thing I know for sure, is he is gone. My parents and his son, are crushed. My brother, Benji and I lost without him, and his friends, that are many, rocked with sadness to their core. My husband Bill said this while we were home in Florida, " Everybody liked Tommy!" which is true. Was he perfect, god no, who is? He is pure Tommy, and for him, that was enough. We just wish he could have made some big changes, but he would ask us "why?" He said he was happy, with his life. So I have to believe him, even though I think at 2am on any given morning he was lonely. Addiction, to gambling, alcohol, drugs, food, one of them is bad enough, but our Tommy lived large, touching and turning over those stones too many times. We loved him anyway, adored him. Prayed for him, screamed at him, laughed with him, and sometimes had to walk away. What I know for sure, is no family loved anyone more then we loved Tommy!!!
    We held his hand, in the funeral home. they would not let us see his used up 58 years of hard living life. We kissed his hand and held on for a few minutes more. Mom, his son Evan and I, holding on with love, telling him to go with glory, free of a hurting body. I promised him we would be all right, and it may have been a little lie. Because if he knew we were basket cases, he may have hung around worried too much. I know my brother.
   We will be OK, maybe not right now, but we will. We will honor your life, and tell your stories over and over. Your life meant something to so many Tommy. You have to know, you made changes in peoples life, just not so much in yours. I think you were just tired, and that is OK.
    How do I go on this big vacation after all this?? I go with bells on, and your picture in my pocket.
I will speak your name, all over Spain, a long with Wards and Trudys. I want people in every corner of the earth to know my family, to say your name!! with joy in their voice and heart.
   I promise to have a good time, and if you are over in that area, swoop down, and dance with me, because you know I will be dancing !!! Mom , Dad and Benji will be OK, they promised to be strong, but you may need to send them some signs!! I love you kid.
   Now wheels up, fact and metaphor.
   Love Love Love
     B

RBG is BATTB

  Before I begin, I have to rave about RBG, the movie about our Ruthie.
  Yes, I understand some of you saw it at the movies, and you get a star in your crown. However, I sat in the comfort of my home, to watch over and over and over again this masterpiece.
  Supreme Ruth inspires all girls, women, ladies to be better, because we can. We can do it all, birth babies and run a country, get your foot off our necks!! ( Ruthism) This wisp of a woman, gentle voice that speaks so loudly, listen to her. Watch this movie, I think it is on CNN or On Demand, you can find it. All men, boys, watch and learn. Mrs. G's husband worshiped her, looked at her everyday as if he was seeing that young girl he met in college. I kid you not, he was goo-goo dolls, over her until his last breath, and then, left her a letter, that told her, he would love her even in death!! She is a workaholic, force, who doesn't cook!! She is so tiny, and so large, magnificent. Oh my goodness, you have to witness this human, this wise scholar, mother, wife, friend, my new spirit animal!!! She never raises her voice, she is Divine!!
    OK, now to what I was going to write about this Saturday in September.
  I rarely sleep, never well, my fitbit will tell you!! Damn it, sometimes it will tell me, we can not keep a record of under 4 hours!! Whatever, I wake up like a rock star, ready to go, not fast...just a slow roll..of a huge quantity of thoughts. ( brain activity)
  Today was no different, early, early I come downstairs, to gulp down my coffee, and ask the husband, who has been up since 4!! if he was taking a nap? already?! Throw me the clicker, which he does, saying, " You know there is nothing on the telly this early!" Please... I will find something....even with the sound off. ( sometimes, I really need quiet)
  I was clicking away, when I came upon a PBS show on quilting!! I laughed out loud! ( Bill still snoring) I went down the rabbit hole of design and color, and blocks and stitches with joy. They looked at color, like an artist. They constructed these quilts like Frank Loyd Wright, it was amazing.
Even made more so, because I do nothing with a needle and thread, NADA, nothing. Yet I saw, that they too were artists. It truly was a gifted hour of morning joy, that I had to share with Sleeping Beauty! " ARE YOU AWAKE!!!" I so softly spoke. ( Notice I only talk in all caps!!) "You missed a wonderful show about quilts, that blew my mind!" The details, the color, it was a near heaven experience!!" The darling Dr. Bill, did not say a word, but in his best Bob Newhart expression said, " Well what's next?" " I could rerun the quilt show for you? or turn to CNN??" Instead I threw him the clicker, I could not in good faith, turn to the news of today!! I swallowed hard, my second cup of coffee and tuned out the foolishness these fools in power are doing today!
   I closed my eyes, ( you do realize it may be about 5:30 by now) and remembered something my son Hart said to me last week at the art museum. He said, " Mom I don't see art like you do.I look, and keep walking, you linger and dissect!" I told him, I think its a gift, and its OK, as long as you are looking at all.
  I lingered and hung on every word these quilters were showing me this morning. Paying attention, being present, looking at all!!! Did it inspire me to sew, never!! But it taught me to respect the seamstress, the quilter, the artist of material and thread a little bit more. It made me better. And Ruth Bader Ginsburg would say, "That is all we have to do!"
 RBG is Bad ASS To The Bone and RIGHT!!!