Socks On, Socks Off

    Yesterday was the first morning I had to enter my sock drawer.
As much as I was grateful to have so many to choose from, I resented the reason.
The air was too cold for my feet, and I frowned.
   Then I remembered the weekend, that I had just spent with my daddy.
How many times did he ask me to take on and off, his Big Bird yellow socks! A million times one, and I was glad to do it. You see my dad, took a turn for deaths door, last Friday. My Hubs and I, left in a hurry and arrived at St. Vincents Hospital ICU, to spend an hour or forever the night! When we walked through the empty halls of a hospital at night, we found him tied to a bed, and combative. I asked the nurse, what is this about, and I preceded to undo his restraints. ( Emma said I was not there five minutes before I was breaking the rules!) ( and, is that wrong?) He was calm while Bill and I were there, and he would not pull anything out or off!! I assured the young nurse. I learned all their names, as I watched Homer(daddy) gasp for air. He is not in pain, he just is sick, sick, sick. Kidneys not working well, and abscess in his abdomen from cancer surgery, and his lungs are filled with yuck. There was no air going to his brain so, he was Off Center!!! talking about quarters and mickey mouse, and his escape route from the hospital. In no uncertain terms, these people were trying to kill him, and it broke my heart. So whatever he wanted, I and all my family would do for him.
   I brushed his teeth, too hard and then too soft!
   I washed his hair the best I could, and asked him if he wanted me to shave him? "Hell No" was his answer.( he had his moments of clarity) I picked his nose to near perfection,however there was nothing in his nose, and he did not like my excuse that "Your nose is just dry from the oxygen, I cleaned it good!"
  Then I asked him, if I could get in the bed with him, and he looked at me, then looked at all the wires and hoses and bags attached to him! " Where would you go, Bonnie, there is no room!" he whispered. " I would find a way, to comfort you, I will lay on my side" me trying to pester him. " I'm good" and he rolled his eyes! ( now I know where I get that eye rolling skill)
His feet were cold and hot, and his socks came on and off. He has clothes , shoes and sock claustrophobia and I understand it, I have the same thing!!! I think its a Florida thing, we don't do a whole lotta clothes. the nurse said , "Who took his socks off?" Well, that would me, I told her that I was sitting right next to him, and I promise to put them back on in five minutes. Then I went on to explain our claustrophobia issues, I think she may have been looking for me some meds. A little later, I went to the desk, looking for many Styrofoam cups, and this young aide ( he could have been from housekeeping, I grabbed all people to help me) I explained that my father liked to pee in the cups, the big plastic, hard urinal is hurting him, and I will empty the cup in the urinal, so you can collect his pee.( I know what I'm doing people) He dropped his eyebrows, like, "Are you kidding me??" " What is your name, sweetness, I think I will be needing you" chirped me.
" David", he mumbled. They staff had removed his call button, maybe over use? and his phone?? so I gave these two items, back to him. " I explained to, I think it was Kenny, that he just likes control of the clickers, like at home. They are under his blanket, safe on his chest, if you are in need of them.( tired of quotations marks... you know I am talking!)
  We left that night around 1am, and I spoke sweetly but firm, " Treat my daddy nice while I'm gone, like he was your daddy. Talk nice to him, baby him!" ( now I bring back the quotations, I think I may be weary) the entire unit turned around and smiled.
   We returned early on Saturday, and Sunday and he had gone down hill. It is very difficult to watch your mother hurt so much, and your father. Doctors were careful not to offer much hope, but we like to hold onto hope. NEVER put me in charge of unplugging my loved ones, because I will take you home and you will live forever, as a vegetable . Just jot down that fact, put someone else in charge!
   Bill and I drove home, and I get a call from my brother, that I most probably will have to turn around. I told him I knew that, but I need to go home and get some ducks in a row. I will hope on a plane, we just silently cried and said " This is just awful!"
     Next morning, think it was Monday, mom calls early, and I slowly answer the phone, knowing what is going to be said, " Bonnie, dad just called me, wondering whats going on?" WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! he had made a small turn, let go of the door handle of death, and has decided to stay for a spell. It could be a day, or twenty, none of us know, but we will take it. Today is Wednesday ( it could be Thursday,?? you know I don't look at the months or days) and mom said he ate last night real food, he has not had anything to eat for three weeks. They are giving him some blood today, and playing the cards we are dealt. In three days, he has baby steps of improvement.
   My father believes in the Native Americans faith in Mother Earth. I want him to know that many have prayed for him in all walks of faith, I prayed to the river outside of his hospital room, to guide him and soothe his body, then hit the chapel and went knees down. I thank God, we can still find things to laugh about, my family is forever laughing, and I shout to the rooftops for that blessing.
  Dad kept saying all weekend, " Feet on the Floor!, Feet on the Floor!" and guess who was in charge of the socks!! ME!
   I love you daddy, be sweet to the nurses and doctors, and call me if you need me.
                                 Bonnie  ( I know you can dial the phone!!!)

Tuesday Morning With Bonnie

   Each early morning, I ask my husband what his plans are for the day. I know them, but I like to look interested, and I am, semi alert and thoughtful. He is either teaching or in meetings, or researching ways to teach very smart kids, at Georgia Tech. ( this is his second job, after I would not let him retire!) ( he was too young to retire, and you need a hobby!)( Bell labs and Lucent had his young mind, now Dr. Bill teaches people like him, its a beautiful thing) ( sorry, off track)  Then as he heads out the door, he routinely asks me, what are my plans? I perk up, and say, " Just stirring around."
    I covered myself back up on the couch, because, you know I am freezing. Talked to Emma, my mom and Bill again, texting some crazy something about Front Line Flea and Tic medicine for the dog! I barely have any time to stir!!!! So I got up, picked up a tad, around the house, told Lucy I was going upstairs to bathe, and visit with the cats. When I entered my bedroom, I sat down to think about The Outlander Series of books and program. ( only Perlotta and Bernacious  will understand this) and I thought.....Jamie Fraser would not have me make up my bed!!! nor would I have to wash my hair everyday!! It was the 1700's...but all that wool....and damp cold Scotland......Oh hells bells, let me make up the bed.
   After my brief shower, and some new face cream that my daughter-in-law, Emily, has turned me onto(www.beautycounter.com/emilybaron) I sat AGAIN, looking at my face. This all natural beauty line, is unbelievable, my skin looks great and feels fantastic.( I bet my complexion would not be so rosey and clear in Lollybrach.

 ( read the books)  I knew I needed to touch base with my blog family, about 200 people a week read my blogs, a few follow it, and I need it, so here am I!!
  But material, a little low, so I just wanted to share my morning with you.
In my book of notes, I have a quote about God not making any of us Ordinary. We are all extraordinary, I thought that was neat. I like to feel extra special. Tim Tebow was the person who said this quote, but I dont know where it came from originally??!!
  Also while praying this morn, while making up my bed, this is what I said OUT LOUD, " I don't know why I have faith, (my son died and I think God could have helped him more and me!), but I do. Make sure my parents feel safe and secure. I think all my people are where they are suppose to be, so thank you and please, if they don't ask you, I am asking for them, keep them in the palm of your hand. Whenever you see, my Ward, tell him Iam OK, and I don't hurt as much. I don't want him to worry. I miss him everyday, and I will tell you, I think you did not answer my prayers, yet I still believe in you. God, you are a mystery and we will always talk, but losing a child, is just awful. Anyway...I have things to do, Love and look after the whole world, its big, I know, but ....we need guidance, thanks,
                                                                                B

   It is not even 11:00, my schedule is right on task. Need to check on Daddy, he is in St. Vincents Hospital, now, 84 has not been kind to him, so I keep praying!( God , are you hearing me!!) Mom is home, weak and sad, ( Mary Blackman, 8561 Moncrief-Dinsmore Rd. Jacksonville, Florida 32219, if you want to send her a card) 84 has also knocked her for a loop!!( JESUS, help us, Joseph and Mary, pass on the info)
 Few Dr. appointments to make, T and A, OBGYN and MAMMO!! need to see the Dermatologist too, get out the paints, and read a few pages, its a good day. The sun is out, bright as can be, October is here and she is beautiful, in Georgia.
   Supper is made, so I can hang back, and soak up some Joy.
   Thanks for spending some time with me
   May you connect the dots in all the right places.  

                      Quotes are from Tuesdays with Morrie, from where I borrowed the title of this blog.                                                     

Giddy, With A Little Tug

    Good Saturday morn, I wrote this blog yesterday, but it stills fits on the page, today.
       In the very early 1970's, around 72 ish, S and I lived on LaSalle Street in San Marco, near the deli.
    It was one of my favorite apartments, one of many. I remember glorious days of being young and foolish. Thrown in were some terrible heartaches, we were stupid in love, and I would pull out Jackson Browne. Boones Farm and very good pot, may have been a culprit of melancholy, or...just young love. Jackson Browne was my "Wailing Music", S, I think leaned towards Joni Mitchell, we both had our albums in categories!!! Dance, Love and misery!!! Crosby, Stills, Nash and YOUNG!! would often end up on the turn-table, into the wee hours. We really had so much fun.
 Today one of my bucket lists people, gets checked off.

 Jackson Browne, in the open air of Chastain in Atlanta, rain or shine. (looks like rain, throw out the nice hair-do!) ( but cute lavender rain clogs!!!) My heart will burst of times long ago, and find utter Joy of "right now". I think he will say, " Its good to see your smiling face tonight!" ( it will be raining,  he will not know, I will be crying my eyeballs out!) No Fountain of Sorrow, in whatever seat I am not sitting in!
  I asked Bill if he knows we are going to a concert tonight? ( he is sitting right behind me, on his computer)
"Who are we seeing?" he mumbles, not looking up. Me, "Jackson Browne, do you know who he is?" I hear nothing. " Why do I ask you to go with me to concerts?" said I. He replied, " Just to watch you have a great time!!" That is so sweet, while he is sleeping at the concert, he looks at me occasionally and shares my joy!!
   I will dance and sing to the heavens, and My Bill enjoys the ride.
      .....and when the evening rolls around
   I'll go on home and lay my body down
      ....and when the morning light
          comes streaming in...
  I'll get up and do it again....
          Amen.......
  The Pretender-JB

     

Cords and Coffee

 Taking care of your parents, when they live, not around the corner, is never easy. Certainly I am not the first child to move away from where they were born. By plane, its about a 45 min flight and a three hour ordeal, at the airport. The drive is five or six hours, and my driving skills have gone south with my eyesight. I can drive it, but I will be in a coma for a couple of days in recovery. Back hurts, legs cramp, eyes strained, and stress level is about Code Red, just getting through Atlanta! I go the back roads from Tifton, and can release the grip on the wheel. It may be a little longer, but my sanity may remain intact, by arrival.
  This last trip down, was pretty decent a drive, with my Emma driving me down, and she flew back the next day. Then at the end of my stay, I hit the road about 5am, and could not see the road, until around 8. However once the sun was up, and my music was cranked, I had a pretty sweet trip. Only twice did I feel like I was either off the road, or a semi was about to hit me, so that my friends is a huge successful trip.
  You may ask where are you going with this Bon-Bon? " No Where!" I smile as I type, my knee is throbbing, and another story arises from the ash!
  I have come to the realization that I only require two things to survive, Cords and Coffee. At least while taking daddy to doctors, and hospital visit. ( not totally true, my brother making me laugh for hours, was the cream on the top) While checking daddy into surgery last Wednesday, I gave them my name as the patient. So when they called Baron, several times, we looked at each other, like what a coincidence. Then screamed a little, and ran up to the desk, trying to explain, that I gave them the wrong name. That was my first sign of two many cords and coffee. I think I was on my fourth cup AND...I had a zip-lock bag of cords, in my purse that weighed thirty pounds. Dad could not walk to the next surgery unit, we were in the lines at Disney world, minus Mickey!!!! so I asked for a wheelchair, and person to drive him. That left me with his walker and my purse, to follow. I put my purse on one handle of the walker and I on the other handle, and off we went. Twisting and turning down several alcohol smelling hallways, when the purse took over the walker. Down I went, knees first, then wrist and almost face, to the surgery floor!!!! Now I had everyone in a white coats attention, as dad just sat there. I assured them I was OK, and continued on. I think we had increased attention in that area, due to dads limitations and my graceful way of constantly falling.( Brother man, was forced to come to the hospital to take care of sissy!) ( I wanted him there anyway) ( Tommy you should have been with us!!) ( Baby brother was in charge of mom, we have to divide and conquer)
   Dad goes back to surgery, Benjie and I begin the wait!!! I pull out my bag of cords, plugging into every outlet known to man, and charging UP!!! I had to be ready. For what , I do not know. Take photos, text mom hundreds of times, keep everyone in the loop, read my kindle, use my IPAD to do research on song lyrics about Elton John's song, Rocket man!( only my brother, Pocket Man, will get this) I told B that I think the cords, did me in. Sent the walker over, you know I will never blame my bag!! I love my purse!! Mom said, "Get rid of that purse!" NOOOOOoooooo   it was just overstocked with electronics, and cords. It was hospital ready. I know that kids now, the young people of the planet, use the term "Hooked Up!" to mean something, I think sexual?? I think we called it getting laid, but all generations have a term!! My hooked up means, a big bag of cords, that took me to the floor! but it was worth it ( I wonder if young ones can say that!! It was worth it??? Just wondering) I woke B up in the waiting room, he looked like a damn corpse with his mouth open, " Can you get me some coffee?" My drugs of choice, coffee and cords, and maybe call X-ray for a portable picture of my knee!! Honestly, life can be so very simple, at the most complex of times. I think that is how we learn to manage, survive and still find joy. ( more hospital stories to come!!) Oh and dad is home, think he left AMA, another story!! You can count on it!!