I write down everything I like, and the above title was at the top of my recent list.
Clever, witty, people surround me, nourish me and I thank you.
I like to end my month in review, of what I have heard or read, maybe seen.
I just saw a bluebird, and this morning watching The Hall of Fame inductees, Lenny Kravitz did a tribute number to Prince with a choir!! Perfect end of a dismal, ill April.
I wish I could tell you I was feeling great, but not bad is pretty great in my book. Doctor told me my hip was "shot". I told him, that maybe he could come up with a different word, that purely made me feel worse. Be careful with words, they can be game changers.
I promised I would tell you about my friends book, Hallelujah Anyway by Anne LaMott. She writes about finding mercy, in her unique style, her words, her truth.
Here are a few of her words.
1. We stumble across what we needed to find. Or even better, it finds us.
2. We're so often rattled by lingering effects of trauma and fear ( love rattled and lingering. And fear is such a beast.)
3. So why today it is absolutely all I can do to extend mercy to myself for wanting to nip an annoying relatives heel like a river rat.
4.Show me a drawer in which to stuff my merciful nature ( I need a drawer)
5. God created us to have company and to be God's loving eyes and hands on earth
6. (yes I know the about number is off) Sometimes heaven is just a new pair of glasses.
7. fetuses to marinate in embryonic sacs of our mothers anxiety
8. We became serenely attached, or anxiously attached, or unable to attach.
9.Teachers, like food, come in many forms.
10.old age is hard, hard, hard. And then we become dependent.
11. Truth is always a paradox
12. We dance with a limp
13.Those of us who have gotten sober, all began as the man in the ditch
14. who was it that said that to get into heaven, you needed a letter of recommendation
from the poor ( now that is powerful)
15."You're too anxious for me to deal with." He knows where the cracks in my
turtle shell are.
16. People say that expectations are resentments under construction
I have highlighted the entire book, I can not tell you all.
17. Mother Theresa cradling strangers at dawn is very romantic, but in life, ( you can just imagine what she said)
18.a baby feels and smells like God.
I think I am done, you know that is not true.
Another book that I will finish today, written by Amy Krouse Rosanthal, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life is wonderful, she writes like I think. Scattered and Joyful.
One Book that I cannot recommend, Lincoln In The Bardo by George Saunders. I do not know what this book is about, ( it has been on the best seller list for a good spell), I have picked it up, reread, put it down several times. I have never in all my years of reading, read a book written like this. I cannot explain it. After each person or ghost speaks, it refers to the book that it came from. Like a research paper. I have almost finished it, because I just can't believe I have stayed with it. I have no clue, anything about this book. I know Lincolns son Willie died, and maybe this is purgatory. I just have nothing. It baffled me, and continues too. Maybe you will be curious and just look at it. My last nerve, was left on the last page.
I think that is about it, two good, one bad read in April. I consider that wonderful.
May will bring me Shattered about Hilliary Clinton's fall from grace. A book called Sunshine State because I can never read enough about crazy in Florida!! I have Blood at the Root to read also.
A few dozen more on the Kindle, just to make me feel comfortable. I like to have something to read, all day, everyday.
I will paint all summer, so get ready to hear those stories. Summer for sure is Jesus!
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Not Today
There are some days, that you just don't feel like showing up. This very day was trying to get me, but then I heard the birds. What a beautiful sight and sound, of nature, so busy in the morning.
Bees humming, flowers blooming, take that Satan!
April has proved to be a month of unanswered questions, and that is OK. As long as, somebody comes up with a plan. Doctors office called me, this am, and said, " Since you have so many questions concerning your Blood Pressure, maybe you should come in?" I proceeded to tell them, I had an appointment for next week, but tomorrow would be better. To the little nurse said I, " My personality would feel much better with a plan, and some answers, I will see you tomorrow."
Some people, like myself, don't like fluctuations. Highs and lows, I think they have medicine for that. When your heart is jumping all over the place, that doesn't work for me. I need calm and steady rhythm, so fix it. I think it is beginning to get OK, I just want someone to tell me its good, or I will make up stuff!!
Two things that I have been planning to tell you about, keep escaping me, because I have been hyper focused on breathing right!! Keeping track of my numbers, again, not a good thing for me to do! I like denial!!
One is, I hope with all hope, that if you are a movie star fan, you have been watching The Feud, about Betty Davis and Joan Crawford. It is the most well cast, best set design, best written, costumes and total package I have seen on TV, in a spell. I have found myself wishing for a cigarette ( not really) (But)( they did smoke so much back then) and a stiff drink ( again, just thinking out loud)
They wore hats, and gloves, to sit by the pool. Fur coats in summer, full make up to bed. They were loud, yet demure. These two queens of the movies, not aging well, for the time period, and hanging on to the last thread of youth. I wonder how horrible it must have felt to need that much attention, or that your total worth was how strangers liked you. I saw a frail, pitiful Joan Crawford, and yet an underlying panther ready to pounce. She came from the most horrible of young life, to be a star and take others down with her. Her family took the brunt of her insecurities and self hate. But lord did she look good, going down. Tragic.
Betty Davis was born a bitch, I think, in a good way. North East money, and normal ish childhood, but never confident in her looks. ( she so reminded me of my aunt Peggy and aunt Francis) Dressed down more then Joan, and sassy. I think she may have been smarter then Miss Crawford, smarter was not a good quality to have for a lady, back in those days. The studios owned you, all of you, for better or worse. I love these two broads, I wish they had been better parents, but it was not in the cards. What was dealt us, was remarkable work, character actress women, at their best and so many flaws, I don't know how they carried the burdens. The Feud, Crawford/Davis is a time capsule of beauty with huge warts. Such is life, on any given day.
NOT TODAY, will the blues get me, I have birds and Crawford/Davis Feud. ( A special thank you, to Mrs. Perlotta , who watches TV like I do. She bought over to me, this week, a book by Hedda Hopper ( in the series The Feud ), I think it came out in 62, wonderful bio! and she found me some big white clip on ear bobs!!) ( she is my jewel) ( my old movie friend)
I hope you have all kinds of things that fill your cup, today. I promise to tell you about Anne LAMOTTs new book, honestly, but I need to take my BP!!
(Forgot to tell you, the true star of the show is Mamacita!! I need one of her!)
Bees humming, flowers blooming, take that Satan!
April has proved to be a month of unanswered questions, and that is OK. As long as, somebody comes up with a plan. Doctors office called me, this am, and said, " Since you have so many questions concerning your Blood Pressure, maybe you should come in?" I proceeded to tell them, I had an appointment for next week, but tomorrow would be better. To the little nurse said I, " My personality would feel much better with a plan, and some answers, I will see you tomorrow."
Some people, like myself, don't like fluctuations. Highs and lows, I think they have medicine for that. When your heart is jumping all over the place, that doesn't work for me. I need calm and steady rhythm, so fix it. I think it is beginning to get OK, I just want someone to tell me its good, or I will make up stuff!!
Two things that I have been planning to tell you about, keep escaping me, because I have been hyper focused on breathing right!! Keeping track of my numbers, again, not a good thing for me to do! I like denial!!
One is, I hope with all hope, that if you are a movie star fan, you have been watching The Feud, about Betty Davis and Joan Crawford. It is the most well cast, best set design, best written, costumes and total package I have seen on TV, in a spell. I have found myself wishing for a cigarette ( not really) (But)( they did smoke so much back then) and a stiff drink ( again, just thinking out loud)
They wore hats, and gloves, to sit by the pool. Fur coats in summer, full make up to bed. They were loud, yet demure. These two queens of the movies, not aging well, for the time period, and hanging on to the last thread of youth. I wonder how horrible it must have felt to need that much attention, or that your total worth was how strangers liked you. I saw a frail, pitiful Joan Crawford, and yet an underlying panther ready to pounce. She came from the most horrible of young life, to be a star and take others down with her. Her family took the brunt of her insecurities and self hate. But lord did she look good, going down. Tragic.
Betty Davis was born a bitch, I think, in a good way. North East money, and normal ish childhood, but never confident in her looks. ( she so reminded me of my aunt Peggy and aunt Francis) Dressed down more then Joan, and sassy. I think she may have been smarter then Miss Crawford, smarter was not a good quality to have for a lady, back in those days. The studios owned you, all of you, for better or worse. I love these two broads, I wish they had been better parents, but it was not in the cards. What was dealt us, was remarkable work, character actress women, at their best and so many flaws, I don't know how they carried the burdens. The Feud, Crawford/Davis is a time capsule of beauty with huge warts. Such is life, on any given day.
NOT TODAY, will the blues get me, I have birds and Crawford/Davis Feud. ( A special thank you, to Mrs. Perlotta , who watches TV like I do. She bought over to me, this week, a book by Hedda Hopper ( in the series The Feud ), I think it came out in 62, wonderful bio! and she found me some big white clip on ear bobs!!) ( she is my jewel) ( my old movie friend)
I hope you have all kinds of things that fill your cup, today. I promise to tell you about Anne LAMOTTs new book, honestly, but I need to take my BP!!
(Forgot to tell you, the true star of the show is Mamacita!! I need one of her!)
Monday, April 17, 2017
Lay And Look
Over the last two weeks, I have been laid out!
When things go wrong within my body, they tell you to rest until it fixes itself. Of course, with medication, that also may make your feel bad? Its pretty much DNA and a roll of the dice.
With Extreme Vertigo and some freak blood pressure spike, I have been on a carousel with all the horses unhinged!
The Dr., my hubs, gets nervous when I am ill or hurt. Which is normal, I hope for people who love and care about each other, BUT......he knows I look around.....and plan.....so he sees it as dollar signs$$$$
In all fairness, the last time, I was out of commission, two bathrooms, entire kitchen and new hardwood floors were involved.
My house, our house, is forever a work in progress.
I see things, when I am still too long.
I see good things also, that I love and would not change for the world, as I said, who knows how the dice may fall? ( thank god I do not gamble!!)
My house style, is just called Bonnie style. Each room has a story, each picture hung, all furniture comes with a tale. I think that we really don't look at our house all that much. It is very fun to just roam the halls, and touch all your things!! Even when you don't have being sick as a reason.
So over the past couple of weeks, I have sat in different chairs, calmly and with a curious eye, looking around.
NOTHING in my house matches, there is no design plan here. I buy what I like and put it where it belongs. Eccentric, maybe, a little BoHO without the chic. I love my stuff, and its called home.
There is a piano in my dinning room, I like the sound in there. The room holds all my grandmothers furniture, that is pretty much too fragile to sit at. We do occasionally dine in there, with caution. I just feel comfort that I can walk past her table and touch it! The china cabinet holds, her china, my china, moms silver and stemware, and anything else that has caught my eye in 37 years. The glasses are filled with vintage ice tea spoons!! I had to give them a home. Bill's mothers china cups are also in tow. When I open the doors to the cabinet, I smell grandmothers house. There are mirrors on one wall, all kinds of mirrors, they all have a story. A little two tiered table stands with old ashtrays, and cigarette holders, to remind me, to never smoke again. Yet, it shows that at one time, smoking was such a huge thing in the world. Grandmothers, pink ashtray sits there.
I have old piano music, that has played an important role in my life. Hymnals opened to my favorite church music, waits for me to bang out a tune or two.
There is Christmas china on another table, that I keep on the bottom shelf until it comes out to the party. Two cake plates that remain pretty empty these days, but have seen a good pound cake in there day.Two plants are in the open windows, no curtains, one from my Adah and one from Mom, that I have kept alive for 20 years or more. They sit high on these white, rusted, wrought iron things, that most people would have trashed by now. I think they add character to the empty window. They are like family.
That is just the dinning room, that I can see from where I type.
While recovering, ( well maybe all the time) I sit on my deck, and look into our screened in porch, and I realized that I decorate the backs of things. From wherever you sit in my house, you should see something special. So I was sitting there, looking at the back of a dresser, that I keep beach towels in, ( typical southern person, with furniture on the porch) I had two beach quotes in frames behind the dresser, and a stature of a seagull, it made me laugh so hard. The top of the dresser had a birdcage, hanging Christmas ornaments, and a plant I got one Halloween, that is called Witches Fingers. This is just one little square of the screened in porch.
I returned inside, still laughing about my decorating skills.
My house is fun, quirky, lived in, and never matching!! Things are not even in the right room. Animals, pictures all over creation and I have really only told you about one room and a square of the porch!!
It is good medicine, to just look around, be thankful for you. Your own style, your stuff, your space. Don't let yourself get sick to see things, and don't tell Dr. B. that I have men lined up to redo two bathrooms, looking at new den furniture, and a few other improvements to my already perfect place.
Next blog maybe?? will be how now I have rooms, filled with baby stuff, seriously my house is covered and its precious!!
Above photos are not of my house, maybe I should take some for you?? these will give you a clue, before I do.
With Extreme Vertigo and some freak blood pressure spike, I have been on a carousel with all the horses unhinged!
The Dr., my hubs, gets nervous when I am ill or hurt. Which is normal, I hope for people who love and care about each other, BUT......he knows I look around.....and plan.....so he sees it as dollar signs$$$$
In all fairness, the last time, I was out of commission, two bathrooms, entire kitchen and new hardwood floors were involved.
My house, our house, is forever a work in progress.
I see things, when I am still too long.
I see good things also, that I love and would not change for the world, as I said, who knows how the dice may fall? ( thank god I do not gamble!!)
My house style, is just called Bonnie style. Each room has a story, each picture hung, all furniture comes with a tale. I think that we really don't look at our house all that much. It is very fun to just roam the halls, and touch all your things!! Even when you don't have being sick as a reason.
So over the past couple of weeks, I have sat in different chairs, calmly and with a curious eye, looking around.
NOTHING in my house matches, there is no design plan here. I buy what I like and put it where it belongs. Eccentric, maybe, a little BoHO without the chic. I love my stuff, and its called home.
There is a piano in my dinning room, I like the sound in there. The room holds all my grandmothers furniture, that is pretty much too fragile to sit at. We do occasionally dine in there, with caution. I just feel comfort that I can walk past her table and touch it! The china cabinet holds, her china, my china, moms silver and stemware, and anything else that has caught my eye in 37 years. The glasses are filled with vintage ice tea spoons!! I had to give them a home. Bill's mothers china cups are also in tow. When I open the doors to the cabinet, I smell grandmothers house. There are mirrors on one wall, all kinds of mirrors, they all have a story. A little two tiered table stands with old ashtrays, and cigarette holders, to remind me, to never smoke again. Yet, it shows that at one time, smoking was such a huge thing in the world. Grandmothers, pink ashtray sits there.
I have old piano music, that has played an important role in my life. Hymnals opened to my favorite church music, waits for me to bang out a tune or two.
There is Christmas china on another table, that I keep on the bottom shelf until it comes out to the party. Two cake plates that remain pretty empty these days, but have seen a good pound cake in there day.Two plants are in the open windows, no curtains, one from my Adah and one from Mom, that I have kept alive for 20 years or more. They sit high on these white, rusted, wrought iron things, that most people would have trashed by now. I think they add character to the empty window. They are like family.
That is just the dinning room, that I can see from where I type.
While recovering, ( well maybe all the time) I sit on my deck, and look into our screened in porch, and I realized that I decorate the backs of things. From wherever you sit in my house, you should see something special. So I was sitting there, looking at the back of a dresser, that I keep beach towels in, ( typical southern person, with furniture on the porch) I had two beach quotes in frames behind the dresser, and a stature of a seagull, it made me laugh so hard. The top of the dresser had a birdcage, hanging Christmas ornaments, and a plant I got one Halloween, that is called Witches Fingers. This is just one little square of the screened in porch.
I returned inside, still laughing about my decorating skills.
My house is fun, quirky, lived in, and never matching!! Things are not even in the right room. Animals, pictures all over creation and I have really only told you about one room and a square of the porch!!
It is good medicine, to just look around, be thankful for you. Your own style, your stuff, your space. Don't let yourself get sick to see things, and don't tell Dr. B. that I have men lined up to redo two bathrooms, looking at new den furniture, and a few other improvements to my already perfect place.
Next blog maybe?? will be how now I have rooms, filled with baby stuff, seriously my house is covered and its precious!!
Above photos are not of my house, maybe I should take some for you?? these will give you a clue, before I do.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
What Goes Up, Must Come Down
Brief ( you know that is not true) history.
Fell getting out of bed, a week ago. Hit the couch, bruised arm and rattled brain. I think I tripped over my slippers, some say I may have passed out? Who knows?
Walked around gingerly for a couple of days.
Woke up and I was in the Fun House at the State Fair, everything was turning, floor included.
Called 911.
Fire and Rescue came, I had to crawl to let them in, my legs were like jello.
One took my blood sugar, even after I had told him I took it, and it was fine.
The man on my right took my blood pressure, and said, " Oh My God Mam! ( I hate that Mam stuff) your Blood Pressure is off the charts high, like stroke high, or heart attack high!) I told him maybe it is a better idea, not to tell me everything. I absorb negative things and positive things around me, and if I wasn't having a panic attack I am on the verge now.
We headed to the ER.
I told the ambulance person, that I must be sick, I have never left my house without lipstick and if he would hand me my purse, I could remedy that. ( My BP was 207/110) ( it was not good) ( if I was going to meet Jesus, I was going to look better)
He was shoving nitro under my tongue, seven tries to start an IV, my blood pressure was coming down, and I was a little calmer.
Yada Yada........hooked me up, all looked good, Vertigo meds.....and five hours later I left the hospital. ( with my gown in tow, it was too nice to leave behind) ( I wore it at my pap smear doctor on Monday of this week) ( Have hospital gown will travel) ( they have those paper towels that you wear) ( no more, I have my own hospital gown!) ( so worth the hospital visit!!)
Back to story, did I tell you that this is all last Thursday, well on Friday and Saturday I am fine.
Sunday morning, something felt wacky, urgent care we went, BP sky high again. Doctor suggested that we go to the ER. ( urgent care is not like the ER?) ( I guess not)
So he gave me a pill, and off I went, to my ER, who by now, know me.
We are sitting in the waiting room, when a man falls on the floor, carrying his hand and half of his arm in a towel, boating accident. I look at Bill, and with my eyes said, " It could be worse!" " Lord Jesus!"
I had a cat scan, and EKG, etc.. and they gave me another pill and I had to see my primary doctor.
The cute little doctor, said to me, " We hate your kind of case, because we don't know what is causing this!" " All of us are discussing your case outside, just shaking our heads!" WHAT!! don't tell me this stuff, I need Dr. Kildare and Ben Casey!!!
Went to my regular doctor, she thinks it is from my fall, or the meds I take for my hip, and age. My blood pressure is like that of an 18 year old, but my nerves are shot to hell. Still a little dizzy, but I think that is my normal.
So I am to lay low, for a few weeks, take my BP, eat a new med, and return to see her, with my new gown!! ( having your own personal hospital gown is pretty darn cool!) ( I am not suggesting stealing, but my co-pay will cover the cost!) ( so I bought it!)
I was not going to write about all of this, but honestly there are lessons, good material in everything. Even in horrible situations.
I have almost finished reading ANNE LAMOTT's new book, Hallelujah Anyway, which I promise to tell you about, later. She is just one of the best , and I will share. AND no I did not read in the ambulance, but my kindle was in my thirty pound purse! The ambulance man nurse, asked me if I was in stress, I think I may have given him a Betty Davis eye, and then I spoke, " Please introduce me to anyone that says, they have no stress! I want to meet that person." then he asked me what year it was, ugh......I asked, " Is Trump still president?"
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Fools Rush In
Never in my 64 years on this planet, have I liked April Fools Day. I do not like pranks, I do not like being scared, nothing about this stuff is funny to me. Even little silly jokes, never cared for alternative facts, or foolishness. Don't put a brown colored E on a plate and say "Here are your brownies!" As a child, I would have cried, as an adult I may have thrown the plate back at you. Teasing, silly, moderately funny, just isn't for me, I know so many of you, LOVE Aprils Fools, so rush on in! They have made songs, just for your day ( Hence my blog title, but there are so many more)
The air here in Atlanta is crisp, and chilly, even after the FIRE!! Our major highway has a chunk missing, due to bad storage, homeless crackheads, ( maybe they were cooking their dinner? I think not) and a horrible fire. Traffic in this glorious city of fools, is never good. Now it has become, impossible or near. It does not effect me, too much, I rarely need to go into the city, and we like to take mass transit. Now every Tom, Dick and Joe Blow, will decide to take MARTA, which they should have been taking before now! I cannot in good faith squeeze into a full train car of people, for a nice dinner, a concert, art museum, I will be on a delayed gratification of the arts!! AND Uber, maybe, but Uber will be in the same, stand still, traffic jam, so that is out!! March went out of Atlanta in a blaze, and now we are housebound in the spring and summer in Atlanta!! Fools trying to drive around Atlanta, missing a major part of the highway. Good lord, there are not words to describe this mess. No one was hurt, yet!! Maybe we can fine the company that stored 80 million pieces of PVC pipe under the expressway, not the homeless people just trying to stay warm. ( You know they were high!) ( You would be too, if you had to sleep under there!) ( don't judge, well maybe a little, damn it!)
It is spring break around this area of the the country, and people are escaping this 69 degree frigid air. We are so rotten!! We want it hotter and more beautiful, for even just a week. I think everyday is spring break, from right where I am. I hope all my buddies, children included, enjoy their travels and fun, they deserve it. Hardworking rotten people, that I love! Bill and I are headed to Home Depot, and I am thrilled, may post pictures! Plus I have a new baby, best spring break ever. ( Wyatt Heyward Baron is my Paris, right now) ( I could enjoy a baguette Natty!)
My entire blog was going to be about nothing in my house, inside or out, matches. I just discovered this while sitting out on our deck this week, eating my yogurt like a Rockefeller!! Looking around at my style of " If I like it, put together, decorating style!"
You can look forward to that blog latter, I took the fork in the road, and now, am spent.
So much to tell you, April Fools ( see that is not funny)
I will blog tomorrow, or later today.......
Enjoy each second
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