Oh Holy Speaker

Yesterday was our last Ho-Ho-Hum day at school, and normally a day to avoid. I drag myself through this day each year, shackled like Marley's ghost, thinking about what in the world to do with all these students!!! Candy canes dripping all over them and the floor, finals have been over for awhile, they have seen every movie known to man, what can a person do??? Someone did it right, and Oh Holy Night, the children were perfect!!! We had a holocaust survivor come speak to the entire 8th grade classes. In fact two speakers, but I only saw one. The LAST DAY of school before Christmas!! I know, I thought the same thing, how will this work??but work it did. We were all held in the palm of Mr. Benjamin Hirsch, as soon, as he walked into the library. He walked in with a slow gait, and a lifetime of memories, waiting to be told. You knew he had a story to tell, and no one moved. He softly told of his family's saga during wartime, and being Jewish. How his father and mother, and some siblings died in the gas chambers. He said kind words about his mother, who packed up some of her younger children, and placed them on a train, bound for who knows where, for safe keeping. Her babies went to neighbors or relatives, and the younger three boys went on the train to freedom. If you were over sixteen , you could not travel on the train, so I think a brother and sister stayed behind to die with their mother. My heart was racing with each word, that poured out of his soul. How does a human, a child grow up like this and survive, and flourish? Where is his grief, where did it go? He was six years old, and knew people wanted him dead, he was scared. How did his mother let some go, and keep the others, I felt myself about to hit the floor, wailing. Ben would not have allowed this in me, his strength and courage demanded me to be strong and listen. Which I did, and forever will be so grateful to have met him, shook his hand, and kissed his cheek. I cannot give this story justice, I can only say, we need to always remember the Holocaust, even on the last day of school, before Christmas.

Blogged Down

It's the holiday season, and I'm up to my ass in alligators!! I'm blogged down, and filled with useless excuses for everything. You have to laugh, and you know I DO!! While lighting the many candles around my house, I needed to pee. So I took the matches with me, and wanted to multi-task, light the bathroom candle, as I sat. For some reason , the candle wick was "wicked out" and would not burn. I kept putting the newly used matches in between my legs, into the toilet. After three tries, and my last match was sinking in the toi-toi ( Aunt Peggy's name for the John), I just shook with laughter. I could easily have lit my hoo-hoo UP!!! Sometimes common sense takes a vacation!!!! Instantly I blamed the holidays. My fragmented, scattered thoughts could only mean one thing, all of this good material for my blog!!!
This weekend I had the pleasure of reading, Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as if it Were Your Last,by Dr. Lee Lipsenthal. A true gift, I encourage all living things to read it. I also think if you are nearly dead, have someone else read it to you. He reminds us to, have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves!!!!! He died recently from cancer of the esophagus. What a bucket of love he left behind.
Second I needed to get my nails done before Tebow played at four, see everything is squeezed into hacked periods of time, maddening!!! So off I went, before people in church, swallowed their communion wafer. I decided to have snowmen put on my thumbnails, its the holidays REMEMBER!!! She said, "You like?" So in my best English, " No, not really, you see snowmen do not have legs." "You want white legs, they were painted black?" " NO, no, no, I don't want legs on my snowman." " You want glitter?" " Yes, can you use it to paint over his legs?" Note to self, never ask a nail person from Vietnam to draw a snowman. By this time, I'm crying from laughing, and I should be addressing Christmas cards, but the spotlight shifts!!! The shame cloud will have to hover ( that line is from Modern Family, hands down the funniest show on this planet) because the football game has started, and I am having birthing pains! My boy Timmy Tebow is my shinning Christmas Star.
We are having doughnuts for supper, its the holidays!!!

The photo of my "crack head snowmen" is blurry, its the best we could do!!! Merry Christmas!!!

Equine, Can You Hear Me???

NO ONE, amuses me, more than me!!! I laugh at myself, with myself, as the world turns.
Of course others laugh at me, and with me, only to amuse me more. However, sometimes.....its not funny. Such is the case, that my husband of thirty plus years, did not know I was a " horse whisperer-er". He laughed hard when I reminded him of this, and that is NOT funny. My children are aware of this talent, and some friends. The lady at the stables, whom I asked if I could brush the horses, knows my serious connection with these beasts. So when Cavalia 2/Odyeseo, opens the tent in downtown Atlanta this December, I expected this to be an easy Christmas present for me.?
"Why would anyone want to smell horses, for the holiday?" spoke hubby, without a clue!!! "Because your wife has the gift, and I think I need to be close to these creatures, they speak to me!" said I. "Have you ever looked deep into the eyes of a horse, BILL?" yelling ever so quietly!!! He is doubled over, this is not funny. I had to quickly rein him in. So I whispered......"I will go by myself, and experience the Equine Invasion, produced by the Cirque du Soleil people, knowing that "they" are calling me." " Do you think they have the wrong number?" I HEARD THAT!!!!

I Have A Bigger House

November went out with my Emma saying, "Hart you should have been with us, mom lost it!" On this Thanksgiving holiday, I was ever so thankful for curse words. ( Do not read on, if you are easily offended!!!) Emma and I had gone to work out at the gym, the pumpkin was already hanging on my buttocks, so we worked hard. Driving home, early Sunday morning, good moods all around, when , the Jack-Ass, starts laying on the horn. I turned and looked, thinking someone needed our help, because clearly Emma(driver) could not turn left with oncoming traffic. I looked at Emma, with, WTF is this guy doing? Maybe it was an accident blow your horn move?? Three cars went by and Em proceeded to turn left, but it was not fast enough for Evil Knievel, and toot he did, long and loud. By now, I'm scaling the seats, "What is your GD problem, you stupid sh-t!" Emma begins to lock the doors, there is no where for him to go, he is stuck behind us. At the next light, Em turns left again, he swings past us on the left, I gently????leaned over, laid on the horn, middle fingers were exchanged. Emma said , "Maybe he has to go to the bathroom?" At this point, I hope he messed his pants. Emma said, " I wonder where he is going?" when he turned right into this seedy area. I rolled down the window, he was out of sight by then, but I screamed, I live in a bigger house, you d-ck!!!!! Honestly, I felt much better. I have never even honked a horn at a person, I don't understand where people need to go in such a hurry, nor what concrete jungle they have been raised in!!!!! I now understand road rage,and why I have never carried a weapon!!!!
***The above picture is not my house, mine is BIGGER!!!! so watch out!!!honking drivers!!!

Ornaments and Joan

The holidays bring out the good tidings, precious memories, and still break my heart. I remind myself hourly, that I am not the only mother in the world to lose a child. Yet, I feel alone in my loss. Breaking the tape on the boxes of ornaments for Christmas, takes me to ground level, spread eagle, once again. I know the pain will pour out of me, and I am never ready. I am a Christmas ornament hoarder, each one touching my heart. Things that my little children made, squeezing my heart oh so tight. With the loss of a child, their things become a reminder of when they were with us, and what might have been. I do know ornaments do not smell, you see I have tried. Ward's St. Andrews duck from pre-school, no smell. His clay gingerbread man from first grade, without odor but a fingerprint, that I held to my face. His little red sled with the name "Thomas" on it, was the year he wanted his name changed. A tissue paper angel that I have rubbed the glitter off of her wings. Each child with an array of things to adorn the tree, thrill me, and take me to that 'mothers' place. Ward's mementos, his "things", keep him close, fully present in our lives. All these things add up to reminding us of what we have lost. It is the grief tightrope that I try to balance, some times it wins!!! When we lose that sense of the possible, even a tree seems without decorations, no lights. Sometimes I just step in with both feet, like decorating our tree and reading Joan Didions book, Blue Nights, at the same time. A story about the loss of her daughter. A mother who knows my heart. Who like me, knows memory fades, until we bring out the Christmas decorations, and we adjust. Thank you Joan for sharing your story, and letting me borrow some words. Thank you mom for teaching me to hang onto my babies stuff. Thank you Emily for sending me Adrian's artwork to hang on our tree last year, it has no smell, but I kissed it and hung it with joy!!!!

Men in White Coats, Not Yet!!!

I have had the pleasure of loving make-up for many years. My love affair started way before Mary said "yes" to wearing the goo. Yesterday when I decided to "doll up" my Sunday face, something went haywire. I was a mess, I looked closely in the mirror and oddly thought the circus was in town. I studied each compact, foundation, tubes and bottles, wands and wonder, knowing I must have ignored something. My eyebrows were auburn, and I have no auburn brow pencil. I guess they were just too dark, Sophia Loren, I'm not!!! so I began to rub off some color. As I proceeded to wipe off, the red smear went all over my frontal lobe, causing me to fumble for my glasses. What in the world did I see, but lipstick all over the place, sweet baby Jane!!! I had used a lipstick pencil to draw me some brows!!! Is it time to call the men in the white coats??

Not so fast, an easy mistake for me and Helen Keller. I cannot see a wicked thing without glasses and I cannot put my eyes on, with glasses on, and FOR SURE you know I will not go without make-up!!! Having babies, full glory with make-up, sick as a dog, hurling my insides out, still with lipstick on!!! Its just a part of me, so I had a revelation. Two vintage glass bottles, with eye brow pencils in one, and the other with lip pencils?? This seems sketchy, I may need to label them, in BIG BOLD LETTERS!! and near my cosmetics, the number of the crazy nutcase people, in case of..........it could be anything, anytime!!!

Bucket List, or Is There a Hole in my Bucket!!!

I always make, or update, my bucket list. I just have a problem, with delayed gratification, I want it now!! Maybe a bucket list is not the term I'm looking for?? My lists are daily, and they are LONG!!



My number one, bucket list request, is seeing the Northern Lights. The Aurora Borealis, comes each year, and I miss it. This year, the sight even stretched to the southern states, but escaped me. I don't know when it comes, I think it may come in October??? but I just cannot stare at the night sky, for months on end.

This may require some massive research and a change in latitude.

My family is well aware of my lists, they receive updated copies. Often they surprise me, with close to, things off my list. This week, my Emma, showed me a website, or youtube? video that the space station took of the earth, that is spellbinding. Five minutes of planet earth, and the Aurora Borealis, spectacular!!! Can I cross this off my list, hummmm....NO. I will wait until it comes again, these lights of heaven.

Thanks Emma Lea, and Bill it was not funny when I called the lights, something that sounded like the brown circles around boobies!!!

Don't Quote Me?

Who says that? Quotes are for the taking, cute blurbs gone, grab them!!! My friend, Jamie R. has journals filled with quotes of the famous and not-so famous. At any time, a good read, in fact she let me borrow them while recovering once from surgery, a healing tool.
So when I stumbled , on purpose, upon this book My Life Is A Verb or Life Is A Verb or Verb Something!!! I became delighted at the authors own quotes, and those she borrowed to add 'good stuff' to her book. Here are, a mere few, to make you think, copy, and think some more.

Never confuse action with movement-

I can't imagine living life without a big wad of 3-by-5 inch index cards-

To be a person is to have a story to tell-
-Isak Dinesen
We are all only one step away from losing the stories of our lives-

Being practical and safe and always logical is very overrated-

Nine tenths of education is encouragement-
- Anatole France
How do we hold love for others, with no agenda?

Quantum physics tells us that the presence watching an experiment changes the experiment; the act of observing affects what is observed-

Perhaps(good word) we can recognize our way out of patterns rather than repeat our way out of them-

My favorite, JUST WAVE!!!! such a simple thing we can all do, just wave!!!!

I highlighted sixty-six wonderful words, sentences and quotes from this book. Life is a verb: 37 Days to Wake Up ..........by Patti Digh.

The palest ink is better than the sharpest memory.
-Chinese proverb

Read this book, and remember to wave. Everything, yes, is a metaphor. No quotation marks around any of my quotes, go figure??

What is Random??

All my thoughts are random, taking the zip-line through my brain. The journey, the ride is often the Scream Machine, and at other times, the swan ride in Boston!!!!
This sweet November morning was no exception. Thoughts-It is dark outside, isn't it suppose to be light, that is why we changed the clock, right! Wonder who won the game last night? I need to bring the plants in off the back porch, its getting too cold? I have to address Emma's graduation announcements today, good luck with that. I cannot believe that little baby they handed me at the airport, is GROWN-UP, I think about her birth mother at times like these. She was a child herself, wonder where the paper is? Living section of the paper, see what books, I need to download on my Kindle? I may have to re-read some of the book that I'm reading now, The Night Circus, I think I like it, but its so odd, seriously where is this book headed? Oh I did download that Weil book, about Spontaneous Happiness, and it has not even been released, I hate that, What does Sanjay Gupta know anyhow? Need to go get my nails done, like my toes to look nice for the orthopedic doctor. I love this hand cream that I bought at the airport kiosk, sour cherry something, need to go on-line and buy some. Need to blog about all the quotes from the last book I read, Life is a Verb, and the author asked the reader to have a pencil or pen near while reading this book, I like that!!! I highlighted on the Kindle and still needed a pencil, yea!! Yard man, is outside, making too much noise for a Sunday morning, or is it noon? I have to go point to where the mums need to be planted, and I just need to say hello and Thanks.Trip to Boston next weekend, I have got to connect the dots. So much to do all the time. I miss Ward, its so beautiful outside, and Emma wants to know if it is too early to play Christmas Music!!! Life is.........everything.......pieced together random thoughts, or a blank page.......to be lived full tilt.

Heavenly November, and Then....

Our temperatures in the deep south, have been heavenly. Cool at night, and sunny in the living time, reaching, stretching to hit 68 degrees!!! I can live with that. My mood has some perk peeking out, and then I remembered!!! This weekend we change the time, fall back, NOOOoooooooooooo.
Dark taps me on the shoulder at around four, and by five it's feeling like midnight!!! My mind requires daylight until nine. Cra-Cra, crazy people, vampire people love the dark, my throat is getting tight as I type. This will take some work, to keep my sweet disposition?, in check. I had just let my October slump leave, and felt some fleeting peace.

A dear friend, Perlotta, gave me an early Christmas present, from our friend Felix Doolittle. One she knows I love presents, early and I love ( and would lick if I saw in person) Felix Doolittle. The little brown box held a new line of his, necklace charms. His artwork to hang around my neck!!! not just on return address labels, and note cards!! Glory be!! She is friends with his wife, and they conversed about what charm would give me some peace,( I LOVE FRIENDS), Maria explained my loss of Ward, and Felix suggested the Buddha's meditation symbol, or prayer symbol. Thank you, all of you, who take care of me on a daily basis. AND Purwin, (person of many names) You also know, I hate this time change, You KNEW I needed this charm to help me with this darkness.

Heavenly November is here, and I will be fine.

I Got You Babe

Dancing with the Stars and I are best buddies. There is nothing I enjoy more then dancing and singing, but this season, I have a bad taste in my mouth. I don't like people to fight, or argue, and certainly not for my entertainment. Last night it was pissy and we lost Chaz!!! Chasity, Chazina, Chaz, this is somebody's baby, Sonny and Cher's baby, therefore it is mine!!! When that baby was born, we circled her with love. Our embrace was a reflection of our love for Sonny and Cher. They say we're young and we don't know......I know we love Chasity Bono. We still love him. So much emotional feelings well up in me. A fountain of questions, worries, engulf me over this child. I don't want him to hurt, and the judges called him a penguin!! Only in a Batman movie are you glad to be a penguin,and that's a maybe. Words wound people. No he could not dance, but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water. He is on a different path, a journey that can not be easy, and he wanted to dance!!! I'm very proud of you sweet boy, I love you, all of you, as is.
I Got You Babe!!!!

Dance With Me

Never have I been one to stay up late, so needless to say, we tape everything on TV. Maybe the correct word is record, Tivo? all I know is that when I wake up between 4:30 and 5:00, I can watch it all. So this early morning, Dancing with the Stars was my drug of choice. I was giddy, it was also Broadway night, AND Kristin Chenoweth was going to sing, happy Tuesday to me.
You see, in my next life, I want Kristin's voice and Bob Fosse to mentor me. Hours on hours, of jazz hands, with Bob and his cigarettes!!! and sing......I would not even speak, every word would be in song. Broadway baby, here I come, even from my perch in the den. My hubs looked at me from across the room and asked?? "What are you doing with your hands?" "YOU SHOULD RECOGNIZE THIS MOVE! " and.... "IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU DON'T, I'M PRAYING TO THE DANCING GODS TO SEND ME BOB FOSSE!" and " SOME PEOPLE CALL THEM JAZZ HANDS!"
( God love my Bill, they did not have the Bob Fosse course in Princeton!) ( my all cap letters have calmed down until) " Who is this Kristin person?" "OH MERCY, IT IS THE PERSON THAT YOUR WIFE SINGS LIKE!!!!"
XOXO

National Day of What?

This past week, painfully busy, there was humor around every corner. Daily I'm amused by this crazy life of mine. Each day there is a National Day of Something. My favorite this week, was the National Handwriting Day. I was transported back into my first grade classroom, and Mrs. Miller. She appeared ancient to me then, and surely she was not. Maybe forty, but to this young five year old, one hundred, at least. She was pinched! Handwriting was the BIG thing in first grade, and the paper was soooooooo thin!!! My name, Bonnie Blackman, had too many m's and n's and two Big B's. My printing varied, some big letters, some tiny, some with hearts on it!! I practiced cursive, when Mrs. M wanted ONLY hard line letters. My t's were not crossed like she wanted. I wanted rhythm and she wanted no eraser marks!! I loved writing my name, over and over, ten million times?? I wanted to show her how well I could draw, NO!!! Bonnie, write fifty more B's and all the same size. Didn't she know I was worried about ants eating my lunch, and dreading nap time!! Also there were a couple of cute boys, I had my eyes on. She must not have known that we would all abandon handwriting, for computers many years later.
I do love to hand write notes, and a personal card, now and then. I'm never without many sharpened pencils, and have dozens of "special" pens scattered around. Mrs. M would still dislike my penmanship, but she would, I think, smile that I love to write. So on the day of National Handwriting Day, I turned on my laptop and smiled to the heavens!! Surely Mrs. M has gone to be with Jesus, she was so OLD!!!!

Unpack Your Boxes

I am currently reading Life As A Verb. Savoring every word, reading it out loud to myself, just to make sure it sinks in. The pages are highlighted to hell and back, and at another time, I will review it for the multitudes. Right now I just want to borrow a quote, in fact a chapter title, Unpack Your Boxes. T.S. Elliot said, "The faith, the hope, and the love are all in the waiting." Let GO of the monkey bars and unpack your boxes. You will see why this spoke to me. Our family historian, my Emma, is on a mission to organize our photos, and there are BOXES!!! She has a plan, box after box, album on top of albums!! YEARS of our life, on paper. Piles, sorted and gathered in her grand 'stacker' plan. If it does not involve me, my response is "Go For It!!!" In Emma's world,"Go For It!"
means, show mom every picture and talk about categories!!! NOOOOOooooo..............She wants details, and then Hart steps into the mess, "Mom look at this!" I asked them if they understood, that looking at photos makes me sad. Not always, but all these baby pictures, and its fall and I'm in a funk of sadness!!!! Then this chapter title came to me, Unpack Your Boxes! It's time and Emma is in charge, I have to let go of the monkey bars!!!

PSS. The above photo is one that I kept in my pile!!!

Fall Stupor

My head cold has traveled and now its all about the lungs. Fall and mold spores hate me!! Thus my melancholy mood. Where moods are concerned, I delve in, totally!!!! Why waste the moment, I put on my fall frown. I now swig Robitussin, and whine. UNTIL the mums arrive. My husband picked out six of the most beautiful mums, at my request, to bring some light around my world. He was going to home depot anyway!! He called three different times, asking about size, color and names of flowers!!! Always the research chemist!! Well he did good, and as thorough as preforming open heart surgery, his mum purchase was the turning point in my fall stupor!! I had a spark ignited and began to decorate for Halloween. Come on deciduous trees, I see Yellow and I'm not running!!!

Insanely Great

I have recently read articles about Steve Jobs.
I have had the pleasure of watching news about his early life, and struggles.
I am, like others, fascinated by his genius.
He viewed things as "Insanely Great!" How many people start their day, with that outlook? A life with a plan A, B, C and maybe D!!! His short life on earth was "filled up!" with ideas, AND he acted on them.

An enormous life, that changed history.
I feel lucky to have been around to witness this technology "grow up."
Thank you Mr Jobs,
My son is in heaven, his name is Ward. I know you were a smart man, I want to believe you were a good person, so he can visit with you. He will be trilled to pick your brain. Tell him that his mom loves him so much.
I wish you peace,

Ward's mom

Attention Ward: Steve Jobs died. So young, I hate that. I hope he is heaven bound, or at least in your vicinity. Precious, enjoy the company of interesting people. I hope he brings an Ipad (is that what they call it?) to all angels and throws a few to "the others!!!" also. You know all people have stories!!!!!
You are so loved,
Mom

NyQuil in the AM

October comes in, followed by germs. Sinus infection, bronchitis, aches and pains, with a fever to boot!!! It is just October 4th and I have been sick four days, help me Rhonda!!! Saturday and Sunday, my sloshing head hovered above my pillow, I was a prisoner to fall.
My weekend was ruined, until....my hub, who looks after me, yells up to sickbay, "Bon, Dr. Zhivago is on the tube!" I rolled over and perched, like a sick bird, on the end of my bed. I surfaced for air and "The Doctor!!" It is so important that the people you love and have trained, know what would make you feel better. Omar, be still my beating heart, heard my cough!!! My cry out for a weekend, saved. I refuse to go a day without singing or dancing, and this weekend I got out of bed, and spun around my room, to Laura's Theme Song! I know you are humming the tune as I type, it is a cure for all that is wrong in the world. Beautiful music, people who love you, Omar and NyQuil in the AM!!!!!

AN add on...Still coughing but going to work this am, when on the radio, Marvin Gaye began to sing. Sexual Healing, merciful lord, I started to sway. Quickly I decided to pay my respect, I pulled into the next subdivision, a car dance would not do. Oh no, I had to get out of the car and dance, it was total joy....or was it the NyQuil in the AM???? Come on fall, I'm ready.

I Smell Corn Dogs!!!

September is on her way out, with October marching in the wings.
I smell corn dogs!!! State fairs are opening all over the country and Georgia has one on every corner!!!or so it seems. People have been making quilts and grooming hogs, hankering for a ribbon.
Carney people are putting the pieces together for the rides of a lifetime. The grease is hot, hot, hot and anything fried works for me. Cotton candy a mile high, and candy apples that will remain in your teeth for a week or two!!! Gold fish are swimming in tiny bowls, and tacky stuffed animals are only a 'ball throw' away. Oh how I wish, I still loved the fair. I love my memories of the fair, but going....not so much. I don't see things the same way, I'm ancient and I love hand sanitizer!!! The rides are all rusty and make funny noises. All the carney people freak me out, with no teeth and boils, beckoning me to "Take a Chance" on a prize!!!! I do love to look at the crafts and animals. I have a tendency to bring home pets!! We had a wonderful rabbit for years that I bought from the 4H club at the fair in Pennsylvania!!! I want to "Free Willy" and let the animals run free, and that may disturb the people on the "Bullet" or the "Roller Coaster!" I do miss the freak shows of my youth, Tiny Pete gave me nightmares for years. There was once body parts in jars, that crowds would surround. Fair memories will have to keep me company for one more October, and just maybe someone will come up with a candle that smells like a corn dog!!!

See You later Nicky

I have been pouring through photo albums, and boxes of pictures, hunting for my cousin Nicky.
We lost him on Sunday, or maybe many years ago?
There was this one photo of all cousins stuffed into the house on Kenmore Street, I can not find it!! The more I look, the more anxious I become. There were photos of Nicky as a Lifeguard at Jacksonville Beach, in his glory, with all of his boys. I thought I had organized my pictures, but not one is within reach when I need it. There are photos of Nicky, and I and Becky Anding in a photo booth, where or where?? Oh well, who needs a photo, I have a lifetime of stories about loving Nicky. In fact, my charmed life, is filled with delicious stories about all my cousins. I think for years, I was not really sure if I were a Brown or a Blackman. Growing up with 'trunk loads' of cousins, affords me with endless material, that I cherish.
Bill and I met Nicky and my brother Benjie in San Francisco many years ago for dinner. He was stationed out west, and I think he left something of himself there. Nicky's life was very different, for the remainder of his days. Are there ever really any answers? I hope he knew we loved him, even on the crazy days. We all have crazy days, not just Nicky!!! that is for sure, and the love remains.
I choose to remember that young strapping lifeguard, who I claimed out loud and proud!! "Hey, I'm Nicky Brown's cousin!"

I did find one photo!!! of cousins, and brother, I also found one of me holding a doll!!! They were in the same box, I have no organizational skills!!!

OVERLAP

So often I'm reminded of my youth, among middle school age children. After many years, I still can find a reason to smile, and tell them a story or two about my school days. You do realize my kids , ELL kids, are just learning English. So "my stories" may take on a whole new meaning. I can read their minds, "Oh that crazy Mrs. Baron, she tell many stories!!!" I like it when they shake their head in recognition of Kirby-Smith, or Andrew Jackson being mentioned. They know my friends by name, and my family members. They are my sponges, soaking it all in.
Just the other day, I was helping three boys with their social studies project. They had to do a collage on religions around the world. It was their lucky day!!!
"Boys you have hit the jackpot (confused looks on faces!), Mrs. Baron , Susan and Paula made awesome collages at the Partin house, many weekends." " I think Jude and Gail may have been there on occasion too!" ( Lost looks!) " We cut out out words, and pictures of Beatles and Stones(eye rolls), Fashion looks of the 60's and 70's!" (Hmmmm....when?)" Every inch of poster board covered and OVERLAPPED, in beauty!!!" "Go for it boys!, cut and paste, and listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash AND YOUNG!" They smile and make their perfect projects!!! No piece of paper is touching, they have cut perfect squares, measured where each one goes and I think ironed the piece!!! They smile and look at me, for.....job well done look!!! " Well, angels, they are collages of a different generation, a little wound tight (huh??), they are PERFECT!!!!"
I would give anything, if I had kept one of the collages us girls had made, I needed a visual!!!
Class is over, and they say, "Tomorrow? stories?" and I always tell them, "It's your lucky day! "

The All Night Deli is Closed

All my research about getting rid of snakes, seems to require me closing down the all night deli, which is my yard. You see I feed all the animals, so I keep stocking the buffet table for these snakes. Chip and Dale live under my front porch, and I adore them. I even fixed there entry way with a broken piece of pottery, to look nice. Hart says they are as good as GONE!!! Not my chipmunks!! Damn snakes!! Thumper and her babies surround my yard, so I leave out carrots, so they will not be hungry and eat my plants. Love the wild bunnies, hope they were not last nights supper!!!
I have recruited my family to help rattle some bushes, but they are not willing snake hunters! I may have to drum up the ghost of Steve Irwin to help me, he wasn't just good with crocs!! I know Ireland is free of snakes, St. Patrick, I need thee. Surely, I can get a mongoose on e-bay, a real Rikki-Tikki-Tavi for a good price?
I'm not having a good time, with snake worry. But......I was thinking, some cute rubber boots!!!
To keep me safe, and cute.
Satan's serpent beware of the woman carrying a pitch fork wearing cute boots! I'm coming to get you.

SNAKES In The Burbs??

When we were moving from Pennsylvania to Atlanta, I specified, do not want house by any water. I knew I was headed south, warmer weather, and snakes! Growing up in Florida La-La land, I have seen my share. Snakes and I love warm weather, but one of us has to go, and I'm staying!!! I hate snakes, I don't care if some are good and eat mosquitoes! While gardening in Pennsylvania, a garter snake showed itself to me, and I chopped that thing into a million pieces. I could have worked as a sushi chef, my hands were so agile and fast!!!
Yesterday we received an e-mail from our 'Stepford Wives' subdivision. Two Copperhead snakes found in neighbors yards. Do not let small children, or pets play outside. Stop It!!! Call Critter catchers, take some of the pool money and tennis court money and kill the snakes. Please don't send me an alarming e-mail without a solution!!! I ran to close the back deck door, and called my hubby .(who is from New York??do snakes grow up there??) " We have to call the snake people, Critter Catchers."( whom I have used before for bats, another story) OH!!( I also used them for raccoons!) New York husband replied, "Oh Lucy(lab) will scare them away!"..........I had to breathe...
"Lucy is a big baby and the snakes will get her and they may get you too for not taking this seriously!"
This weekend will be busy, I know how to use a hoe!!! Snakes be gone!!!!

Adrian's First Day

Number one grandson started kindergarten yesterday, such a big step.
Can so many years have already passed? Uma singing "off key" all songs known to the world, as I held onto him for as long as I could.
One cold early morning, I sat in his room, holding him in the rocker chair. Looking at the frost on the window, and snow on the ground, explaining to him how much I love him. " Adrian, I must love you so much, because this Boston winter weather is for crazy people!" So many flights, to watch him grow, and now he is in school.
I remember that morning in the rocker, Emily saying, "You know you can put him in the bed?" She was a new mommy, little did she know how fleeting this baby time is. If I could wish for anything, it would be to hold my babies one more time. New mommies are so tired for sooooooooo long, they miss some things. I know this, because I did the same thing.
I do remember all of my kids first days of school, what they were wearing, and how glad I was to have some time to myself. My favorite time, was when they came home. I missed seeing Adrian go to school, but thanks to all these fancy cell phone cameras, I saw the smile. The first day of school smile, it only happens once.
His Uma is happy to be a part of this special day.

It It Wrong?

September requires me to think about putting beach towels away. Then comes the sun-screen and its over. Each fall I go down kicking and screaming. Today I wrapped myself in a towel and sniffed it, like summer smells could be locked into the fabric! That did not work, so I opened up the Banana Boat sunscreen and went to sniffing!!! Is this wrong? I think not, maybe smearing the lotion on me, could seem different to some?? I know we have a good month left to sit out, but the air feels different. It's like a stealth jet, this fall, flying low looking at me. I'm nervous, people are starting to pull out sweaters, and we had a jeans day at work!Yikes, its too hot for jeans. Labor Day is ready to take all of my white shoes, and clothes away, is that still a tradition, no white after Labor Day?? Who makes this stuff up? The same people who encourage me to start looking at fall clothes in catalogs, and BOOTS!!!Give me a minute to phase into these things.
I need to get the coat rack off my back porch, with the swim gear and tell her(coat rack is female) it's time to change. Get ready for mittens, and scarfs and coats weighing you down. I bring her in the month of September to adjust, its not easy coming in from outside, for us girls.
I did buy Halloween candy, is it wrong?? and ordered my Christmas cards, I'm trying to lay out the welcome wagon.....even if it still smells like the beach.

A Very Expensive Dorm Room

I have never held the title of "Superwoman", even though I have had Super moments!!!!
Working and taking care of a house, and people who live within, whips me.
My beautiful house, looks like a dorm room, with laundry multiplying as I type. My multi-task skills are used at school, and I turn into a vegetable when I open the garage door.
Dishes to wash, dishes to unload, shoes dropped all over these new hardwood floors!!!! Dog toys, cat toys, people toys lurk around each turn. Magazines and mail reaching near the ceiling, and it's OK. I fully embrace that I can NOT do it all!!!
My rumpled, messy palace gets cleaned on Mondays, and today its Tuesday!!!
Two loads of wash is spinning, we just finished supper, that all hands were on deck. Bill grilled, I made Broccoli and sweet potato fries. Hart took care of Lucy the lab, Tuesday and Thursday are his drop by nights. Emma did the dishes, the roomba is about to be turned on, three TV's are humming, chaotic joy. My charmed life, comes back into view.
We all can ,so quickly get overwhelmed with the little things, that we miss the big picture.
How many 59 year young women can still say they live in the dorms!!!

No Time To Think!!!

This is the first fall that returning to school, I feel I may make it!! It could be a mirage, and I may crumble any minute. Each year going back to work seems harder, until I see my kids.
Incredible, brilliant young minds, learning to speak southern English. Children from all over the globe, wanting to learn. Middle school mega drama, with no English, has to be so hard. These kids of mine, find the courage to tackle it all. I barely could change my clothes for PE at Kirby, Miss Pate scared me!!! and I knew the language.
I have depended on these children to hold me up, these last four years, and they did. I forgot for minutes about my broken heart, and held theirs. Wiped their tears, instead of wiping mine. All of us learning so much.
Grief seems to be hibernating more this year. I have placed it on the top shelf.
Although grief seems to be in a coma, its toll on me as a person has been life altering.
Work saved my life, these little children, carried me through.
This is my first fall in four years, that I can feel peace.
My family at school, and my real family will celebrate my Ward's 30th birthday tomorrow.
Laughter and Love will fill the house and the halls of school, in your honor, my precious boy.
Who needs time to think anyway!!!????

The drawing was done by Ward, the superhero, flying over mom, many many years ago. I think he still hovers near!!!

Dog Days of Summer, Extended..

My two boys were born in the Dog Days of Summer. Hot August birthdays, three years between. Thomas Ward Baron, August 26th, 1981, will not physically be with us for his 30th birthday, but we will celebrate his precious day!!!!! William Hartley Baron, August 21st, 1984, just turned 27 and we are "all caked out!" Webster defines the time between early July and early September as 'DOG DAYS" of summer. I define them as when my baby boys were born and my feet were the size of watermelons. Forever etched in my mind as the end of time(thought I was dying) and the beginning of life. I wanted those babies out of me, even if I had to reach long and far up "there" to yank them out. They were fully cooked, and I was done being the oven. Little, very little, did I know that my departure gate would not open. Two c-section babies coming right up.
My recovery plodded along like a sloth, but I was cruising on mommy la-la land brain cells, so it was all good. Both of these Bebe's never cried, because I could not put them down. I wanted to absorb their very breath!! My face lay buried in the nape of their neck, sucking up baby smell, praying it would last. We rocked to China and back, a millions times over.
My boys, and those sultry summer days, so MANY years ago, and so crystal clear.
It seems the not sleeping for thirty years has been blocked out of my memory!!!
Happy Birthday Ward and Hart, my boys of summer.

Photo of Hart, Ward and brother Brian