Caffeine, Chaos and Cuss Words

Bonnie snippets that I have written down in my books of quotes, random thoughts, and things that have made me laugh.
            HBO, last year of Girls, has been the funniest show I have seen in these past six years. It is outside the universe BOX, and that is my comfort zone. Cringe worthy moments of being young, not in my day, but I feel like my generation paved the way.
                  Hannah- I can only control the mayhem around me. ( which really means, no control)
                  Hannah- Well Fuck me, I did not get that information. ( Sometimes in life, Fuck has to be used)
                  Hannah's gay friend that she now lives with ( name escapes me at the moment)- My goal is to Fuck my way to the middle!! ( I feel off the couch, who wants to rise to the middle!!)
             This may not be your cup of tea, which is OK, it is mine. And if you want to know how people glow from the inside out, you will have to watch. ( I will try to keep my cuss words in check, but.....)
           Next-The Young Pope, think it was on HBO also. Very odd, but had it moments. ( I love Jude Law)             Young Pope's mentor as he is dying- You think you are the hinges, but you are the door!( that one line was worth watching the entire mini series)
           One from me, " Lord, Lord, Lord, lord, lord, whisper my sweet lord, my prayer while trying to take a nap, but my brain will not turn off. Then yelling, " How can I pray to you?" "Where were you when, My Ward died?" but..... that is my conversation with the holy man and mother. ( I write down everything.
           Visiting my hometown of Jacksonville, My brother Tommy-not worth a flicker!! I can never explain it to you. It is more of a hand signal, then spoken word, we have our own language. We make each other laugh, and cry! ( I know that most of these, need quotation marks, but I have a hair appointment, I may be in a hurry?) ( not really, I just like to mess with grammar people)
     
          The real reason for this blog, besides cleaning out my notebook, was to talk about Flat land.
I love driving in Florida, walking in Florida, riding a bike in Florida, it is flat as a pancake. Level, smooth, straight, you can drive and relax, and look around. It gives me such pleasure, that it took me by surprise, this last trip. I can feel the road change, and the water level coming up to meet my tires. The smell changes, the landscape turns to Pines and Palmettos, and then to Palm Trees. The swampy, moss infected areas of North Florida, my home base, never changes. It is the land of many stories, damp with humidity.
               My daughter and I, drove around my old haunts, and she may have mentioned, "You do this every time we come!" and " I don't know any of these people or places, that you are talking about!"
              I just kept driving, there is Edward's house, Melinda and I thought we would marry and live next to each other, in those two houses, I always thought the Corum's house was so pretty. There is Bruce Street, Lucky Drive, Pop-Pop made that fence that surrounds his house on 65th, or one of those numbers. Look, there is Andrew Jackson, Kirby Smith, My Emma, did not look, she just let me remember with fondness and rolled down windows. Main Street, slow and flat, sprinkled with youthful wonder. I know that you can really never go home again, but sometimes it comes to you. In the sound of the road, flat and constantly straight, holding me gently, pointing to the sea.
              love
               B

      I 

Fifty Shads

     Words are important. Coming out of your mouth or in print, it may alter your course.
      Just this week, my Atlanta girlfriends went to see Fifty Shads, that is what the marquee read.
      Before entering, hysterical laughter began, we all looked at each other. I said, " I will get up and leave if this is about fish!" Then all kinds of fish stories began, our journey was to start with a mistake.
      I took out my ear plugs, because movies are so loud anymore, and my buddies, thought maybe I had brought in some small sex toys, you see we were in out seats for Fifty Shades Darker. Then I caught a whiff of Vicks, asking my dear BFF, what kind of love potion is this!! ( they were Vicks cough drops, for a cold, and to quiet out cough from laughing like Hyenas ) Then the Queen, brings out of giant purse, a Swifter duster!!! ( the movie has not even started) We are now doubled over, crying, because this duster would probably be in our Red Room of Delight! We were weak in the knees and at that point we had not seen The Pummel Horse!
     For sure we recommend this movie, you attract your tribe, bring them with you.
     Don't be fooled by the sign, about fish! We caught a whopper of a good time on our line, and a small ( well, we don't really know?) butt action of Christian Grey.
    
      This Saturday blog began to be about words, but you know how my mind travels, it is awesome!!
      The house is quiet, Lucy girl is snoring by my feet, and I can just wander in my head and out!!
Before the movie, that I saw this week, I had a few minutes to retail dance. I scooted into Anthropologie and roamed. I like their marketing skills, colors, sets, designs, its a wonderful store to look at. The have a very wide list of interesting stuff, pricey, but off the beaten path combo of things.
I found some hair ties that were in my price range, and claimed them as mine. I turned over the package that they were on and it read like this:
                                            SHE TOOK HER HAIR
                                                like her drink
                                            NEAT, WITH A TWIST
I screamed, a little, I love clever people, good writers and marketing giants! The hair ties caught my eye, but when I turned them over to look at the price, the above quote was on the back. Yes, these are calling my name. Yes, the were too expensive, but I can blog about it!! So I will reason my purchase, through hell and high water.
   Then I quickly went to the sale area, found a scarf and some dish towels, looked like they were from India, prices slashed. I think, Christmas gifts, girlfriend gifts, Bonnie gifts?? I walked to the counter, and the lady was so adorable, then she put my jewels in a darling paper bag. Check all boxes, words and details make a difference.( I tried to use my new hair ties today, not great, but they are cute, so......half a check!)

  Movie and retail therapy during the work week, and dinner!! ( food delicious, waiter young and talked too much,) ( we also had to stop talking about politics, before our food got stuck in our throats)
Sometimes, lack of words, conversation, chatter is preferred. We took a small vow of silence, in remembrance of days gone by!! No Trump zone, dinner, movie and night!! I slept like a princess.
      Now, I am going to finish reading two books, and listen to my quiet house, the sound is beautiful.
      Expect a couple of book reviews to come, in a couple of days.
      February has been so busy, not complaining, just thinking as my fingers hit the keys!
      Love, look for it in the words. 
.
 

From Both Sides

   Our family has been so blessed this year with a new baby, Wyatt Heyward Baron, adopted in January, to my son Hartley and Nicole.
   Adoption is a big part of our family, we adopted two little girls from India. Amy Grace did not live to be with us, and Queen Emma Lea Reshma Baron reigns Baron all the way. She is my baby girl, my only girl and will turn 29 this year, I think. ( mom is getting old!) ( birthdays, years, ages, not high on my brain cell count lately) ( retirement, I don't even know what year it is!!)
  We are graced by these wonderful women, who cared that their babies had good homes, good people to love them. These women are strong and filled with so much love for these children. We are thankful for their choice. AND it was their choice. The whys and hows, we don't know or understand, but they made a choice.
      This is what the Planned Parent Organization, Pro choice, Pro life, Pro health is all about.
It is all about choice, and I do not think any body makes these decision with a flip of their hair.

     I know I didn't. You see I have been on Both sides, adopted a baby and had an abortion.
     Both decisions were about choice.
     Both decisions are really my business, but you know I live to share.

At 23, I was a young Radiology technician, getting ready to go work in the Cardiovascular Lab. My career path, and education were everything to me. ( One step down from boys!!) ( forever boy crazy)
Birth control pills became the norm, and I was thrilled. However there were so many kind, and they made me deathly sick. My OBGYN who was once a resident that I worked with, tried me on soooo many kinds, until we found one that worked. Except it didn't, I was pregnant on the pill, and just threw up my hands!! I had a choice to make, and quickly. I was not scared or ashamed, I knew I could not carry or deliver a baby, at that time. Youthful selfishness maybe, but I am a pretty smart cookie, and I weighed out all of the options. I was not pressured by anyone, very few even knew about it. It was between, me and God, and the doctor. I was not paralyzed with what was right or wrong. I made a choice, and it was the right choice.
  The procedure, was painful but done in a hospital clinic, with a resident from the hospital I worked for. It cost a lot of money, that I did not have, and I borrowed from several people.
  I promised the universe that I would spend my life helping people, loving people and serving people.
  Not because I felt guilty, but I did feel an empty spot.

 I went on with my life, married a man with two young sons, instant family. We had two more boys out of my body, and then we adopted Emma. Did I give back, give someone a life, that would not have survived? Maybe, but I think she gave to us.

Life is very much about choices. No one goes out and gets pregnant, celebrating that they will have an abortion over a glass of vino. These choices are huge.

It is very hard to dial back, as some would like us to do, in this election season. The divide is so wide, and deep. I am having a hard time finding any common ground, and every fiber of my being ( and there is a lot of it!!) aches for some of the recent decisions I see happening now.

 Many people asked why the snowflakes ( whatever that means??) marched, because we believe choice is important to all women. Pro life and Pro Abortion rights, female rights, we should march together.
  The common ground, that I search for, is maybe a dialogue of kindness, and an open heart on both sides. You see I have been on both sides, It is about choice. Yes I know, does the fetus have a choice, not when its in my body. That is how I feel, and you can feel however you need to, and be at peace.
   When I was split open to have my second baby, I asked my doctor to burn/cut my tubes. She said, " Bonnie, are you sure, you are so young." I was very sure, never more sure, that no other child was coming out of me, it was my choice, not the hubs, or the doctors, MINE!.
  I had wanted to adopt children since I was a little girl, if there were going to be any more Baron angels, with protruding baby horns, I would adopt.

 Sigmund Freud said;
            If age knew; if age could.
Choice comes from both sides, remember that.
I pray to not be angry and be a good listener, but I will not be silent.

What You Hear...See...Touch...Read...Love.....ALL OF IT!

  I don't know the date, it is in January, and maybe it is a Friday.
  It importance to me, is minimal, retire benefit.
  I sit here knowing that there is a new president being sworn in office today. The TV is on mute, but out of respect for our country, history happens and the TV is on in the next room. So if I walk by, I will see things, you see I have to be careful.
  What I see, hear,k touch, read, love stays with me, like a giant sponge. So I walk carefully and with direction. Purpose and knowing what I can and can't handle. Maybe grief does that to you, breaks you down. All I know for sure, is that only good is going in my brain, beautiful words, pictures, people, stuff!! Don't get me wrong, I do not close my eyes or heart to the horrors of the world, or people in need. I just know, in order to be a better person, I have to take care of myself, so I can serve others.
 This little long intro, probably only makes sense to me, but heck, I write a personal blog, for myself. You the reader, I hope can enjoy or learn a little something, but first I have to be true to me.
 Pleasing the multitudes is not going to happen, so spill out my insides, I will. It heals me, first.

Now to keep me busy, and my nausea at bay.( broken heart about election, but I will live)
   This last week, I babysat for my child (OK, Hart and Nicole's child)
    My first grandchild within hollering distance ( almost!)
  I thought about for days, about what I would sing to him. Explaining to my husband, that yes this is very important. ( Bill, hubs, kept telling me the baby is two weeks old!!)
  I explained that you have to start them off hearing good things!! I cannot go right into "Jesus Christ Superstar Cast Album!" or "Rent." I need Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Dylan, something soft and beautiful. So I printed out some lyrics, so as not to mess up, got my cds in order and I was ready. You would never know from my strong Alto Frog voice, that I can not sing. Because my presentation is, spot on! Utter Joy fills my voice with tenderness and off key, pure folk songs to start off with loving music. ( Note...the first day, I stuck with Christmas Carols, so I had to step up my game)

Perfect music, for perfect baby.

Up next, I will surprise you, however I have Rosemary Clooney on right now, and I am sounding pretty good!!!

So this day has begun, my dog, Lucy the lab, is on the floor beside me, had MAJOR surgery this week, and now I baby sit her. Big mass removed, big incision, hard to walk an 85 lb baby!! Ringling Brothers Circus may be closing their tent, but the Baron Circus is in business 24/7.

I call my parents every day, to check on medication, food, how they feel. Last week I called, and I only talk to mom, once in a blue moon to dad. Mom was saying all was pretty good, she was weak as a kitten, and dad...." wait he is trying to tell you something ( he yells things to her, to tell me)..." He wants me to tell you that we are both clean as a whistle, BALLS and ALL!"

Thank you Homer ( daddy) for always making me laugh, and for teaching me to always be clean. Apparently in all areas!!

So on this special day, of our new president, be clean, listen to good music, sing loud, ( we will not be silent) read good books, love each other, and write it all down!!!

Wing It

  I have been busy writing blogs, in my head, and scribbled on pads. Pieces and pieces of beautiful thoughts, words and deeds have passed through me, and lets see what I can gather together.
    These are all my titles
           Galaxy Snatch and The Lagoon of Mystery-Carrie Fisher
           Pure Precious-southern people
           Jesus is enough, he calls me every morning-little lady I saw on web
           Wing It-some ditty I saw on Pinterest
           I love Joe Biden and President Obama-me!!
These thoughts have run amok inside my brain of advanced years.
    Along with how much I love my friends, and ON TOP of that list, we have a new Baron Boy Baby!! Yes Uma Thurman, has a new baby, Wyatt Heyward Baron. AND he lives near me, my first local grand!! He is just over a week old, and more perfect with each day. ( I am not kidding)
I have been surprised with such JOY, I have been reflective as well. I miss Ward, I want him to know this happiness with us. I remember holding my first grand Adrian, and feeling such love, never wanting to put him down, and telling him our family stories in the early hours, rocking and singing.
  I was holding Wyatt yesterday, and when Hart came back from errands, he said, " Did you put him down?" I smiled, " Absolutely not, we were talking, and singing."
 I thought about my second G-kid, Finn and how I did not hold him as much, probably due to grieving over Ward, who knows? Maybe just the second one, we all were busy with Adrian.
 Life is so Pure and Precious!!
   I miss Carrie Fisher, I miss her wit and brilliant star. Her writing, so raw and uncovered about her mental illness, helped me look at Wards illness, with a little more kindness. Any mental disorders, need to be looked at with respect and kindness, we all have something!!! She made me, laugh at something that is extremely hard to laugh at. Any one that can refer to her lady parts, as Galaxy Snatch and The Lagoon of Mystery, is a friend of mine. Through in some Bi-polar and there is Love overflowing. I will miss her, damn it!! Her mom missed her too, so she checked out, dropped the mike, bye-bye, not living on earth without this joy!!
 On Winging It:
    To be honest,
    I'm just winging it.
    Life, Motherhood,
    My eyeliner!  Don't know who said this, but I think all women feel like this each day, and that is enough. Wisdom for the masses.
   The little 90 year old lady, that thinks that god is calling her to prayer each morning, I saw on TV. Maybe it was the News or Hollywood show? I think they may be one and the same!! She was so loving, said "Jesus is enough" and calls her!! I thought, OK, my prayers need some work. I want him or her to call me!!! I want to feel, what this lady is feeling, " Jesus is enough"
   If you pay attention, all this love, comes to you.
   My president leaves soon, and I will be sad but my thankfulness for having him be in my life for eight years, my cup is full! So, on bending knee, grateful for him and Joe.
   I think that covers most of my thought process, I did read two books, that I would like for you to check out. The Storied Life of A.J FiKry, by Gabrielle Zevin ( thank you Perlotta)
     and Everything We Keep by Kerry Lonsdale. I think they are books for women, but that is for you to decide. Reading Books for Living by Will Schwalbe. I see it as a book for all, amazing. Three books in a row, that are delicious. OH I forgot, I read Carrie FIshers new book, The Princess Diaries also, maybe last week!! If you love Star Wars, you will enjoy, but not like her typical books.

Again, take a minute to write down, all the good, and you will see......Amazing things happen

I did notice many capital letters in the middle of words, and all over the place!! It makes me happy, just WING IT!

   

    

Not Everyday BUT........

   Happy New Year of possibilities.
   What goes up must come down, spinning wheels round and round, I am so trying to put a positive spin on things.
    Yesterday while watching the Rose Bowl, I decided that not everyday BUT....most days, I would like to ride on a float!! Yes, ride in the Rose Bowl Parade, at least once a week. Any float, just waving and smiling among the flowers!! Add that to my wish list, some call it Bucket list, Dreams, Vision Board, ( I love capital letters) RIDE ON A FLOAT, goes near the top. Another thing I have decided, in this year of positive thinking, I would like to also make a float in the Rose Bowl Parade. Sit for hours, glue gun in hand, putting on petal after petal, bean after bean. I think that would be like flower mediation. Cutting roses and sticking them in Styrofoam, I just get giddy thinking about it!! Maybe I will not use the glue gun, just some special glue that would not burn me, yes they must have special fairy glue!! Marigold after Marigold, Aster after Aster, Lilies and Calla Lilies, tree bark, and coffee beans, all of this fascinates me!! Its going on my list, I think these people, the glue people, are all volunteers, that is do-able !!!! Not everyday but....
  I also want to wash an elephant, our zoo teaches you how to do that, its always in summer, maybe they could bathe in the morning before I begin to wilt!! I want to touch and commune with an elephant. On the list.

  I would like to go see a friend in Montana, that is going to happen. Sue and I need a visit, Deb, after the snow. My horse whisperer skills will come in handy, I just want to see you (of course) and the area.
 I would also like to sit for hours in the Tuileries Gardens in Paris, by the big fountain, near the Louvre. On a sunny day, reading a book, with not a care in the world. I love this spot. The hubs and I sat there many times in a day, chilly and busy with life all around us. It is magic, I want to go back. On my to do list, which I would like to do daily!!

Hold a baby for a little while each day. They have a volunteer program in some of our hospitals, a granny program, to hold babies that have to stay in the hospital for so long. Long after the parents have to go home, and rest. I think holding a baby, may be the best thing in the world. Something to look into.

I would like to paint all day, everyday but the hum of the house calls me. But...that is my goal, to just paint, in a studio with the perfect light, with no washer or dryer noise , no telephones, silence, letting the colors speak. Working on that one.

I read about three books every two weeks, so I just want that to continue. So I wish for writers near and far, to write and write some more. I miss Pat Conroy( just thinking out loud)

I have everything that I want and need, but always have more plans.....Keep moving and loving, and caring for people. Occasionally, just a float, to keep me sweet!!
    Happy New Year, Dream Big!!
          -B-

You Laid The Foundation, But I am Still Working On The Building-Mavis Staples

    I just about see the tail feathers of this year of 2016.
    The things that I look back on are chronic pain ( my building needs repairs) ( working on some new parts) and heartache. I do not know when I have had such a year? I know their have been worse, but 2016 will stand out in my mind, for a huge supply of soft chew, cherry Tums and fetal position bouts of angst. ( I promise next year to concentrate on all the good!)
   The politics of the past year, and the idea that a maniac will be head of our country, has me at a loss for words. At least nice words. I hoped with all hope, that he would surround himself with decent, men and women, and that went up into a puff of crazy smoke. So I have had to let some of that angst go. I will continue to work for my party, and shake my head at all the people who voted for this man. I feel nothing but sorry for how the carnival act, took you down with him. My Father, Homer, would say, " A fool is born every minute." or was that P.T. Barnum??
    There is a 40% group of voters, that are happy. So I hope he does what you think is right. I do not wish for bad things to happen, to him ( the words PE get stuck in my throat) or you the voters.
    Believe it or not, we are in this together. ( I think)
    God Bless The Planet
 Now for more bad tidings,so many people have died this year. Too many of my high school friends, that left us and left a hole. Many famous people, in music, movies and literature, who have touched my growing up in monumental ways, my heart has hurt. There have been so many lives lost to guns and crimes, and stupid happenings that consume the airways. It seems to have been a banner year of sadness, all around. Maybe we just are more tuned into social media and hear more? I don't know, but I am a big giant sponge, and absorb all of this mayhem. Most of this stuff is not sponge-worthy! (Seinfeld people) but it has caused a ruckus. I work HARD to be sweet, joyful and attentive, but this combination in 2016 had me, on the night shift of the ER, after payday, on a full moon!!

Yes, there is always more good days, I just need to write them down!!
Wonderful books were read, my parents are good, got to see my brother during a hurricane, all children are semi-sane and loving humans. Bill retires in the coming year, so that is wonderful ( I think)
Animals are constant love muffins, friends are all doing fun things, Movies , Music continue to touch me. Art is my drug of choice, and my spirit animals still pop up all over the place. I live my life, Out loud, that is just the way I was put together. Good, Bad and Ugly is written about, sifted through, and thrown into the universe. 2026 was just testing me, and I made it!!!
  So 2017 come on in and stay awhile, I look forward to each second of this journey. Lord give me strength to handle all and the gift of laughter to just roll with it!!
  -B-