Complicated Chorus

Thank You Marty Stuart for my blog title.
 A shout out to Ken Burns for his LONG series about any and everything. The one on Country Music has blown me out of the water!!!
   Over the last two weeks, I have watched my entire life flash before me, in the songs, lyrics, legends of Country Music.
   I have felt great pain that daddy, was not alive, to say, "I told you so!" on all of his early country people and their history.
   You see, I was the first born, practice child, and Daddy thought I was a mini adult! ( which I may have been). He taught me so much about music, and movies since I stood up in the crib.
 My first song, that I learned was "Lay Me A Pallet Down On The Floor" I think it had something to do with him watching me, lay on the floor as a baby. Some blanket or pallet was put down, and daddy watched me!!!?? For a minute, while mom hung clothes out on the line. He talked on and on, about Little Jimmy Dickens, Earle Scruggs, Mother Maybelle Carter, Lester Flatt, Foggy Mountain Boys, Eddie Arnold, Gene Autry, Jimmie Rogers, Poor Hank Williams, Patsy, Loretta and never stopping, the list is huge. You do realize that I was not walking!! Willie, Waylon, Merle, Cash, Acuff and The Possum, George Jones. The Statler brothers, and so many more religious singing groups, we watched on TV, Sunday morning as others were getting ready. Daddy and I were always first!! ( Gumby and Pokey gave me the creeps!) The Oak Ridge Boys were later, but you know they were on rotation!
  I know all of these peoples family history, and every song!!! and there are hundreds more names to add to the list. The footage of these Tobacco Road people, making music, touches me.
 Poverty entrenched in each note, and they sung. To survive, and pass on something pretty darn special. Is twang country music for everyone, probably not. BUT the history of it, should be taught in schools. Black Gospel, Honkey Tonk, Hillbilly, Bango and Steel Guitar, Blue Grass tingle down my spine, joy juice. Foot taping, tear jerking, American Art.
  The eight part, 16-hour, YES, 16-hour, where did it come from question, is answered. Homer Blackman Jr. that is where. Daddy you were right, and I knew it all. The hardships that people come from and you still had to sing. Ken Burns even included your beloved Gene and Cowboy music, it is a wonderful series.
   Thank you for giving me this gift, at such a young age. I know I never learned to play the spoons, but I did get the lesson, of a complicated chorus.
 ( Dad we don't use the word midget, anymore to describe Little Jimmie Dickens!) and ( You are right Hank Williams Jr. should have been a baker.) ( Tommy and I liked him anyway!!)

There Are No Lifeguards

   I Miss You When I Blink, is where I found the above title.
  Worth a quick read, for sure.
  Sweet little pearls of life wisdom, sprinkled throughout.
  I thought about No Lifeguards, the metaphor for rescue, I think, all week.
  It was the year anniversary of my brother Tommy's death, and we had no lifeguards.
  We could not even have a funeral, (as per his wishes) even if we had mustered some strength.
   There were no Lifeguards, that Saturday.
   Knowing your brother is going to die soon, does not cushion the blow. I told him years ago, goodbye, in my heart. I saw what was down the road. About five years or more, of self destruction, and a heart of gold, No Lifeguards.
   We Miss him when we blink, for sure.
    The months from June through August were meant to stay blank, quote from the book, that spoke volumes to me.
    Here are a few others;
             The ship of bitchy ingratitude has sailed, so why not climb on board and sail it somewhere interesting? ( come on, that is great, climb on board!)
             I don't cook when I'm on my own. I graze. It's one of the small measures of tenderness I grant myself, the removal of all the pressure to feed and water all things!! ( I added all things, I stopped the copy finger. This is so true, be tender to yourself, we don't have to feed and water forever!!)( My everyday of Thanksgiving cooking, is gone and its a relief)
             (I just read the title again on page 172) It reads, But nothing really guards our lives. Lifeguards don't exist! ( I was close)( Yes, there is a God, is she a guard?!) ( Hard to swallow when you bury a child) ( I do know there is Jesus in the manger, so I have some faith) ( I just know Lifeguards do no exist!!)
            It's also miserable. I hate that I can't relax. I wish I didn't have to-do lists in my peripheral vision all the time!! ( which brings me to my close of day, last night) ( thank you for this line, Ms. Philpot)

Bill, hubs, goes to bed early, and I stroll up, in the summer, after eleven. Our routine is pretty much, the same, nightly. TV is on, loud, when I start up the stairs. Cat crying for my attention, Bill is asleep, and I ask myself, WHAT is this crap you have on the tube!! Screaming people, out of control chaos, how can you go to sleep with your mind listening to this mess!!! ( you know he has not heard a word I said, but that does not stop me!!) I apologized to the Cat, so sorry that you had to see humans, CONGRESS, acting like loons, I could not click quick enough.
To the Old peoples channel, and there was Guess Who Is Coming To Dinner, GLORY!!! Thank you, Thank you, Sidney Poitier. Now there is a Lifeguard!! I was wrong, we do have them. In all kinds of places. I told Dianna, the cat, that we can go to bed, at peace, with a voice like an angel, and skin the color of beauty! She agreed. We watched for about 10 min, and turned off the telly. I fixed my three pillows, up high, so I can see all around the bed, for any monsters!! ( Old habits don't go away) I sleep almost upright, waiting to hear if the babies need me!! I thanked God for Sidney, and I have been good, and if you have any heavenly strings to pull, you know, UP THERE!, please let me dream about him. I smiled and God smiled back, I could feel a hand on my back. Such peace, until the claws went in a little too deep, Dianna was having a Sidney Dream at the same time, and hers was epic!!
I swatted her off my back, telling her to find her on dream, This lifeguard is mine!!!

Kit da Ball

    This week I asked Wyatt ( number 3 gran) if he wanted me to come watch his soccer game. He replied, " Kit de Ball!" I think that may have been a Yes!?
     I love little toddler language, and we talk a lot.
     If I don't understand, after a few seconds, he will say, "Come On!" and then point!! ( all the while thinking, what the heck Uma, I was saying doughnut!!)
     A couple of weeks ago, precious spent the night. We had put him in his, Big Bed, so going to sleep was going to be fun. We talked about everything in the room. All of Emma's trophies, (it use to be her room) ( maybe it still is??) all the stuffed animals, including the softness of the Alligators tail. How many songs, I was going to sing, life in general. ( The husband says, how can he go to sleep, you just lay up there and visit!!)
   I think he may need to tell me something or learn something new!!!
   So we talked, and we moved around on the bed, tested pillows, and no pillows, until he fell asleep. I slowly kissed the top of his head, and UP HE JUMPED!!  In the dark, he pulled my head to his mouth and kissed it!!! then went back to sleep!! I whispered, " You could have stayed up another hour, for that cuteness!"
   I think when we raise children, there is never enough time, to just be with them. There seems to be laundry and dishes, school lunches to make, busy days of things that could wait. You don't realize the brief time period you have to lay on the bed an talk to these darling, wormy kids.
   When you become a grandparent, you just get to be present. It is a pretty cool thing. I may not understand all that Wyatt says right now, but I will stay there to listen, till the cows come in.
   The boy is playing soccer, as I type, I have had a bad cold, so I am resting for my toddler time, this afternoon.
   Let me go grab an inhaler, and pause before, my toddler buddy, soccer star comes rolling in, for some talking time!!!
Happy Saturday, go Kit de Ball some.

Lend Me A Halo - Avril Lavigne

    I admit to loving tiles of blogs, as much or more, than the content!!
    Sometimes they can relate to what I may be thinking, but most often, no connections. Just something I heard, and it spoke to me!!!
    My blog will begin on this very first day of September, storm watching, weeding flower beds for some fall colors, and gathering the info that is scrambled in my brain. I have shells to put away, summer is gone, and that tends to cause my throat to close!! SO I put if off, it will get done, maybe.
 My buddy Wyatt has been painting lately, so I ordered some new rolls of paper, that need to be put on his easel!! Projects, galore. ( Pause to take off my fit bit, can not type with it on!!) ( and sitting here, I am not taking any more steps.) ( I only wear my fit bit to see how badly I sleep!!) ( yet am still in a good mood!)
     OK, back to life.
  I read another book, that I did not like, and it baffles me. I had a very long, two minute, conversation with my hubs about this crisis. I explained my problem, and asked if he ever knew me to read two bad books, or any not so great books. I think he said, " Not that he know of!" ( not a good answer)
 I then asked him if my being diagnosed with early macular degeneration, and waiting for my blindness to come, has caused me to read bad books!!! ( note, hopefully this will be a long process and I will just go blind, when I can no longer tolerate looking at anything!!) ( DNA)
    He hummed, "I don't think so." I began to get a little louder, "This is serious!!" "What if I have lost my ability to pick good books, and apparently my friends have also!" The Doctor, told me, "Pick another one!!"
   So I did, from the six or ten, that I always have downloaded or in print, to grab.
   I read three pages and let out a hard sigh.
   Woke the sleeping man, that I had married and said, " I have good news, my book is good, it was just a fluke, and I can still see!!" I think he may have said, "Why did you wake me?" but I think he was quiet and thought it!! He is a good man, of little conversation.
    Now my blog was going to be about Watching Wyatt, so I will end on that drink of Joy.
    We try to get him once a week and see him on weekends if possible. Toddlerville, is not easy, but he is so worth a few extra Tylenol.
    This week, he was looking at the roof of my car, saying "stars." I asked him, "What are you talking about?" "Stars in the sky, yes and the moon?" That wee little person said, "NO" waving his arms, around, like there were stars on the roof of the car!! I screamed, " YES, I remember!" Last week I had on this necklace, that reflected the colors of the rainbow and stars all over the car and us!! It was magic, and beautiful and fun. I gasped, " I have on the wrong necklace, oh Jesus!!" WyWy did not get it. I proceeded to explain, that I promise forever, I will wear that special necklace in the car to pick you up from daycare. I then went on to explain, that we will also need sunshine, and that could be a problem. He was OK with my talking, and said, " No stars?" I shook my head, and he sucked on his juice. Kids remember everything, don't ever forget that parents, teachers, all humans!! and if you ever find stars in your car at any time, like fireflies sparkling all over, wear the same necklace again!!
Wyatt Wisdom from his Uma.
Now if someone would lend me a Halo!! ( listen to the song, because Miss Lavigne fell in love with a devil!! she needed a Halo, as we all do!!) ( from time to time)

Are Snippets Enough??

  Having just suffered through, The Guest Book by Sarah Blake, I took pause.
  I did not like anything about this book, but I don't concentrate as well in the summer.
  I almost never, dislike a book, and if I do, I will not finish it. I stayed with this mixed up story, wondering why.
  So I decided to see what, if anything, I had highlighted. What snippets of pearls, did I need to read again. There were many, and wicked, awesome. How can these many great sentences and parts of, end up being a bad book. I even thought, maybe I should read it again, in winter?? ( not happening)
   I leave you here with some highlighted material, of a not good read.
               1. What good could come of flushing everything up to the top! ( Nothing!!)
               2. drank in his smell ( delish)
               3. Someone once asked me if I thought there was a story for each of us. ( For sure)
               4. You got to have an endgame. You've got to give people the tools to get them there.
               5. "It's all over your face." He was smiling. " A girl like me ought not to look out loud."
               6.  " The ought's" ( think about that for awhile!)
               7. venom is best defanged by calm.
               8. Words are just empty boxes stacked on a shelf.
               9. Adumbrating ( I had to look that up!!)
              10. tumescent quiet
              11. it ceded glory to daylight, which lingered, longing to stay
That is just a snippet of highlighted stuff, and it was not enough. I did not care about these people nor could I keep up with who was who?? Honestly I could not connect the dots in the family, or what time period they were talking about. It baffled me, and caused me to think about how often, all we get are snippets of someone's life. Texting, email, facebook, cards or letters ( if you are lucky), have we lost connecting the dots. Listened to someone tell their story? How was your day? What are you doing? OK, and nothing are snippets!! and it is not enough.
  I probably overshare my thoughts and day to day hoopla, but you know where I am coming from. You share my grief and my joys. I hope you learn from my mistakes and my victories.. I tell my story, in pieces but you get the idea.
  The book was not good to me, but it taught me a lesson. So was it really a good book?
  I need to listen more, look at a person in the eyes, and hold onto their story, long or short.
  I do love the highlighted verse though!!
  Highlight something good, everyday!!
  Yes, even a snippet.

There Will Always Be An Audience For Nonsense

 I heard this pearl of a sentence, this am, don't know who said it? Maybe some news person, but it reminded me so much of daddy/Homer saying, " Carney People, they are everywhere." ( I think that is the same as fair people, and maybe circus freaks!) ( up for some thought)  I just liked it!!
  Another jewel I heard early in the a.m. " I need to lay my eyes on you!!" said by Robin Roberts. A southern mama, may say this occasionally. My mom will call me, and say, " I just needed to hear your voice." which I think may be the same thing. We all text so much, a phone call is pretty good now and then. ( I just don't answer my phone, so it could be a problem!!) ( I hate talking on the phone!) ( I talk with my entire body, how do know what I am trying to say!!)
    OK enough, prattle.
    I woke up on this Hot Monday, happy as a clam, singing, Hooked On  A Feeling!! Then had to look up who sang it because my brain has embraced 67 with a vengeance!! B.J. Thomas, gosh, how lucky am I to have all this music stored in all the nooks of my brain!! I surprise myself, singing before my feet hit the floor, It's a huge plus!!
   What I was going to tell you about is my Dream!!
My nonsense has an audience, and for that I am thrilled.
I dream every night, and wake up with some knowledge of the dream. ( My mom dreams also, like me) ( DNA)
I  hurry to jot down stuff, before it all slips away with the next tide of thought!!
Here is my list: Tennis, or maybe golf
                          Baby, big baby, Sister
                          House/pool
                          Bad showers
                          Dr. Jackson
                          Bow ties, preppy clothes
                          car lost in parking lot
I was so happy to visit with Dr. Jackson, he is often in my dreams. Still looks the same, and remains snarky. I think Dr. Hurayt  was a guest also. I was taking care of a large baby, and trying to get my sister to help me. Lived in a beautiful house, I think I was on a house tour.? Backed up to a lake and tennis gold course Where I visited with Dr. Jackson. I needed to take a shower, and he was not willing to wait on me, every shower I went to was yucky. Then I finally came back to a room, like in a hotel, to visit and he was out of time. I told him, that was special, but he had to help me find the car, and he could visit on the way. I explained to him that bow ties, don't look good with tennis clothes, and I know he didn't play tennis?? Did he?? Nah?? He walked too fast, and was a pain, but we both laughed and it was fun. I woke up, so happy to have shared some time, with an old friend. Dr. Hurayt, was around, I just don't remember too much, he is an old, friend, shrink that I still miss. He always said, "I will pay you money Bonnie for your time here!" and my reply was " OK, saves me $200.00 an hour!" Apparently he enjoyed my stories, good, bad and ugly! He is a good human. Dr. Jackson was a good human. So thankful to have been surrounded by wonderful people and animals in my life, even in my dreams.
         Just thought I would share.
         If you don't tell your own story, who will??
        Honey, I am laying all out on the table, life is a banquet and I am fixing my plate!!


                       

What Would Doctor Price Do??

WWDPD, I need on an armband.
My birthday was yesterday, 67 sounds great to me. I love odd numbers.
In my time to reflect, I think about people who have touched my life in small ways, and in huge ways.
Dr. Price, always comes to my mind. My pediatrician!! Morris to his friends.
I use DIAL soap to this day, because Dr. Price told momma that it was the best soap for germs!!
Whatever Dr. Price said, was near gospel.
Whatever Dr. King, Dr. Blackburn and Dean Cerveny said ( later Bishop Cerveny) ( Maybe King, I don't know)was holy and heard!!
Later Dr. Walklett, Dr. Robert Miller whatever they said, I learned and held onto that knowledge.
Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, too many to count ( very blessed) help me get to 67 with joy.
I believe everyone is a teacher, so think before you do or say anything!!
I remember everything forever!!
I thank all my mentors, doctors, teachers, preachers, boyfriends ( I was not going to leave them out!) and love ones! I lift your names in honor on this birthday, and each day, you come to mind. I am a good human, due to the people around me.
Special thanks, to Homer and Mary, Trudy, Benjie and Tommy, were my stories begin and come back to.
 I remain a work in progress, and if Dr. Price was alive, I would call him right now.
 Would he know the answer to why my husband (god bless) bought me a new lap top for my birthday, when I asked for a bird feeder?? ( I love it, but it will take me until next birthday to become friends with Stella!) ( I name everything)
  Could Dr. Price explain to me, Why wasn't seeing Mr. Trump make fun of a disabled man on TV enough? To not vote for him, his past New York actions, were enough. His vulgar talk of woman and their Hoo Ha's was enough. He is a pot stirrer of filth, why isn't that enough?? Dr. Price would at least listen to me, he was gentle and calm.
 Send me some of your calmness wherever you are Dr. Price. This political climate has made my birthday, 'Not Nice' ( as Wyatt would say)  Dr. Miller would tell me to read, and research. Dr. Blackburn would tell me to pray. I choose to write and vent and share, what is in my mind!! with yu lucky few.
  I resent Trump using up my valuable days, so I will leave that subject to the masses.
  Yucky stuff.
Now to leave you with a book to read.
Nanaville by Anna Quindlen for all you grandpa's and gramma's out there. I think even for the parents with these babies, that we call our grandchildren. This is a wonderful book of real love.
Maybe next blog I will share some of my highlights, this new computer is making me tired.
READ IT!!
I will celebrate all of August, people I love were born in this month, truly special people. All other months are special too, kinda!! August rocks with great people. Maybe all summer months birthdays, Oh heck, don't get your feelings hurt. Maybe just say you were born in August!! It is a glorious time to be born, I will share it with you. Who will know??
Love, Love and More Love