Purple Haze, Little Red Corvette, Lucille, and Kurt.

 The above title to this blog may baffle you, but if you are a music lover, probably not.
  Starting last week, I began a look-see into several musicians.
  Some by chance, and some by fate.
  Again, my ride, is a wild one!

  My number four son, and favorite child told me that I should watch the Kurt Cobain documentary. So when my best friend Susan was here, and she loves music like I, we started to watch. Note we watched whenever we took a breath from talking. After a few minutes, we stopped, and shook our heads at the sadness we had seen. Later in the week, I watched it again. Horror filled my heart, and wonder at his gift, left me with a strange sense of "why". I hate too many "whys", they consume me. One documentary is not enough, then I have to read three books, to help me see the big picture, and the big picture is never there. Drugs, alcohol, surrounding yourself with loser people, will never help you crawl out of the whole, yet....there is his music. Amazing.

As the week continued, I heard early in the morning, that the beloved B.B. King died. He lived a long life, so I was not sad, I was so happy that I had seen him live, and he had lived in my lifetime. His Blues could lift you up or take you down in a minute. My guitar gently weeps, as George would say.

Then I got to thinking about all the guitar genius people that I love, and on top of the list is always and forever, Jimi Hendrix. I combed Netflex and found a new film about him, so my research began. It was an enjoyable movie, in showing his shy self, however it never showed his prowess on the guitar. It was his early years, and his playing was always better then the best, I just wanted to hear the songs of my heart.
His sexual being, played by Andre Benjamin, was nice. I think Jimi's sexual tension, was probably palpable, and for sure electric! and people that was without the guitar plugged in. Jesus, he was a master, and drugs were his master. So happy to live in his lifetime, and have his music. My heart is full of Joy!

I finally. I think its Saturday, settle down and turn on the telly and, PRINCE is on , in Purple Rain!

I look around the room, to see if anyone can figure out, why I am having these wonderful experiences with all these greats. From acoustic with Kurt, Blues with B.B. and Lucille, Jimi at Monterey, then Prince! Holla at your girl, this has been a week of guitar playing giants, pioneer singers with their own style, and they are mine!! Well, they have been with me all week, it has been lovely and I am purely drained.
 You can only handle so much great music, said who?
  I am going to crank out some as soon, as I purge my love on my blog.
  Music heals me, thrills me, consumes me, music is me! My soul sings, and this week has been filled UP!
 

In The Hood!

  Yes, I count my self in the Motherhood group of people.
   It is the only occupation that never lets you go,. Motherhood is a life sentence, in many ways. Good,bad, happy, sad and all other emotions known to man.
                                Motherhood: All love
                                begins and ends there.
                                               Robert Browning

 It is a roller coaster ride, with funnel cakes and vomit!!
 A hurricane and a cool breeze.
 Magic and mayhem.
 Mother's Day is ours, and I love it.

My life as a mother, is very wacky. You see I have been so lucky to be so many kinds of mothers.
A stepmother to Brian and Keith, a birth mom to Ward and Hart and an adoption momma to Queen Emma.
Five bright, cute, odd, loving humans, I have had the privilege of molding! Loving them, fighting with them, watching them grow, hoping they took all my good parts, and trashed any bad. They are wonderful adult people, who call me Bonnie and Mom and two little ones that I mother, call me Uma!

I also am a mom of grief. We lost our Ward, almost 8 years ago. At the age of 25, his time on earth was over. He lived his full life, and I do not understand his departure. His love remains with me, and I still mother him. I mother his memory, and speak his name daily. So as happy as Mothers Day is, it is also, broken in places that will not heal.

I choose to live my life in a place of Joy, even through unspeakable pain, it is joy that I search for and find.

I remember when I was first pregnant and felt a flutter, I laid on the floor for hours, hoping to feel it again.
Bill came home from work, and asked me what was I doing.
I just laid there, quiet and pointed to my abdomen. He came over, knelled, put his hand where I was pointing, and smiled. I yelled, " Do you feel it! Its like fairy wings!" ( note we, had not been married very long! maybe four months!!!!!) My new husband said, " Please don't tell me you believe in fairies!" ( here comes the chemist talking!)
I stay quiet, " OK, maybe angel wings!!!!)
Who is this stranger talking, " Angels?"
"Yes I believe in all these things, Tinker Bell and Angels We Have Heard On High!" move over Princeton grad, there is a new MOM in town, and I feel a flutter!!! and its the best thing that has ever happened to me, so it has to be Holy and Magic, Jesus and Disney!
Then I became sick......
I craved tuna fish sandwiches with sliced apples on it!
I had August babies, so my feet looked, well if you are a mom, you know!!
Adopting a child, the feeling is just as intense, but my feet looked nice!
Being a Stepmom is not as quick, the love, but when it comes....it is as if you birthed these children.
and again my feet remained cute, big plus!!

Its the best, nothing can prepare you for that kind of love.
And never in a million lifetimes, is a mom ever at peace with the loss of a child.
I would do it all again, Keith, Brian, Ward, Hart and Emma, you are my joy.
You gave me Mothers Day, forever.
 

Life Is A Series Of Fat Tuesdays And Ash Wednesdays!

      Last weekend we were in, the mosquito incubator, of the world. Florida also may hole the title, its that Satan's humidity that they love. AND..since we are talking about Satan....I love the humidity also! Mosquitoes don't bite me, or my father, I think our skin is so tough, they go to the next person! Oh, I forgot to tell you, we were in New Orleans, for a Bridal Shower. ( If you read my blogs, which you should, you could connect the dots) We roamed the square, and the air had a little chill in it, but the sweat began to pour.
    I'm convinced that is why people drink so much in these places. One to stay hydrated, ( I think alcohol is not a hydrating beverage! Just go with my story!) and the other to survive.

   I love the people in New Orleans, they are creative ( again could be alcohol?), I love the buildings, and the food is over the top delicious. They eat crayfish, which I think is like a minnow, it needs to be thrown back, However if you catch enough, they can make a yummy dish, when added to tons of other things.
 Along with hooch, hot sauce runs through their veins. Another of my favorite things. When you think about it, why eat hot things, in a hot place? Only answer, alcohol!

   Seafood is abundant, as it should be, Louisiana is like a drainpipe for the States, water flows down, and the state is below sea level, way below! Lordy do they have seafood, their front and back yards is under water!
  I think I forgot to mention music, my heavens, they have music that wails. The Blues, the horns, the soul of the city of New Orleans, is music. Street music, bar music, Jazz festivals, it blares from the open windows of the French Quarter. Mystery, Music and Pleasure walk the streets, and a party is had by all.
  The art work is rural, and extreme, honest and alive. I saw a wooden sign that said, "Life is a series of Fat Tuesdays and Ash Wednesdays!" and that about wraps it all up nicely.
  Voodoo, and Jesus, live hand and hand. I like my voodoo dolls, wearing a cross, sitting next to Mary and the baby, I feel protected from chickens and Satan!

   It is a melting pot, of history and the pains of mother nature.
   I hope you get to see it, and feel it, and should her some love.
   You will come away changed, not always for the better ( choices!) but changed.
   The city is alive, and owns a piece of my heart. 

Country, Rap, and Jesus

      Yes, that is what my one and only daughter Emma said. While trying to locate radio stations on our trip from Atlanta to New Orleans, the queen spoke, " Country, Rap and Jesus, that's all they have!" And me, being me, said  " Well we are covered!" and (I have lost track of the sentence!!!!) she hollered " I know you will use that in a blog!" ( How right you are princess and the pea size stone!)
     Each day is so exciting, so much material waiting for me to write about or paint, or photograph!! I lead a charmed life.
    We, Emma and I, were headed to a Bridal Shower, for my favorite son and his chosen one. We had decided to stop in Mobile to stay with favorite cousin Leigh-Leigh, and break up the journey. Plus we wanted a " Spend da nite" party. Little did I know, that we were going to hell in a hand-basket, but I should have known! We had already visited the ER earlier in the week, for Emma and her stones. So by Thursday evening, we were due for another ER trip. Alabama hospital here we come, with Emma Screaming, Leigh praying and dialing numbers, and me, quiet. My cuz, has no children of her own, but she owns all of ours! She is the true mother of all. We screech into the hospital lot, and "Rambo Nurse Ratchet", RNR, went in taking no prisoners. The little guy behind the check in counter said there were no ER beds, and RNR whipped out her phone, " Do you know, Iam the director of student nurses at South Alabama?" and little man began to spin. A crew of people came , gurney in hand, to my Emma, as if she had Ebola! Back she went. Of course, with us in tow, until they said, mom only. So I went back and called Leigh, Text.....I need a phone cord, come on back....#crazymom.....she bounced past the guard, and the nurse looked at us, and at Emma , speaking softly, " OH, OK" I looked at Leigh and said, " She thinks we are married, and have adopted this child from India!"......" We are Lesbian cousins, married in Alabama!" The screaming began, we laugh VERY LOUD, and LONG! I know they had flogged the chart with a red flag! We went from warrior moms, to crazy moms in less then sixty seconds! We started to attract an audience. We were doubled over, and wanted Ems meds! How can I explain to you, the reader, that my cuz took a plastic vomit bag, and extended it to look like, well.....she got my attention, " This is King Kong's Condom" and " How did it end up here in our room!" I think she examined it very closely, because she then said, " The King has cum/come!" Was she talking about Elvis? or still The Kong, we were loopy. Then this Doctor came in, to comfort us, and do some explaining, in a language unknown to man. It was as if he were playing Hamlet, or King Arthur in Camelot, very strange way to describe the urinary tract! I hung head, to not let him see me laughing, then Leigh let it rip, Howling laughter.  She, in her southern way said, " Oh, we are so sorry, we are just GONE!"
( do all people know what GONE means?" Then she continued with, " Oh, you know, we are punch drunk happy!" ( Now I know we are in need of a translator!)
  Emma mumbles, " Could you understand him!" and we started all over again, done GONE!!!
  After arriving back at her palace, RNR said, " This always happens on trips, holidays and vacations."
  I lifted my head off the bed, and spoke, " Yes, I often plan a hospital visit, in each state. At least a drive by on a road trip, makes for a good story, as long as I have you Leigh!"
   Next day, we drove on to New Orleans and I received a text...Tornado warning in NOLA, Cuz, what the heck is happening?" I forgot to tell her, that I also like a tornado thrown in every now and then.
   I looked over at Emma,( I had to drive, she was drugged up, after passing that stone!) and said, " Put me on some Jesus music, this is going to be a longgggggg weekend!"
   More to follow......... 

Imagation Is Its Own Form Of Courage-Frank Underwood!

     Yes, I am quoting Frank Underwood. To be sure, he is a famous politician, in my imaginary world.
Bill and I have been watching House Of Cards, and looking across the room at each other, with crazy in our eyes!! I think this is the real politics, or pretty near. I trust no one, like no one, and think we are all going to hell in a hand-basket! Politics is such a hot mess button, in any conversation and with this new Presidential election coming down the pike, I am pulling the plug.
     At 62 years of age, that would be me, ( Emma, only daughter, says I am 63 or 65? lord...daughters!) can not handle all the igno's  ( ignorant people) that will be posting all over Facebook, twitter, 24 hr news, and Dr. Phil! I don't have the energy and time, to educate people and/or excuse them, of bad choices. I think I still believe in the two party system, but I have doubts.
   Yes, I am a bleeding heart liberal, whatever that means. I love my party and all that it stands for. Yes I will likely vote for Mrs. Clinton, ( future Golda Meir) even though she looked the other way alllllllllll these years. Yes I would vote for Bill Clinton again also, I care nothing about a persons sexual partners, if they can run the country. Do I trust Hillary? as much as I trust Frank Underwood!  I trust my party, and that is what makes the two party system. I assume that if you are the Other party, you feel the same way, you stand by your choices and your party. I repeat, I seem not to be able to change your position, so I will have to let you go your own way. Is there not some verse, that says something about good intentions?? and paved with something? I suppose you think your system works, I just think it works for the rich people, and I have a problem with that. Your party has a problem with gay marriage, or maybe even gay people?? I would support a gay president, a transgender, a Jewish Rabi, and an atheist. If they were strong, and kept us out of wars, and people had jobs, and women made an equal amount of money for the same job! For the love of Jesus, why is that such a hard concept??? I believe in Ellis Island, and The Statue of Liberty, we are a nation of people from all over the world. We can not close the gates, it will not work. Its not who we are. We are different, we are loving people, we are smart and good and kind, we are not House of Cards Crazy, or we are? I will not debate this any longer, I will work on myself, to make me the best person I can be.
  I will distant myself from Facebook for a spell, post my blogs, a few pictures here and there, but my political views, not going to happen. You know me, you know my beliefs, I know yours.
   My form of courage is to step away for awhile, I will be downstairs painting and sending loving thoughts out into the universe daily.
                                             PEACE

Spring Is About To, Kick Up A Fuss

       I do hope that most calm people, enjoyed The Masters yesterday. Golf is not a sport for everyone, but I love it. I love to watch it, never played. Homer (daddy) tried to teach me once, that is a whole other story. All the Blackman (maiden name) men play golf, and play it well, me, not so much! I think it had something to do with a bra size in the D's at age 11, again that is a story for the ages, and another day! As my thoughts wander, I go back to the tournament. Georgia in the springtime is utterly breathtaking, The Masters was brilliant in all its bloom, and the young man who won, adorable, squeezable, a Master with a green jacket.
  Spring is here, in Georgia and it comes with a glitch.
  Pollen, freakish in quantity, and kicking up a fuss! Yellow thickness blankets Georgia, and I say "Ha" I go outside anyway. I open windows and doors, and sing out loud! The air is warm and I have an inhaler in my pocket!! I am not one to suffer in silence, I do complain, I hack and cough, rub my eyes and whine! But I head outside, as soon as possible. I need to "take it all in", the sounds, smells, the colors of nature in its peak glory. They have allergy medication for each and every plant know to man, but this Georgia yellow pine pollen is rough!
    Right now, I recline outside on my deck, writing this blog in long hand, wishing all the people I love, could sit with me and soak this all up. I have tissues, joy is best when shared. We could wheeze together, and listen to the rumpus of birds and chipmunks.
  Sun warming my skin, and my scarlet eyes water as I write. Now the tears, gotta go inside. One it is all so beautiful, and an irritant at the same time. Much like life, amazing.
 The Saturday has been creeping, its only 3:00 and so much left of this day, but what a day to write down my thoughts. ( Iam typing this on Monday morning, with the doors open and clamor of birds is a symphony to my ears) ( note our AC does not come on until much later in the year, I have been waiting for warm weather! doors open!!)
  Spring gives me energy and hope, even when it is covered with a veil of yellow.
  I hope wherever you are, you take a minute to enjoy the seasons. They come with flaws, just like us, but what a thrill to be a part of it. Enjoy your day, this day, all of it. Breathe it all in, and take a pill! if needed.
Spring is magic, and I am sitting in the front row.

Is It Possible To Have Roots, And Wings?

     Easter has come and gone, with April rains to follow.
     Certainly this holy holiday stirs up all kinds of emotions. A risen Christ for some, others a Passover dinner, spring weather and planting crops, chocolate makers are very happy this time of year, it is a personal journey. For me, a time of reflection of Easter clothes of my youth, and many pictures with the creepy, smelly rather large bunny, at local malls. Easter foods, and cherished church music, warm my heart after a long winter.
    Any holiday, after the loss of a child, takes on a new meaning. Yesterday we were combing the photo albums, for my son Hart's upcoming wedding, and the feelings I had were visceral. It brought me great joy to see me in photos with my babies, and remember so much. What they were wearing, how they smelled at any given age, and all the fun things we did together. I gave them roots and many stories to tell, so that they would have wings to leave me. It is not an easy concept, to spend so much time with these humans, and then they have their own life. It is enjoyable and peaceful to know, you as a parent, did your best job and it was awesome. Nicole mentioned while looking at the pictures, that we sure did dress up a lot in costumes!!( Nicole, bride to be) I laughed, and said, " It was cold and I was alone, so we just played all the time!" Was I a hovering lunatic parent, maybe??? I just like being with my children, and Easter reminded me of that.
  I read somewhere, that Maya Angelou said that you should always make your child glad to enter a room, that you are in. I probably did not always feel that way, nor did they. I think that arguments and disagreements are important also, how else do we both learn. Those things probably don't translate over into photographs. With pictures, you most always, see the best of times. There is an occasion that haunts Hart!!! whatever.....That he says??he photo-bombed a Christmas photo, I was taking of Brian and Keith, maybe Ward?? and he stuck is hand and face half way in and I sent him to his room!!!! One, chances are he needed to go to his room anyway, second..wonder why he was not in the picture to begin with??? I think a picture does not tell the whole story.
    Emma coming into our family, added an extra bunny to our family, and we were perfect. Perfectly imperfect, a chocolate bunny missing an ear perfect.
    Emma being a fifth child, her pictures are singular in nature, all others were in school. I was just so excited to dress a girl!! Such cute outfits, until she very early wanted to dress herself! Her Easter frocks were to die for, and I am sure she hated them! as I did mine growing up! All these things give us roots, family roots and stories, so deep and precious. Can you have roots and wings? I think so, maybe with a very long string attached. With  moms its just never cut, just stretched far and long.
   My Easter Basket was full of memories of days long ago, with a few pieces of candy sprinkled in, it was glorious. Alleluia.