Spring Is About To, Kick Up A Fuss

       I do hope that most calm people, enjoyed The Masters yesterday. Golf is not a sport for everyone, but I love it. I love to watch it, never played. Homer (daddy) tried to teach me once, that is a whole other story. All the Blackman (maiden name) men play golf, and play it well, me, not so much! I think it had something to do with a bra size in the D's at age 11, again that is a story for the ages, and another day! As my thoughts wander, I go back to the tournament. Georgia in the springtime is utterly breathtaking, The Masters was brilliant in all its bloom, and the young man who won, adorable, squeezable, a Master with a green jacket.
  Spring is here, in Georgia and it comes with a glitch.
  Pollen, freakish in quantity, and kicking up a fuss! Yellow thickness blankets Georgia, and I say "Ha" I go outside anyway. I open windows and doors, and sing out loud! The air is warm and I have an inhaler in my pocket!! I am not one to suffer in silence, I do complain, I hack and cough, rub my eyes and whine! But I head outside, as soon as possible. I need to "take it all in", the sounds, smells, the colors of nature in its peak glory. They have allergy medication for each and every plant know to man, but this Georgia yellow pine pollen is rough!
    Right now, I recline outside on my deck, writing this blog in long hand, wishing all the people I love, could sit with me and soak this all up. I have tissues, joy is best when shared. We could wheeze together, and listen to the rumpus of birds and chipmunks.
  Sun warming my skin, and my scarlet eyes water as I write. Now the tears, gotta go inside. One it is all so beautiful, and an irritant at the same time. Much like life, amazing.
 The Saturday has been creeping, its only 3:00 and so much left of this day, but what a day to write down my thoughts. ( Iam typing this on Monday morning, with the doors open and clamor of birds is a symphony to my ears) ( note our AC does not come on until much later in the year, I have been waiting for warm weather! doors open!!)
  Spring gives me energy and hope, even when it is covered with a veil of yellow.
  I hope wherever you are, you take a minute to enjoy the seasons. They come with flaws, just like us, but what a thrill to be a part of it. Enjoy your day, this day, all of it. Breathe it all in, and take a pill! if needed.
Spring is magic, and I am sitting in the front row.

Is It Possible To Have Roots, And Wings?

     Easter has come and gone, with April rains to follow.
     Certainly this holy holiday stirs up all kinds of emotions. A risen Christ for some, others a Passover dinner, spring weather and planting crops, chocolate makers are very happy this time of year, it is a personal journey. For me, a time of reflection of Easter clothes of my youth, and many pictures with the creepy, smelly rather large bunny, at local malls. Easter foods, and cherished church music, warm my heart after a long winter.
    Any holiday, after the loss of a child, takes on a new meaning. Yesterday we were combing the photo albums, for my son Hart's upcoming wedding, and the feelings I had were visceral. It brought me great joy to see me in photos with my babies, and remember so much. What they were wearing, how they smelled at any given age, and all the fun things we did together. I gave them roots and many stories to tell, so that they would have wings to leave me. It is not an easy concept, to spend so much time with these humans, and then they have their own life. It is enjoyable and peaceful to know, you as a parent, did your best job and it was awesome. Nicole mentioned while looking at the pictures, that we sure did dress up a lot in costumes!!( Nicole, bride to be) I laughed, and said, " It was cold and I was alone, so we just played all the time!" Was I a hovering lunatic parent, maybe??? I just like being with my children, and Easter reminded me of that.
  I read somewhere, that Maya Angelou said that you should always make your child glad to enter a room, that you are in. I probably did not always feel that way, nor did they. I think that arguments and disagreements are important also, how else do we both learn. Those things probably don't translate over into photographs. With pictures, you most always, see the best of times. There is an occasion that haunts Hart!!! whatever.....That he says??he photo-bombed a Christmas photo, I was taking of Brian and Keith, maybe Ward?? and he stuck is hand and face half way in and I sent him to his room!!!! One, chances are he needed to go to his room anyway, second..wonder why he was not in the picture to begin with??? I think a picture does not tell the whole story.
    Emma coming into our family, added an extra bunny to our family, and we were perfect. Perfectly imperfect, a chocolate bunny missing an ear perfect.
    Emma being a fifth child, her pictures are singular in nature, all others were in school. I was just so excited to dress a girl!! Such cute outfits, until she very early wanted to dress herself! Her Easter frocks were to die for, and I am sure she hated them! as I did mine growing up! All these things give us roots, family roots and stories, so deep and precious. Can you have roots and wings? I think so, maybe with a very long string attached. With  moms its just never cut, just stretched far and long.
   My Easter Basket was full of memories of days long ago, with a few pieces of candy sprinkled in, it was glorious. Alleluia.

Your Heart and My Heart Are Very, Very Old Friends.-Hafiz

       While I was driving this weekend, I told Bill to take notes! I could not get to pen and paper, you see I was behind the wheel. He asked me why, which caused me to explain!!! I have a blog in my head, write it down or its gone. So I gave him a few random thoughts, and I would have to connect the dots later, like now.
    (  I think it is important to have a good assistant, co-pilot, or husband, whatever you choose to call your better half.)
      I was returning from my 45 high school reunion, and thought about how lucky I am.
      I thought if I had one wish!! Stop!! ( who only wants one wish?)
      If I had a few wishes, near the top would be.......
I wish that people around the world, knew my friends.
     My high school friends are a rare breed.
     We are sweet, kind, gentle, rough, worn, worthy, panicked, jewels, happy and sad, wonderful humans.
     AND I think the world would be a better place to know these people.
     We are older and still filled with a child-like quality of excitement.
      We are so smart and talented, seasoned and salted from life.
    The hugs were so tight, I could feel the heartbeat in so many.
    The smell of high school had vanished, teenage angst was gone. There was an aroma of survival and the proud smiles of mommas and daddies. Grandchildren stories and greats! Those who had not become parents, had parented so many others. We are all teachers and learners. Some of us could still dance, and some of us thought we could, and it didn't stop us!
    The only problem I encountered, was not enough time.
    How do you tell someone about your life, when some, you have not seen in 45 years. How do you explain your loves and losses, over a buffet and drinks?
    How do you share old stories, remember kisses in backseats of cars, and so much more.
    To meet in the middle, and love each other, still. It is a beautiful thing.
    I wish all the people in the world, knew my friends.
    There is a connection that we have, that requires no words.
    I love these people, some I know a little, and some A LOT!!
    Your Heart and My Heart Are Very, Very Old Friends-Hafiz
    

Living Large

    I think today is Wednesday, in the month of March. Having just returned from a "Cougars Gone Wild, plus Emma!" girls weekend, I remain a little fuzzy. ( I think that is the new norm for sixties!)

The above picture is beautiful, we did not stay here!!
One of my room-mates from my youth turned 60! Jane Anders had a surprise, she did not know I was coming.
I was on the bed, in the dark, with my Emma ( my driver and helper) at the condo, when Worm (aka Jane) arrived and was told to put her stuff in the first bedroom. She came in and I said "Hello." The rest should have been put on You Tube, but we are old!! She turned up the light and put her glasses on, and grabbed her chest! ( we like to do that in the south!) Screaming and arms flying, falling into the wall, floor and bed, "Nurse, (that is me, in Jane talk) is that you?" "Oh God!!" " I think I am having a stroke!" " Is that you Emma!"  It was a wonderful surprise, and the party began.
   BA, Bird ( same person, Brooks Ann), Nancy ( who looks good for a cancer person! yes that was said!) and Michelle, ( a Tri-Delta friend of ours) and Emma( The condo Emma, as she is now called), Howard Jr.( Blountstown angel boy) and Jim Anders ( Diamond Jim, Jane's Brother) all there for Friday night dance off!!

                                         JANE

    some of the crew.

I feel so lucky to have been blessed with so many wonderful friends. We laughed until we pee-pee'd ourselves, spewed whatever was in our mouths on the floor! Dance and sang like we were auditioning for a show! Told stories on top of stories, and cried for our children who were gone.
  It was a late evening, and we slept like babies, to start again the next day.
  Anne Anders came to play on Saturday, Jane's sister, and was a star. She had us howling at the sunshine, with more stories, until we were weak from laughing.
 Lunches, pool time, drinks and dessert, and an early evening for us ladies.

After Bird told us about Howard Jrs. Tombstone, that still has me laughing.
How grand to realize after all these years, we are still the same. Familiar with each other, in an intimate way of true friends for life. The warmth, affection, the love, oozed from our pores, with a wine perfume!
  We are sure Emma will be forever changed by her experience with My Girls!! We are something else, Miss Emma, I hope you learn how important friends have been to your mom.
      Before leaving, with tears in our eyes, we hugged the life out of each other, and promised to give each other a kidney, if needed and to not make the next visit so long in between.
    I love these people so much.
    We continue to live large!!
   PS...... How many people can say, that they have friends that are going to mermaid school in June!
   I do!!! Maybe I will come to Weeki Wachee Springs and see you in your mermaid tails!! Make us proud!
  Happy Birthday again Jane, love you to the moon and back.

                                       

I Can See Clearly, And Sometimes Its Not Pretty

   Before March, marches on past me, I need to chat.
   Early this week, I had an ordinary eye doctor appointment. BUT if you know me, and I hope you do, ordinary is not a part of my life! Every day is special, full tilt crazy on some days and others just extra.
   So after an hour in Atlanta traffic, I found my destination.
   Walk into the nice office, that I have been too, many times, and announce my arrival. I sit down, and look around for magazines, which there are none. I had my kindle, so I drag that gadget out. Minding my own business, this man ( elderly) (whatever age that is??) sits down, and loudly says to me, " You look angry!" Since I was the only other person in the waiting room, I said, " Well, I'm not, but Iam thinking about it!"
He barked, " Well, were are you from?" I thought, was my sour puss not enough, " Iam from Florida."
"Oh" he shouted. Then he proceeded to ask me about cold weather, the traffic and I don't know what else, I had tuned out. He was gruff, and cantankerous, I was not buying that day.
  They called my name, Thank You Lord or The Devil, whomever rescued me.
   I went in and the young lady, was asking me questions, and I was giving her my answers, when she began to ask me all the same questions again, I did not answer. She finally made eye contact with me, and I said, " You have just asked me, those same questions!" She hummed, " Ohhhhh, OK."
 My eyes were dilated and I went to another room, like I was waiting for a ride at Disney World.
 In comes a snorter!! Yes a man, trying to clear his nostrils with no Kleenex. Like making snot rockets, as my boys would say! At this point Iam about to say something, when his name is called. A sweet lady comes in, and sits on top of me, almost. She has so much stuff, that she requires my chair and hers. Plus she has bad old lady perfume on. I think I may die, and her name is called, she falls, I help her up and realize that I have a gift to help old people. I told my husband, I have a great deal of patience with old crazy people. He laughed so hard, and it was not funny! I do have patience!! OK, back to the office.....
   I take many more tests, the young lady doing all of these has told me her life history, and I know how much money her ex, is not paying her!! Note...I have not said one word.........
  Almost 2 1/2 hrs later, the doctor comes in and looks into my eyes, toooo long. I remind her how long I have been here, and she decides to tell my, or ask me? " Do you realize how beautiful your eyes are, they sparkle, so many colors of green, gold." I move my head back, " Well, OK, thank you, but its closing in on three hours now, and I need a nap, and some hand soap!"
  I leave, my parking bill is six dollars for her liking my eyeballs!
  I pull out a bank receipt to write on, before it slips away! You cannot make this Bonnie Baron life stories up! and trust me, I have tried! My eyes are dilated, I forgot my sunglasses, I creep home, shaking my head.
I get home and look at my notes, the pen had no ink in it!! I got nothing, so this blog is what I can remember, there may have been more!!!
  I do know I can see clearly, and sometimes..........you know the rest.

"Get On The GOOD Foot!"

    I am not sure if that is a line from a James Brown song, or a Southern Slang? Maybe both, but as of late, I may have a problem.
    Eight years ago, this July, I lost my boy. At 25, he was with us, and in a blink, he was gone. Forever, is a long time. That horrific morning, I was crushed and died, never to be the same. I lost my footing.
   But...each day..I had to put two feet down, and try to walk. Walking, meant I was alive, and functioning, somehow. Then I broke my leg and now my foot, on the same side! In a five year period, I have been crippled, with broken bones. On top of being crippled with grief. Somehow, I think they may be related.
  I have had a hard time, finding the good foot! but I remain searching!
  My youngest son, Hart, the fav, ( all my kids would say that!) ( what-ev) is getting married this summer, and I just want to be upright and not in pain. Able to dance and celebrate at his hoopla of a wedding. Its in New Orleans, a city that I love and has always spoke to me!!! ( I will not share details!)
   I have a big reunion, 45 years of loving grade school, middle school and high school friends, coming together for a few hours to chat, laugh and compare who looks the oldest! All of the girls, look sweet, cute and divine! So we will see. I just want to be able to not drag my foot, or walk like my father!! ( three hips replaced!) ( I think I already walk like Homer!) Each weekend, from now until the end of June, is maxed out, and I need my good foot! ( I think we are in March, right?)
  One of my friends daughter has lost two children, infants in the last couple of years, so I have been searching for words to send her. I wish I did not know how she feels, and I don't really, I just know my grief, but I do need to send "My Good Foot" love and wisdom her way!
  My brother in law, just had heart surgery for the second time, we head there, next week, Hilton Head, Jacksonville. My sister in law, lost her ex-husband this week, divorced hundreds of years ago, but....He is her only daughters daddy. She needs "My Good Foot" sent her way, I need to be well, and helpful to so many. Wedding showers, here and there, require my lovely mom to the groom spirit, and feet planted ever so firmly, with a tap dance in my step, now and then.
  Life is full, full, full, and my feet need not fail me now!
  I need my brother to sing like James Brown for me, one time!! He does him so good, I can see him now!
  "Get On The Good Foot!" lord, I so am trying.
   I  love you Ward, and know you are next to me, on so many days!" Mama gotta brand new bag!" is that a James Brown song?? HEEEY( I just said that like you know who!)

Remember This.....

    Each decade there are big changes in our life. There are certainly daily moments of change, small tweaks here and there, but each ten years, I see a big difference.
    The sixties have jumped on the bandwagon, and seems to be messing with my memory. Yes, there are many more aches and pains, to be expected but the mind going south! That is something we all dread, or do we?
     Do I need to sign up for a drug trial for lack of remembering? Maybe tomorrow, but right now, I still have a smile on my face.
     This week, maybe it was last, I had help in the kitchen. I had cooked supper for The Baron Bunch, and as they should, offered to clean.
     A few days latter, I pulled out the baked ziti and began the reheating of leftovers, for Bill and myself. As I stood in front of the fridge, lost in space, he said, " What are you looking for?" I had remembered how good the salad was, and I knew I had saved a bite or two, so I wanted to add that to our menu. I explained that it was gone, and no one eats salad for lunch but me, so who took my salad! I was texting the kids, Bill was thinking someone threw it away, I was searching. I told Dr. B. that I had used a new plastic bowl with a green lid, I would not have thrown that away?? I  did not clean up the kitchen, so maybe someone took it home with them? Then I decided to show Bill what I had put the salad in, to help jog his much older!!! memory. There it was, sitting in the Tupperware, plastic vortex of all shapes and sizes. My little salad, turned to green mush, " What the heck, happened here?" " This is a sign, a bad sign!" we laughed, and kept moving. That is what you do, keep moving. I had a doctor tell me, the first sign of no brain disease, is that you do not know you have lost anything. So I guess we are OK?! I just see certain signs of age, and fleeting brain cells, and unlike my husband, I participated in the 1960's, 1970's and maybe into the 80"s full tilt! No stone left unturned, so I have to hold on to all my precious cells!! I recently told him, that I had read, that extremely smart people get kooky first, Dr. Baron! But well rounded smart people, like you know who, works all of her brain! Just think, who found the salad! ( He just pulls out a chemistry book, or The Princeton Alumni mag, and shrugs his shoulders!) I also reminded him that a recent neurologist told me, that artist are the last to lose brain cells! ( you don't think that we have fewer to lose! NEVER!!!)
   We both see changes, we embrace the day, each one with renewed strength and curiosity. It is a job, this living, and we work hard to remember this.........
   What was it?  I just don't know, but I can sing all of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young!!!