10% To Work With

 Hart and Ward

All Barons, My 100%

   August is the birthdays of many people that I love.
   Two of those darlings, are Hart, August 21, he will be 31 and Ward, August 26, he would have been 34. My favorite month, also comes with heart stopping memories and grief.
     It is very difficult , as a mom, not to relive your children's births! I like to share the details with them, all details!!! When one of those boys, died at 24, I relive his birth and death, daily.
    I began this blog 7 years ago, as a personal journey through grief. I needed an outlet for my pain, or I would still be in the fetal position. My son Ward died in our home, from a bad combination of drugs. Each drug by itself would not have killed him, but together they were lethal. Morphine and Ketamine, took his life and mine with it.( I think the street name for that drug is Special K) ( just for you parents, to make you aware, its not cereal they are talking about!) There was no turning back from this tragedy. That day, I believe, took 90% of my physical and mental life away. So I have been running hard on 10% and I work very hard, to make my life wonderful, and Wards memory counted.
  10% may sound like a little, but its what you put into that percentage that counts.
  I have very little tolerance for bad books, or stupid people. Well stupid, doesn't sound so nice, I should say wasteful people. My time, my energy,  my love is not to be wasted. I have always been particular, but now I am TRULY particular. I surround myself with wonderful people, Mary(my momma) always said, " Be careful who you hang out with, and Never lay with dogs!. ( You know I love my animals! I think that is a southern metaphor for hoods! losers! what do they call bad people now a days? I told my children on several occasions, " Take that person off out list!") ( you know sleeze-0s, or nasty ones!)  Be particular, and kind, generous and firm, life is so precious.
 I bet the majority of people run on 70 or 80 % negative, and they throw away the rest.
 For sure death, is a big teacher, one that no one wants, to let you know, "Bye your fresh flowers now!"
 Good music, real food, conversation and sometimes heartache, are all loaded in my little 10%. I can feel each cell in my body working, because I pay attention, to what I have left.
  Some days are just a little bit harder.
  Happy Birthday Boys, Hart get ready to hear the stories, and Ward don't even think that you will not hear them again. 26 hours of labor and no epidural, yes you will hear it again, my love.
  I have a job to do, and much to work with!
 
Photo is of Hart, Ward, and Number two child Brian

                                            Keith, Ward and Brian

                                                        Emma, Hart and W