Babies are SO MUCH WORK!!!

When I was 28, I had my first child, and two young step-sons. I remember it being hard, but my young body could hold out!!! I could stay up for days, and give that EverReady Bunny a run for his batteries!! Not anymore, not even close!!!

My grandsons, Adrian and Finn are here for the Memorial Holiday. They are four and one years of age, and their grandparents are "swallowing" Advil by the handfuls.

Don't get me wrong, I love "um" to pieces, I just cant pick up the pieces!!!anymore.

Hart told me the other day, "Mom you raised five kids!!!" "How can two little kids wear you out?"

BECAUSE...I raised five kids.......I'm SPENT!!!

We have had a great few days, stepping all over each other, yelling and loving!!

Families are so complicated, and wonderful, and HARD!!!

It has been a long time since I was 28 and a new mom. You never forget how to "mother", you are just glad it is somebody else's turn!!!

What if?

I have been busy today, family coming in.
Being busy is a good thing, leaves me less time in the day, to think about the profound loss of Ward.
However, during my most hectic/manic moments, he is in my thoughts.
While "out sorceing" everything that is possible, I was in The Fancy Pantry, buying desserts for the holiday weekend. Cookies in the shapes of stars, and ice-cream cones, a key lime pie, and a red velvet cake. Freeing up my time, to watch my grand children play, worth every penny!! Worth a LOT of pennies!!! Cakes are expensive, but my time is priceless!!!! While trolling for prepared food, I grabbed some Chicken Salad, tomorrow's lunch is done.
"That will be *(#+>.* amount of money!" Honey!! I pulled out my warm credit card(this was not my first store!!) and she gasped, " What a nice looking young man!", she was looking down at Ward's sweet photo in my wallet. " That is my child, who has died, he is beautiful isn't he." Well, she nearly fell over, and grabbed my arm, and was so precious. It is never easy for someone, to know what to do. Talking about death scares people, especially over cake, pies and cookies!!! She told me she was sorry for my loss, and I told her, thank you for noticing my boy.
All the cakes in the world, could not take me away from that moment, and the reality that Ward was missing so much. Brian and Emily, Adrian and Finn will arrive probably before I finish typing, Hart is in the kitchen, eating the cookies, Emma is watching the Braves playing, it will be a busy Memorial weekend.
My heart is full, and my mind asks the "What Ifs" and I shake my head.
I wish you were here with us Ward, and somehow I think you are.

School's Out For Summer!!!!

Today was my first "whole" day at home.

I was up at 4:00 AM, my body clock is still in work mode. Ugh, this will take some time, to adjust.

I love not having to do anything, but wanting to do everything. I have to pace myself.

I love going from room to room, of my house, to become familiar with her again. Clean up, move furniture around, and spruce up the torn and tattered.
Its time to get all of the "pool" gear ready and go through the fifty tubes of sunscreen, to see if they are still good!!! The wicker furniture, on the porch, cushions were cleaned, and she has a new throw rug, and a few new plants. Life comes back into my house in the summer. Yes, we have lived in the house, all the seasons, but summer brings the house to life, or maybe just the occupants!!!!

I have four bags going to the Good Will, and I have only tackled two rooms.

Tomorrow the basement, it is so exciting. (not pacing )

School's out and company comes tomorrow, there is life in my house!!!!

Mary and Homer

THEN and NOW

The year was 1948. It was Miss Mary Olive Jones 6t' period History class at Andrew Jackson Senior High School. I spotted this good looking fella sitting several rows from me. Wow, I think the butterflies immediately did a number on me! After all, I was just a 16 year old high school girl. The questions began to flood my mind - who was he and what was his name. It wasn't long before Z had my answers - not to the History questions, but to who he was. The flirting was quite obvious between the two of us. Miss Jones never said anything to us about it. I do believe she cared for us from the start. This same situation occurred in Miss Mary Cochley's English class and once again, Miss Cochley just smiled.

The school year was about to end and both he and I had plans for the summer. He went to Georgia to help his Uncle crop tobacco and I went to Alabama to spend some time with my grandmother. There was a lull in our relationship with me in Alabama and he in Georgia. When we returned from our summer being away, it just so happened that we both went to the Brentwood theater one Saturday afternoon and we spotted each other once again. The butterflies returned! On October 1,1948, he had a party at his house and I was invited. After that, the sparks began to fly. My birthday was coming up on the 17th of October. He asked to take me out for dinner. He borrowed his parents' car and we went to Biser's restaurant - the rest is history. Graduation was in 1949 and he left to join the Army and I went to work. Our romance continued to blossom. As the saying goes, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. In order for us to get married, he went into the Airborne because paratroopers earned $50.00 more money per month.

We had our beautiful wedding on May 21, 1950 at the Anderson Memorial Methodist Church and began our married life together. Little did we know, he would be sent to Korea in September. He was with the 11th Airborne Division, 187th Regimental Combat Team stationed in Ft. Campbell, Kentucky. During the war in Korea, he had to make two combat jumps. Fortunately, he was gone only one year. After his return in 195 1, we lived in Clarksville, Tennessee which was close to the base at Ft, Campbell. Upon his discharge in 1952, we returned to Jacksonville where we welcomed our first born daughter on August I, 1952. We were later blessed with another daughter in 1954, a son in 1956 and another son in 1960. On May 21, 2010, we will celebrate our 60th Wedding Anniversary. We are truly blessed! By the way, the butterflies still remain!

Mary and Homer Blackman
May 21, 1950 to May 21, 2010
60th Wedding Anniversary Salutation
TPC Sawgrass, Ponte Vedra Beach, FL

My mother wrote, and gave the above essay to all of us at their celebration.
I am very thankful that she wrote her story down, about how she and dad met.
It is hard for a child to see their parents as young and in love teenagers. It is a sweet vision.
They were not perfect parents, they were young kids, doing their best. Their best was pretty awesome.

Sixty years living with someone, is a miracle. My miracle, my parents.

Georgia to Florida to Georgia!!!!!

This past weekend was my parents 60th wedding anniversary. It was a wonderful time, and I will blog, blog,blog, once I get ALL my material in order, with photos. I'm still digesting the food and the company.

Right now, what is fresh on my mind is our trip home.
We take the back roads through some little towns, with "Jesus Saves" signs nailed to the pine trees, and "Hot Boiled Peanut" signs, on every other tree. We passed some , days gone by, motels and some 24hr/drive through liquor stores. I guess people don't get "road drinks" anymore. These places looked haunted. The Fauna and the Flora of Florida was now in my rear view mirror, if I could just take it with me. Satan's humidity had its way with my hair, and now I was free to take down the pony tail. We were leaving Jacksonville, and headed home to Atlanta.
We hit the highway after Tifton, and reach some civilization. OR lack of!!! In Cordele, I kept noticing all these Sex Store signs. Love Shack, Super Love Store, but the one called "Love Stuff!!" Caught my attention, they offered free coffee and welcomed pets!!!!! Who takes pets in to buy porno tapes?? I was screaming, it was the perfect ending of a perfect weekend, celebrating my family, who make me laugh!!!

More to come.....

Creative Juices Flowing

People who are creative,fascinate me.I don't mean a little fascination,I covet people who have "ideas"!!!It could even be another one of my addictions!!!!
That is why I have a daily fix, on etsy. I have become a creative "crack head", scrolling the pages. From pottery, to knitting, to art, an endless supply for me to drool over. Not only do I find so many things, that I love, I want to know the stories behind these people, and you KNOW, creative people have a story to tell.A vibrant, handmade marketplace, full of treasures.
Just last week, I ordered these amazing paper cutouts. The artist had used vintage maps, to cut out birds, and dragonflies.I'm not sure what to do when I receive these, but that is when my creative juices will begin to flow. Ideas come from all over the place, you just have to be ready when they come, and you have to do your research!!!
I like to surround myself with all kinds of creative people. There are so many creative paths that we can travel, cooking, writing, gardening, music, pottery, knitting, cutting out pieces of paper!!!!!The list is without an end.
Tap into your creativity, and flow. www.etsy.com

Connie Computer!!!!!

For mother's day, my wayward family, decided to get me a new laptop. Don't they know, I'm Stuck in the sixties!!!! Try as I may, some part of me, hangs back.
I still use hair curlers, and love hairspray, industrial strength!!!! I love vintage jewelry, and smells. I wish I had a bottle of AMBUSH right now, or White Shoulders!!! My music, continues to still be fresh and amazing. I like the fabric madras, and in the winter don my loafers. I have attachment issues!!!! If it works, and I know how to use it, let's keep it!!!! My cell phone, is ancient, and I never use it!!! Maybe three times a month. I don't understand, who is every one talking too?? They annoy me. Just this year have I learned to use the remote for the TV, and people are still on the fence, about how well, I know how to WORK IT!!!!! Buttons make me nervous. Pick a channel and leave it there. People are clicking, way to often. We are such an unsatisfied group of humans, always wanting the newest and fastest, and BIGGEST!!!! The old computer sits on the desk, calling my name. "Where have you been, Oh Princess who hates changes!!!" "I'm sitting in the kitchen, on this new very nice laptop, that my family says I can use all over the house!!!" I told them I need to sit at a desk, to type!!! No mom, just sit the laptop, on your lap!!! That is just crazy to me, I'm old school!!!!but......I'm trying.....maybe I will feel better if I name her. I feel an attachment coming on!!!!

Familier Faces, or maybe Not!!

Facebook has made communicating with people, easier. Better?? I'm not totally sure, different. We receive little snippets of their lives, and maybe that is all we need to know?? Touching base with high school friends, is an adventure . I like to think we are all in a better mindset, now.
We went to school with each other, some of us for twelve years, some only a few. We assume, dangerous, that we knew each other back then. In a way we did. We knew the young, innocent, seventeen year old that we were. No one, will ever know that stage that we were in, except each other. We have stories to tell, some good, some not so much. However high school treated us, or vice versa, we are connected. We rode the streets of The Northside, the future ahead of us. Now, forty years later, we have traveled different paths, and yet here we are on Facebook, connected again on Main Street!!! Sharing heartaches and triumphs, remembering old songs, and beach hangouts.
In the movie, "The Big Chill" ( I know, it's old, like us!!!), the character Nick, played by William Hurt, says," A long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; You don't know anything about me!"
I don't think that is completely true. I know that I love the people I have been chatting with lately on facebook, all different kinds of wonderful people, who have touched my life, in all kinds of ways.
Our journey continues.
C.S. Lewis wrote, " Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another,"WHAT, YOU TOO!!! I thought I was the only one!!"
We are all connected.

MOTHER'S Day, Everyday!!!

I lead a charmed life!!!and I am on my knees, as I type, for being a Mom.
So thankful for Keith, Brian, Ward, Hart and Emma.
It is the hardest job in the universe!! Stephen Hawking may say Aliens are coming, I say "So What!!" "I'm a mother, you think aliens scare me!!!???"
I have enjoyed nursing babies, feeding them their first cereal, putting on their shoes, kissing all parts of their bodies, fixing boo-boos, smelling them, making them laugh!!!! I never liked my children to cry, maybe that is why I never slept!!!! I held Ward for two years straight, maybe longer!!!!! I would wake Hart up, he slept too much, I wanted to play. I was 38 when we adopted Emma, so she slept and went to school early, but I loved her just the same. She was my only daughter, after all those boys!!
I married Bill with two young boys, I had a lot to learn, quickly!!! Keith was 7 , quiet and not too happy to have someone new around. Brian was 6, and just wanted to play, run, throw, busy-boy!!! We had joint custody, so they were mine. I have never referred to them as, step-children, I have five children, period. I'm a proud mommy. They are all so different, and yet very similar.
I lost Ward, age 25, almost 3 years ago. I should say, we lost Ward, our family shattered. We all walked behind Ward's coffin, attached to each other in grief and love, to send Ward home.
I still believe, my life is charmed, you see..I'm a Mom.
Happy Mother's Day

Books, and Books and more Books!!!

My grandchildren are coming soon, and I'm getting ready.
They live in Marblehead, Mass and we usually go up there to see them. It is a rare treat for them to head south. So I have been busy, I have a plan.
I'm going to make "Uma's" (that's me!!) home so much fun, they will want to spend all their summers with me!!!
I have turned Hart's bedroom, into Adrians. It has Star-Wars, everywhere. Including life size cutouts of the characters!!!! R2D2, and C3PO are enormous. I have super-soakers, and tons of toys for a four year old. He has his own desk, TV and movie collection, all of his favorite snacks. He is not leaving here without a fight!!!!
Finn is only one, but his crib is loaded with stuffed animals from every continent. He has all of Adrian's baby toys, and of course some new things. Even little one knows, if the stuff is hand-me-downs!!!! They know!!!
The most fun I have had, is gathering up all the books, that I read to my children for them. Each boy has his own little library of books. This week I purchased a dozen or so, Berenstain Bears books, all of my children read these. In fact, we met Stan and Jan once, I think in Philadelphia. Who knows where the signed copies of those books are, that we bought that day. The memories of me crying over the table that they were sitting at, and thanking them from the bottom of my "Mommy" heart , for writing such sweet little books, for my babies. I have always been overly grateful!!!! and now I will read them again with Adrian and Finn. Reading to and with my children and now their children, my heart is full. (and my plan is in full swing!!!)

Wallowing Doldrums, Wednesday!!!

I feel "pinched". The end of the school year, is mayhem, and to add insult to injury, I went for my yearly physical!!
Not a big deal, just annoying.
Bad magazines and people coughing all over the place!!! Book me a room in this petri dish!!!

The nurse weighed me, and took my height, " Wow" is not something you necessarily need to hear from medical people. Then she proceeded to explain, " You have shrunk, two inches!"
What the heck is going on, I'm going to be an old, very SHORT, woman!!! Sooner than later!!!

I go into my room, get into the paper WHAT? It's not a gown. The sweet doctor begins, "Let me look at your back ( I think she said spine!!)" and "Just relax"
Are you kidding me, "Iam relaxed!"
"Bonnie your neck muscles are pulsing, I have never seen anyone this tense!", a laughing Dr. V. informed me.
" Well, pulsing is a good thing, right?" I may be getting more tense by now!!!!
I told her 'Fatigue" was my only complaint, she said, " What about a sleep study?"
"I just need a vacation doctor, next idea!"
"When was your last colonoscopy?"
"Maybe ten years ago? Then she started to hummmmm, "well now" we have to get you one of those!!!!and "How about a bone density test, followed by four vials of blood drawn!"

Finished, I left the office, feeling short and sassy. Not bad, for a "Pinched" lady.

Land-Locked!!!

I need to live at the beach. Preferably where the tide touches my toes.
The smell of the ocean, the salt water on my skin, sand in every orifice, that is my desire, my dream!!! So why am I stuck in Atlanta?? Honestly I'm not stuck, I love "lanta", we have lived here around 19 years. My children had the best education, hubby's job was and is excellent!! It's only about 5 hours away from Nirvana. I guess we could still live in Pennsylvania!!! GAWD...at least I'm in the deep south, praise Jesus!!! and most of the time its warm, I guess I have the "beach bum Blues."
I miss surf shops, and oyster bars and slow moving traffic!!! How about No traffic!!! Bikes, and strolling the dunes.
One Day, I will return to stay. Until then, I will spray on my "Beach" by Bobbi Brown smell "um" and wash my shells. Yes, you heard me, wash my shells.
I spent all of this past Saturday washing, and drying, sniffing and touching each little diamond.
Hundreds of sandollars, arranged on platters and bowls, adorning my house. I pause as I pass by these jewels of the sea.
Thanking the heavens that a "beach bum" Iam. Who has been dislocated and relocated for tooooooooo long now.

Say What You Need To Say-by John Mayer

Yesterday, while stepping out of the shower, I thought I heard Ward talking. Frozen in my tracks, listening hard. "Is it a robber or Ward"?
You see grief does not care if you are Naked or Clothed!!!! It often makes you second guess your sanity. Lucky for me, my sanity has been LOONNGG Gone!!!! My heart still stopped, for a brief second, then I just smiled. Knowing Ward was near. Talking to the animals, downstairs.
Daily life becomes even more difficult, when grief pays a surprise visit. Sometimes it rests awhile, and then pounces. Yesterday the big "G" decided to stay a spell.
Did I really hear Ward? Why doesn't he just come and sit down and talk to me? Is my mind tricking me?? I only know what I heard, and it was Ward's voice. Period.
My morning was slow moving, all my senses where on alert. I always look for signs.
So driving my 2 miles to work, I only have time to hear one song. Hopefully, its a good one, because it will be trapped in my mind all day. On this morning, John Mayer's song, Say What You Need To Say, came on the radio. I had to smile, another sign!!! You see, Ward and I said everything we needed to say. We always spoke the truth, laid our feelings out on the table!!!spread eagle!!!! The last thing said to me was, "Did you see the sign I left you on the fridge mom"? "Yes!" it said I love mom, on a pink post-it. He said, "I knew you would like it." Those were the last words I heard from my 25 year old son, until this morning!!!!
I'm so grateful, that we still say what we need to say.
" I love you Ward"