My Mother's Friend

I recently had the priviledge of saying good-bye to Shirley. Mrs. Ivey died this morning, my mom's girlfriend.She knew that death was near, so she began to call all of her friends to say "Good-bye". We have known that Shirley was in a no-win battle with cancer. What a beast that cancer is, and pancreatic cancer, the devil himself.
I think it was Monday(by now, you know that days of the week escape me!!), Mom,Dad and I went over to see Shirley. As she lay in her bed, much like the baby Jesus in a manger,she reached for us. Her breath was shallow, but there was a clearity in her eyes. Mom sat next to her and held her friend, tight. Laying her head on Shirley's chest, both of them kissing each other. Dad and I were sitting at the end of the bed, watching mom. I have seen my mom grieve over the loss of her daughter and her first grandson, now her dear friend is trying to tell my mom, that its all ok. Of course there were no words spoken. The silence of love between friends, I felt like I was witnessing something beautiful. Then my turn to sit, a minute. Her skin, so bruised and thin. I held her hand and stroked her arm, and she said to me " Bonnie you are so beautiful" like she was looking at an angel. Next she softly said " Bonnie, I know how you feel" and she was thinking about my broken heart. You see she had lost a young son also. We were mothers connected in grief. In her last moments she was thinking about my heart. I thought that when she said I was beautiful, that maybe she was letting the medication do the talking, and then when she was talking about our boys, I knew, that she was totally aware of all things around her. I wish that I had told her, to look for my Ward, when she went to heaven, but I did not, somehow I think she was letting me know, that she would be doing some "mothering" real soon, with our boys. It was one of the most precious blessings, that I will always cherish, saying "good-bye" to Shirley and seeing her so near the new journey that she is now on.

Cotton picking, road trip!!!

Emma and I left yesterday, I think it was Saturday?? The holidays have me OFF!! in more ways then one. We decided to take a quick, road trip to Jacksonville, Florida. The drive is interstate , until Tifton, and we take back roads until we reach our destination. The home of my parents, Mary and Homer Blackman. The back roads are filled with character, so much so, that we were afraid to stop anywhere to go to the bathroom!!! These roads are straight out of "Deliverance", my hood. They did offer endless fields of cotton, that is so beautiful, and tweaks my interest. Often I have pulled off the side of the road, and had a "drive-by" photo op. Not this time, we kept moving. Then there are all the pe-CAN, not pe-kahn, trees lined up in perfect rows, demanding that we look with respect at their majesty. I love the moss hanging, so clear, on the empty trees. Massive quantities of road kill always adds to the flavor of the south, after a while, you don't even notice it. Which is sad, in a way?? I love the screen doors, with the big birds embossed on them, one day I will find one to drag back to "the burbs", they need some class.Clothes hanging on lines, Jesus is coming signs, nailed to a pine tree, another photo op. I always like know he is coming!!! Finally flat, Swampy, Florida land, and we arrive. Bugs and humidity and Christmas lights on everything that you can hang a light on!!! I do mean EVERYTHING!!! As always, this will be a short visit, but the writing material that I will gather is sooooooo worth the trip!!! Family is everything, wherever they hang their lights.

Can you use Avatar in a sentence??

Yesterday, or it could have been the day before??, the family went to see the movie AVATAR in 3D.
Over the river and through the holiday traffic we traveled. After the sticker shock ,ticket costs of twelve dollars a person, they lifted me to my feet and to my seat. Already Ebenezer Scrooge had entered my body, this needed to be a great movie. This beautiful film, by James Cameron, stole my heart. Every frame of digital strangeness, fascinated me. This was a live action film, and computer-generated effects. That means nothing to me, except that I don't believe that this entire film is done on a computer. BUT it is. There is really no Pandora? These Avatar people, are my people. I want to protect them. ( Hart reminded me, in the car, that it is just a movie!!!) Well, what does Avatar mean?? I need to know more. ( Let it go mom!!! you are reading too much into it!!!) Never....James Cameron wrote this story, I think it had something to do with Native Americans and how we took their land, and how we are destroying the earth.
I came home with research to do.
Av-a-tar-[av-uh-tahr]
1. Hindu mythology, the descent of a deity to the earth in an incarnate form or some manifest shape!! ( that is why they had tails!!) ( I think they were blue because of the ocean, opinion!!)
2.an embodiment or personification, as of a principle, attitude, or view of life.
3.Computer. a graphical image that represents a person, as on the Internet!!! ( don't like this one!!)

I think Pandora may be heaven, wonder why he called it Pandora?? Maybe because we never know whats in the box? So many questions? and I still cannot use Avatar in a sentence!!!

WANTED- Attention to Details!!!!

This Christmas, more than others, I've noticed that we Americans have lost the attention to details.
We have "gift-bagged" ourselves into being lazy wrappers of gifts. I lead the parade on this one, and I am not proud. The presentation of the gift is, as precious as, the contents. I have been known to not wrap, AT ALL!!!
What brought this realization to the front of my cluttered mind was, School Gifts!!!
My ELL (English Language Learners) kids may give , unusual gifts, like personal decorated EAR PICKS, but the wrapping is "old school'. Bows, ribbons, and cellophane! Dirt wrapped in cellophane, looks grand!!
This year I received Brazilian candy, homemade, in an individual wrapper , surrounded by cellophane and in its little, tiny box. Just one piece, in its own box with a handle. Beautiful. Then I gazed upon Santa's shirt and ribbon was the tie, that was the wrapping. It was folded and molded, origami wrapped ornament!!! None of us wanted to open the package. Awesome , attractive, presented with love, I felt it. There were homemade cookies, with labels telling us, the kind of cookies they were,petite little morsels, all wrapped and then wrapped again!!! Four little chocolate chips, four little peanut butter, four little nutmeg, all about the size of a perfect quarter, not touching each other!!!! Ribbon and design to die for, I kid you not!!! Homemade rose water soaps, in a gold foil box, just the size of the soap. I cannot even explain how the box opened and out came these little soaps, rose buds in my hands. No rubber gloves this year, or packages of panty hose, although those too were wrapped to perfection!!! A banner year, of sweetness, came our way.
Gifts bags are not horrible, there are so many cute ones to choose from. They certainly make gift wrapping easier, but I'm not so sure we don't lose something in the giving.
So this year I asked, Bill , Hart and Emma to wrap gifts, I can't take all this pressure!!!

Time is running out, December 17th!!!!

There is always too much to do, this time of year. Christmas is just toooooo close to Thanksgiving. Let's combine the two, Christgiving!!! I like it, serve delicious Turkey and fixings and put up the tree. WAIT, that's what we do now, there is no hope.
Right now, I'm up to my elbows in addressing Christmas cards.
Each year I begin to think about Christmas cards in August. What will my letter say? What tid-bit of knowledge do I need to share? What cute photo of my "grown" children will I send? How do I trick them into taking another Christmas photo??
This year they had a mini fit, I almost had to call a priest to cast out the demons in these babes of mine. Its a photo, for Christs sake. (Sorry priest!) "Mom we are too old!" cried my children. " Bah-Humbug, and stop twisting your neck around!!!" ( still possessed??) said I. So we decided to have a "healthy dialogue" which I believe is an oxymoron. Needless to say, the animals are on the card this year. They are ,after all, our sheep in the manger.Loving us up, with no fit in sight. ( I did sneak in a pic of the angels) You didn't think I would let the kids TOTALLY win, did you???
So the cards are all laid out, stamps, labels, printed card, photo of Hart and Emma, lists from last year, colored sharpies, three address books and no partridge in the pear tree!!! I have addressed about forty and have about fifty left to go, these cards are killing me. Crank up the carols, I need some Christmas spirit, or there is no telling How I may sign the remaining cards!! Oh Holy S--t.....I mean Night!!!!

Golf Clubs or Grits, your choice.

MEN, we do not go gentle into the night!!!
Tiger what were you thinking?? Better yet, Elin what were you thinking?? A nine iron, or hot grits!!! Take notes.

Today on the Internet, I read a news headline, A SCORNED WOMAN THROWS HOT GRITS ON HER HUSBAND WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING!!!!!!
lORD have mercy, that is an angry woman.
One-she took the time to make grits!
Two-She ate a bowl, before the big "splat"
Three-She added no butter!!!!!!so they would really stick to his lying, cheating, face!!! GAWD Almighty!!!!

Tiger,Tiger,Tiger, shame on you, and watch out, Miss Elin will receive a copy of this blog!!!

It takes a Village, to help me shop!!!

Another adventure with my buddy, Jamie. We decided yesterday, that we can only get together twice a year. We are too draining!!! or "Our Adventures" are!!
Saturday morning started with a tour of my Christmas decos,and the laughs began.I admit, I do have a certain "style", that my bud enjoys. From my angel bathroom decor, to my nutcracker ballet slippers surrounding a bowl of gold ornaments!!! These are signed slippers by the ballerinas, toe shoes, worn and beautiful. Yes I did buy them, one of my divine purchases.
From, la casa, we drove to "Farmer D's. An organic store, hooked to a Mexican car wash, that sells live chickens, and Kudzu baskets. We were shaking with laughter and excitement, we touched everything in the store. Baskets came home with us, crooked and marvelous. Next time we are going to have the car washed, while we hold the chickens, and shop!!!!
Our next stop was Ten Thousand Villages,(http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/). The five hundred nativity scenes stopped us at the door. It was a holiday delight, we really touched everything in that store, and had the sales boy!! show me how to make a prayer bowl sing. ( that sounds pornographic, but its a Buddhist prayer thing!!)
Merchandise made by people from all over the world,and the money going back to them.
I think they may have been able to build a house after we left, sooooo much fun.
Exhausted , we decided to stop by The Spruill House for the artist market show, just a quick run-by!!! We were grabbing homemade ornaments out of each others hands, and hollering. Precious jewels, to be had. All my purchases, that I bought for others, are hanging on my tree. I still have plenty to share??
Now we were beyond tired, but we needed some Java. Dunken Donuts was near and dear.
Little did we know that 35 minutes later we would still be sitting in DD's with "Boston Betty" who decided to share with us, her life story. We draw people to us, its a curse and a blessing. Jamie said it was because we had so much fun shopping, that we had to "pay back" and be good listeners.Honestly people, during the holidays, are a little different!!! It takes a village, of all kinds!!! Jamie and I included!!!! Merry,Merry!!!!

Stop Talking Aunt Lucille: Sing it loud, noel...NOEL!!!!!!!

Stop Talking Aunt Lucille: Sing it loud, noel...NOEL!!!!!!!

Sing it loud, noel...NOEL!!!!!!!

Growing up my dad would remind me, on occasion, that my singing sounded like, " A Fart in a Bucket!". What exactly does that mean?? My grandmother would say, "You have the voice of an angel!" I listened to "1-Nannie". She knew a gifted talent, a songbird!!!that's me. I belted tunes out morning, noon and night.
Singing fills my soul.
From Opera to Waylon, Diana Ross to Lady GaGa. Throw in Broadway show tunes,I become Fanny Brice.
So at this time of year,"Oh, Come All Ye Faithful", takes me to my knees. Christmas Carols added to my play list, a singer's dream.
Don't forget,a singer, I am!!!!! just ask my "1-Nannie"
So I sing, loud and proud, "Hark", this Angel Sings!!

Sand For All Seasons

While reading the , much anticipated, Sunday paper, an ad spoke to me. Jumped right off the page and called me by name!!!"Bonnie Kay Blackman Baron, why are you so bundled up?"I whispered,so my people would not think I was talking to the paper!!!So in a soft voice I replied, " I AM FREEZING MY ASS OFF!!"
I have never adapted to cold weather, in fact, not even cool weather. 75 degrees is sweater weather.
Build me a sign that reads "No Snow Allowed"
I know there are those that LOVE the snow, and cold. They are liars. People looked "pinched" in cold weather. Look at their faces, "PINCHED". Hats, and scarfs, and itchy clothes, bundled up and angry people.
Seeing the ad in the paper,inviting people to travel to Charleston for Christmas,confirmed my belief. It read "He's not frosty, but he sure is cool!"
A snowman made out of sand, YES!!! a sandman!!! Joy to the World!!!!

Are Your Lights All A glow?Or Is One Light Out!!!

Do not misread the title. I love "O Tannenbaum" It is the process of undoing the boxes, and checking the lights that can suck the "Ho, Ho, Ho out of you!!Each year I open the boxes and act, as if, I have never seen these things before. "Oh, look at this one!" I scream. My holiday ornaments have come home again. I hold them in my hands, like the wise men carrying the frankincense. Jewels, my family's memories, attached to each bauble.
Keith's macrame reindeer, Brian's inability to do crafts(no homemade ornaments), Ward's clay gingerbread man, Hart's felt bell, and Emma's paper star. That is just the first layer from four crates of "stuff" for the tree. The masterpiece of layered memories, adorns our computer room/living room. One of Lucy's many rooms to claim her own!! Lights blinking, and memories tugging on my heart. Christmas, I think, is for remembering, and always having an extra set of lights!!!!

Holidays and ADD!!!!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are entirely too close together, for the scattered mind.
I had not even unloaded the Thanksgiving dishes, when my elves were bringing up the Christmas boxes from the basement. Or so it seemed.
The holidays are a tad stressful for the, oh so organized, but for the Attention Deficit person, Chaos cometh!!!La,La,La,La,Fa!!!! For example, while cooking Thanksgiving delights, my thoughts switch gears to re potting plants. I was measuring flour and sugar, and whipping cream in the mixer. Emma was cutting up cherries and celery. I was calling to Bill," I need the potting soil!" It was getting cold, and two plants on the deck, needed saving!!! One fantastic, jello/cream cheese salad and pumpkin pudding,stopped mid stir. Replanting two plants, would only take 5 minutes.
AN hour later, a pulled back muscle, and locating the red chargers, to place under the plants, so it looks like Christmas, the plants were safe inside!!(run on sentences, also an ADD problem!!!) Back to cooking.
The Thanksgiving dinner was delicious,and beautiful. Sharing food with , the family, the best reason to cook.
Then come "The Boxes", filled with Joy. ADD Nirvana, maybe not!!! but what an adventure!!! My journey with the Holidays,always cracks me up. I just spent an hour looking for,baby Jesus, and remembered the dog ate it last year!!!

PEARLS and BOB MARLEY.....

Rumor has it that Talbots may be closing. I don't believe it, but it has stirred up some emotions. I have "towed the fine line" between classic attire and dread locks my entire life. "Sybil in the South", its the Floridian style. As the winter commercial says, " The rules are different in Florida!!!" The sun and salt air, and the Devil's humidity create a style of our own. We can be "free-spirits" to a fault BUT...we don't care. We adorn ourselves with pearls and cut-off jeans. You can throw a sweet, pastel cardigan over anything and be dressed. We need Talbots to remain open. The sales ladies at Talbots could not get a job any other place. No one else would hire, these properly dressed, pent-up people. Marvelous ladies, classy, just not sassy. I need you to stick around. What will I throw over my Cyndi Lauper vintage frock, if not a cute blazer from The Big Red Door??? I hope its just a mean rumor. Talbots has kept me in check, and the " burbs" have not turned upside down , yet!!!! Pearls and Dreads, One Love!!!

Helicopter Pet Parent, Say That Three Times!!

So what if I am a "Hover-over" person. The buzz word now is "Helicopter" parent, and it is suppose to be bad???
Hovering is what I do, but my children are near grown. What is a helicopter parent to do? The lucky recipients of my affliction are my pets. I have become a Helicopter Pet Parent, and I want a bumper sticker!!!! My latest "Hover" moment was this past Sunday with our lab, Lucy Mae. Hart had his Sunday morning church , at the park, with Lucy. She somehow broke her toenail in half, a wounded 78 pound baby. Whats a hover to do?? I grabbed the tube of Neosporin and squeezed. The bleeding stopped, but the ointment was like an appetizer to Lucy, licked clean. So Hart and I took a jaunt to Walgreens, on a quest to find some liquid bandage. We hovered over the band aids, (he has his mommies genes) discussing our options, out loud, people were beginning to laugh. The liquid bandage had a warning on it, something about poison control and death!! I knew kids would lick wounds like dogs, so how could this be? So like a good" hover-er" I asked the pharmacist for help. She looked at me funny and said, " I don't know mam! " Lord, the civil war is over lady, and we lost, you don't have to call me "Mam".
We left the store with liquid bandage in hand, and the poison control number on speed dial!!! I had to doctor my pet.
She is fine now, thanks to my hovering ways. The Helicopter Pet Parent lives, and Lucy sleeps like a baby.

Finders, Keepers Crazy Cat

Moving furniture, hanging pictures, shuffling things around, therapy. Instead of yelling obscenities I move stuff!!! My very own special Tourettes. You could never be blind and live in my house. Just when you knew where things were located, moved!!!!
Sunday came around and there were mirrors to be hung. Husband and son, resistant assistants, were my helpers. We had to move the piano away from the wall, to hang the mirror. Once it was moved, Hart said, " Mom you had better look at this!" which could mean many things!!! Something dead, or alive, I was backing up!!! He promised me it was nothing bad, PLEASE!!!!!!!and sure enough it was so funny, a rare Find!!!! Fifty or more pony-tail holders were all lined up, a few pens scattered, a ball or two. Our "Crazy Diana", sweet calico cat is a HOARDER!!! She may need an intervention!! She has a hair holder fetish. We had found her secret place, under the piano. We screamed and laughed and ran for the camera, then we swept up the loot. Sadness came over me, I had disturbed her little secret, messed with her stuff. Shame on me, BUT....I had to clean. So later in the evening , taking the hair holder from my hair, I dropped it on the floor. Finders, Keepers crazy girl...

Power Over Prejudice

This past Friday four adults(I'm in that group!), and ten students went to an anti-prejudice consortium. I think it was more geared to the children, but you know how that story ends, I learned the most.
This gentleman, Dr. Leon Bass, spoke from experience about the evils of prejudice. He served in WWII, at the age of 19, yet could not eat in any restaurant, and sat , of course, in the back of the bus. He fought for our freedom and we denied him his. He witnessed the Holocaust, walked through the camps and it changed his life. He lost his anger. He had seen the devil's work, and that had trumped what he had been exposed too, in his young man life, in the states. He became a gentle-man, full of a desire to change things. It was my privilege to listen to him and shake his aged hand. Did I forget to tell you he was a black man? An angry young black man changed by horror abroad and at home, I think he may have been anointed!!!! and that wasn't what impressed me the most.
We adult educators, of all levels, went into our own group therapy. Some of the games we played, I had played before, so I did not learn a lot of new STUFF. What I did learn was, that in this group of 45 or so people, there were so many interesting stories. These people had tales to tell. They were young and older, educated and worn by life. They had talents, and had seen people and places from all walks of life. One lady even went to school with Luke Skywalker!!!! from STAR WARS!! One girl seated on my right was training for a marathon, the lady on my left was taking care of her sick mother. There were opera singers, and people who worked in Africa, and grandmothers going for their PHD's in education. These are all people who teach in some fashion children. How awesome a thought is that? I was beside myself with awe about the human race. There is hope, we are trying to make a difference, there is Power in one.
I asked the kids if they had a good time, and learned a lot about being good leaders, blah, blah, blah. They mentioned the food, and asked if they could listen to Ipods on the ride home. God I love middle school kids. One day, when they all become famous humanitarians, they will remember that beautiful fall day in Atlanta, and Dr. Leon Bass.

I WANT COOOOOKIES!!!!

Yesterday and Today Google has once again thrilled me with their logo. Cookie Monsters big eyes were the O's, and Big Birds sweet legs the L's . It was Sesame Street's 40th birthday. How can that be? Big Bird looks the same, the cookie monster has not gained a pound!!
Thinking about "the hood" brought back so many memories. I only had one child who would watch Sesame Street with me. One out of five, that is horrible, but at least that precious one, Ward, shared my love of these Muppet creatures. We would sing all of the songs, count with The Count!!!!, go to Mr. Hooper's store, learn English and Spanish from Maria. Gordon was one of my favs, we met him years later, and I fell over him, as if he were Robert Redford!!! My kids were no where to be seen, and I am in line to meet Gordon from Sesame Street!!!! Ward potty trained in front of that show. Potty chair, naked child and "Letter B" being sung in the background, or was it The Ladybug Picnic?? One of Ward's first words was "Oscar", not ma-ma, or Da-da, seriously Oscar!!!! We had every stuffed Bert and Ernie, Grover, Kermit, Cookie, Oscar in the Can!!!, big bird and if they had had a Gordon, we would have had that too!!!!!
A shrink told us one time, that Ward had a hard time knowing the difference between real and make believe!!! That could be true, doctor sir, because his mom thinks all the creatures on Sesame street are real!!! We got a new doctor, honestly!!!!! Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street????

I CAN NOT HANDLE THE TRUTH,SO LIE!!!!

Early morning flight out of Atlanta to Boston, all is good. An hour into the flight, the pilot comes on," Just wanted to inform you that we are having a problem with the left engine!" AND " we are turning the plane around and landing back in Atlanta" Fifty-five minutes later we landed. Can I tell you what I was thinking for those long minutes?? Should I call someone, do I smell smoke?? Why did the pilot feel the need to inform me? Wait until I have landed back in Atlanta and then tell me, there was a problem. No we just have to say everything, spill too much information all the time, its annoying. The pilot said some things about ten thousand feet and we could not fly any higher due to the ice, and the de-icer thingy was not working, and we had enough fuel to get back to Atlanta. Stop talking Mr. pilot man, I need you to concentrate and land this plane, you do not need to take me back to Atlanta, just put it down, I want off!!! Thank God after raising five children, my ability to tune everything out served me well. I put in my earplugs, and took a little nap. What else could I do?? We landed, switched planes, and on the runway the pilot came on ," We are number four ready for takeoff but........we are experiencing some navigational problems!!" Sweet Mother of God, I told you to LIE!!!!" "Just fix it , don't tell me about it!"

Is that your costume??

Leaving early tomorrow, Boston Bound, for some tricking and treating with my grandchildren. What will those little goblins be wearing? Halloween is such a big hoopla for kids, as well it should be. I can think of nothing better then dressing up, and having people give you candy. The schools don't even allow kids to dress up and have parades anymore, some religious reason? I must have missed that bible lesson. Thou shall not buy or wear costumes of any kind, eat candy corn and "Lord love a duck" never lust after a vampire!!!!! ( my True Blood fantasy) I noticed a school was having a, Wear Your Favorite Book Character Day. Where there is a will, there is a way. A genius plan, everyone could dress up and come as Moby Dick, Harry Potter, Dorothy and Toto. Even Disney characters have their own books!!!
Halloween is alive and well, under the disguise of reading books!! Now that is some paranormal activity, for sure!!!

What Did You Say??

Middle School age is such a transition time for kids, a train wreck of human growth.Poor scholars don't know what hit them. I love the juvenile mind, very few working filters kicking in!!! My kids, the ELL(English Language Learners) are going through puberty and learning English, which is a very special kind of torture. I have learned after many years not to give them open-ended questions. For example, discussing food in other countries?? Dogs will come up!!! each year someone will say ," Mrs. Baron we only eat the big dogs, not the little ones." Isn't that special!! ***Reminder to self,do not bring my Lucy the Lab to school !
I have also learned to "Narrow the Field" . Occasionally I forget and learn I do!!! We asked in passing, "What are you going to do this weekend , kids?" seems like an OK question. When one of our students replied, " We are going to slaughter sheep, but I can't eat it because of the cholesterol!" oh and "I guess we will kill a goat instead!" Well now, that is much better.
How does anyone survive Middle School???? only by laughing, its the only language that we both understand.

It may be October, but I smell like August!!!!

I can hardly write about anything lately, without a tie into grief. It is my life, a life without my child. Its a good life, just not a whole life. Too big of a loss.
Grief has wreaked havoc on all my senses. They have all been dulled to sometimes non-existence.
My sense of smell just came back this summer, thanks to my personal Rachel Zoe, aka Maria Purwin. She called early in the summer with a command, "Go to the nearest bobbi brown makeup counter and buy her new fragrance Beach"! Naturally I obeyed, Purwin has an eye for fashion and a nose for what I like!!! I fell over the counter nearly in hysterics, I could smell again, and it was the smell of my youth. The aroma is Florida in a bottle, my Florida, salt, seashells, and home. I could close my eyes and not hurt so badly.

My sense of smell came back to me, after two years. Thank you Perlotta, and bobbie brown, with your lower case B's!!!!!

I look forward to the smells of Fall in the air, and if you get real close to me, a faint smell of the beach.

Save the TA-TAS !!!!!!!

Hopefully, we are all aware of how much we need to do, research on, WHY breast cancer is so rampant.

I would like for some of the money to be spent on making mammograms available, for free, for all women. Also, I would like a little research money to be spent on making it a more pleasant experience.

Yesterday I had my annual torpedo's checked, not an easy feat for the x-ray technician, I'm sure. Living with Double D's since twelve, has always been a curse. A Dolly Parton curse without her money!!!! Going to have a mammogram is a whole other beast.
First they direct me to undress and suggest I wear the Red Enormous Tits gown. So when I go to the waiting room, and 500 women in blue gowns are sitting, I would feel OH so comfortable!!!
Second they leave me in the waiting room for an hour or two with magazines from the late 70's. It was like waiting for the second coming of Christ, with no reading material.
Third, they call my name, and press my boobs between glass plates until they resemble the continent of Asia!!! Zap, Zap and Zap through the tissue. Left, Right, upside down and backwards!!!! Back to the waiting room.
Fourth, "Mrs. Baron, we need to take a few more pictures." Now what do you think every woman is thinking?? of course, CANCER !!!! and sure more photos of my "Girls", let me put down this riveting article from 1968!!!!
Fifth, the ultrasound, warm K-Y jelly all over, that's a plus!!! and a warm blanket, another plus. Back to the waiting room.
I have been on the receiving end of good news, even with a few biopsies . There are so many women sitting in the waiting room whose faces tell another story. This is crazy stuff, women suffering way too much, from the exam to the horrible disease. I know progress has been made, but tell that to the women sitting across from me. My "numies" ( that's what we called them in our house!!) are hanging fine, but my heart hurts. Save the Ta-Tas, support breast cancer research.

Attention To Details!!!

Peachtree Road United Methodist Church, had a Bagdy wedding on Saturday afternoon. The church had me at Hellllloooo!! stained glass windows, glistening, gigantic pipe organs flanking the altar, and prayer candles in the Methodist church!!! Holy ground and a wedding thrown in! M of the B, Malia , details, perfect. She is worthy of winning the Nobel Peace Prize, thought that would make any whimpering republicans, happy!! To me ,she is so worthy!!!The reception held in the Georgia Ballroom at the Biltmore, iced the cake. Decorated and arranged for royalty, which we all think we are!!!! We walked in and were served chicken and dumplings in shot glasses, a genius appetizer. Cold slaw in a martini glass, layered with shrimp. Shrimp biscuits, who thinks of these things. Its all in the details and my friend Malia has done it again. Gave away her sweet daughter in the grandest of styles.

Upon leaving I looked at my only daughter and said ,"ELOPE".

Let's "Facebook" It!!!!

You will find me , on the fence, about facebook.

I love seeing photos, old and new, of all my peeps. Hearing about "most of" their hoopla. Facebook walks a fine line.
Many a day I am faced with the question, "Who are these people?" I drag out the high school yearbooks, that smell like , my grandmother's blankets. Do I want to yak with all? No thank you. It seems crazy to me. Seriously.....

I don't understand games, from poker to farmtown. I don't want to take any quizzes that tell me, what kind of flower am I similar to. I don't care about each others horoscope. I just want to know you are healthy and happy.
I don't even like to confirm someone or delete them, its creepy. Although I have had to delete a few!!! How can I be friends with so many republicans????

No energy left to become BFF with people. My forever friends know who they are.
I have a feeling that we may be , over exposed!!!! as my grandmother use to say, "Don't tell all of your business!" I think it may be tooooooooooooo late!!! see you on facebook!!!!!

Not So Classy

Ryan Gainey's backyard, Paradise Gardens when Howard was alive,book signings and beignets, a drugstore in Gainesville with a record bottles of hot sauce, tomato festival, Plaza de somthing?? on a rosary bead trek, Ben Hill Methodist Church, movies and museums, concerts and more.

Adventures with my friend Jamie continued on this past Saturday. We traveled to a flea mini market in Alpharetta. There was no road, and we waded through fresh cut hay, but bargains were found. We left there for our favorite coffee place. Its either called "A Thousand Hills Coffee", or "Drink Coffee Do Good", in Roswell. http://www.blogger.com/www.DrinkCoffeeDoGood.com, it is the best coffee, all the way from Rwanda!!!After a long gab-fest we hit a antique/consignment shop in Roswell, called "Classy Clutter"
It was darling, filled with "finds"
Money exchanged hands and we had some great purchases, loaded up the car. Walking a block max, we hit another antique store. This one was a little too pricey, so we high-tailed it out of there. With the car in site, we saw a pink slip and a pole with a big sign in the front of the car, "FOR CLUTTER PATRONS ONLY". The pink slip said "Parking for a classy clutter" We hollered, we are classy and we just cluttered!! I almost had to sell a kidney to pay for my stuff!!! and your telling me I cannot park for a few more minutes, Not so Classy!!!! a cute store with no manners, and in the south!!!!!! I will go back, cute always wins, but I will have a little talk with the keeper of the parking sign!!! http://www.blogger.com/www.aclassyclutter.com

BITCHES AND JACKASSES!!!!!

My job is helping to teach ELL students.(English Language Learners) I have been doing this for the past fourteen years. On most days the students are clever, smart, needy and add so much to my life. The other days, are so few, that they don't count. Usually I have a "hunk" of material for journals, blogs and fun stories.
However,this next story came from the "other" students that we also encounter.

A young female student, approximately??7th grade, had lost her backpack. There was the possibility that it could have been stolen. She presented her problem to our PE teachers. The little girl was in a "Tizzy" The teacher calmly asked the student, "Who would take a heavy, giant backpack?"........delayed response(she was thinking) "Bitches and Jackasses, that's who!!!"

I could not have said it better myself. There is no age limit to those two thieves!!! If she doesn't locate her backpack, I'm buying her a new one!!!

How are you daddy?

We were all gathered at the viewing for Ward. I was busy trying to get some of the make-up off of him,greeting people, never not touching my boy.I cut a lock of my hair and put it in his hands,and I held onto his super-man pajamas , trying to comfort all those who came to comfort me. It was a mind numbing hour, and I thought I was not going to make it. My legs where getting ready to fold, when I saw my daddy sitting on one of the many couches.I was worried about him, so I asked," How are you doing daddy?" With no hesitation he said, " I have been more comfortable in fox holes in Korea!!!" how could I not laugh?

Homer(dad) has never minced words,and has an unusual way of saying things. His sense of humor is sharp, sometime stings and has made my life rich.

Thank you daddy.

FUNERALS to FIXTURES!!!

People that is how my mind travels!!
Yesterday, Bill and Hart,added a new kitchen light fixture over our island.
Out with the dinosaur fluorescent, in with stained glass.My semi-loving family calls it, "Pool Hall" lighting. I call it quiet, soft, eight ball in the right pocket, awesome!
You have to understand, for two years I have just stared at my house. Unable to move. Grief consumed our family, now it is a regular visitor. A visitor whom we have become familiar with, and not so fearful of.
Now I can, not only change a light bulb, but pick out a light fixture.
When I flicked on the switch this morning, I looked for a pool cue and a beer, smiled and felt peace.

We miss your light Ward.

Just Like A Prayer, I'll Take you There!!!!!

An old song for Madonna, but I like the theme, she just needed some beads.
Rosary, Mala, Misbaha, Juzu, maybe even Pop-beads. Spirituality on a string.

Praying has never been easy to me, my mind wanders to Budapest and back. My intentions are honorable, but my style of prayer, like Mother Theresa on crack.
I pray for our service men and women and "Flash" George Bush, on his ranch in Texas,pays me a visit. Struggling I roll off some names of people I love and "Bam" mom's bread pudding is calling my name. So I turned to using beads to help my scattered mind.
Everyone gets a bead, and every bead gets a prayer.
At no other time did I need my beads more then when I lost my child, Ward.
In a panic, before we had to go to the funeral home, I gathered up all my beads to take with me. Coming down the stairs with my "prayer jewels" I fell and nearly met Jesus. GD beads! (mom always wanted us to use initials when cursing)
We arrived at the funeral home, Mala beads wrapped around my arm, praying for my life. We began, the funeral director sat very far from me!! He asked if we were ready to look at coffins? I grabbed my purse started pulling out the heavy artillery, Rosary beads. Once I had located "my lot",I stopped chanting "God help me" and "Ward I love you", I turned to the man. " Do you have a coffin catalog, because this praying lady is not looking at any coffins!"
Bead, by bead, by bead, we planned the funeral that day, and my beads continue to guide me in prayer.
Jesus, his mom or dad, whomever will listen. My prayers are always answered.

What Did Miss Scarlett say???

"I do want to have your baby Rhett" or "Clark Gable you rock my southern world" or" I will think about that tomorrow."
You are so right, it is the last quote, even though I think the first two crossed her mind.
My cross to bear is being a southern woman(also my greatest joy), "I will think about it tomorrow, precious!" ( I added precious)
Atlanta has received a "Gadzillion" inches of rain. We are all calling 911-Noah as I type. Our basement is flooded, with furniture piled high and carpet being ripped out, None of it fazes me, I went to get my hair fixed!!!!
I had a DCNW moment, DELAYED CRISIS NON WORKER moment. I fled, no rolling up sleeves for me. I have not even peeked down there!!!!It's just too much. I told Bill to call me when it is time to rearrange things. Time to throw stuff away, wet or dry!!! You may say that is shallow? HA!!! Its survival, in a day or two I will tackle it all, right now, not so much. Ward's death took my strength away,I cannot do disasters right now. Ward is laughing right now saying," I knew you would use my death to the fullest!!!" " Thank you precious, for always making me smile." BUT..Miss Scarlett gets the credit here, she just couldn't think about everything!!! so when Rhett slammed the door in her face, she was thinking" I don't care if you think you are Clark Gable, we have water in the basement, Damn it!!!"

One More Dance Swayze

Patrick Swayze died this week, and I'm still reeling. I have turned over and over in my mind, the entire movie of "Dirty Dancing". I have come to the conclusion that every girl or woman has wished for a dance partner like Swayze. This small movie, with a big heart, made mine beat faster.

Young girl falling for,hunky dance instructor in the Catskills or Young girl falling for, sun burned lifeguard at the beach, same story. May be one of the reasons the movie touched us. It was us, all of us, who were lucky enough to have a fling or two in our lifetime, but especially when we were young and so innocent, like Baby.

Having someone tell your daddy "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!" and then lifts you over their head and tells you, to music!!! that this is the time of his life, GOOD LORD,give me some more of that!!

We just needed one more dance.

What's Wrong WIth Cereal????

My number four son, Hart, is home with us. He has leaped at the chance to hang with his parents for a spell. An enjoyable child,until he screams, "What's for dinner MOM?"

I have been married almost 29 years this October, and raised, or help raise five children. I have changed water into wine,and cooked for the multitudes.I have no desire to, lay it all out!!! every night.

Note, the three living at Arborwoods Drive are all adults. Even Queen Latifah (Emma)needs to step up to the stove, when she slips in and out from college.
All of us are working stiffs.

Hart is home to save money for a condo, or an island, I'm not sure which?

As my Aunt Frances said to each of her kids, "You are my favorite, this week!, but if you want to stay my favorite....!"

Hart has always leaned towards my favorite, he is just an easy to love kid, always has been. I love "um" all, he just leans a little.

Now if he wants to stay my favorite????? What's wrong with a little cereal precious???

PSSSS...Hart cooked us omelets,and bacon and biscuits for supper last night, he is a keeper!!!!So needless to say I pulled out a whisk, sliced and diced and laid it all out, AGAIN....tonight!!!!

They Say You Want A Revelation!!!!!

It was reveled
to me this week that my obsession with thinking about, or moving things around, may have something to do with my inability to confront Ward's room. I have been unable to go into his closet, or into his room. I have probably been in his room three times in two years. I make lists and plans, and then I see his jeans jacket hanging on the headboard, and I stop. I ask Bill and Hart to move out his computer, or couch, and then I tell them to let's do it another day. Some days they also say the words "another day Mom". I have looked at his art and that goes OK, I look at this photos and most of the time that is OK, I can revisit memories with a smile. Removing him physically from the home, not so good. I don't think I can really explain it, and if you understand what I'm talking about, then I'm sorry. Because then you know what it feels like to lose a child, and I'm so sorry.

So what do I do instead of tackling his room? I clean and rearrange and visit all the other rooms of our house.

Our lives have been rearranged and I don't know how to put all the pieces back.

So, I'm trying, one room at a time.

Yours, mine, ours and I dont know where it came from!!

In the car this morning, I was thinking about "my stuff". That could mean a lot of things, but this stuff I was thinking about was things in my house. There is not a day that goes by that I don't look at certain items, and remember the story that goes with certain pieces of furntiure,or objects that are scattered, oh so neatly?,around my house.

In my dinning room, that is never used, is grandmother's hutch and table, Kaye's piano,Tina's grandmother's watercolor prints, Canes from my mother, silverware and china from mom, a table from Adah, along with some Methodist hymnals, Bill's mothers tea set. That is just a tiny dent in the dinning room. All our rooms are filled with stories, that have stuff that belongs to them.

I'm sitting in the living room/converted to the computer room rght now typeing away, and I feel the warmth of my kids college diplomas hanging on the wall, and Bill's from Princton. I feel smart in here!!!! I see Keith's toy from when he was a baby, that Bill keeps on the desk, and all of our kids pictures and on one shelf I have all the clay bowls and what-knots the kids made in school, including my ashtray from 7th grade, which really was a bowl!!!

Everyroom filled to the brim. One time filled with kids, now stuff, but oh how that stuff talks!

"Mums" the word!

I may lean to the left a tad, maybe a TAD!!!and I have been known to dip my toes in the crazy creek!!!but my attachment to things puts me in a category all its own!!

The weather is getting cooler,Labor Day was here,so I thought I would empty all of my annual summer plants and plant some Mums!!! That way they would be huge by October, and still, full as a tick, by November. I had a plan, until I went outside.

My summer annuals were putting on one more show. Blooms on all, peeking at me, and saying " We have one more good month in us". I pruned and picked, and cleaned them up, as if Summer was beginning. I did not have the heart to haul them to the compost pile.

So my Mums will be not be,Pumpkin round by October,I will find some fine fat ones soon enough. Right now, I'm watching the summers last hurrah,and its precious to me.

While "OOOHHHH" and "AWWWWWWE" ing, I heard from the den, " Bonnie, are you talking to the plants?"

"Maybe, I'm just having a hard time saying good-bye" in more ways then one.

All my love, Pat Conroy

I think it was at a book signing for "Price of Tides" and Pat's people said that he only would sign his name. After waiting in a line for hours and having to pee, like a cow on a flat rock, I thought, Hell NO!!! so when it was my turn, I grabbed his sweet fat hands and said, " I would like you to write, To Bonnie, All My Love, Pat Conroy." He smiled and wrote just that, and he smiled again.

A southern gentleman who appreciated a southern lady who needed a little attention!!??

I'm reading his new book, "South of Broad". The prologue sounds like this.

I carry the delicate porcelain beauty of Charleston like the hinged shell of some soft tissued mollusk. My soul is peninsula-shaped and sun-hardened and river swollen.

Merciful Jesus, what a glorious writer. A southern writer. A friend of mine, not really, but we southern people like to embellish!!!

I am hanging on every word, breathing in his story. What a joy.

Thank you Pat.
All my love,
Bonnie

Church Whore

Whore {hawer, hohr, hoo r} noun or verb
1. Woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, prostitute; harlot; strumpet. Strumpet….

2. Obsolete. To make a whore of; corrupt; debauch. Debauch….


Hooker, hussy, hustler, jezebel, courtesan, call girl, lady of the evening, woman of the streets, slut, madam, tart, tramp.

Delicious words, but is it the right word?

Born into the Methodist church and head sprinkling, “Old Rugged Cross”, page 62 in the Cokesbury hymnal, or is it page 33?
At seventeen I went next door and became an Episcopalian, the cathedral called my name, and Father Cerveny melted my heart, but that is a different story. Thank you Jesus!

The two nearest churches to me are the Methodist coliseum church and the Catholic Church. Distance does matter on Sunday morning; I like to pray in my zip code, The Methodist church has a bookstore and a gift shop, a plus, but no kneelers or stained glass.
So this Sunday I went to the nearest Catholic church, a beautiful building until I saw pale, skinny Jesus hanging on the cross.. No son of God would be that skinny and pale, this Jesus would not have had any followers, and it was horrible. How could I concentrate after that? And I was sitting on Satan’s pews, I squirmed and sighed and tried to listen to the sermon, it was about The Golden Gate Bridge and how it is a lot like Jesus, not the hanging Jesus for sure, but some other golden Jesus. I think I may be getting to crazy for this; I did not get the analogy. All I thought about was, Rose Kennedy praying all the time, and her life being so sad, and I was thinking, I hoped she had a different hanging Jesus to pray to. Therefore, I closed my eyes and prayed for strength of some kind to come into my life and help me be a little stronger through this grief after losing my precious son, Ward. Next, thought, Rose Kennedy again and wondering if all those rosary beads helped her? I thought, Maybe, I guess maybe is what faith is all about?

I left church and Satan’s humidity hit me like a brick, what the hell?

Next week the Episcopal Church, once a church whore, always they say.

Gifts from the Sea, and other Places!!!

This morning I was attempting to declutter some areas. I take baby steps, maybe even crawl. Crawling on my bedroom floor, packing up one of my favorite gifts of all times, my sand-dollars from Keith and Kelly. They were a Christmas present many years ago. They had gathered them off the coast of Maine, hundreds of petite jewels. Then shipped them in a box to me, not to open until Christmas. They were with us in Georgia that Christmas, and retired to the basement on Christmas Eve early, to make my present. All through the night they arranged all of the sand-dollar shells in a huge glass jar, with all of the sand-dollars facing out, it was a masterpiece. It was like a puzzle. Through the years the jar had cracked and this year I decided to take them all out and wash them and maybe place they in another beautiful container. As I touched each one and thought about where it came from, and how precious it was, and how much I loved this gift, I was reminded of all the odd, wonderful gifts I have received in my life. Mom gave me my "Annie" doll one Christmas, I was in my 20's and this was my first rag doll. There was a note inside, to the effect, that My Annie was coming home to me. I still have her upstairs wrapped in a pink shawl from when I was 4, that was a gift from a neighbor. Mom also sent me giant pine cones from "The Farm" my first Christmas in Pennsylvania, such a fun box to open. My friend Jamie has given me so many fun,thoughtful gifts, but the Mali Prayer Beads for my birthday, she gave to me early, thinking I needed them to get me through Ward's funeral. She was right. My brother's signed photo of Ted Neely from Jesus Christ Superstar, had me howling. It was made out to me, my brothers know me so well. Susan this year sent me a Rolling Stones, luggage tag, I smiled, we will always remember walking home from the Gator Bowl to San Marco after our first Stones concert. Gifts from the heart, I'm going to keep them all, the hell with the clutter!!!! OOPs I mean to hell with being organized!!! I think???

Here Kitty, Kitty...

That's right we have two cats, its only fair that I give them some blog time, since my last entry was about Miss Lucy.

Lainey-bird, is my son Ward's cat. After Ward died, we didn't know if Lainey would ever let us take care of her, but she did, and we do. Lainey has only three legs, from an accident involving tires and a car and her being run over as a kitten. Not a great beginning for the little one, but Ward loved her through all her short comings and she through his. She hops like a rabbit and is the size of a small child!!! She is big, the vet says toooooo big!! What do vets know anyway?? she has three legs, let her enjoy something!!!!

Diana is a cat that Ward and I picked up?? paid for,"yes" paid for at the pet store, it was calling my name!!! Ward said "Mom you are so impulsive!" and " What is wrong with that??" said I. Diana is a calico, and just a lover, curious and cat-like!! Where Lainey is more like a Buddha.

They both add something special to our family, as all our pets have through the years.

Howard and Mallard, the ducks. Mack, 14 years with us, poodle. Copper, 12 years with us, crazy dachshund. Precious, feral cat from Kroger, at least 12 years. Many birds that I cant remember their names, and many rabbits, Butterscotch being my favorite, she came from the state fair!!!!

What is a house without animals?? Clean and quiet?? who needs that??

LU-CY, I'm Home!!!!!!

Recently in the news they (who are they???) have been discussing how a Lab and a two year old are about the same. Really??

Her vocabulary, OK she isn't talking, YET.

Words that Lucy knows are many. Back-yard, park, walk, paper, ball, bone, sit, snack and at least 50 or so more choice, Princeton bound vocabulary.

Her highness is just over a year old, and as black as Michael Jackson used to be, God rest his crazy soul.

Our house is on "Lucy-time", she has us all jumping through hoops. We have tried to dog-proof the house, but remember she is smart, ask the scientist!!!

This young canine is afraid of the dark, deer , cars and birds, she has some issues, but they make doggie meds for these little minor anxieties!!!

We are all smitten and in love with this big black lab.

These scientists were so right about the study they did, My Lucy is as smart as a 2 year old, they just failed to mention that she would stay a toddler forever!!!!

MOTHER CLUTTER!!!!!!!

I could have used the "F" curse, but clutter may come close.

The first week back to school leaves me, to quote Waffle House, scattered and smothered!!!!

I go back to work, and we all act like we have been raised by wolves. Clothes piled everywhere ,grabbing my legs as I walk by, "Wash me, and bring me back that lady that was home this summer"!

Our sweet ,Lucy Mae, has already visited the vet for separation anxiety and eating a digital camera!!!!

The attention to detail goes out the window when mommy returns to work and without detail, CLUTTER WINS!!!!
I love a clean house, I also love stuff!!! Books, and magazines, stacked to see Jesus. Photos and antiques that call my name. My collection of 30 different canes in the hallway is wickedly fun, and I do love bowls and chairs. Clutter makes a home to me, a "lived-in" look fits.
Disarray causes utter confusion to me, so I have to get organized while I work outside the home!!, I will , it just takes me longer each year. Plus, I do have cleaning help, whom I love dearly, they save me. They know my clutter, and they clean around it. They also know when I have gone back to work, I think they allow more time to be at The Barons!!!! because for sure some Wolves have been with them lately!!!!

BY ANY OTHER NAME

We are just three days into the new school year and today I started thinking about names. Who named these precious children, and what were they thinking???

Naming a child is not for the faint of heart. Children grow up and that most perfect name that you pick out goes with them.

I have two step-sons that were named by the time I made an appearance in their lives. My other three were ALL MINE to name, and Bill agreed. ( I think I asked him??)

We used family names, so it seemed painless, I love their names. They are the most beautiful names I have ever heard.

Thomas Ward, after my brother Tommy and Uncle Ward, such strong names. One day Ward asked me if I knew that his named spelled backwards is DRAW??? I certainly did not think about that during 26 hours of labor, but I will take full credit for it if you become a famous artist!!! He graduated from Atlanta College of Art !

William Hartley, (Hart), named after Bill and my grandmother Hartley, now that is a grand name. Hart Baron, seriously may be the best name ever. During middle school Hart came home and asked me if I knew his named rhymed with FART!!! No angel, during my second c-section that did not cross my mind!!

Emma Lea, after Bill's grandmother and my sister, precious sweet name. She is called everything except Emma. Em, Em-Em, E-ma, sister girl.
All angels unaware.
I have called their names in my sweet Mommy voice and also in my "666" Satan's mistress voice!!!! Always with LOVE .
What's in a name??????
I think a whole lot of love.

Crack open a cookbook PEOPLE!!!!

I love Julia Child.

I use to love cooking.

After reading "My Life in France" and seeing the movie "Julie and Julia" I may revisit the kitchen!!!

Julia, my personal friend, (that is the way she seemed) taught many of us baby-boomers to enjoy cooking out of the box. Especially in the south, where we learned to fry the table napkins, a change was welcome.

She touched food, really touched it, like a new lover. Butter smeared on everything that moved or didn't. She smelled her food, and licked her fingers, and celebrated a new pot or pan. To see her use a wire whisk, you desired all food to have a meringue !!! My friend makes me want to grate cheese again, not to buy it in a bag!!

what happened to cooking?? We all had babies for one, Julia had time to cook. We can make time, even if its once a week, to slice and dice, and sear. Get the pots off the back burner, and find all the lids.

We all, men included, need to find the joy in cooking again. Her joy was palpable, I want some of it.

Ms. Child reminds us to slow down, make a cake from scratch, use fresh food, enjoy good wine, good friends and family.

I love Julia Child soooooo much, bon appe'tit !!!!!!!!

School Supplies in AUGUST???

The dog days of summer have just begun,its August!!! So why is Fulton County starting school next week?

No student or teacher should be in front of each other until after Labor Day, what happened??

My protests are in vain, we will see the yellow bus come rolling through neighborhoods Monday morning.
I feel a tinge of sadness when I see the buses, for so many years I saw my babies get on that clunker of a bus. Their sweet little faces pressed on the windows, waving until we are both out of sight. My babies are grown now, but my memories of each school year beginning is so vivid, but it was in September!!!!

I still like to buy school supplies, new pens, pencils, folders, notebook paper, a book bag or two, someone will need them.
New school supplies hold such promise, a clean slate.
School in August, grade "F"

There she blows!!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I love the ocean. I grew up in and around the ocean most of my life. Salt water heals me, hearing it, smelling it, but not going into it!! I have not been knee-deep in the ocean since "Jaws".

So when on our vacation to visit sons and grandsons, my daughter-n-law, Miss Emily suggested we go for a 4 hour whale watching trip, I jumped at the chance to be miles from land!!!

We loaded up and set sail, so to speak, from Gloucester, Mass., the home of The Perfect Storm, minus George Clooney.

We departed on this huge vessel, or as I called it, a Big Boat.

I was so excited that I out ran everyone to the top of the deck, to get the best seats. Bill, Emily, Adrian and Baby Finn and I were on an adventure. I felt free as the gulls above me, and a peace filled me like only the ocean can. As far as our eyes could see, water, and more water, and more!!!

The ocean can hypnotize you, after a couple of hours, you think you see whales and mermaids riding them!!! The tour lady told us to look for water spouts, that come from the blow holes, and she was right, they were all over. We were in the middle of whales, I had to hold my hand over my heart, it was a religious experience. They began to show themselves jumping and waving, and tails held high. Left side, right side, their majestic bodies and sounds, like a ballet . I felt like they enjoyed us visiting, I hope so, because if they didn't my other thought was I was an intruder and that made me feel bad. So I just believed they were thrilled to put on such a dance for us. Crazy humans, hanging onto the rails.

No wonder Jacques Cousteau hung out in the ocean so much, you were speaking to him,

Royal Kings and Queens of the ocean, wonderful creatures. Thank you.

Simple Prayers

"Pray Without Ceasing", I don't know if momma said this or it is from the bible. Either way it is a holy statement that I have always lived by.
I pray all of the time, not down on my knees, praying. Out loud talking to God praying. Most of the time I just say "Jesus" and figure he knows the rest. Sometimes I feel the need to clarify, like "Jesus, please help these Republicans open their hearts and wallets, all God's children need health insurance!!!!!"
Most of the time my prayers are very simple, and a lot of prayer time is thanking God for everything in my life.
I do have an everyday prayer, and that is to see my son Ward. I say, "Jesus, send me Ward in a dream."
I think most mothers who have lost children probably have the same prayer.
Last night I had Ward in my dreams. He was at home, he was a mess, he needed a haircut and he needed me. I held his sweet face in my hands.
My prayer this morning was "Jesus, thank you for holding me, and p.s. keep working on the Republicans!"

Short Road Trip

Emma and I were Alabama bound early Saturday for some retail therapy with favorite cousin Leigh-Leigh.
Edgar's Bakery started our morning with such joy at looking at all the baked goods and the people slathering on the icing of these beautiful cakes and cookies. It was a bakery that I haven't seen the likes of since I was a child. They boxed us up some treats for later and while we were there, smelling all the bakery smells, we ate cinnamon buns the size of my first car.
Shopping began with abandon, not looking for anything specific, just looking.
I love that saying" Just Looking", that is what we all are doing.
Sweet tea took us later into the evening.
Laughing and laughing HARD!!
If someone could just bottle up the sound of hard laughter. Leigh Holland could make a fortune, she has the most contagious laugh. Emma and I were so lucky to spend a Saturday listening to it.

Alpharetta Monastery

The Benedictine monks have nothing on me, my summer has been quiet.
Father, Son and Holy Ghost QUIET!!!
This is my first summer in 29 years that no children have been around.
Days of Silence, broken only occasionally by the barking of the dog, the purr of the cat, a phone call or two, and me talking to the air. Talking to yourself is very underrated.
I have had quality time to reflect on many, many things, the brain just a turning.
Experiencing such long spells of quietness, my senses started to wake up. I wonder how long they had been asleep?
I read in a magazine that a Benedictine retreat can cost anywhere from $300 to $600 dollars a week. Mine was free.
School starts in a couple of weeks, no more quiet days, but I'm ready!!!!

Cousins - a collateral relative

Lunch with two of my cousins yesterday was like a covered dish church picnic. We had a little of "this" and a little of "that" Chewing was optional. Chewing can be difficult when talking non stop for over two hours.We barely took a breath, every ones business was laid out for full view.We talked all at the same time and understood what each other was trying to say, or pretending to!!! Cousins have a code, and it is wide open. We howled with laughter and cried in between. Precious crazy cousins, a banquet of love!!!!

In the Closet

Most people come out of the closet, not me, I'm heading in. New hangers, new bins and baskets, new ideas. In with the NEW and out with the OLD.
I start at the bottom, The Shoes!!!! Will I ever wear these pumps ( high heels) again, and the CFM shoes, should I dust them off???Ohhhhhh they are so cute, and sexy and prissy.
I try each one of them on, strutting around, trying to convince myself that they felt good on my feet.
3 hours later and sittin on the floor with sneakers , sandals, boots, flip-flops, slippers, I think I may have some distraction issues.
Maybe I should have started at the top of the closet, that is my problem, and then I look, THE Purses (handbags) loom, peer down.
I may never make it out.
Going into the closet is harder then I imagined, no wonder people have such a hard time coming out of the closet!!!
I understand completely.

(yes, I know sittin is spelled wrong, but that is what I was doing)
Love,Love

SHOES

Ward's shoes remain on the back stairs leading up to his bedroom. His last work schedule hangs on a bulletin board in the hall. A ratty sweatshirt jacket hangs on a coat rack in the kitchen.

I can not let go, maybe one day, but I don't know how or even why? I think Mothers just hang on, that is what we do.

Tomorrow it will be two years since Ward died. My feet hit the floor each morning thinking of him, and I celebrate his precious life with us.

Grief has become a part of my life, not my best friend, maybe just an acquaintance.

The shoes will stay on the stairs.

Stop Talking Aunt Lucille

Daddy use to say this to me, comparing me to his chatterbox, know-it all Aunt Lucille.
I took this as a compliment.
All my report cards said " Bonnie talks too much." Now isn't that a horrible thing to put on a report card.
I had alot to say.
Now I can e-mail, facebook, twitter, or blog, such freedom without opening my mouth.
Enjoy all my chatter.