They Say You Want A Revelation!!!!!

It was reveled
to me this week that my obsession with thinking about, or moving things around, may have something to do with my inability to confront Ward's room. I have been unable to go into his closet, or into his room. I have probably been in his room three times in two years. I make lists and plans, and then I see his jeans jacket hanging on the headboard, and I stop. I ask Bill and Hart to move out his computer, or couch, and then I tell them to let's do it another day. Some days they also say the words "another day Mom". I have looked at his art and that goes OK, I look at this photos and most of the time that is OK, I can revisit memories with a smile. Removing him physically from the home, not so good. I don't think I can really explain it, and if you understand what I'm talking about, then I'm sorry. Because then you know what it feels like to lose a child, and I'm so sorry.

So what do I do instead of tackling his room? I clean and rearrange and visit all the other rooms of our house.

Our lives have been rearranged and I don't know how to put all the pieces back.

So, I'm trying, one room at a time.