I Have Lost My Voice

My voice is still, quiet, softened, lulled, slacken, gone.

I have become very withdrawn during this covid/political.

Idle hands, not so much.

Busy hands and mind, just no voice.

( my mom, husband, and kids, would beg to differ)

BUT....

I feel it.

AND....

This is not my jam!!!

What is there to say?? 

I am the writer of my narrative, my story, but it has become quiet.

The things I would like to say, are strong and loud, and fall on deaf ears. Plus I am older, and the fight left in me, is also different. (You know I blame the weather for everything!!) ( I feel it in the air, its changing!!) ( and I have two people living inside of me!!) ( Summer and Winter!!) ( Sybil times two)

I could tell you what I have cooked, painted, read, watched on the telly, however, it seems small, with what is going on in the world.

I am so thankful beyond coffee, that I love myself. So many humans are in such a discontent with themselves!! Lord, thank you for me. Flaws and all, wrapped up crazy good, still learning, grown woman, who thinks she is 16!!!

Mom told me this Sunday morning, to write about napkins!!! ( Love my mom)

I told her that was great, they make me very happy. I have many, many cocktail napkins, seasonal and not, that bring me joy!! I place a few new ones on mom's breakfast tray every few days. She saves them, and sends them to her friends!! We pass on our napkin love!! ( Mom writes about three letters a day!! Snail mail, fun stuff)

Today's napkin was a flamingo, wearing a flower crown, and you open it up and more flowers everywhere!! Mom kissed it, and held it to her heart! We both agreed it was a good one, we even liked the texture of the paper!!! We are funny people. I like to thank Nan and Brooks Hayes, for teaching me to always put out a cute napkin, at night, to get ready for coffee in morn. Cups ready, spoon, sugar or sweet n low, and a pretty napkin underneath. I thought the gesture was so sweet, I borrowed it, and still use it to this day. Now I have giving mom the idea, our eyes just need to wake up to sweetness. ( I will try and take a picture of some of them, or send you one!! just because!!

I still am rather quiet, but my fingers are working, so you can hear me.

These moments are very different, change, of any kind, is hard. Throw in a virus and a clown, and I have had to pause!! Take deep breaths, and pull out the napkins!!!

August is walking away, and I still have so much to say.

Right now, silence is pretty sweet.