Colors and Memories

When my feet hit the floor this morning, I felt my cheek. My dream had been, of me laying across Ward's coffin. I sat on the edge of the bed, holding my face, thinking what a way to start the morning!!! Grief can be unkind at times, and grief knew I had to decorate for the Christmas holidays. Yesterday, I had begun the unpacking and unveiling. It is always a surprise to me, to see all the ornaments. I love the whole process, of unwrapping and revisiting each memory. The love emanating from my memories, is joy. Christmas Joy, and a whole lot-a mess!!! I work in circles, and corners, and themes. In my mind, I'm Martha Stewart, with a Cyndi Lauper kind of twist. I start out with order and color plans, hours later, I'm throwing balls in bowls!!!! Colors and Memories infuse everything.
There was an article in the Sunday paper, about quilters, who cannot see, they feel the colors!!! Yes, I understand. What a beautiful article, one women said that when she lost her sight, it took up so much of her time, thinking about what she had lost. It was a big waste of time. I guess that is what I was feeling this morning, when grief slapped me in the face. I had to turn that pain around, and put one foot in front of the other, and not waste my time, on missing Ward. Of course I miss him everyday, but he is not just a recollection of something that is past. He lives with all of us, each day, and that is Christmas Joy-juice for sure.
So my decorating had many pauses throughout the day, kissing and loving each photo of all my kids, and each ornament that they had handmade. I would close my eyes, like the quilters, and feel the memory. There is Joy, I can feel it!!!