Call Me Rose

This is a blog I wrote on Wednesday morning. Still works for today. 

Rose Kennedy went to church every morning, after she locked a few kids in the closet for time out. Today I am Rose.

Wednesday on Holy week, I need church every day.

Rose from The Titanic could have rescued Jack. What about the missionary position? I would have saved you young Jack. Today Iam Rose.

Gypsy Rose Lee, the name says it all. Momma Mary told me, " Only Gypsies and Street Walkers (not zombies, Bay Street Hookers!!) had their ears pierced. Today I am a Gypsy Rose!! 

Rosa Parks, Yes I will sit anywhere on this bus period!! Rosa you are with me today also.

Rosemary Clooney, Rose M, you are coming to church also, we both know that I can sing like the bird that I am. "Come on to My House!" (Thank you, mom and dad, for turning me onto Peggy Lee, Rosemary Clooney, Patti Page)

Early in the morning, these thoughts are rolling out of my head, I sprint from the bathroom to find paper and pen.

I return to the bathroom for slapping on my makeup. I holler to Bill, the husband, "I need to go to church!" There is a 9am service, wait its 6 am, I can make the 7:30 rapture of Holy Week. Lipstick on!!!

Today my name is Bonnie Rose Baron, just call me Rose for the day. All these ladies will have a candle lit today, A candle for all women. My relatives, friends, living or gone, will be lifted up today by me.

Last minute add on, Purwin's Ro, I got you girl!!

I will be on my knees, in thanksgiving for all my blessings, prayer, grace, sacred, holy, anointed words and offerings. I will also carry my electric lighter, its faster!!!!! 

Its Holy Week, Passover, take time to listen. 

(did I get to church??) ( Yes on my back deck, planting flowers) ( but I did lift you all up to the holy sky) 

Today is Thursday, church, no, will go Saturday, I like the quiet on Saturday evening.

Make church where you are standing, and in your actions. 

Life lesson for the day

Bonnie Rose

Momma Said, "............................."

          "If you kaint say anything nice about someone, don't say anything at all!!"(really mom??)

Daddy said, " Lay IT ALL out on the table!!" 

These precious people, so different and both right. Miss them everyday.

This past week, my cousin Becky died. Some knew her as Ellen, Rebecca, Mom, Sister, daughter, friend. She will always be Becky to me. A few months separated us in age. An entire lifetime separated us as adults. For all my life we were stuck together at the hip, I think Adah ( Aunt ALice Brown) liked me to play with Becky all the time, so she would not fight with Nicky, or herself. Oil and Water, sometimes just does not mix.

From birth to maybe our late twenties, we did everything together. 

Spent most of my nights at Bruce Street or Becky at Kenmore Street. Rode our bikes back and forth to each other's houses. Church, whenever the door was open!! I think we may have been the only children to have Reverent King stop the Sunday night service to tell Mary and ALice ( our moms) to come get us, we were laughing too much. Also on many a Sunday church service, we called out hymns to sing, Old Rugged Cross and In The Garden, or I come to the Garden. We never changed our choices, never. Dr. King would soon not call on us, but this went on for a long time. Movies, Beach, Lake, Camps, Chorus, School, Farm, everyday together.

Becky was an accident waiting to happen. From birth, momma said. Hardships, and toll followed her. I think she followed it. Lost her eye, with a sliced phone cable wire, using it for tug of war. Took a hatchet to cut wood one day, half of her foot damaged. Fell on escalator, and knee kept going into the grate at the end. Car wrecks, Horse and dog bites. Fights that go down in history, mostly with family members. Dear Elizibeth, the maid, our saint, would hide with me, when they got really bad.

Today we would say, she was a hot mess. I need you to know that she was also The Best. Strong as an ox, gave of herself, to whomever needed help. Enjoyed practical jokes, that would scare me to death. Slept late everyday of her life, late, late, late, to everything. She was a very good singer, and could have been a good teacher, but could not wake up. Playing mermaids at the lake, for hours are sweet memories. Spending so much time, just using our imaginations, reading, hide and seek, deep in the ivy. (no one would find us) Climbing on wire trellis for the wisteria, and never knowing if it would hold us. 

I have almost thirty years of good memories, that I will hold onto.

As marriages, children, entered our lives, and distance. We became strangers.

Or just long, lost cousins. Mom would update me on all Brown activities, and coming down several times a year, I would see Becky in passing the big house.

I know her first child, but not the others. She knew none of mine really, I guess just stories. We would meet at funerals, some weddings, big birthdays, but never again would we sit and talk. At dad's funeral, we hugged hard ( Becky was a good hugger) and she whispered to me, "Thank you for the money you sent to help me with my sons cremation,) i whispered, I am so sorry that you and I are in that club of heartache from losing a child. We kissed and continued on. At the end of the service, the minister said for the family to stand and pray together, somehow, I think mom, as usual had said the family was at odds with each other. Big families, it happens. So we all held hands,  I think we were saying the Nicene Creed, when someone from way in the back, comes up and puts a big hand on my back, no words, I knew who it was. Becky's seat was so far away because she was late, but she was going to go up front with the Fam!! I turned me face half way to her, and said "Can you hear daddy complaining about how long this service is lasting?" and we had it down to 8 minutes!!! " We both tell each other not to laugh!" Here we are again not listening to the preacher, we just had to grab a moment for ourselves.

I never saw her again.

Her daughter texted or put it on face book, I can't remember, that Becky was going to Hospice, Cance had been a beast. I texted Allison, whom I do not know, except by name, to please tell Becky I love her. Allison texted back, I told her. Becky had packed her bags of earthly life and knew her peace was coming.

I knew Becky loved me, and she knew I loved her. Through the years no one could rescue Becky from Becky. Maybe we were not suppose to. Her Sisters and children have always been there for Becky. Jesus held her hand, all her life, not just at her leaving. 

We send you home, to rest and regroup. Eyesight restored, and no pain.

Much love was carried on your wings to glory

Bonnie

 

March With Me

                     

 I keep prayer material in every room in the house. Beads, bibles, devotional books, how to pray better books, world religion books, notebooks and pencils, I need structure in my constant state of prayer. (Im praying right now, to remember to get my nails done, they are clicking on the keys wrong, and I am thanking God for curse words!!) God and I have a hand holding, deep conversation relationship. He knows I talk to Buddha also, to help center me, to pray better. He (or she?) knows that I like all the parades and flowers in Hindu religion, Judaism, Catholics, I will worship with all, and believe in Jesus, all at the same time. I thank God for my desire to read and learn even into my seventies!!!!

Also, in each room of my house, I have furniture that you can "fall out" in. My back is wacked out, left knee, and entire left leg, it is not a fun thing, so I fall out a lot!!

Sitting at this computer, the sciatica pains are running up and down, so this blog maybe a little iffy. Any pain makes thinking about other things hard, but I am hanging by a thread, Crushed in spirit!!

Losing Ward at age 24, crushed me and those pieces will never be in the right order again. Losing Mom(Mary) recently was not so sad, more joyful. She too, had been crushed by death, my sister Trudy, Brother Tommy, and her beloved Homer, my dad, plus her first grandchild, my Ward. She was broken and 91, so grief consumed her. Jesus called her home, and she is with Daddy now. We rejoice at their reunion. I bet Jesus has not seen her yet. Daddy is refusing to go to the Big Altar, and mom will not let go of his hand. Im praying for him to just say hello, to the person on the right hand side of God, and refrain from any questions. He knows Gene Autrey and all about The American Indians!!

Now if you know me, and I think you may, none of this was in my blog for today. I What words come to this page, just shows up.

And maybe you will find a little pearl of wisdom, a laugh or cry, I just have to write my thoughts down, so I don't keep paying for a shrink!!!I tend to sway, and it works for me. 

Now the real blog was about singing and songs.

I sing all the time, another form of therapy, for sure.  

I wake up singing and I never know the song, it just comes to me. This am, From a Distance, by Bette Midler began and I smiled. I like this one and I had to look up all the lyrics to do it justice!! (One of my sons, said that I remind them of Bette Midler

, I told him, I know you mean all the good singing!! He who will remain nameless, said no, The crazy Mermaid stuff! Well OK with me)

" From a distance we all are instruments, Marching in a common band."

Sing it today for me and think about our common world.

What instrument would you be playing? I am playing and marching with Yo Yo Ma!

A Cello!

Make me an instrument of Peace and improve my voice Jesus, when you get a little time.

When mom was in Assisted Living Place, I would go down her hallway singing loud, and she would Holler!! "I hear you coming Bonnie, and we would both laugh" Sometimes she would not know me, but most of the time she did, and she would rave about my singing, which only a mom would do. 

A renewed spirit is just one song away.

Booming voice and extended notes, puts the broken pieces back in some order. Not the right spot, but still in a good place.

Happy Saturday All

Bonnie

I 

BC Powders and Vodka

January has always been a time for doctor's appointments. I assume it is just easy to schedule things starting at the first of the year. August seems to be another full month of health things, that is my T and A looky loo. Dr. Bill and I are both very healthy, so that helps. This age stuff forces you to venture into the medical facilities more often.

I have high expectations of medical offices and personal, Very High!!!  

This week we took Bill to have some outpatient surgery, that required me to wait. Which is fine, I bought a book with me. When we arrived at the office it was the size of a phone booth, and the seats were horrible. The receptionist was eating a bagel and handing us some papers to fill out. They took Bill back, and asked me to come as well.

Now in this room, there was a great chair, on rollers. Comfy, padded, my sciatica and knees were smiling. After a few minutes the nurse told me I could go wait. I hesitated; Bill looked at me with dread. I kindly said, can I wait in this recovery area room? Nurse said, "No." I then asked her if I could roll this chair out into the closet outside these doors? "No" was her answer, again. I also asked if I could sit in the car, and they said, "No" you need to be close to sign discharge papers. I said I could sign them now, the answer was "No", So I sat in sadness, walked up and down halls, read my book, took an art course online, and ate my granola bar in front of the receptionist.  Bill was fine, but I could barely walk out of there and I was his driver.

Small details, like decent chairs help your patients, and maybe eat your bagel at home, people coming in here for surgery are NPO, and comb your hair!  Maybe I was just hungry, but they could have let me roll that chair out, I was the only person in the coffin, seriously small. 

Now that was my rant for the week, next day was my orthopedic doctor. I go into the office, and it is beautiful, couches, chairs, tables, TV's, magazines, hand soap, my happy place. My third trip this month!!! Beautiful light fixtures, and the three receptionists are sweet to a fault!! and I am happy. I wait my turn, and she says, " Now darling, sugar baby, precious who are you here to see? Allison, we are on first name basis, Thank you.  " Well, there you are in the computer, and she will be coming to get you soon, now have a good day."  I may have told her, I loved her, and went to my heavenly seat. I like to scope a room and to my delight there was a woman, about 89, in a vintage Hells Angels Outfit!!!! Not only am I happy with office and personal, I have entertainment. She was a loud talker, and I was not near her, not nearly close enough, to be in her glory, but I was tuned in. The couple across from her, were about to freak out, when she hollered, " ARE YOU IN PAIN?" Note the man, was in a cast up to his, well...lets just say, long cast!!  and he whispered, not too much. My granny angel screamed, " ALL YOU NEED IS BC POWDERS AND VODKA!!!!" Thank you Jesus, let me write this down!! I was hunting for my cell phone, to ask her if I could take her photo, but they called her back, and I watched as her chains made clanking noises, and her boots dragged across the floor. Now this is a great office. I walked into the room with a smile on my face, for gel shots in my knees, that hurt more than childbirth!! Dr. said, "Bonnie, you are always happy." and I thought, you should have seen me yesterday, but I let her think, Yes I am happy all the time!!!! It gives people hope in this crazy world!!! She asked me , "What is your secret?" I thought, "Hell's Angels" and " Attention to Details." I left her with a smile on her face. 

!! 

WITH A SONG IN MY HEART

 I went to one of our doctors yesterday and wrote December 6 on my forms to sign.

The receptionist took my papers and I explained to her, my mistakes and could she correct them. My beloved husband made the appointments for us at 7:30 am, and I may be a tad off, like a month or two. (which you probably know, is just me!)

The form asked me when I had retired and I just said, I have no clue, it may be in your computer. Truly I have never retired, I work every day, Medicare may want the dates?? They can also look it up.

This was a 6th month checkup, and many things had happened in these last 6 months. This week I had just had new gel shots for my knees, and fell the next day, on my knees, so my lack of walking well, was a red flag for my family doctor. (34 years has been seeing me)

I began with having a stress induced heart attack in October, ( its in the charts Dr. V) I had an echo last week, and my heart is perfect. (miracles do happen)

Mama Mary died in maybe November; I feel like it was around Thanksgiving weekend? Elizabeth (my doc) was heartbroken, she had also seen mom these last three years. 

AND my knees are shot, but gel shots are helping, but I do fall often.

She looks at me, like a bunny after Easter, sad eyes and an empty egg basket.

She said, " How are you grieving?" Well...said I... I don't grieve, I don't cry, I think mom is good. Ward took all my grief when he died, all my tears, so I may just tunnel vision death. Put it in its on compartment. Doctor may have said, that is not real healthy Bonnie, but I know you, and you know your body and mind.

Then she leads with. "How are your nerves and depression?"

Well....they live with me in peace. I have added winter depression, that I deal with, does not require extra meds, just sunshine and time turned back.

I like to keep nerve pills on hand, but as she can see from my bottle, I don't take them. It is a comfort to know they are at a hands reach if I can not get up off the floor from cracking up!! 

She then wanted to know what I needed for knee pain? I asked her, what do I usually take? she smiled and said, I know, nothing, but your knees look terrible.

I held her sweet hands, and said, "I am good, daddy would say, this is just life Bonnie."

I only know how to live with great big ideas, looking for Joy even in a gray day.

I do not like aches and pains of ageing but remain proud of how we take care of each other.

We have a large family with daily quirks that sometimes can get Big. Thankfully there is an empty cross where I leave them. I tell Jesus, and whoever is taking my call that day, to please help all my loved ones have some common sense. Work Hard, be kind, and box up crazy and leave it for the mailman. (and that does not refer to me, children, it is a metaphor of behaviors from time to time!!)

Dr. Veverra, bid goodbye and I was happy and healthy for a moment. I will hold on, to each moment.

The husband was healthy also, we are highly favored and blessed for another day.

Now I may not know the day or month or year, but I do know its sunny out, so It's all good.

Fall Back, well I have Not stabbed anyone, Yet!!!

 I have been under the weather for a LONG spell and did not have the energy to share.

There is a small ray of sunshine, shinning on me, so I will try and purge.

My knees have been an issue since last May, so far, gel shots (that took me to my knees) have helped so much. Miracle stuff, at least for so many months. (I did tear another meniscus, but I know how this story ends) (knees good ish)

October the first I had an ambulance ride to the hospital, after I told my beloved, that something was not right in my chest and jaws. I entered the ER with 22 people working on me at one time. I thought, this is not good. They kept me, for further studies. Three IV's and a talk with Jesus, later Omar Sharif, the cardiologist, came in early the next morning to say, " You know you had a slight heart attack?" Well Precious, I did not know, but the word slight, means what exactly? He proceeded to tell me I was headed to the Cath Lab. I did not have much time to think about checking out of the earth, but I did thank Jesus for sending me a doctor that looked like Dr. Zhivago. All of my nurses and doctors were very smitten with my ability to have lipstick on at all times!!! They were also aware that I had spent my twenties in the Cath Lab, even thought things had changed sooooo much. We had wonderful conversations about my early career, and it would have been so much fun, if they were not going into my arm. This doctor was from India, and we bonded over my daughter Emma, who was born in India. I told the doctor, I thought my arteries were open, and I was right. However, the muscle part that was damaged, some myopathy, was due to stress. Stress induced heart attack, go figure.

He asked me if I meditated, prayed and I showed him my clenching hand filled with my beads!! He asked me my hobbies. I paint daily, read, retired, raised five kids, lost a son at 25 years of age, and he stopped me. You have a broken heart. Yes, I do, but I feel calm. I put my 91-year-old mother in an assisted living facility, a year ago. He stopped me again, honey, you are stressed. My only daughter married and moved away, and a hurricane almost took her off the planet, now he is holding my hand. He told me he sees joy in my face, I said, I know right. The muscle of my heart can repair itself; we hope. No new meds, just a big adjustment of how I cannot fix everything. The level of my gritting my teeth, has to decrease, and continue on my search for all that is positive and good.

I told the doctor that, the political climate, and I can no longer exist. He said, turn it all off!!!! 

F

The time change spins me around, and I have been working on not letting it get to me. At 70, people this is not easy. AND if that is not enough end of October had horrible cough and sinus infection, because of the friggin hot October and November, petri dish weather.

Bill and I both just tested positive for Covid, and I am vaxed up the Ying yang!!! The medicine they give you, is a beast, hurt my stomach, and felt like poison to me. I think we are fine, my taste buds have not returned, and we are still hanging in quarantine, but my nerves are shot!! Having a blog has always helped me release my thoughts, good and bad, so here it is. A few bad days does not make a bad year, evah!!!

We had a new roof put on yesterday, thank God for ear plugs, and a good book. The husband told me it has a 30-year warranty, and I felt so much better!!!! I hope the good lord keeps me around to enjoy it, but if you don't get a Christmas card from me, now you know why. Trying to chill, which is not working, I'm going to order my cards right now, its stressing me out.

Love you all,

B

Approaching 16 days........

 My Fitbit says today is the 15th, but I trust nothing. She, the bit, tells me I sleep four to five hours a night. However, she does not tell anyone, that in those hours I am looking for my purse or a bathroom in the streets of Calcutta!!!!

So just go with the title, and you will be fine.

Happy Birthday to me, was August 1 and it was pretty big. The sound of seventy and I are still not in a good place. Olivia Newton John just died, and she was 73. Wait a minute, that is pretty close to 70. Are my ducks in a row??

I saw my primary doctor last week, and she, so kindly, said " You look wrecked Bonnie."

Quickly I told her she was too young for the movie " Valley of The Dolls" but I am beyond the valley, and we laughed.

I do know that when you start blow drying your knees, something has changed!! Birthday weekend I got turned onto some oils, of Arnica, Lavender, and something else?? from a Farmers market. I did not purchase locally, I was headed to lunch, did not want to carry a bottle of oils. The witch doctor, (sweet lady) let me try it and my knees were better!! So, when I returned home to Amazon, I looked up all the ingredients and found my stuff. It works wonders (with a lot of Tylenol) (and gel shots) but it is oil!! all over my knees, and it needs to dry before I put on a dress. (wear dresses in summer) so out comes the dryer!!

I wish you could see me, I cried from laughing. Is this seventy? Have my tiny knees thrown in the towel after carrying around this slender and graceful Buffalo Carcass. God Bless the human body. I promised my young self that I would go gray at 70, so we will keep trying, I have colored my hair since middle school, I love hair color. Both of my parents did not have but a few strands of gray hair, I want my cousin's white hair!! May have to come from a bottle!!! What does a person do while drying their knees?? Look for scissors, I need bangs!! Never a good idea, 70 is kicking my butt!! and it has only been a few days!! So now I had to move up my hair do appointment, for repairs. Year-round summer hair is my syle , people think I have just returned from the pool, I just agree. Not everyone needs to know about my knee drying, takes away from drying my hair! Good Lord, I think I just felt a cool breeze.

Summer has been a hot one, and I have been super happy. Heat cures all. Fall batting her eyelashes at me, has increased my anxiety, and angel child Wyatt started real school, and I had to lay down a spell!! My older grans Adrian has his driver's license, and he knows Uma is a wreck. I remember the freedom of driving, so I caved and wished him wonderful days !! (And just now my throat is closing up!!), Finn my middle jewel, wants 800.00 pair of sneakers, I told him to go to the thrift store, salvation army, what 13 year old wears 800.00 pair of shoes. Yes, Uma likes nice things, but darling middle child, girls just care right now that your teeth are clean!! take that info form Ums and run with it!!!

At 70 I need Joni, CSNY, Stones, Beatles throw in a little Chris Stapleton and I m good. Music never changes with any age, and that my friends, is a much better drug of choice.

I pray a lot and The Holy Mother and Moses keep telling me, "We Got This Bon-Bon!"

Enjoy the rest of this August month, pay attention to what is around you. Laugh all the time, and ugly cry if you need to.

70 is feeling better already, sometimes you just need to blog!