Rudderless

For the past few days, this word, rudderless, has come to my attention. Three different times, and ways to communicate. Words fascinate me, and its July, I feel a tad rudderless.
I know all Jesus people will say, he is your rudder, which is great. My relationship with him, is more like a brother, who lets me make mistakes, and tells me to LEARN from it.
I know it is a boat term, to help you go a certain way. Also used as a guide in any situation, no boat needed.
 Covid  and humidity, are not a good combo. I think it ate my rudder!! Rotted it, infested it and threw me to the sharks!!! Lucky for me, I am a good swimmer, and can tread water for days!! However I feel like I may be tasty, and a good meal for the sharks, 50/50, Jesus, my brother, throw me a rope!!
4th of July ( to begin a sentence with a number, treading water) came and went, with no fanfare. Depression dancing on my doorsteps, was there a holiday?
My work continues, turn over all stones, Bonnie!! Live this life, beast or not.
I am my own rudder, I can hang out a shingle, "Rudders Working."
Hamilton on the telly, mama is a happy camper.

First viewing, I absorbed every movement, eyelash curl and hung on each perfect note.
Second viewing, I put the closed caption words on, and grabbed my pencil and paper.
This play is poetry in motion.
Third viewing, I may have told the darling hubs, he could leave the room, because I was going to sing, the entire production. ( he left)
I found my rudder.
My favorite line in its entire span, was Eliza, " You built me Palaces out of Paragraphs!" Lord have mercy, have you ever had someone write you a letter like that!! A. Ham had a way with the words, and not enough time. AND even after his short comings, like not keeping IT in his pants, she knew his story had to be told. She would tell of his goodness, and do good herself.
The real story is, her story. Eliza Hamilton, Thank you.

We have tickets to see the play, but C and H ( Covid and Humidity) canceled that.
I knew when it was first on the horizon, that most likely it would be better if I did not dive in. I have a very addictive personality to many things, and Broadway is one!! I probably would have moved just to go see this play many times, inching my way towards the end of my sixties, I thought better ( see my rudder is working) I delayed my gratification. WHICH is a pure miracle, thank you Brother J.
So when I heard it was coming on Disney, I thanked my youngest gran, Wyatt, for hooking his Uma up.
I have read a couple of books in between musical numbers!! and cooked like I worked the cafeteria at Morrison's.
Mom has had two better days, and that is always a good sign, grab it, and hold tight. Kids are good, and I told them unless there is a lot of blood, mama doesn't need to know. ( Mom is my mother, Mary, if I confuse you) ( If you read my blog, you are confused already) ( god bless you)
Flowers are putting on a July fantastic show, and sunshine is the best medicine, hands down!! Unless its Vicks, which is still pretty darn good.
Keep safe, wear a mask, we need data, and fix your rudder!!
love
B