Not Today

    There are some days, that you just don't feel like showing up. This very day was trying to get me, but then I heard the birds. What a beautiful sight and sound, of nature, so busy in the morning.
    Bees humming, flowers blooming, take that Satan!
   April has proved to be a month of unanswered questions, and that is OK. As long as, somebody comes up with a plan. Doctors office called me, this am, and said, " Since you have so many questions concerning your Blood Pressure, maybe you should come in?" I proceeded to tell them, I had an appointment for next week, but tomorrow would be better. To the little nurse said I, " My personality would feel much better with a plan, and some answers, I will see you tomorrow."
    Some people, like myself, don't like fluctuations. Highs and lows, I think they have medicine for that. When your heart is jumping all over the place, that doesn't work for me. I need calm and steady rhythm, so fix it. I think it is beginning to get OK, I just want someone to tell me its good, or I will make up stuff!!
     Two things that I have been planning to tell you about, keep escaping me, because I have been hyper focused on breathing right!! Keeping track of my numbers, again, not a good thing for me to do! I like denial!!
  One is, I hope with all hope, that if you are a movie star fan, you have been watching The Feud, about Betty Davis and Joan Crawford. It is the most well cast, best set design, best written, costumes and total package I have seen on TV, in a spell. I have found myself wishing for a cigarette ( not really) (But)( they did smoke so much back then) and a stiff drink ( again, just thinking out loud)
   They wore hats, and gloves, to sit by the pool. Fur coats in summer, full make up to bed. They were loud, yet demure. These two queens of the movies, not aging well, for the time period, and hanging on to the last thread of youth. I wonder how horrible it must have felt to need that much attention, or that your total worth was how strangers liked you. I saw a frail, pitiful Joan Crawford, and yet an underlying panther ready to pounce. She came from the most horrible of young life, to be a star and take others down with her. Her family took the brunt of her insecurities and self hate. But lord did she look good, going down. Tragic.
       Betty Davis was born a bitch, I think, in a good way. North East money, and normal ish childhood, but never confident in her looks. ( she so reminded me of my aunt Peggy and aunt Francis) Dressed down more then Joan, and sassy. I think she may have been smarter then Miss Crawford, smarter was not a good quality to have for a lady, back in those days. The studios owned you, all of you, for better or worse. I love these two broads, I wish they had been better parents, but it was not in the cards. What was dealt us, was remarkable work, character actress women, at their best and so many flaws, I don't know how they carried the burdens. The Feud, Crawford/Davis is a time capsule of beauty with huge warts. Such is life, on any given day.
    NOT TODAY, will the blues get me, I have birds and Crawford/Davis Feud. ( A special thank you, to Mrs. Perlotta , who watches TV like I do. She bought over to me, this week, a book by Hedda Hopper ( in the series The Feud ), I think it came out in 62, wonderful bio! and she found me some big white clip on ear bobs!!) ( she is my jewel) ( my old movie friend)
   I hope you have all kinds of things that fill your cup, today. I promise to tell you about Anne LAMOTTs new book, honestly, but I need to take my BP!!
(Forgot to tell you, the true star of the show is Mamacita!! I need one of her!)