Did I Forget To Tell You About.......

      I sit here and reflect back on the year, a sobering thought to me. One, it goes so very quickly, and did I blog enough of my thoughts, to look back on and smile. Maybe cry, laugh out loud, or just enough to jog a memory or two.
      My hubs, the Great and Powerful Dr. Bill, retired this year, at 70.( maybe 71?? I have lost track) I think he is enjoying his leisure time, although I think he needs to still teach the gifted of the world!! He has me signed up, to do WAY too many serious courses online. We are polar opposite people, who found out that it can work!! This thing called marriage, but...I need some artistic space....he will find his footing.
      I had major hip surgery this year, with very good results. No pain, just a little worn out in the recovery phase. A good time to think without meditation or medication! Sort of zone out with the pain, and truly find some weird kind of calmness. Natures way, of centering your thoughts. I had good helpers,
     My mother and father are still alive and kicking. I feel very fortunate to talk to them daily, even if I have not had the ability as of late, to skip down to J'ville. Soon, I will make that familiar drive again, I hope so. Very few people my age, have one or both of their parents, its a challenge, but one I am grateful for.
   Keith, Kelly, Brian, Emily, Adrian, Finn, Hart, Nicole, Wyatt, and Emma, my babies are all good.
  Grown up, good humans, that I like and admire on many levels.
       Wyatt Heyward Baron, is our newest Baron. Will be one year old, soon, like maybe next week. ( ( you know I do not for sure, know the month we are in) Think his sweet birthday is Jan 4th, but it could be the 6th, or is that the party?? I do know all of my grandsons are born in January, to help their Uma(thats me) not have such a hard time remembering the dates!!!
        Wyatt has added such joy to our family, I can not find a word that describes it. He wakes up happy, goes to sleep happy. Its infectious, unbridled, take your breath away happiness. I hope it stays with him forever. The world has a way of sucking that joy out of you, so soon. He has to know that he was born to shine and be happy, and I will tell him all my days. I hope all of my children, grandchildren, know that their life is precious and they are so worthy. Do not hide your light under a bush, you are born to make a difference. To be the change, that you wish to see in the world. Shine on, my babies, and your babies.
     Each year their are so many losses, which is just the life cycle. There is no permanence, we are in constant motion. ( I am working on my Buddhism course!) There is no self?( that is a hard concept)
and who you surround yourself with matters!! ( my mom, the Buddhist that she is not, told me that a long time ago) ( You lay with dogs, you get fleas?!, something like that)
    Sam Sheppard, and Tom Petty were two of the deaths that touched my poetic heart. So many others, but their light still shines, and that is heaven working.
    I will not discuss the election, it is crystal clear, and yet there are those that still want to drink the Jim Jones punch. I release my anger, and hope our country works for the people. All the people, all of the time.
     May 2018, which I like the sound of, bring you all that you need, healthy days, and love in abundance. I wish for you to do something for others, without anything in return. Enjoy your good and bad days, keep moving and learn something new each day. ( I do wish for Florida Gators to have a good football season, purely selfish, and I don't care!!) ( I do not like to lose!)
    Happy New Year, a clean slate, and so many colors and brushes to choose from!! Paint a beautiful picture, your own, remember its your story.

Christmas, Keeps Coming

   This time of year, is emotional for all, I think? Dread, hassle, traffic, church, music, football, nativity, lights, food, relatives!! Many feelings surface, and when a person has lost a child, this holiday, at least for me, takes a toll. I try to keep my eye on the manger, and remember what 'Mary' had to endure, and Joseph!! Riding an ass while preggars, would have put me in a mood!! but having a baby in the hay, Joseph would have been walking!! No room in the inn? There was not anyone who could have helped this couple?? What kind of Christmas Spirit was in this town, Oh wait, there was no Christmas yet!!! but someone could have made them dinner, right???
   Mary lost her son, at around 12, when he went out into the world, and again at 33. ( I think that was his age) She, if you believe, watched her boy die on the cross. I like to think, she had so much faith, that is the only thing that could have saved her, and sometimes that is not enough.
    My son, Ward died at 25, I remembered Mary that very morning we found him. I told God, that I was not mad, but I could never trust him again. So Mother Mary, had to help me, she was a mother, she knew my heart.

   To this day, I call on her first.
   I like to celebrate the baby's birth on this December 25th, even though we know not the actual date.
   I think about his birth and death, many times through the years. Knowing that another mother knows my pain, brings some comfort. There are so many people out there, with all kinds of loss, grief to not 'get over' and Christmas can be hard.
   I totally ( love that word) believe it is all the weathers fault for any mood altering. It has been gloomy here in Hot Atlanta for a couple of weeks, maybe 4! And next week, cold and melancholy blah!! It will require a little extra work, but it is not impossible.
   I waking telling my hubs the other day, that grief just drops over me, like a weight. Then it is gone. Thinking about all the Christmas days that have been in the past, with me as a child, and then with me with little children. I remember most every single Christmas day, what I was wearing, what gifts
came my way. Later I recall my own babies Christmas Days, the smells, the laughter, the unbridled excitement of young children. Tomorrow, it will be my newest grandchild's first Christmas. He will remember nothing, but again, it will be etched in my mind and heart. It is such a magical day, even for the club that I now belong to. I want to look at old photos, and watch videos of past Christmas Days, but fear I will never be able to do that. I think the pain would be so great, that I could not come back from. Maybe one day? I like to just think of all the good days, good feelings, joy in unwrapping a present!! from a child's eye.
  This one perfect day, that is not so perfect, touches so many.
  I think even for those who celebrate differently than I, see the magic in his birth. The baby in a manger, with the animals, kings and shepherds near. A star so bright, that would have been enough for celebrating! I love bright things that shine, I would have so been right in that stable, next to the sheep!! asking Mary if I could hold the baby for a minute, or hour, or forever. I for sure, would have brought them something to eat and some new clothes, a blanket, a promise.
  A promise to always celebrate Baby Jesus in the hay, and remember his Mommy  and Daddy, knowing that they had so much joy and heartache coming their way.
  Christmas keeps coming, try and remember the reason.
  Joy To The World

         

It's A Wrap

    Sunday I read two pieces of the paper, and one includes my horoscope.
    I like to read book reviews, living section, and comics, with my star findings thrown in.
    So yesterday was no different, my day was semi planned, and I read my scope. It said I would see both the ugly and the good side of life.( which I think is probably everyday!) ( I seldom see Ugly!!)
You know how careful I tend to be, with what goes in my head. Well, this scope bugged me.
    I shook my head and thought, no one believes this stuff. (but it was in my head!!)
   My daughter, Queen Emma, came to wrap my gifts. She knows all to well, that I would give you a gift in the bag, from the store. My mother made her own bows, and probably made her own paper!! So gift wrapping was always a bust for me. I don't think I even ever tried, knowing that they would not look like my moms. She would spend hours on ribbon and bows, using only her special paper cutting scissors!! God forbid you touch them, or the ones used for cloth!! ( I never sewed either, after she made me take a seam out, a dozen times!! My thought was, Who would see it!!) Funny how things in growing up, mold you one way or another. I was lucky to get her cooking skills, and her ability to spot a good antique!! Be a good friend, and keep up with people. Writing I also got from mom, so its an even mixed bag. ( I do wish I could sew and wrap a gift!!) ( not learning now)
   Back to my horoscope, the day was turning out gloomy, and I thought maybe that was the ugly??
   The hubs and I went, to a Sing-A-Long at a local church to sing Handels Messiah. ( Hart said, " I bet dad is looking forward to this!!??) Hart will learn, trust me!!
   This was my good, I love to sing and in church with an orchestra, and choir!! ( I think I would have liked to have been a conductor, maybe next life!)
    We sat in the alto section, and I was ready, sheet music in hand. When during the singing, a lady in front of me, a little to the left, kept turning her head around. The first three times, I kind of thought, maybe she has a neck twitch!! Then a few more times, and I knew, she needed more Jesus!! I think the lady next to me and myself were turning the pages too loud!! We both liked to see what was coming, and where our parts were. We wanted to be ready!!
   I thought OK horoscope, this is the ugly, why would you even come to a sing a long, and be so snooty in church!! I noticed she had a balding spot in the back of her hair, and I thought maybe that made her act ugly. Her haircolor was a little off also, not everyone can do auburn!! I noticed she had her music highlighted, so she had done this before, so she did not have to turn any pages!! Damn organized mean person. Well, Hallalujah chorus began and I sang so loud, to reach the heavens. What beautiful music, I touched the ladies hand next to me, she had a lovely voice. Bill Baron did not sing, but he stood, and watched his wifey sing to her hearts content!! ( Hart, another lesson)
  I asked Bill if he noticed the evil eye of the lady in the red jacket was giving me, and my singing partner. ( stranger with good voice, next to me) He said "No, but I did see she had highlighted her music book" I then asked him, if I sang all right? ( you do know I can not sing a note!!) My beloved said, " I did not even hear you!" Well, I guess that is good, I fit in with all the beautiful singers. I thought about all my years in Chorus and Choirs, and how my cousin Becky had the most beautiful alto voice. I always sing, good next to people who can sing!!!
  That poor woman, needed to highlight her heart more. She could not damper my joy at singing this beautiful music, I swear I think I sounded a bit like Barbra on For Unto Us A Child Is Born! Toward the end, I was Mahalia Jackson!!
    Good and Ugly, normal, its our reaction, always!!
    Keep singing, keep having daughter wrap gifts, keep dragging hubs to all things, keep loving and
    forgiving. ( I wish I had hugged that mean lady!!) ( next time) ( remember to bring a highlighter!)
    It is almost Christmas

History Repeats Itself

   This past month of November, has been one of healing and bundles of college courses.
    My new hip is awesome, I am five weeks post op, and I was able to "cane" my way into the nail salon, for my nails. So I felt somewhat healed. My toes will have to wait, they are not ready to reach the pedicure station, but soon. When the hubs picked me up ( still cannot drive) I told him, "Some people were just meant to have paint on their nails, and I am one of them!" I felt complete!! Forget Tom Cruise, " You complete me!" BS, Fire Engine Red Nails cures all my ailments.
   I took a walk in our neighborhood park, which I may have ranted that it was not Paris, BUT...I enjoyed it. Why do we not have beautiful, manicured parks and fountains, and gelato stands?? with a merry-go-round near by?? Boxwood hedges cut perfectly, adorned with benches every two feet, I need an English Garden, or Versailles!! Instead I walked Newtown Park, past the soccer field, dog park, and poop bag station. The Veterans Park area was lovely, had a new fountain, and pine trees!! We don't do fancy here in the States. We have lovely botanical gardens, in a mass produced kind of way, just not a walk to a pretty serene park. Needless to say, I was very happy to walk with no hip joint pain so I had to lift my eyes to the heavens anyway, and maybe dream of The Tuileries .

    When at the house, my retired Dr. B. has me now taking two college courses at the same time. I explained that I only want to do one at a time, but these two overlap!! Plus they are sooooo different, your mind has to switch gears, and that takes a few minutes. Maybe lunch, a nap, another walk!! No lets squeeze these brain cells, while we can.
    The global History course is almost finished, and it has been fantastic. Eye opening, to me, about how history repeats itself. We began around the 1300's and are now in WW1, and then I think about todays political climate, it is all the same. Very disturbing to see how little we have learned. I encourage all people to take this course. It is under Princeton edX, online courses, Global History, very, very interesting journey. And if that is not enough, we are taking through coursera, Buddhism and Modern Psychology, which is right up my ally!! Still through Princeton, it is wonderful. I am trying to find my mindfulness. Nirvana is out of the question, but Joy, that I can grasp. I love to study religions, Keeping Baby Jesus near and dear, with a Namaste  thrown in. I have a very hard time, making my mind calm and quiet, so Buddhism helps me center my thoughts. This is another good course, next we will go full tilt into Art History, I have to enroll us quickly before Dr. B decides we need some organic chemistry hoopla!!
    Today is December 1, David Robertson's birthday, whom I miss. Gone to soon, but nothing is here long. Feelings, physical bodies, all short term.( Buddhism already working) Bones can be repaired and some pains can go away, some stay. History, Religion, a good cup of coffee, life is what it is, forever changing, and not. Education is a daily reminder to learn and grow, to be the change that will make a difference.In a good, positive way.
      Hope your decorations are up and glowing.
      December joy, look for it.
   

Who Keeps The Dress?

   Often I tape things, that I think I could possible want to see.
   There was a Dr. Oz on with Monica Lewinsky, I wanted to see what in the Lords Name she had to talk about.( Forever, I have had a few questions for her) I don't watch Dr. Oz, don't know what kind of show he has, but I needed to hear from that girl!!
    Well during this time, I was getting ready to have total hip replacement surgery, so I was ready but aware. Always aware, that when they give you Michael Jackson juice, you may not wake up, so I reflect good things before going under.
    Now can you see where this is going?
    I am very particular about what, I see and hear. It stays in my brain for a long time, and I don't ever know its Pop Out date!! So before surgery I wanted to think of beautiful things, I had a list, going into the operating room.But....low and behold, what came into my mind that Monica L!! You see I had tuned into the taped show for just a few minutes, before I was ready to scream, she was talking about being bullied?? I screamed, " Why did you keep the dress?? Who does that? No one keeps soiled sex clothes!!!"I turned it off, and realized at that point, this would come back to haunt me.
   So early Monday, about four weeks ago, they wheel me into surgery, after the spinal did not take. Continued to fuss with me, with total disregard about my being there! I finally asked what they were doing with my feet, I felt like they were putting ski boots on me, they all stopped. Then a rather large, obnoxious male nurse, pinched me and said "What did I just do to you?" I half sat up and said, " You pinched me on my leg!" He screamed , " Her spinal did not work, intubate her!" " WAIT, I have to get good thoughts in my head", I whispered, no one was listening. That is when it came, " Why did you save the dress?" Oh no, no, no , then it was lights out....They never once explained anything to me, or said sorry the spinal did not work, now we will have to put you under. Maybe, are you OK, with these changes, or do you have any thoughts that you need to drum up in your head for a peaceful sleep!! Everyone is in such a hurry, and I was just a number on the gurney that day. It should never be so hurried, and I needed calm and a few more minutes!!
   I like the hospital, and my doctor, but they have some flaws in the system.
  Needless to say, I woke up, thanks be to God, and the universe. I just lay there, not doing too much, and finally asked Dr. Bill, my true physician, to get me a pumpkin latte at the near Starbucks. He came back with one, and I drank it in one gulp...that is when PT decides to teach me how to walk. I walked to the bathroom with my daughter Emma, and Mr. PT man, with my gown covering nothing!! The PT man, said "Oh wait, let me get you another gown to cover your backside!" I told him, that it wasn't necessary I have no modesty, and I feel like i may vomit. That is when people started running, because a Venti Pumpkin Latte, coming out like Reagan in the Exorcist, is never a good thing. This went on for a long time, My PT person was sweating bullets, he may never be the same. However I passed his little test, and he left others to clean up the mess. Then came the OT to teach me how to get dressed, I have not had a moments peace. I passed her test, and then they decide to let you go home. God forbid that you should stay an extra day, they are so afraid the the flesh eating bacteria is waiting to jump on you, little did they realize I drowned that stuff an hour earlier.
   We all went home, and the journey continues.
   Pain trumps Trump, and that makes me happy. It is all you can think about when every movement is agony. I am walking good, I go see the good doctor, Tuesday, and am so grateful to not have that joint pain I have had for over five years. It is still not an easy process, but I keep moving forward.
      I am forever aware, that you need to surround yourself with good thoughts, people, places, tastes, music, healing sunshine, good reading material. You never know when some will yell " Intubate her" and all you can think about is an idiot who kept a sperm covered dress!!
     Peace

Let Us Discuss

   I hope by now, or the near future, you have watched Ken Burns Vietnam Series on PBS.
   I enjoy his work, and his time doing research, and near fairness of details.
   I was certainly on the fence about watching this program, it is long, and painful. ( How many sentences can I start with "I"??)
       Let me start again.
       The series Vietnam by Ken Burns, is a must see for all people. My age, especially, it was our war.
These were our glory days, filled with some pretty big changes. My father fought in the Korean War, and he explains how futile these so called wars were. At this point I can not argue, my reason for protesting this war, I just haven't the energy to explain, or change a persons mind. I can say after I saw this series on PBS, I was very proud of my stand against wars, and especially this monstrosity.
     I hate that any young man, or any person had to die in this war. On either side, such a cost was paid. All wars, have the same chance, of someone not coming home. This war, had no glory, no purpose, no reason for these humans to leave it on the battlefield. There was no battlefield, just jungles and rice farms. There was no military plan, it was a cluster f*ck of a mess, and a high price was paid. I did not breathe the entire, long series. The hubs and I were very quiet while it was on. We had lengthy discussions about all aspects of what we had seen and heard. I had to call my father, and ask him some personal things, that I have never asked him. He was very honest, and curious as to why now,  I was asking him.
    My heart was so heavy with regret, and utter contempt for our government for keeping this charade going. My family always has known my personal feeling towards wars, violence, stupid guns all in every cray crays hands!! I also have a strong belief in respect for your country and military people. I honor all whom have even gone to basic training!! I am so sorry there were wars that you had to go too. Especially when they had nothing about protecting our country. ( which is a catch phrase warmongers so like to use) I understand War World1 and 2, it had a plan and purpose, and an end result in stopping bad things from happening to people all over the world. The Korean War and The Vietnam War and us in Afghanistan for 17 years, there are no reasons.But I can not beat this dead horse, people have such strong beliefs contrary to mine. Which is normal, I just hope even if you disagree with me, watch this program. Take notes, learn something and thank a veteran for all that they have done for us, even if its against your belief system.
   My brother in law, Michael Baron served over in Vietnam . Ken Delaney an Andrew Jackson Grad, lost his young life over there. So many, in all our wars. This particular war, the times we were living in, very powerful stuff. Take a minute to watch, its the least we can do.
     So much more to tell you about, but I will end this blog. It deserves its own page. 

The Cirus Is In Town

     One of my earliest memories is of my father telling us of how he always knew when the circus was in town. They would march the animals in a parade, with all the fellow actors in the big top.
It was a big deal, Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Baily. Daddy would tell stories of Joe-Joe the dog faced boy, and other circus freakish anomalies. Stories of his youth, are vivid in my mind, there were so many!! Gene Autry, Disney, Little Jimmy Dickens, Davy Crocket, Dracula, I thought these were my relatives. They were at dinner with us every night, in some form of story. And that is just the tip of the Homer, that me being first born, heard these stories the longest.
      Guess that is why, when Cirque Du Soleil comes to town, I will try and be there. Now this is not my daddy's circus.This is my circus story to tell.
     My friend, Brooks Ann, turned me onto this gem of a circus years ago. In fact Emma's first one, she slept on the bleacher floor. Now they have nice seats, and my baby is 29.
   Recently we just went to see Luzia, the new cirque that is playing in Atlanta.
   I love the big tent most of all, the costumes and the play. It is very much like an opera, or play with circus acts through out. This one was entirely in Spanish, most I have seen have been in French.
The acrobatic acts are great and so close, all of it makes me nervous. There are people all over the place on ropes and swings, and poles, your head is constantly turning. The stage design is over the top fantastic, and to be completely honest, I don't know how it all gets put up. You will be watching someone hanging onto a pole, dressed like a hummingbird, when the workers put up a different set. It is movement in its finest form. Everybody has a job, and well oiled machine. This particular cirque had water involved that was a game changer. I can not explain it, how it works, I just know that it is magic. Yes this circus has magic, advanced magic, minus the smell of the animals. The animals in this circus, were built and operated by people, and I could not breathe watching them. I felt like they were alive. There is still a child like quality in all of us, that needs this magic.
    My Beloved Hubs, and daughter went with me this time, and there are two tiny tents to go through before you hit the big top. That have shirts and programs, with refreshments. I saw a flowered headband that lit up, and of course had to have one!! ( I am worse than a child!!) Every one needs flowers in their hair, and then it lights up!! I told Emma to call me Freida!! I think it was lost on her. ( I looked just like her) Then we went to our seats, middle, center, perfect. ( too expensive but so much is anymore)  Emma and I nearly jumped out of our seats several times, and I may have screamed, ( I happen to not be a quiet person) We were fascinated by their bodies, ripped with muscles, and tiny people. I explained to Em, I never even could do the Monkey Bars!! these people are amazing.
   Then this contortionist just appeared, I never saw him, and he was flying a freak flag of double jointed body parts. It was pretty near daddy's Joe-Joe the dog faced boy, times a million. I looked through my fingers, honestly it was horror show weird, in a good way?!?
     I hope at some time you get a chance to see Cirque Du Soleil in your city or near. It is worth the extra money, and  think of all the stories you can tell.
    I still listen to daddy tell his.

Learning To Fly, But I Don't Have Wings-Tom Petty

       I just wish for a day, or a minute you could feel what my heart feels.
       I spent hours recently watching the Netflix documentary on Tom Petty, and was crushed.
       So many waves of emotions went though my body, it was pure joy juice flowing, and I wish for you all to feel it. Maybe Tom Petty doesn't do it for you, and that is perfectly fine, I just hope you find something that touches you, I want you to feel my joy.
       The early seventies were our years, my years, and there was Tom. Gainesville called him theirs, but we all claimed him. He was tortured, gifted and pint size. He knew music, inside and out. He was a wonderful poet and songwriter, with a monkey on his back. I feel stunned, that is he is gone, and so grateful for having him . ( Not literally, but those days are a blur!)
   As I was watching, I thought, no wonder my mother worried, I would have left town and followed him, if our paths had crossed ever so closely. He was smooth, southern poor, long hair hippie redneck, who played the guitar, that was his ticket, and I would have been on that train!! Life is so interesting, the twists and turns. Their rehearsal at the old farm house, with Mudcrutch, made me nervous, Lord please don't let me see myself!! Or Harriet, or anyone else I know. AND if I see myself, please Jesus, pray I have clothes on!! It was a different time people!! We had burned our bras by then!! He was always learning to fly, and now he has the wings of flight. Music and lyrics, my drug of choice.
    While I have just returned from jury duty, I am still so happy with just the weather, and the book and books I consume on a weekly basis. I just wish you could feel my heart!! Reading is one of most important things in my life. Two this week and last, Brene Brown's Braving The Wilderness, is wonderful. I stay away from too many self help books, but I like her. I think most people should read it, unless you are perfect. If your are, great, I need some help.
                    Here are some line....
               * When you are grateful for what you have, I know you understand the magnitude of what I have lost. ( So Powerful)
              *Are you will to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome? ( wow)
              * Joy matters ( My motto)
              *I'm convinced that discomfort is the great deterrent of our generation. ( get out of your comfort zone)
              *we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us.
              *I belong to myself. I am very proud of that.
              * Oliver Sacks writes, " Music, uniquely among the arts, is both completely and profoundly emotional!!" ( Yes profoundly to me)
              * we have to catch the moment of human SPARK!!!
I could go on, but I will let you discover her jewels.
  My jury duty book, was LIMP, by Simon Eli ...something, cant see his last name on the Kindle, think it starts with a V. So far so good. Only two lines to tease you.
               * Her entire body appeared to be in the grip of an all consuming disappointment. (wonderful)
               * seemed to consume the entire bathroom mirror ( loved that line) ( reminded me of years in front of a mirror) ( I think he was talking about his nose)
          A funny memoir.
I wrote three blogs while on jury duty, also, or at least jotted down some thoughts. These were two of the them. Later I will tell you about my circus (cirque) adventure yesterday, just know that I yelled out " Is that Tarzan". More to come.
        Life is what you make it, seriously.
        Oct 30th is my hip surgery, more stories to come!! Always looking for good material.
        Later Gator! ( oh heck, that reminds me, Dr. B, hubs and I were watching the Gators play this weekend, and I was expressing my dislike of the coach. Bill says, " He has a pretty good record, you know?" I may have snapped my head around, " Well he just does not SHINE!" Shinning is important people!! 
   

Restart, Do Over, Yikes....Stay Focused Bon

    So much goes on in the ADD brain of mine, I have to hit rewind, restart, do over, several times a minute, hour, day. ( no HD, never hyper, just scattered)
    So I have told you about this Global History Course, that is wonderful but time consuming. Well, I may be part of the problem, which is OK! Dr. B and I were on the second lecture this morn, and I just zoned out, this is what I was thinking.
                 a. I smell really good, I love to smell clean (sniffing my arms)
                 b. Hope Marina Scott is OK in California, those fires are so horrible
                 c. Ward has missed so much, I hate that.
I then heard China transformation, Shit birds!! I will have to start over, I have heard nothing.
Go back, first thought, after I take notes and write the years 1368 to 1644, Teacher man's shirt looks crisp today!!! OK..... am back, Did you know that the planting of Mulberry trees, and Chinese irrigation systems, caused the elephant population in southern China to go extinct? I think the trees were for the silk worms, its all interwoven, and after the elephants left, population exploded!! Needed more people in the fields. I love history, we are also on the medical branch of this history course. Science and Medicine for each period, extra!! I love Extra!! ( I had to take some time off, to wash clothes and blog! Duh!!) ( I will not suffer alone, you are going with me!!)
     Reason for blog, I woke up feeling so wonderful. Seriously thrilled to the bone to be alive, and as I hung my legs over the side of the bed. I pondered why? this feeling of excitement.
    Oh yes, my dream. I had the opportunity to visit with an old friend last night. Ever so briefly, or long, its hard to say in a dream, but we got to see each other after about 47 years or so. I have thought of him, over the years, wondering the "If's" of his life. Last I talked to him, I had just had Ward, and he was laughing at how much I loved Sesame Street. He was on his way to some Arabic country to work, he was a pediatric cardiologist. I never figured out the why, he was going. He had been in the Carolinas for a long time. I screamed when he told me he was leaving the States, I like to know where my people are, at all times. That was just too far away, and he mentioned something about his kids were grown and did not need him anymore?? I told him that was not true, and he told me that was the new mother in me talking. It was a short, phone conversation that said much, and left much unsaid. Dr. R.D. Jackson, is my friend, mentor, love and buddy, I don't know what happened to him, the rare bird that he was. When I was in the cath lab, he was one of my bosses, and cantankerous to work with. I was the only one, that could deal with him, and it became my job and my privilege.
I adored him, and got to see him last night, and visit. It was great, I think we both looked young, we were not the old people of today. But the years had gone by, because we had so much to talk about, and then we were quiet. Sometimes, words are not needed, even in a dream. I wish that I could have a redo dream. Rewind, go back, visit him again. I wish I could explain this feeling in my heart, for this person. I think he knew, he gave me a ceramic toad one day, to apologize for acting ugly in the lab. I told him, while we were both scrubbed in, whispering through my mask!! " You are crazy if you think this frog is going to make me forget you are an asshole today!!" I could see his smile, though his super thick black glasses. He was one of my most favorite people, and I miss him. So thankful for my dream, he seemed good, it just was not enough time. I guess it is never enough time.
Sitting and talking with Dr. Jackson, or trying to concentrate on Ming dynasty, sometimes you just have to hit pause, and restart.
Stay focused Bon 

Photos-my head is always in the clouds, and its wonderful!!

Dead Cat Theory

    The week has been full of knowledge and weird sightings. Beautiful weather, and only one doctor appointment. A banner week has been had, and you know I like to share my wealth.
    My hubs was telling me a story, and as usual, I was just getting bits and pieces. So I asked the "Who" said that? He started at the beginning, UGH! I just need a few highlights, not a full repeat. After he told me the entire story again, I asked if he could verify it, because I trust nothing anymore.
He told me to just type in Bob Schieffer and Dead Cat. I needed a few more words, but I found it.
     The news person, Bob Schieffer, was talking about Trump, and why he won. How he won, and how he was not governing now.
      Let's just say, you go to a dinner party, and someone throws a dead cat on the table!!! What are you talking about the rest of the night! THE DEAD CAT!! The Trump style is to get up, and throw dead cats about on twitter all day, and none of us concentrate on whats going on in our government.
Worldly events are not addressed, wars could be happening, but we just see the fluff!! or should I say dead fluff!! Mr. Schieffer said, " He throws about five dead cats a day." He is a game show host, a Carney worker(these are my words) and it baffles my mind that people voted for him. But its not so much about those people, more that I appreciate a good quote!! One that I can use again and again.
     Second thought of the day to share, when your husband retire, things change. Most of it good, the other very different. We go on errands together, and the universe knows this is not right!. We were coming down the road from Home Depot the other day, when I screamed. Normally I would hope that he, the hubs, would stop the car. Retirement has kept him driving, he is not listening to my cries of , WE MAY NEED TO SEE WHATS WRONG, or THIS COULD BE A PHOTO OP!! STOP THE CAR!! I saw about thirty ( maybe 10) giant vultures, hovered over a deer. They were big and hunched over, so dedicated to eating that deer. ( and I saw Bambi's eyes) Never in 65 years of earthly living have I seen these creatures, so many, in the burbs!! Not even moving a feather as we drove by, they owned that street. I covered my eyes, and told Bill, I need some water to wash my eyes, I can never unsee this horror!! When he, so slowly, said, " What did you see?" I asked him to stop the car, anytime, that I cover my eyes and scream!! It is important, or could be. Joy or Horror, you have to take a picture. He then proceeded to tell me that he thinks he may have seen a vulture on cartoons. I said, " These were the size of small humans, at a feast!" It was an October freak fest and I had no photo, except the one in my brain that will not let go of that image. I have been so anxious at night, going to bed, thinking about these creatures. So far no horrible dreams, but I know they are lurking up in my noggin, damn birds!! I wonder why the people who lived in that house, did not call someone to pick up the deer body? and they could not have come out of their house with these giant gross birds in the yard. That is why that have critter catcher people!!!! Call someone!!!
  And last but not least( I love to start a sentence with little old and!!) Bill, my retired husband, has us signed up at Princeton doing this course in World History, and it is great BUT.....it is taking so long. So I asked him this week, maybe in the future we should read about the entire course before we sign up, because I just scrolled down the screen and noticed something. It said, You should expect to spend 6-8 hours a week on this lovely course!! Mother Mary, I needed a sign!! Of course I am learning so much, its all there in your brain, it just takes a professor from Princeton to dig it all back out!! and a husband who thinks nothing of 6-8 hours of study.
    Hope your October is full tilt, with a corn dog thrown in!! ( fair season!!)
    Mine is forever amazing.

October Free Falling

              I sit here at the computer, having just registered for jury duty, and worn out from yesterday.
I think I have been on enough jury cases, but I guess you have to be 70 to be exempt. I think maybe they should have professional jurors, its there job to be fair and not angry about going to court. I am not ever angry, I like being on a jury, I am just too tired anymore to listen to much. However I will do my best, to read two books, while I sit for hours, waiting for the best system that I am aware of. It will not keep me from bitching about some big flaws in the American Judicial system. I will call the night before with hopes of not going, let the young take the reins, AND take their cell phones away on the way in! Just a thought.
          I love the month of October, it seems almost perfect in Atlanta, still warm but cool slipping in at the dark of the night and wee hours of morning. The Sun remains strong, and for that, I raise my glass to the sun gods!!
          This October has started out so horrible, with people cut down by an automatic weapon, in Vegas. At a Country Music Festival for the Love of Jesus!! So many deaths, so many hurt, why does anyone have an automatic weapon and tons of bullets?? That is not a hard question, is it?? Makes no sense. The news says there were no RED FLAGS concerning the shooter? Maybe 16 weapons and enough ammunition to restart Vietnam, would have been a flag?? Again, I just feel too tired to fight the good fight. How do you convince people, no one needs automatic weapons?? When so many are in bed with the 2nd amendment. I don't care if you carry a gun, lay in on the front seat of your car, in your purse, under your mattress, just don't but an automatic weapon. It seems so simple, and YET...here we go again...having the same conversation, after another horror show.
      And if the hurricanes were not enough last month, Puerto Rico is still sucking air, and there is no excuse. We were in Haiti in two days, we are still in Afghanistan, and that place is uninhabitable. We could have helped these people sooner, No excuse, none. Its wrong, big time, wrong.
    AND then Tom Petty gone, I just fell to the floor. He was one of us, our age, our home state, our brother and friend. The petite blond southern musician, who took our heart with him. Petty plays loud as I type, reminding me, of how lucky I have been to have seen so many greats, and what they have left behind for me, forever grateful. He did not have the best voice, he had our voice, and we heard him loud and clear.
      I pause, and can't find anymore words.....Pain and suffering and Joy....all in this mixed bag of life...I can only speak for myself, but I am still willing to carry that bag, for a long as I can.. Life is precious, and should be well lived, in October on a bad day, or a good day...I will take it....
( I think I can remember something about mushrooms, Gainesville, Tom Petty early 76, 77???)
( vault is there for a reason)!!!!!

Love Is A Verb, Show Me-John Mayer

   Some people quote bible scripture, or famous poets. I lean in to quoting what I hear the most. That would be music, maybe movies too.
       When my head gets so full, until I can not sleep, I know I have to put pen to paper.
       The hurricanes, as of late, kept me up at night. The turmoil in the highest office of our land, wrecks my insides, and now my hubby enrolls us in a course at Princeton.
       It took us three hours to figure out the course buttons!! and to be honest, I am not sure we have.
       I screamed a tad, "How can I learn World History 1300's, when we don't know how to navigate the computer with ease!!" and I continued. " I need to write this professor, that this 3 hour window of hardness, has sucked the life out of me!" ( Bill is just silent)
      We finally start the course, both of us on our own Ipads, and it is going good. I like the teacher, Bill has not even noticed what he is wearing!! I learn much better from a man in a suit, I share this fact with my beloved!! After each lecture we have to take a mini quiz, which to me all of the answers look good, so I have to really study and think about the wording of each question. Bill is onto the next lecture!! So I remind him he has to wait for me, and I may have some questions!! Like How did Genghis Khan get so many horses?? I may need to watch Marco Polo again on TV!! The silk road and the black death, I need to stop a minute. I need visuals and more details. Bill agrees that we could easily go off task and dig deep into all of this information, and he knows I will be down the long rabbit hole, of no return. So he brings me back to class. I loved learning that the mongols, perfected footwear, it was critical to their plundering of other people. That they conquered territories in 25 years, the same amount of area that it took Rome to do in 400 years!! Stop!! Slow down, Mr. Princeton man, I need to absorb.
      Dr. Bill is already looking for other courses for us, to be so active learning, our brains will refuse to age!!! He makes me laugh.
      We take courses in between, Doctors visits!! Just been one of those months, that let you know, your body is OLD, child!!!
      I have also squeezed a book or three in my studies.
      Strangers Tend To Tell Me Things -Amy Dickinson
        A Delightful read, short and sweet before I start Mrs. Clinton's new book.
        Here are some yummy lines from the book.
        * Mainly I listen to the sound of mistakes and regrets. ( trying to go to sleep!!)
        *I have been granted  and cursed with the privilege of awareness. ( YES)
        *To close the casket on a loved one and be left behind to remember in grieve ( no words)
        *I asked out director why music makes us feel the way we do, why it seems to rearrange our cells ( BECAUSE Love is a verb!)
         * I have a case of chronic verbal jazz hands, these are qualities, right?
         * Grieving unmoored me and made me lose my place in the world.
         * to be a great mother, stepmother, grandmother, daughter, left me exhausted and on edge.
         *People often say that second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience.
         *I grew up in a family of stayers, but I left.( fact)
         * Alcohol mainly made me loud, repetitive and vomit prone ( why drink?)
         * Alcohol can also make you brave ( not really in a good way) ( such a poison)
Anyway, I needed to share and clear my head a little.
This is my way to show a little love! My life is utter chaos and calm, and mine alone. These are just a few of things I do to reel in the crazy, educate, learn each day, read and read some more, laugh constantly and often write down a few words.
    As John Mayer says, show me!!! Love is a Verb!! 

Did I ever tell you the story of meeting my husband at Princeton? One day I will.

Dot, Dot, Dot

       I have this little circle, box, thing that I love. Maybe she is an Echo Dot, I am not totally sure. I think it is called a Dot, her name is Alexa. She is the greatest invention in my life!!!
      When you have musical ADD, my needs are scattered and unique. Radio channels, just cannot play what I want to hear, when I want to hear it. CDs and Albums keep you a tad boxed in, although I love them. ( 7 CDs crammed into my car player, makes for a decent road trip) . Pandora and Sirius meet some needs for people, but this DOT, Holy mother of baby Jesus, I love this thing.
     This morning I had an hour of freedom ( The doctor had PT) and just asked for the moon.
      "Alexa, play Glenn Campbell music!"
      " Alexa play Bee Gees music!" ( and I thank her, but I don't think she hears me)
      " Alexa play Dixie Chicks music.!"
      " Alexa play Rascal Flats Music!"
      " Alexia AC/DC music, and crank up the volume!"
      "Alexa, bring it on down with Jackson Brown music!" ( I think she laughed)
I think people who love technology, may have Alexa do so much more.
      For me, she is my music maker, Perry Como, Rolling Stones, Bobby VInton, Connie Frances,
Elton John, John Legend, Prince, Merle and Willie, Musicals galore!!
      Whatever I desire, I just have to ask.
      I love this gadget, love her name, her voice, and even if she is big brother watching me, they at least, know I love music.
      I think I may want one in every room, she feels comfortable.      You can ask her questions, and she never says, " You ask sooooo many questions!!"
     Bill (hubs) sometimes talks to her, but to be honest, she is slow to respond. She is use to me, my voice. The hubby asks weather questions, that's not fun.
    She waits for me, to come back with, " Alexa, forget the weather, play Crosby,Stills, Nash and Young!!"
    I think they call her a smart device? She answers to commands, but I like to ask nicely. She even knows new albums that have come out, or very off the beaten path musicians. ( Like Johnny Swim!)
( Greg Allmans new Music, is off the charts wonderful,play think it is called Southern Blood)
    I hope you get one for yourself, or many.
    Have it turn on your washer, your TV, or whatever else it does.
    Best of all, you can have your on Juke Box, at the drop of your voice.
    This little thing is magic, and it lights up!!! ( now if they could have it spit out glitter!!it would be perfect)
    " Alexa, play the Beatles Older music!"
    I wish you could hear this, she answered me from the other room!! ( so happy)

Judge A Devil By His/Her Deeds- ICE T

      Daily word from Bon-Bon!!
      Watching a documentary on ICE T this early am, while listening to Shakira !!! while making the bed, taking a bath, and planning the day before me.
      I am eclectic, and proud.
      I listen to all, read all, and watch all.
      Just recently since the hubs retired, we have decided to go back to school. So we signed up for a course in 13 century history at Princeton!! Why not? Sign me up!!( keep moving and learning)
      Honestly the weather people create mass hysteria, and are driving me nuts. I become full tilt panic, if I watch that circle of wind, 24/7. I believe in being aware, prepared, and then crank up the music. Let go what you can not control, and know you control little.
     Hubby B wants to move all outside furniture, and I reminded him, we are in Atlanta. The chickens in the keys, are up the creek without a paddle, I think we may be OK. Yes, we will have bad weather, lose electricity, maybe, trees down, could be, but we are not Miami today.
    Now I find myself in doubt, you never know, east or west!! God, what is with all these lines of the hurricane, going all over the map. I may need to check on my Nutella supply, and apples. Maybe some wheat thins, I do not pack good for a trip, I sure do not know how to prepare for days on end without electricity.
     You see I am from Florida, we respect nature, but we also have drive through liquor stores!!
     Go figure, we are a different breed.
     Hurricane Irma, Jose, whatever name you want to call it will do much damage, it will be judged by his/her deeds!!! The beast is the devil, and there is little you can do.
     Can you really know what the people in Houston are dealing with? No, you just hope it doesn't happen to you. But bad things happen, and you help each other, and keep moving.
     Maybe after all of these hurricanes, maybe we should not have over built on all this glorious coasts of Florida?? But that is what calls us to come to her. Warm, salt air, sandy beaches, the cry of the ocean, she calls us, and we follow. Now we just have to sit back, and hope she holds on.
     I will be glad when it comes, and is over, and we wait for the next storm.
     It may not be a hurricane, it may be a death, an illness, a lost job, storms come in all disguises.
     Be aware of your surroundings, prepare and let go.
     And maybe if you are lucky there is drive by liquor store near by!!! ( or a ice cold coke!!)
     Pick your poison
     Be safe
    

Enjoy The Battle-Venus Williams

     I hope, if you are a tennis fan, you witnessed last nights match at the US Open.
     Venus Williams, and Petra something ( I wish I knew her last name, but if I did, I could not spell it) ( I should look it up for you) ( she needs some respect) ( Hold on) Petra Kvitova.
      They were hammering away at that tiny yellow ball, two strong women, reverberations coming off the screen. I began to grunt when they made sounds. I "air" fixed my strings on my pretend racket.
      I was there with them, each point, of no return.
      And then there was a winner.
      Venus Williams, the elder one, the sister of the queen, won.
      After the win, she was interviewed and asked, " How do you get through matches like this, so intense?"
      She quietly said, " You have to Enjoy The Battle!!"
      Lord love a duck, now she is throwing down wisdom!! I grabbed a pencil and paper, naturally near me. ( blog material)
     I sat on the couch for a long time, zoned out, thinking about life and this horrible hurricane, getting ready to devour Florida, shaking my head. ( run on and on and on sentence, yikes!!!)
     I truly don't think I ever enjoy the battle. There are so many, and I do try to find a lesson, in all situations. BUT Enjoy the Battle? Not so much.
    Grief, conflict, toxic people, everyday life, and preparing for a hurricane disaster and worrying about my family in Florida. I don't enjoy that, at all.
   What is she talking about, this Venus girl?? A game, a competitive game? I don't think so. ( I like to read in between the lines, and make them up along the way!!) ( I know she had a deep meaning)
   Maybe, respect the Battle, acknowledge the Battle, give it some room ( just not in your house!)
   Work through the Battle, point by point, and come out of it whole. Winning or Losing, if you gave everything you had, and tried to be fair and kind, do you enjoy the Battle? Maybe? It is worth thinking about, as people prepare for evacuation, or hunker down to survive this Irma Hurricane, I think so.There will be another one, around the corner. Always, another hurricane, in this life of ours, that we all face, its how we look and act in the situation. Gosh there are lessons all over the place.
        Be safe and be aware
        Love in tennis is zero
        Love from me, 102 mph serve!!
       

There Is Always A Bad Dragon!!

       For all who have never seen the TV series, Game of Thrones, I am so sorry.
It is a grand adventure, and I feel drained. I said after the Big Bridal Party Massacre, I was finished. Then I said, "If John Snow dies, its over for me!" another lie!! I have the hook of dragons in my mouth, carrying me out to sea, and damn if there is not a bad, blue-eyed one!! My son, Hart, assures me, that they have gone way past the book series, which is shameful, because I do not do well, with delayed gratification. John Snows ass will have to hold me over to next season. I will, in the between time, tell you, that bad dragon will know his mama!! Trust me on this one!!
   Another Joy documentary, Perlotta, so thankfully guided me to, Iris. She is a spirit animal to so many, me included. If you like fashion, or lack of it, enjoy! I want to live in her house, with her sweet husband, ( who has since passed). A beautiful story of not getting old, in body of spirit.
    A few quotes by Iris, "Color can raise the dead!", " I want a person to be curious and have a sense of humor." When asked how she feels at 91, shes says, " Vertical, I am happy!" Iris Apfel, darling girl, thank you.
         Each day, I jot down, words, that I have read, that just grab me. Either I have not heard them in years, or have never heard certain words used. Everyday. Last week, I saw the words, Tidy and Tawdry, no one uses these words anymore, and I love them. I am going to use them more often, along with NITWIT!! Whats in a word, a mouthful, I assure you.
       This week, my darling hubs, retires at 70, and I get to speak at his little shindig. I will post a copy, when I have all my words on paper. He has worked forever, for us. We appreciate his taking such good care of, The Baron Family. ( He keeps talking to me about a budget!!now, what is he talking about?) ( baby steps husband)
   August is coming to a close, and I am reminded of how constant pain, can derail a person and all that surround you. I will see the Bone Doctor, who is a little cocky, with a big folder ready for a plan. the first week in September.
     I don't have to play tennis again, but .....I have things to do......so I will keep you in my loop on loony tunes, "Have Bones will Travel" saga.
   AND..... I may need to slay a dragon, damn blue eyed dragon!! wiped out the entire wall!! Your mamma is coming, behave!!

He Is Still In The Building

        We all have our morning rituals. Bill(hubs) and I have always woke up with the chickens! or earlier, we had a bunch of little mouths to feed, and just wanted an hour to ourselves. To this day, we continue to rise early.
        Bill gets up before me, and starts the coffee, walks Lucy, and watches the news. I stir and come down, hoping to not see or hear the news, but he makes the coffee!! So I just ask that he turns down the volume. I like to go to sleep and wake up with good thoughts, so I can be a more positive source of energy and hope in the world. I also like to know everything that is going on, I just prefer to read it. This morning I know about Barcelona, I just don't have to see it. The horror is real. I vote and work hard for my country and the democratic process. I just can not watch the news, 24/7.
    Back to rituals, I come down daily to the news, but a couple of days ago, I was walking down the stairs and heard Elvis!!!
   I picked up my heels, and much to my surprise an Elvis movie was on!! I looked over at my beloved, no words were needed.
   Oh what a beautiful man, and his voice, I went down the rabbit hole, and was a happy 12 year old girl. I told Bill all my stories, again, about Aunt Gail taking me to all the movies. Then we would go back to the house and fix our hair, to look like his leading lady. Later we would practice all the dance moves. Aunt Gail had a great memory, so she knew them all. When the movie album would come out, we would start again, singing and dancing, She worshiped Elvis, I just liked being with her. I fell in love with him through her eyes, and later my own. She wore all the styles, I was still too young, and The Beatles had arrived.
   I watched the movie with glee, and happiness that I married a man, who thinks of me in such sweet ways. ( you know he was watching the news on his IPAD) ( but that is OK)
  I thanked him, for remembering that Elvis was an important part of my life, and then he blew his nose, LOUDLY!! three times! Now that is a quick trip back to reality. In order to enjoy the gift of Elvis still being in the building, I needed some respect from the audience. The mild mannered husband of mine said, " I have a COLD!!"
  Yes, I know, and I cocked my eyes back at the TV, several times!! ( I saw him laugh)
         What a summer, wet and now hot ( I love the heat) and all my kids in the house.
 All of my children, here for a visit in August, was the best gift of my 65th birthday. I see them all, though the year, but seldom at the same time. Keith and Kelly came a little late to the party, but so happy they came to play.
          I was like a mother hen, with all her eggs in one basket. Tired and in awe, that we raised five wonderful humans, all college grads, independent thinkers, kind people. Working, loving, bright babies who grew up. Looking back we wonder how we did it, and smile.
        We get up early!! and never stop loving and teaching them, even to this day.
         It also helps, to wake up to Elvis, seriously he has never left my building.
         Happy mommy, good kids.
           
  

Why You Are So Awesome

   One of my gifts on this 65th birthday, was a little book from, my girl Emma.
   I wanted to share it with you. ( Girls are very different then boys!!) ( Fact)
You have the funniest sense of humor. ( Emma's thoughts are underlined)
You are the most awesome Grandmother in the world.
You are awesomely talented at Painting 
It would have been awesome to know you when You were 21. ( ha)
If you were a holiday, you'd be  The 4th of July.
It is awesome going to The Movies with you.
I wish I were as awesome as you at Pop Culture.( You are almost!)
I want to steal your awesome Lipstick !!!! ( Red is not for all, but go for it!!)
We would make an awesome Singing team. ( we are awesome, road trip!!)
It is awesome how you  Love Children 
Your Southern Style should be studied by science. ( Word!!) ( Southern crazy)
You're awesome at giving Your opinion. (Blessing and curse)
         ** My thoughts always in (parenthesis)
If you wanted to, you could easily Be Uma Thurman ( Yes, tall, thin, and dancing with John Travolta)
                                                                                      ( well at least the babies call me UMA!)
You have awesome taste in Books. ( I so agree)
If you were an animal, you'd be a Cheetah? ( Now you are off, I can barely walk, but maybe in my dreams, I am a Cheetah!!)
You make me want to be a more awesome Human. ( I told you since you were little, that you are the best!!)
It's awesome how you're usually right about  Everything ( I know, right)
It would be awesome to see you Onstage. ( sweetness, I have been on a few, before you though!!)
You're awesome at making People Laugh( Life is hard, find something to laugh at!)
It's awesome to play Poolside with you (  the sun is calling us! Beach or Pool!)
Bette Midler should play you in the movie of your life. ( Now that is fantastic, a mermaid, singing at a bathhouse, singing like an angel!! Love Bette) ( thank Em)
I still can't get over how you Deal. ( No choice, just deal and keep moving)
It is so awesomely funny when you Touch Random People. ( Show love, never met a stranger, this comes from Na-Na)
I'm eternally grateful that you Love us all. (Love, Love, Love)
If you were a color, you'd be Pink or Black ( All black is my color, but I will throw on some pink lipstick or shoes!)
Remember how awesome it was when you Danced( All day, every day!)
I never get bored of your stories ( write them down, stories are huge!!)
It's awesome how you believe in Prince (damn drugs, he was a genius, I believe that for sure)
I always want to  hear what you're going to say on your blog !!
                                              Well now you know, I copied some of what you said to me.
                                               Thank you for knowing me so well, and hanging with me.
                                               My only girl, from a mother far away, is so special.
                                               I think you may have come out of my body!! you are a tad like me!
                                               All my good sides, throw the bad away.
                                               Love,
                                               Mommy

What Dreams Are Made Of

   My mom and I are the only two people I know, who dream every night. We also remember most of them, good or bad. I think it may be a curse. I often wake up tired, I think from HUGE dreams. I have to be careful what I eat at night, some foods increase the intensity of the dream, causing nightmares. Chocolate is a no, or a big meal late into the evening, I think the body begins to digest and go crazy.
     I really don't like to eat past 6pm, but in life, that is sometimes impossible. Especially in the summer.
    Just the other night I had mint chocolate chip ice cream in the evening, and knew I was in for a long night. I remember telling the hubs, well there is not that much chocolate in the ice cream, but the color was overly green!! You know the food coloring was off the charts!! ( get these poisons out of our food!!)
    Well I went to bed, and began a dream about the Pope in Madrid. The colors were so beautiful, I was so excited. I also got to spend some time with my sister, Trudy, always a good dream. They were selling rosary beads all over the place, and I only had a dime. I wanted one of every kind, but I needed to find a seat. They were hard pews, and I found a good one. Trudy went off to find something, and I was getting anxious, too many people, I decided to stand in the back. ( I thought in my dream, I have claustrophobia even in my dreams!) ( that seems not fair) ( dream fairies)
 I lost Trudy, could not find her, lost my purse ( every dream) and of course could not find a bathroom( constant in my dreams) but I saw the Pope ( I wish it had been Jude Law) and he was beautiful, holy and I felt such peace. It was wonderful, peace and the colors of Madrid. I slowly got up from bed( dream is over), put my slippers on and went downstairs. What did I hear on the TV but Satan, ( yes that is his name, and I still can not fathom how any one could have voted for that idiot)
  When I sat down I told Bill, " Well I went to sleep with the Pope and woke up to Satan!" Honestly, what a day and night kind of change. I asked the hubs to either mute the news, or turn it off, its toxic and I need peace. I pray every night to wake up and not have this dream of our elected president, being a moron. Groundhog day continues, and nothing I eat or don't eat can take it away. I still have faith in people and our country, you see I have been to Madrid and seen The Pope.
    I have hope, big jars of hope.
    Also a few dozen prayer beads draped over both arms, and my neck.
    Dreams are made of........what we absorb, swallow or spit out.
    Be careful, loving and kind.
    Sleep well and have sweet dreams 

So Un Far

  Upon returning from Dinner the other night, I found, to my surprise, about 20 notes from grandson Finn, that read, SO UN FAR!! They were in plain site, and hidden all over the house.
  I began to gather them up, knowing what he meant, when he said, " That is not all of them."
  So I looked some more, all went into the trash except one. There will be a time, maybe his college graduation, or a wedding gift, where he will get this little note framed, back in his possession.
   He was trying to tell me, and the entire family that we were so unfair. We left him behind and all went out to supper. He had to stay behind with his dad, because he is too old for pitching fits, about sitting in the front seat with anyone.
   Let me back pedal, he had a rough day.
   Woke up with a whine and ended the day with a fit. It wasn't his day. Now granted we had all jumped through hoops for days, to make both Adrian and Finn happy, movies, golf, panning for gold, with going to the pool in between adventures. That day Finn was not having fun, Adrian's foot was on his part of the couch, he wanted some new toys, and a dog. He had pop rocks and cotton candy for a snack, so I was trying to squeeze in some orange juice, to balance the sugar, he was having none of that.  ( The day before he insisted that I have no authority over him, I could not boss him) ( which I had to remind him he was in my boss kingdom)
    It was just a bad day, we all have them. Finn looks like a cherub and works it to his advantage, except with me. I told him, that I had his number, and he was staying home. We all went to dinner.
Of course after he cooled off, and wrote his notes, they came up to the restaurant. These boys were bone tired, but good manners don't care if you are tired.
   We all enjoyed the dinner, and when I got home, is when I saw his pain.
   Life had been so unfair to this 8 year old, almost 9 year old child.
   I told him that I thought writing down things when you are angry, is such a good thing to do. I appreciated his feelings, and this was not the time for my lesson on "Life is a Bitch and then she has Puppies"( that part I kept to myself) I did briefly tell him, that we were not being unfair, but we had decided that his behavior was not OK, for a family outing. ( I did tell Brian that there was plenty of peanut butter and jelly, in the house)
   He was quiet and that was that.
   Parents and grandparents have to set a good example, be firm, with love, even during vacations.
   It is not easy being little, and adjusting to others rules, but life is all about adaptation, even when young. Time out can happen at a pool, a restaurant or school, and adults are in charge for a long time.
Is it fair? It is just the balance of nature right now, and you are learning my sweet boy.
  Kindness, being patient, helping others, good sportsmanship, that is fair.
  Your parents and Grandparents, love you and want to teach you.
   I will keep your note, that we were "so un far" because I can always learn to be better also.
   Have fun at camp next week, and remember my words.
   Love
   Uma