Christmas, Keeps Coming

   This time of year, is emotional for all, I think? Dread, hassle, traffic, church, music, football, nativity, lights, food, relatives!! Many feelings surface, and when a person has lost a child, this holiday, at least for me, takes a toll. I try to keep my eye on the manger, and remember what 'Mary' had to endure, and Joseph!! Riding an ass while preggars, would have put me in a mood!! but having a baby in the hay, Joseph would have been walking!! No room in the inn? There was not anyone who could have helped this couple?? What kind of Christmas Spirit was in this town, Oh wait, there was no Christmas yet!!! but someone could have made them dinner, right???
   Mary lost her son, at around 12, when he went out into the world, and again at 33. ( I think that was his age) She, if you believe, watched her boy die on the cross. I like to think, she had so much faith, that is the only thing that could have saved her, and sometimes that is not enough.
    My son, Ward died at 25, I remembered Mary that very morning we found him. I told God, that I was not mad, but I could never trust him again. So Mother Mary, had to help me, she was a mother, she knew my heart.

   To this day, I call on her first.
   I like to celebrate the baby's birth on this December 25th, even though we know not the actual date.
   I think about his birth and death, many times through the years. Knowing that another mother knows my pain, brings some comfort. There are so many people out there, with all kinds of loss, grief to not 'get over' and Christmas can be hard.
   I totally ( love that word) believe it is all the weathers fault for any mood altering. It has been gloomy here in Hot Atlanta for a couple of weeks, maybe 4! And next week, cold and melancholy blah!! It will require a little extra work, but it is not impossible.
   I waking telling my hubs the other day, that grief just drops over me, like a weight. Then it is gone. Thinking about all the Christmas days that have been in the past, with me as a child, and then with me with little children. I remember most every single Christmas day, what I was wearing, what gifts
came my way. Later I recall my own babies Christmas Days, the smells, the laughter, the unbridled excitement of young children. Tomorrow, it will be my newest grandchild's first Christmas. He will remember nothing, but again, it will be etched in my mind and heart. It is such a magical day, even for the club that I now belong to. I want to look at old photos, and watch videos of past Christmas Days, but fear I will never be able to do that. I think the pain would be so great, that I could not come back from. Maybe one day? I like to just think of all the good days, good feelings, joy in unwrapping a present!! from a child's eye.
  This one perfect day, that is not so perfect, touches so many.
  I think even for those who celebrate differently than I, see the magic in his birth. The baby in a manger, with the animals, kings and shepherds near. A star so bright, that would have been enough for celebrating! I love bright things that shine, I would have so been right in that stable, next to the sheep!! asking Mary if I could hold the baby for a minute, or hour, or forever. I for sure, would have brought them something to eat and some new clothes, a blanket, a promise.
  A promise to always celebrate Baby Jesus in the hay, and remember his Mommy  and Daddy, knowing that they had so much joy and heartache coming their way.
  Christmas keeps coming, try and remember the reason.
  Joy To The World