Remember, You Have To Be The Sun, Not The Wind

      As far back as I can remember, I have been a force of nature. More like a hurricane, instead of a light breeze. When all along I just wanted to be The Sun!!
     Even as a little tot, I was told, to stop  being so hard-headed and sensitive. A rare combo of traits, that have stayed with me for life. I told my parents, at a very young age, to try and enlighten them, that my stubborn streak was because I wanted answers. I truthfully did not want to have them pull their hair out, I just wanted to know why? You could punish me, but I wanted to state my case, and it was 1952. Children did not have an opinion, or the right to question. So I learned to read early, and find my own answers.
    After I held my breath until I passed out!! on a few occasions. I just wanted to know why I had to come in from outside, it made no sense!
   Being overly sensitive, I call passionate about life. Everything hurt my feelings, things bothered me, I cried often and buckets full. If a plant died, I would weep for days, when I just needed someone to buy me another one, or explain nature. My dresses itched, with all the petticoats and I would remove them, no one should have to wear these things! My skin was sensitive too! Lassie caused many a sleepless night of angst, I just wore my heart on my sleeve and it was pumping! Mom worried and Dad just said to ignore her! ( that being me) I was the first born princess, and I thought they should recognize this on a daily basis. But life being what it is, became busy with babies, and daddy working hard. They were both in their early twenties, God Bless them! ( mom worked hard too, no dryer, no microwave, no air conditioner and you had to cut up a chicken!! which is a deal breaker for me!)
    I adjusted and lived a life of being on a pedestal with Homer, (daddy) having one foot on it, to take me down a peg or two, when needed.
     I am explaining this to you, the reader, so you can appreciate my blog more!
     Yesterday, I was headed to the art supply store, and I had the window of the car down. The weather is just beautiful. I felt tears well up in my eyes, so I pulled over. How can August be almost over, How can I bottle up the smell of this fresh cut grass? I wonder if there is a way to put smells and sunshine in a jar and open it in the winter? Boo hoo ing, snot coming down my face, hysterical. You see now, how I still ask so many questions!! I inhale and exhale, and thank God for this beautiful day, and get my self together. Then I laugh at what I must have looked like in the Art Store. They were really kind to me, and asked if I needed help, in a strong tone!
   I returned home, and remembered again that day, it was Ward's birthday, and my emotions are a little raw.
 ( Honestly they are like this everyday! Ask my family!) So I sat still and thought of wonderful memories of my precious boy, who was hard headed and soooooo sensitive, and cut off the tags of his shirts because they bothered him. I smiled and then felt like I could feel the grief flowing all over my body, I could feel each of my cells in my body. So I went to sit in the sun.
    I will be the vessel of Wards memories, I will be the Sun even in Winter. I will just be me, and that is enough.
   August, another good year, thank you