Broken but.....

Deep Freeze 2011, is now snow gravy. Melting away, and not a minute too soon. Housebound and feeling gloomy, is even more difficult when you are broken. There was even a point in these gray days, that I began to morph into The Queen Mum!!! I looked a little bit pinched!!!and I was thinking of buying a hat!!! Bloody English weather!! Cold, damp, and minus the crown jewels!!!
It takes so much work, for me to look for joy. I noticed on the January calendar that Ward has been gone forty-two months. My very breath would become labored at the thought of his absence. In the quiet of these winter days, grief settles in. My work to seek some normalcy becomes harder. Lucy and I would lay on the sofa in any ray of sunshine that we could find, and find such peace. Then I would think, that Ward will never feel or see this sun shinning, feel the warmth through the window. He would never know, this sweet old dog, who has brought life to this house. The paper said, that this past week , Atlanta was frozen in time. My time was frozen on the day Ward died, and Winter makes each of my days, just more difficult to maneuver. I even became angry with God. Each night before I go to sleep, I have always asked God to watch over my babies. Last night, I asked him, why he did not watch over Ward? "What were you doing on that July 13th night?" " You didn't need him?" " I think you were not paying attention!!""How can I trust you now?"and then I heard him say, "I have been waiting for you to get angry Bonnie, you will feel my love, and know the answers." "I'm trying to get to sleep, and I'm so angry, and I don't know any answers, but I do know you, and I do know Ward is with you but I'm broken!" "Now leave me alone!" "No, don't, I need your help, I need you to get rid of this cold weather, snow and ice!" AMEN!