Not A Cowbell!

Every morning I pray, "Lord make me an instrument of peace, just not a cowbell!"
You see I'm a Leo and we have a tendency to be happy. OK, loud!! Strong personalities, is an ever so sweet way!? to say very loud! Lucky, flamboyant, don't like change, charming, and we roar like the lioness that we are. We are the king and queen of ANY jungle! So now you see why my prayer is appropriate. I know this is my "notch" and its hard to take it down, but I'm aware, some days I would like to be, a flute!!!
Well, wouldn't you know the earth shifted and someone ??now says I am a Cancer, in the zodiac world. A crab!!! This creature has strong imagination, could be a hoarder, complex, CHECK!!!
Also an artist, a writer, romantic, loving , CHECK!!!
But... I'm a Leo, I shoo-shoo change.
I think I may be a Lecer or a Cano, some good qualities of both of these signs.(remember, born a Leo, we don't acknowledge bad qualities!)
So my prayer this morning, "Lord make me an instrument of peace, and a one women band!"

News Flash!!

The burbs outside of Atlanta, have way too much time on their hands. Pools, tennis, lawns, and garbage pickup, create great fodder for conversation. We have a news letter and now with all us "baby boomers" we have news briefs!!! flashes!! on e-mail. Usually I delete things, either by mistake, oops!!! or on purpose. Bill, favorite hubby, likes to read them to me, and stir my pot!!! "This had better not be about somebody not liking "Joe Blows" lawn ornament!" or " Some poor fool has let their grass grow 1/2 inch past normal!!" "Go ahead and read it if you must!"
Grinning, like the cat in Alice, he reads " Coyote, spotted on the corner of Hartridge and Arborwoods!(we live on that corner!) watch your small children and pets!" SHUT UP!!! you are telling me, that people do not watch their children and pets!!!! I howled, and told my typist to reply " Tell them I had earlier spotted a "Republican" and to lock the doors!" now that is a news flash worth reading!!! The burbs, love them and hate them, its home to all creatures, great and small.

Broken but.....

Deep Freeze 2011, is now snow gravy. Melting away, and not a minute too soon. Housebound and feeling gloomy, is even more difficult when you are broken. There was even a point in these gray days, that I began to morph into The Queen Mum!!! I looked a little bit pinched!!!and I was thinking of buying a hat!!! Bloody English weather!! Cold, damp, and minus the crown jewels!!!
It takes so much work, for me to look for joy. I noticed on the January calendar that Ward has been gone forty-two months. My very breath would become labored at the thought of his absence. In the quiet of these winter days, grief settles in. My work to seek some normalcy becomes harder. Lucy and I would lay on the sofa in any ray of sunshine that we could find, and find such peace. Then I would think, that Ward will never feel or see this sun shinning, feel the warmth through the window. He would never know, this sweet old dog, who has brought life to this house. The paper said, that this past week , Atlanta was frozen in time. My time was frozen on the day Ward died, and Winter makes each of my days, just more difficult to maneuver. I even became angry with God. Each night before I go to sleep, I have always asked God to watch over my babies. Last night, I asked him, why he did not watch over Ward? "What were you doing on that July 13th night?" " You didn't need him?" " I think you were not paying attention!!""How can I trust you now?"and then I heard him say, "I have been waiting for you to get angry Bonnie, you will feel my love, and know the answers." "I'm trying to get to sleep, and I'm so angry, and I don't know any answers, but I do know you, and I do know Ward is with you but I'm broken!" "Now leave me alone!" "No, don't, I need your help, I need you to get rid of this cold weather, snow and ice!" AMEN!

Snowcation

Today is January 13, 2011, day four of"Snowcation." It could also be called, "Miserable on Arborwoods Drive" or " I may not have enough lotion to get me through winter!!" The outside temp is reaching about 33 degrees and I'm giddy. Georgia meets the ice capades is getting on my last nerve, and I may get behind the wheel of a car. We tried yesterday to 'skate the ice' on four wheels, to my hubby's dismay and fingernail marks in his arm, we turned around. "How bad does a person ever need milk?" We were in the car, traveling at 2 miles per hour, to purchase Lucy the lab, some bones, so she would not be bored in this winter mayhem!!!! I told Bill she could chew on a good pair of my shoes, just get my ass off this ice covered asphalt!!! He proceeded to remind me, that growing up in Buffalo prepared him for this kind of driving, as we neared the 18th hole on the Rivermont golf course!!! we were not in any way, playing golf!!!
So I remain at home, watching birds and combing the cabinets, to find something deer would eat. Lucy and I spotted two deer this morning, and I think every living thing is hungry!!! I made banana bread the size of my thigh yesterday, I think I will share with all God's creatures. Embrace the crazy, I say!!! Maybe I will finish my Christmas cards, I had saved some to do, just in case of a rare winter storm?? As my mom would often say, "This too shall pass." Really??!!

Remember When?

Remember when, is a nail biter. Could be a sweet memory or something evil that you may have done?? Especially when your child utters the phrase. Every mother has an "arsenic hour" when raising children!!! So when my twenty-six year old son, Hart, said, "Remember when??...you walked with Ward, Lauren Bagdy and me in the snow and ice storm, to Kroger?" and " Lauren fell in the snowbank, and you fell on the ice?" "Those are good snow memories." "Would you do that again mom?" Hmmmmm.... "No Hart, that was when I was a good mom!" " You think I liked to be out in the snow with you kids?" SO000000 mom, "Does that mean you will not be playing with us in the snow tomorrow?" Precious son of mine, "I hate the cold, I hate the snow, and I have not only cut the apron strings, I burnt the apron!" " I have raised strong, independent children, who play with others!!!" after the laughter has died down, Hart said, " but it will be fun!" Anyone that starts a sentence with, "but it will be fun", has horns!!! and a tilted halo!!! HART...".I'm sure it will be fun for you, and I hope you enjoy it, take Lucy the lab, with you on your frolic in the white powder." " I will be wrapped in a blanket, with only my eyes showing, knowing that I am the best mom in the whole wide world!!!!
Phone rings.....ring....." Mom, it's Emma, I wish I were home to play in the snow with you. Take a lot of pictures!"Thank Jesus for a long lens on the camera, because this mom is staying IN!!! "Emma, oh I know, we wish you were home from college also, love, love and ps.. call your brother!! it will be fun!!! remember when you two played together!!!??"
I love being a mom!!!

Reality Bites

Back to school tomorrow, with a phone call into the retirement office. Just to look at all my options!!! I have a few more hours, that are mine!!
Just finished my last vaca book, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. My heart is beating so hard, trying to not go to the valley. You see, she knows my heart. She has lost a child, and she is searching with grace. It was a beautiful book, about love and loss. My one question, in all the grief books that I have read, remains. "What did Ward learn from death?" "How did this make him stronger?" "Why is death suppose to teach us something?" Guess that grief book, isn't out yet? What an unwanted journey this is!
Two other books, that came to me this holiday vacation,(I think they all COME to me!) are, Enchanted Evening Barbie and the Second Coming by Rheta Grimsley Johnson. Rheta is enchanted. Laugh, cry and smile at the same time. This book taught me that we all live from Christmas to Christmas. That is our timeline. Christmas causes us to be distracted, the days are not ordinary. Then Monday comes, and the job of life continues. She ends the book with the words, Keep moving forward . That I like!
The second wonderful, little book jewel, was Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, by David Sedaris. Honestly everything he writes, causes me to be jubilant. This very different read, made my reality,nibble! Not bite!! If animals were more like us, is the concept, and he runs with it. I feel giddy to run with him. The illustrator is Ian Falconer , author and illustrator of the Olivia children's books. The icing on the cake, and I had a big piece!!
I guess my reality, was that I had some free time to indulge in some great reading, so I take back the title of this blog!!!!

Pee-Pee

Euphemistic use of piss-Pee-pee!!!
In our family we used the term, tee-tee, it still means, gotta go in my world.
My bladder is the size of a dime, and anyone who knows me personally, knows I mean NOW!!!
I have peed all over the United States and beyond. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact. I know where all bathrooms are located in any given state. I have pee stories!!!
Two of my favorite are; One being in a civil war cemetery in Fredricksburg, Virginia. We were looking at all the tombstones, and thinking about each young man, and the war, when the urge hit me. Remember size of a dime!!! I hollered to my family, find me a tree and somebody from the north!!! We southerners are loyal, and crazy!!!! Well, in military cemeteries all the graves are in rows and rows, the same size stone with these precious boys names and states engraved. So I was running up and down the rows, grabbing my tudee (another family name for private parts!!) praying for a bush, or a mausoleum!!!! Privacy is not an issue, I could not GO on a grave period!!! Luck would find me a rare oleander bush, and I sat, thinking to be careful, this plant is poison!! Two was in the middle of a road, snake hunting!!! Why was I even in a car with people who hunt snakes? A friend of my father's, red flag should have been spotted!!!, thought it would entertain all of us. To see how many snakes cross the road at night, by some swamp, river in Jacksonville.So we turn on the low beams, and see hundreds of snakes. One glance and I'm an insolent teenager, "Turn this car around!" Everyone is laughing, and ecstatic about "the big ones!!" on the side of the road, that cars have run over!!! when I need to go. I tell Woody, that I have to go and what am I going to do, we are searching the car for a jar, NOTHING!! I can not go outside with all the snakes, you lunatic!!! "Oh Bonnie, its OK, I will leave the lights on high and all the snakes will scatter, they are more afraid of us!?" I get out of the car, lights on, so everyone gets to watch!!! I have to stand in front of the lights, just to be safe, when I squat and then the lights go off!!!So funny???I leaped on the hood of that car, and scared all participants seated!!!
There are many, many more potty stories. It's just the wicked, funny truth. So why do I share all my business? I keep having dreams about finding bathrooms, hours of looking for open stalls, clean toi-toi's ( aunt Peggy's name for toilet)and I was wondering why? but I think I answered my own question!!! Now if I can find the reason why my other dreams of losing my purse, and keys is happening I will get a good nights sleep!!! I have never lost my purse or keys, so this one has me stumped!!! Now the song, Dream Weaver is stuck in my head, and guess? I have to go!!! Sweet Dreams.

Love of Language

My New Years wish is to write down what i read, with a snippet of why. Maybe even keep a list of words, in a journal, or better yet blog about it!!!
Pat Conroy's book, My Reading Life was consumed by me during this holiday season. A reader's delight, to know others who hang on words with both hands. He is one of these remarkable souls, where reading has always been his companion. I began to think about when my love of reading began. As a very young child, The Color Kittens held my short attention. I carried it with me, along with my dolls, both high on my love list. In the summers, as I grew, the Springfield Library,(old Brentwood Theater) would hand out little stickers for how many books you read. I was hooked. I could read fast, checking our many books at a time. My brothers and sister would check out one book. I needed a wagon, to carry my load. Living in the hot south, with no air conditioning, made laying outside, under a big, mossy oak, my reading room. Sometimes I would venture towards the creek, where it was much cooler, but I was exposed to "the neighborhood." Kids everywhere wanting to play, could never understand why anyone would choose to read. It was almost, like I had to hide it. Seems funny, trying to get away from the sweltering heat, and playing with all my buddies would influence my lifelong joy of picking up a book. Reading on our side screened porch, because the concrete floor was so cool, was another favorite place. Pat Conroy claims that reading saved his life and sanity, he had more to get away from then me.
I do think reading has shaped my life, and made me a voracious learner. From reading about cardiovascular medicine, to The Great Gatsby and thousands of pages in between. Books have been the pleasure of my company, my friends, my teachers. Remaining high on my "to do" list, again this new year, 2011. Thank you Pat Conroy, for your gift, of sharing your love of reading with me. Reminding me, that I need to take notes, record words, expressions, page numbers, quotes, titles, author's names, to remember. Remembering is my New Years resolution!!!!!