Meltdown

Early morning grief meltdown.
I was planning to go through all the sympathy cards, and throw them away. Ward has been gone almost three years.
That was my plan, I always have a bunch of plans, planned!!! I just DRIFT....
Time means nothing to me, I'm on vacation, in a minute sounds good to me.
Then it hits me, and I'm on the floor. I had not even looked at one card!!!! I was thinking about bringing Hart home from the hospital, and Ward's, little boy's face, looking up at me, with a million questions!!!! It was August and hot, maybe this heat triggered this moment. Maybe it is, what it is.
Nix, the card plan.
I had to get out of the house.
Pool time. ( Why does it take me so loooonnnnggg to get ready for the pool, I'm a pool-tard!!!, lotions, hats, towels, Ipod, diet coke, yogurt, plastic spoon)
I collapse at the pool, my grief and the sun.
Quiet warmth.
I sit in the cool water, when this little girl comes and sits beside me. She asked me my name, I asked hers. She is five, and she says, "How old are you?" " Well, little girl named Ruth, I'm fifty-seven!" Precious Rue's eyes got big, " You don't have much time to live, do you?"
"Yes, I do, I have a long time to live, and am looking forward to every second, like this one with you!" She swam away.
I gathered my things, and packed up my grief for another day.
I feel much better.
Out of the mouths of babes, pearls!!!!