Go Ask Patti

Know this, Patti Smith, is not all yall's , cup of tea!
In fact she can not be confined to a cuppa.
This child of the universe, has led 10 lives, in this earthly one, and she is not done.
Singer, songwriter, poet, author, artist, and soul searching person. She has fascinated me, for decades.
I saw her sing, only once, and I do not even like her singing. However she had me in her spell, I hung on each word, and scream, uttered from that body and mouth.
Her appearance is minimal to a fault, she treads lightly.
I have read all of her books, and love her writing, she is just plain interesting, period.
This past Sunday there was a book review, from The Year of the Monkey by Patti Smith, in the paper.
I thought, wonder what they will say. I can not find the right words to describe anything about this 70 year old woman of the world. She says, Life is about perspective, even the most mundane circumstances.
Personal journeys, we all have a story to tell. Longing, Love, Grief, cautious Hope.( by Bryan Reesman's article) We have to surrender to her style and be inspired. ( wonderful review Mr. Reesman, I borrowed some of your words)

She was best friends and lover with Robert Mapplethorpe, for many, many years. Friends until his death. She was best friends and maybe lover with Sam Shepard, and with him when he lost his life to ALS.Ms. Smith is in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. Many book awards have come her way, in countries all over the world. She fascinates me, and her new book, continued us on a journey together in reading.
Here below are some of the highlighted pages from me.
         1. You could count on him for anything. Anything except staying alive.
         2.Thirst will cease to be thirst and wounds will cease to be wounds.
         3.nobody knew the stories left undone
         4. Twenty-four percent of the population had elected the worst of ourselves to represent the other
         5.post election paralysis claiming us all
         6. I sat in the center of my own disorder. ( this is in reference to Polaroid photos)
         7.The Game pf Havoc, an uppercase game with a lowercase deity
         8.Do not act like you have ten thousand years to live
         9. Sliding the box back into its place I feel strangely off-center, a moment of sorrow's vertigo
(Sorrow's Vertigo, lord have mercy, powerful)
         10. Not just shards of love, as Sandy would say, but the whole goblet
          11. dreading the deceptively antiseptic corridors and invisible bacterial zones, that trigger an instinct for self-survival and the overriding desire to flee!!( long sentence Patti, but your description of a hospital, is spot on)
  Thank you for telling your story in so many ways, and for being born in my time.
  I end October with many thoughts, about how fast the days are, and how important it is to put pen to paper.
  Your words, your story, you never know who you will touch, teach, guide, or discourage.
  Elijah Cummings, told his children and friends, " I won't let you fall."
  How wonderful to hear.
  Clocks, turn back on Saturday or Sunday AM.
  I will have so much work to do, to take me out of this darkness and cold weather.
  Don't worry, I will only share my good thoughts with you. ( You know that is not true, I will bitch and moan, all winter. Know that is comes with love from me to you!!)( oh heck, I don't know if that is totally true either, just surrender to my journey, Patti style.)

The Idea of Place

My husband knows I like to read his Princeton Alumni Magazine, the articles are good and I like the listing of houses/apartments to rent all over the world. I have rented many a place from this list.
 Often he passes it to me, before he reads it, IF he reads it.
Wonderful article about Toni Morrison Remembered. She taught at Princeton since 1989, and this article talks about a Keynote address that she gave, October 25, 1996, for Princeton's 250th anniversary convocation.
    I will not type the entire address, just some things that jumped off the page to me.
She is talking about, the place, simple love of a place, the spirit of a place. She quotes Wordsworth's eloquent use of conceit that certain sites, natural sites, held genni which"spoke" to the contemplative passerby.
Ms Toni also quoted Geoffrey Hartmann calling, "continuum of wisdom of the dead and the energy of the living." In other words, the spirit of the place is animated by a reverence for the past that is forever mitigated by the present. ( Big words, big thoughts)
  Reading this caused me to think about places I have been, and will go. Houses that hold memories, yet have long been gone from our lives. Things, stuff, neighborhoods, halls, schools, parks, museums, churches, and Anne Franks House!!!!(where I fell out) Princeton is dear to me, because that is where I fell in love with my husband and Princeton.
  Right now we are trying to get my mother, Mary, to come live with us in Atlanta. She doesn't want to leave her belongings or her home, her city, her memories.
I tell her, memories you carry with you, and if needed pack up some stuff, and bring it with you. Whatever would make the move a little easier, her collection of ear bobs, stools, photos galore.
She enjoys being here, we enjoy having her, it is just so hard to let go of things.
This story about Ms. Morrison's speech, reminded me, that the spirit of a place that holds your heart travels with you, past, present and future.
 I just finished a book, called Ladysitting, My Year with NaNa at the End of Her Century by Lorene Cary ( I think that is the author?? I need my magnifying glass but its in the next room!!) ( close enough)  I love the term Ladysitting, and I loved this book.
We have to make space for people, breathe in the air, and make space. Grief needs more life and air to take in , we have permission to let people and things go. This Nana in the book, told her family that they took such good care of her, it was hard to die, when you feel so much love. ( I think we did that with daddy) Rejoice, is a word, often repeated in this book, and I love it.( I just love random words)
 It was a delicacy of resentment ( I love that sentence, amazing use of words) ( even out of context)
" Yes God is real," Mahalia sings so!!! ( amen!)
  Delight and Time, the wide-armed, fragrant mimosa to climb in summer, the fireplace to stoke in winter. ( its about choices, all day long!!)
 Princeton, Toni, NaNa, Ladysitting, all intertwined.
Patti Smiths new book, I will have to take an entire blog to give it my all. I hope you, whomever you are have read her books. Next time.
My place, right now, is typing this blog, listening to my husband shred something behind me, and being so thankful that his hip surgery complete and good. The day is gray, birds are singing, dog snoring, kids and grandkids, mom and Benjie, all good. Friends near and far, have a place in my heart, and grief stays tucked in, on most days. It too has a place.
 The Idea of Place, you take it with you.

I Did It

  Thank You Wyatt Heyward Baron for giving me the title to my blog, and so much to write about.
 
Even when a toddler is jumping from the top of a slide, to halfway across the room, to me laying in a hammock, he is proud, " I DID IT"
I took a breath, and said " Well, yes you did angel, but remember I told you not to." He ran to do it again. You try and keep them safe, and understand that they did jump really far, while keeping their teeth!!
 I moved the slide closer to me, so his jump was a little safer!! That way he keeps his, I did it spirit!!
 Uma rules sure are a lot different then Mama rules, of long ago.
 Later while tucking the morsel, in for a nap, apparently I was not doing the covers right. Wyatt may have screamed, "Dadtee" several times, when it clicked ( Uma can be slow) "Oh you want your daddy to cover you? Well angel, we will have to try, show me where the covers go, and explain to me, why you want the dogs blanket?" He pointed to his feet, so we tucked, and moved the pillows around, and I said, " How about me singing to you?" and he said, "OK" Then I asked, if he wanted me to sing Christmas Carols? and the angel child, said "OK" So we started with Oh Come All Ye Faithful, and he was out . I counted his fingers, and eyelashes, watched him for, more then a minute!! sniffed the dog blanket, to see how filthy it was, and wondered why he took it. Dog smell, is not all that bad!! Uma rules are, Out of the Box, three states over!!
 We go down to paint, after his nap, and yes the child has his own paper, easel and paints!! But he wants my paints, my good paints and pastels. Finally after we tried all of his chalk and paints, I agreed with him, mine were  better. So we start squeezing tubes, in a palette, also using a good sable brush!! He has a good eye, and will paint for a long time. He paints me, the floor a little, but tries to stay on his paper. He tells me, when he thinks he needs more water, and knows how to wet his brush. Cleanup is in the bathroom sink, feet and hands in, ( he is sitting on the sink, helping) He washes out his brush, and rinses his dirty water out, then tells me, where all the paint is all over the sink, so I can do that cleaning. Children are a sponge, they remember everything, you just have to teach them. I enjoy having a minute to watch him. Time for him to go home, and he is ready. Misses his mommie and dadtee, says his goodbyes, kisses and bolts. He loves his home, dog, and parents, and its cute to see. Hart, my son, his dadtee, takes home one of Wyatts masterpieces, its really good. The kid has a good stroke, eye for color, and expensive taste in paints!! and an Uma who is at peace with a mess!!
You Did It kid, enjoy every second, and then some.

Complicated Chorus

Thank You Marty Stuart for my blog title.
 A shout out to Ken Burns for his LONG series about any and everything. The one on Country Music has blown me out of the water!!!
   Over the last two weeks, I have watched my entire life flash before me, in the songs, lyrics, legends of Country Music.
   I have felt great pain that daddy, was not alive, to say, "I told you so!" on all of his early country people and their history.
   You see, I was the first born, practice child, and Daddy thought I was a mini adult! ( which I may have been). He taught me so much about music, and movies since I stood up in the crib.
 My first song, that I learned was "Lay Me A Pallet Down On The Floor" I think it had something to do with him watching me, lay on the floor as a baby. Some blanket or pallet was put down, and daddy watched me!!!?? For a minute, while mom hung clothes out on the line. He talked on and on, about Little Jimmy Dickens, Earle Scruggs, Mother Maybelle Carter, Lester Flatt, Foggy Mountain Boys, Eddie Arnold, Gene Autry, Jimmie Rogers, Poor Hank Williams, Patsy, Loretta and never stopping, the list is huge. You do realize that I was not walking!! Willie, Waylon, Merle, Cash, Acuff and The Possum, George Jones. The Statler brothers, and so many more religious singing groups, we watched on TV, Sunday morning as others were getting ready. Daddy and I were always first!! ( Gumby and Pokey gave me the creeps!) The Oak Ridge Boys were later, but you know they were on rotation!
  I know all of these peoples family history, and every song!!! and there are hundreds more names to add to the list. The footage of these Tobacco Road people, making music, touches me.
 Poverty entrenched in each note, and they sung. To survive, and pass on something pretty darn special. Is twang country music for everyone, probably not. BUT the history of it, should be taught in schools. Black Gospel, Honkey Tonk, Hillbilly, Bango and Steel Guitar, Blue Grass tingle down my spine, joy juice. Foot taping, tear jerking, American Art.
  The eight part, 16-hour, YES, 16-hour, where did it come from question, is answered. Homer Blackman Jr. that is where. Daddy you were right, and I knew it all. The hardships that people come from and you still had to sing. Ken Burns even included your beloved Gene and Cowboy music, it is a wonderful series.
   Thank you for giving me this gift, at such a young age. I know I never learned to play the spoons, but I did get the lesson, of a complicated chorus.
 ( Dad we don't use the word midget, anymore to describe Little Jimmie Dickens!) and ( You are right Hank Williams Jr. should have been a baker.) ( Tommy and I liked him anyway!!)

There Are No Lifeguards

   I Miss You When I Blink, is where I found the above title.
  Worth a quick read, for sure.
  Sweet little pearls of life wisdom, sprinkled throughout.
  I thought about No Lifeguards, the metaphor for rescue, I think, all week.
  It was the year anniversary of my brother Tommy's death, and we had no lifeguards.
  We could not even have a funeral, (as per his wishes) even if we had mustered some strength.
   There were no Lifeguards, that Saturday.
   Knowing your brother is going to die soon, does not cushion the blow. I told him years ago, goodbye, in my heart. I saw what was down the road. About five years or more, of self destruction, and a heart of gold, No Lifeguards.
   We Miss him when we blink, for sure.
    The months from June through August were meant to stay blank, quote from the book, that spoke volumes to me.
    Here are a few others;
             The ship of bitchy ingratitude has sailed, so why not climb on board and sail it somewhere interesting? ( come on, that is great, climb on board!)
             I don't cook when I'm on my own. I graze. It's one of the small measures of tenderness I grant myself, the removal of all the pressure to feed and water all things!! ( I added all things, I stopped the copy finger. This is so true, be tender to yourself, we don't have to feed and water forever!!)( My everyday of Thanksgiving cooking, is gone and its a relief)
             (I just read the title again on page 172) It reads, But nothing really guards our lives. Lifeguards don't exist! ( I was close)( Yes, there is a God, is she a guard?!) ( Hard to swallow when you bury a child) ( I do know there is Jesus in the manger, so I have some faith) ( I just know Lifeguards do no exist!!)
            It's also miserable. I hate that I can't relax. I wish I didn't have to-do lists in my peripheral vision all the time!! ( which brings me to my close of day, last night) ( thank you for this line, Ms. Philpot)

Bill, hubs, goes to bed early, and I stroll up, in the summer, after eleven. Our routine is pretty much, the same, nightly. TV is on, loud, when I start up the stairs. Cat crying for my attention, Bill is asleep, and I ask myself, WHAT is this crap you have on the tube!! Screaming people, out of control chaos, how can you go to sleep with your mind listening to this mess!!! ( you know he has not heard a word I said, but that does not stop me!!) I apologized to the Cat, so sorry that you had to see humans, CONGRESS, acting like loons, I could not click quick enough.
To the Old peoples channel, and there was Guess Who Is Coming To Dinner, GLORY!!! Thank you, Thank you, Sidney Poitier. Now there is a Lifeguard!! I was wrong, we do have them. In all kinds of places. I told Dianna, the cat, that we can go to bed, at peace, with a voice like an angel, and skin the color of beauty! She agreed. We watched for about 10 min, and turned off the telly. I fixed my three pillows, up high, so I can see all around the bed, for any monsters!! ( Old habits don't go away) I sleep almost upright, waiting to hear if the babies need me!! I thanked God for Sidney, and I have been good, and if you have any heavenly strings to pull, you know, UP THERE!, please let me dream about him. I smiled and God smiled back, I could feel a hand on my back. Such peace, until the claws went in a little too deep, Dianna was having a Sidney Dream at the same time, and hers was epic!!
I swatted her off my back, telling her to find her on dream, This lifeguard is mine!!!

Kit da Ball

    This week I asked Wyatt ( number 3 gran) if he wanted me to come watch his soccer game. He replied, " Kit de Ball!" I think that may have been a Yes!?
     I love little toddler language, and we talk a lot.
     If I don't understand, after a few seconds, he will say, "Come On!" and then point!! ( all the while thinking, what the heck Uma, I was saying doughnut!!)
     A couple of weeks ago, precious spent the night. We had put him in his, Big Bed, so going to sleep was going to be fun. We talked about everything in the room. All of Emma's trophies, (it use to be her room) ( maybe it still is??) all the stuffed animals, including the softness of the Alligators tail. How many songs, I was going to sing, life in general. ( The husband says, how can he go to sleep, you just lay up there and visit!!)
   I think he may need to tell me something or learn something new!!!
   So we talked, and we moved around on the bed, tested pillows, and no pillows, until he fell asleep. I slowly kissed the top of his head, and UP HE JUMPED!!  In the dark, he pulled my head to his mouth and kissed it!!! then went back to sleep!! I whispered, " You could have stayed up another hour, for that cuteness!"
   I think when we raise children, there is never enough time, to just be with them. There seems to be laundry and dishes, school lunches to make, busy days of things that could wait. You don't realize the brief time period you have to lay on the bed an talk to these darling, wormy kids.
   When you become a grandparent, you just get to be present. It is a pretty cool thing. I may not understand all that Wyatt says right now, but I will stay there to listen, till the cows come in.
   The boy is playing soccer, as I type, I have had a bad cold, so I am resting for my toddler time, this afternoon.
   Let me go grab an inhaler, and pause before, my toddler buddy, soccer star comes rolling in, for some talking time!!!
Happy Saturday, go Kit de Ball some.

Lend Me A Halo - Avril Lavigne

    I admit to loving tiles of blogs, as much or more, than the content!!
    Sometimes they can relate to what I may be thinking, but most often, no connections. Just something I heard, and it spoke to me!!!
    My blog will begin on this very first day of September, storm watching, weeding flower beds for some fall colors, and gathering the info that is scrambled in my brain. I have shells to put away, summer is gone, and that tends to cause my throat to close!! SO I put if off, it will get done, maybe.
 My buddy Wyatt has been painting lately, so I ordered some new rolls of paper, that need to be put on his easel!! Projects, galore. ( Pause to take off my fit bit, can not type with it on!!) ( and sitting here, I am not taking any more steps.) ( I only wear my fit bit to see how badly I sleep!!) ( yet am still in a good mood!)
     OK, back to life.
  I read another book, that I did not like, and it baffles me. I had a very long, two minute, conversation with my hubs about this crisis. I explained my problem, and asked if he ever knew me to read two bad books, or any not so great books. I think he said, " Not that he know of!" ( not a good answer)
 I then asked him if my being diagnosed with early macular degeneration, and waiting for my blindness to come, has caused me to read bad books!!! ( note, hopefully this will be a long process and I will just go blind, when I can no longer tolerate looking at anything!!) ( DNA)
    He hummed, "I don't think so." I began to get a little louder, "This is serious!!" "What if I have lost my ability to pick good books, and apparently my friends have also!" The Doctor, told me, "Pick another one!!"
   So I did, from the six or ten, that I always have downloaded or in print, to grab.
   I read three pages and let out a hard sigh.
   Woke the sleeping man, that I had married and said, " I have good news, my book is good, it was just a fluke, and I can still see!!" I think he may have said, "Why did you wake me?" but I think he was quiet and thought it!! He is a good man, of little conversation.
    Now my blog was going to be about Watching Wyatt, so I will end on that drink of Joy.
    We try to get him once a week and see him on weekends if possible. Toddlerville, is not easy, but he is so worth a few extra Tylenol.
    This week, he was looking at the roof of my car, saying "stars." I asked him, "What are you talking about?" "Stars in the sky, yes and the moon?" That wee little person said, "NO" waving his arms, around, like there were stars on the roof of the car!! I screamed, " YES, I remember!" Last week I had on this necklace, that reflected the colors of the rainbow and stars all over the car and us!! It was magic, and beautiful and fun. I gasped, " I have on the wrong necklace, oh Jesus!!" WyWy did not get it. I proceeded to explain, that I promise forever, I will wear that special necklace in the car to pick you up from daycare. I then went on to explain, that we will also need sunshine, and that could be a problem. He was OK with my talking, and said, " No stars?" I shook my head, and he sucked on his juice. Kids remember everything, don't ever forget that parents, teachers, all humans!! and if you ever find stars in your car at any time, like fireflies sparkling all over, wear the same necklace again!!
Wyatt Wisdom from his Uma.
Now if someone would lend me a Halo!! ( listen to the song, because Miss Lavigne fell in love with a devil!! she needed a Halo, as we all do!!) ( from time to time)