Breathe In, Summer Is My Heart.

  Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the books, I am reading. The other one is about Paris, and The Last Castle ( Biltmore Estate) ( I would have to go in the other room, to find the Paris book title but I will later, promise)
     In my new Buddha Book ( my initials!) ( sign) it interweaves the practice of Buddhism and Christianity. Jesus says to Be Still and Know God, Buddhism says, Be calm and know mindfulness.
    The practice of mindfulness helps you be a better Christian, if that is your interest. I think it helps you center your thoughts, so you can pray better. Maybe even know yourself better. I think Jesus would agree with me.
       In meditating, stillness is most important, and when you breathe in, you should feel calm. Calm can be your mantra. My mantra is Summer! and when I breathe out Winter ! Summer is my heart beat, period.
     A funny story, in this same vein of summer continues daily! (Oh, Emma just bought me the book, I was telling you about, The Little French Bistro by Nina George)
    Breathe in, SUMMER!
    Remember to breathe out!!
    One afternoon, thinking that I did not really need to get my nails done, I jumped up and decided to get my nails done!!! My place is a hop, skip and a jump around the corner. Been going there over twenty years, they are family. It is a very comfortable experience. I sit, chill, little conversation, and Breathe!! Mindfulness in the nail salon, works!! UNTIL.. I just glance at the TV which is seldom on, and if it is on, its the cooking channel. I hear the words, Tupac and Biggie! I look around, to see if my kids are pranking me, after they surprised me on my birthday!!! I look a little harder at the TV, and these people are discussing a full tilt depth Tupac and Biggies death and autopsy results!! Namaste!!
I continue to think this is not real, no one is paying attention but me! I dive in, I love my hip hop rap, old school, peeps! Tupac was a poet!! They may have been gangsters, or just misunderstood!! thugs, but no one should die, riddled with bullets, and have their autopsy on TV, while I am trying to be calm!! I finally say to Linda, my person, do you understand what is on TV, by now I am seeing autopsy full blown photos. She smiles, and asks if I want my nails shorter.( She speaks very good English!!) Then she says, as the paint goes on, " You know this color is summer, and its winter outside." I smile, " Yes I know, because it is Summer in my heart, Linda and this TV program is making me angst!" Ok, maybe not angst, I Helen Kellered some hand gestures to sign crying!! ( all of this sounds bad!! How do I describe in detail, my ability to communicate with people who are pretending to not know enough English!) I love Linda so, I told her, true crime TV shows, maybe are not the best thing to have during prayer time.( I may have used my hands, again!) Can we turn the TV off? Of course she didn't care, not another soul in there had their eyes open!She smiled, and I smiled. I also let her know, that my summer nail polish, looked great. She replied, " I know you will be wearing it until October!" Like family!, she tuned me out when needed, and made me laugh at the same time. I never change my nail polish in the summer, its part of my mantra!! I also know that if I go in Linda's car, there is a Tupac and Biggie CD turned UP!!! Now I can breathe out!! I just had to tell you.
     Be still and know, Be Mindful and calm. Pay attention, be kind, live life, its a trip!!! Start Summer nails early, its in your heart.

Flu Germs and Gilgamesh

   I tend to be, not a totally, 'nut job' germ freak, but....this years flu has me reaching for new heights of crazy.
   My purse now carries a full size bottle of Lysol Spray, along with my bag of lipsticks!! ( It is very fun being me!!) Hand sanitize gel, is in every nook and cranny of my house and car. This stuff is serious. ( Remember I just finished a huge Global History course, full of plagues!!! that took out millions of people!) I had my flu vaccine, and they say ( who are they?) it only covers 10%, what kind of odds are that? So I have had to step up my game.
     Anywhere there may be a boatload of people and one coughs, I will be spraying. Just ask my hair dresser, I sprayed the entire salon, and twice the area behind us where a woman was hacking. ( please stay home when you are sick!) The theater was wiped down, and the doctors office!!! If you even look like you may cough, I may hand you a Clorox wipe. Of course I did not read any magazines at the doctors office, they drip germs. Oh and I forgot, picking up my precious Wyatt from daycare, I signed in with my own pen, used that pen to punch in the code to get in, and sprayed. All of these places and more should pay attention. AND get a flu vaccine, whatever helps you stay well, and not infect the rest of us.
     My cousin Becky and I use to love to be sick together . Once we both had strep, and got to stay home on Bruce street together. Little did we know, Grandmother would be watching us, and she sprayed us with Lysol!! We thought we were poisoned!! We told her to just spray the room! She may have thought we were sassy, we were trying to survive!! She sprayed us twice!! Now I am the sprayer!! I may not spray your person!! but.....the area, near me, or my family will get sprayed.
   Summer can not get here quick enough. The temp today is 50 and all joggers are out in force. The spandex is tight and glowing, running towards that light!! I am waiting for that cool, crisp 85 before I travel into the wild! Smothered in Aspercreme and joy in my step, I await the heat, and no flu bugs lingering.
       Now to end this daily journal post, I know that you like to know how hard I study online.
 World Lit from Yale or Harvard, who the heck knows at this point, is killing me. I wanted to take it, because I hated these several epics in high school, and I thought I would be ready!! Iam ready to scream, but in a good way. Gilgamesh, Odyssey, Lusiads, One Thousand and One Nights, Tale of the Genji. So far Gilgamesh, is like torture, but I do like that it was written on clay tablets. In a cuneiform type of nothing, I think, "How did anyone ever interpret this "? It was found broken to pieces, over three thousand years ago. It is mind boggling. AND what is lost in translation?  I will keep you posted of all my studies, maybe I will inspire you, or scare you into taking nothing. I hope you all are continuing to learn, daily. There are so many ways to learn, this is just a new form to me, online, and I love it. ( I must tell you that one of the professors looks like a serial killer to me!) ( Hub likes his annunciation??)( are you kidding me, he is Ted Bundy with a flair for English!!) Lucky for me, there are two other professors, that are delicious. Tweed jackets, nice glasses, good voices, it takes a village to educate me!! The good Dr. B. says, " I do not even notice these things." I remind him, that we all learn differently.
    Flu germs and Gilgamesh, a day in my life.
    Joy comes from hard work and a spray or two.

On A Different Note

      Humans of New York photo and words, that I saw this morning, were from Mumbai India.
   Elderly gentleman that said, " I'm trying to live my life without conflict, so I don't say much."
     When you have a personal blog about the nuts and bolts of your life, being quiet is not in the cards. However, I can change the record, flip the vinyl, turn over a different stone, not discuss politics but every few months!!
    He ( you know He is) wants to drain the swamp. My birthplace and home, being Florida, I love the Swamp! Save the Everglades, Satan's Humidity is my best friend. Talking about Politics drains me, and that I can control.
    So today, while nature has betrayed me, I will jot down a few random pearls of wisdom.
     One day, last week it was in the 60's and I was one inch away from doing yard work. Mother Natures hurricane winds said this, " You will never learn Bonnie, I like to tease you." I had nearly taken my coat to the cleaners, my hope was soaring, and then the temp dropped to 13 degrees. ( wind chill factor) ( I think it was in the 20's) I tell her, all the time, I do not tease well. She just keeps blowing hard!!So I had to regroup my sunny disposition.
   I remembered that mom always told me, that I was conceived while Patti Page sang, The Tennessee Waltz. That makes me feel special, so I look for my sheet music, before I sing loud and proud, my happiness is returning. ( It takes work, people!) Forever, I repeat, how music is my church,and can change the climate of my heart in a second! Cold weather, go away!! you mean spirited soul. From that moment of clarity, I decided to watch a new documentary on David Bowie's last five years. HBO, and it is fantastic. Handsome, beautiful, weird, ahead of his time, Ziggy, powerful, music ran through my veins. Complete joy, and so thankful he had been on the earth with me, so lucky!! ( Take that MN!) ( The space heater, is probably helping some!!) ( but I give credit to music 100%)
      The Doctor and I had finished our courses, and began to look for two new ones. ( World History and Buddhism, done and done!) We decided to sign up for Ancient Lit from Yale, and History of Cathedrals from Harvard. One from Coursera, and the other from edX, ( I found a Beatles course for next time!! ) I am convinced you should never stop learning, its not easy, but a fantastic thing, these online courses. Most are free, unless you want a certificate or credits, and at this time, neither of us want homework or tests! Just all the knowledge we can squeeze in. Bill, number one hubs, was talking about Chinese, at sometime, we may need to take separate classes!!
    Well, I am looking at my notes, and I think I have covered most of my thoughts from yesterday. They are totally only important to me, but maybe amusing to you, or enlightening ( Buddhism course coming in handy) I write to heal my heart, and just because I like to. Enjoy your Sunday, I hope the weather treats you well, and if its not to your desire, find a different note!! Another record, a different online course, a hobby, a passion, a good book, You control the sunshine in your life, and buy a space heater with a long cord!! Toasty feet, take that gray, cold, weary day!!

What Does This Say About You?

    While in the prone position, waiting for sleep, my better half had to turn on the news.
     Wait...
     Let me back track a little...yesterday afternoon ( he likes to report to me the news, that I do not want to hear!) Dr. B said, " You can not make this stuff up", and precedes to tell me that the commander in chief, called places that some people come from Shitholes .
     I stopped my reading, glanced over my left shoulder and said, " I just do not believe that." " I think that may be fake news, no president would ever say something like that.?" ( the same man, that talked about grabbing pussies, and Mexicans were rapists ?) (no the word SHIT is so ugly, he would never say that ?) I told Bill, it is just one source and I just can not believe such trash. AND for sure I can not control it, if it is the truth. ( please don't let it be the truth) ( I know it is, well...maybe not)
    So back in the bedroom, hubby turns on the news, and it is a firestorm about the twitter fool, that is our elected official.
    I started to cry, I told him, ( darling hubs) "This is why I don't watch bad things before I go to bed, its so upsetting"
   " What does this say about the people who voted for such a man?" I vote my party, so I understand if your desires run the Republican platform. But if your party puts up a racist, narcissist, insane person, you need to jump ship.I voted for Granddaddy Bush one year, because my party picked the wrong person, and they were faltering, and I just knew it was not working. I may have cried in the voting booth, but I wrote President Bush later about my dilemma. He wrote me a lovely letter, about understanding my concerns, and that he would do his best to be a good president. I was a young mother, and I felt better. I would support him, without my full heart, and work hard to improve my own party.
    This election of Mr. Trump is completely different. You say you voted against Hillary, but at what cost. You are now participating in this man's actions. You co-signed his job application, and voted him in. You hide behind your Christianity, as if Jesus would ever condone anything that this man says or does. You Jesus is not the one, I know. What does this say about you?
   This is a very big question to answer.
   Probably you felt the same way about President Obama, I do not know. I did not think there was such a big divide, but maybe there was.
   Mr. Trump talks, about his base, and his people. That is even more alarming then him in office, who voted for this man, has always been my question. Some say ignorant,I just can't believe that is the cornerstone of the Republican Party, but what were you thinking? He is vulgar and nasty, and not very good at surrounding himself with good people.
   All I know for sure, is that I am so disappointed in his people, whomever you are. I think surely you would not have this man in your home for dinner, much less let him make decisions for your grandchildren.
   I think I will write President Bush, the oldest one, and Barbara, I need some more guidance. My heart is heavy, my country has some big holes in it, and the President Elect says "Shitholes" like it is everyday language. And he only wants people from Norway to come our way? Norway is laughing as I type. The entire Global world, asks that he stays away. People take a Global History Course, and look at the Worlds History. It may be too late to learn from this mistake, but I have to believe in Hope.
  I believe in the people of America, I just do. I will not lose hope, and I will not stop resisting this election and the mistakes that have been made.
   I will let you know what George and Barbara say to me, and that says a lot about me! I reach out to all sides, to fix this catastrophe. And if you do not think there is a problem, well that says a lot about you. 

Licking and Hanging On

     If I had 100 years to try and explain my wonderful relationships with all my girls, I could not find the correct words.
     However, it has never stopped me from trying.
     Girlfriends are the glue, that holds us all together.
     Just yesterday I had the opportunity to lunch with the best. Friends from years working in the school system of Fulton County. We gather several times a year, for a long lunch gab fest.
    We laugh very hard, take bad photos, eat well, and may have a drink or five. ( no five is for dinner) (not always) ( maybe always) ( we are all on wine, now) ( maturity)
     One of our buddies, I will call her, Allison ( some names may not be real to protect us) (or not)
is going to The Golden Globes this weekend, red carpet ready. So we all had to put in our requests.( this may be where the title came from!!) ( thank you Vicki and Karen for reminding me to jot this down in my brain) ( always looking out for each other)
   We may have begun to talk loudly, " If you see George Clooney, lick him and grab hold of his ankle!" OK only two of us said that. With a, " And don't let go!" and we continued, search for all of the Robert Redfords of the world, that we would just like to say "Hello" to. That Ryan from La La Land and The Notebook, we love him, and will John Snow be there? Ohhhhhh Jamie Fraser, or the guy that plays Prince Phillip from The Crown!!!
     Allison this is our chance, stalk hard!! send us photos, text us throughout the festivity, and dress cute. You represent us, all. We live through your special time, its another of our girlfriend code, SHARE The Wealth of knowledge about our crushes. A, then excitedly said, " I can not wait to see Nicole Kidman!" " What, find me Keith Urban!" could have been someone with a name that starts with B?! ( we just want to see the dresses of the girls) ( well, that is not totally true) ( we love them to)
  We have no shame.
       We also, probably, for sure, tried to talk the only single person at the table into having a mini romp. We were all in agreement that 28 is not too young, he is not off limits, he plays a guitar!!
AND if he stays on his cell phone, just close your eyes!! The rest of what was said, is vault worthy. Just know that the little guy, our server, may never be the same. When one of my partners, in friendship, hollered the word MOUNT him, we never saw our server again. ( not true) ( he adored us, even  if he was a little scared) ( we are adorable people)
    Grown, highly educated, funny, beautiful, wonderful female resistors, unleashed and in love with life and each other. I love all of my girlfriends, and I miss the ones I can not lunch with. I just saw so many this summer, love them so much.
    2018 is witch titty cold, and began with friends.
    Blessed beyond the Universe.
    Missed you Perlotta!!( MP) ( we sent her photos)( she was snowed in at Charleston) ( what is happening in the world) ( all this damn cold weather) ( We love you)
Jane, Susan, Harriett, Nancy, B.A. all my girls, I love you to the moon and back.

Did I Forget To Tell You About.......

      I sit here and reflect back on the year, a sobering thought to me. One, it goes so very quickly, and did I blog enough of my thoughts, to look back on and smile. Maybe cry, laugh out loud, or just enough to jog a memory or two.
      My hubs, the Great and Powerful Dr. Bill, retired this year, at 70.( maybe 71?? I have lost track) I think he is enjoying his leisure time, although I think he needs to still teach the gifted of the world!! He has me signed up, to do WAY too many serious courses online. We are polar opposite people, who found out that it can work!! This thing called marriage, but...I need some artistic space....he will find his footing.
      I had major hip surgery this year, with very good results. No pain, just a little worn out in the recovery phase. A good time to think without meditation or medication! Sort of zone out with the pain, and truly find some weird kind of calmness. Natures way, of centering your thoughts. I had good helpers,
     My mother and father are still alive and kicking. I feel very fortunate to talk to them daily, even if I have not had the ability as of late, to skip down to J'ville. Soon, I will make that familiar drive again, I hope so. Very few people my age, have one or both of their parents, its a challenge, but one I am grateful for.
   Keith, Kelly, Brian, Emily, Adrian, Finn, Hart, Nicole, Wyatt, and Emma, my babies are all good.
  Grown up, good humans, that I like and admire on many levels.
       Wyatt Heyward Baron, is our newest Baron. Will be one year old, soon, like maybe next week. ( ( you know I do not for sure, know the month we are in) Think his sweet birthday is Jan 4th, but it could be the 6th, or is that the party?? I do know all of my grandsons are born in January, to help their Uma(thats me) not have such a hard time remembering the dates!!!
        Wyatt has added such joy to our family, I can not find a word that describes it. He wakes up happy, goes to sleep happy. Its infectious, unbridled, take your breath away happiness. I hope it stays with him forever. The world has a way of sucking that joy out of you, so soon. He has to know that he was born to shine and be happy, and I will tell him all my days. I hope all of my children, grandchildren, know that their life is precious and they are so worthy. Do not hide your light under a bush, you are born to make a difference. To be the change, that you wish to see in the world. Shine on, my babies, and your babies.
     Each year their are so many losses, which is just the life cycle. There is no permanence, we are in constant motion. ( I am working on my Buddhism course!) There is no self?( that is a hard concept)
and who you surround yourself with matters!! ( my mom, the Buddhist that she is not, told me that a long time ago) ( You lay with dogs, you get fleas?!, something like that)
    Sam Sheppard, and Tom Petty were two of the deaths that touched my poetic heart. So many others, but their light still shines, and that is heaven working.
    I will not discuss the election, it is crystal clear, and yet there are those that still want to drink the Jim Jones punch. I release my anger, and hope our country works for the people. All the people, all of the time.
     May 2018, which I like the sound of, bring you all that you need, healthy days, and love in abundance. I wish for you to do something for others, without anything in return. Enjoy your good and bad days, keep moving and learn something new each day. ( I do wish for Florida Gators to have a good football season, purely selfish, and I don't care!!) ( I do not like to lose!)
    Happy New Year, a clean slate, and so many colors and brushes to choose from!! Paint a beautiful picture, your own, remember its your story.

Christmas, Keeps Coming

   This time of year, is emotional for all, I think? Dread, hassle, traffic, church, music, football, nativity, lights, food, relatives!! Many feelings surface, and when a person has lost a child, this holiday, at least for me, takes a toll. I try to keep my eye on the manger, and remember what 'Mary' had to endure, and Joseph!! Riding an ass while preggars, would have put me in a mood!! but having a baby in the hay, Joseph would have been walking!! No room in the inn? There was not anyone who could have helped this couple?? What kind of Christmas Spirit was in this town, Oh wait, there was no Christmas yet!!! but someone could have made them dinner, right???
   Mary lost her son, at around 12, when he went out into the world, and again at 33. ( I think that was his age) She, if you believe, watched her boy die on the cross. I like to think, she had so much faith, that is the only thing that could have saved her, and sometimes that is not enough.
    My son, Ward died at 25, I remembered Mary that very morning we found him. I told God, that I was not mad, but I could never trust him again. So Mother Mary, had to help me, she was a mother, she knew my heart.

   To this day, I call on her first.
   I like to celebrate the baby's birth on this December 25th, even though we know not the actual date.
   I think about his birth and death, many times through the years. Knowing that another mother knows my pain, brings some comfort. There are so many people out there, with all kinds of loss, grief to not 'get over' and Christmas can be hard.
   I totally ( love that word) believe it is all the weathers fault for any mood altering. It has been gloomy here in Hot Atlanta for a couple of weeks, maybe 4! And next week, cold and melancholy blah!! It will require a little extra work, but it is not impossible.
   I waking telling my hubs the other day, that grief just drops over me, like a weight. Then it is gone. Thinking about all the Christmas days that have been in the past, with me as a child, and then with me with little children. I remember most every single Christmas day, what I was wearing, what gifts
came my way. Later I recall my own babies Christmas Days, the smells, the laughter, the unbridled excitement of young children. Tomorrow, it will be my newest grandchild's first Christmas. He will remember nothing, but again, it will be etched in my mind and heart. It is such a magical day, even for the club that I now belong to. I want to look at old photos, and watch videos of past Christmas Days, but fear I will never be able to do that. I think the pain would be so great, that I could not come back from. Maybe one day? I like to just think of all the good days, good feelings, joy in unwrapping a present!! from a child's eye.
  This one perfect day, that is not so perfect, touches so many.
  I think even for those who celebrate differently than I, see the magic in his birth. The baby in a manger, with the animals, kings and shepherds near. A star so bright, that would have been enough for celebrating! I love bright things that shine, I would have so been right in that stable, next to the sheep!! asking Mary if I could hold the baby for a minute, or hour, or forever. I for sure, would have brought them something to eat and some new clothes, a blanket, a promise.
  A promise to always celebrate Baby Jesus in the hay, and remember his Mommy  and Daddy, knowing that they had so much joy and heartache coming their way.
  Christmas keeps coming, try and remember the reason.
  Joy To The World