Six Books Downloaded, I'm Packed!!!

Early morning flight to Miami, with my buds. We shall drink Cuban coffee, and tip cabana boys, who serve us well!!! Walk the streets of South Beach, with all of her colors ablaze. Satan's humidity calling me by name!
 "BONNIE (shouty capitals!!!) do you have enough things to read?" How nice of him to worry about my happiness!?? Hmm....do I?? I always like to have four or five ready to read, but on this trip, maybe I need more?? Is he testing me, I don't do well on tests!!! So I caved and downloaded two more, in case kidnapping cougars is on the rise. The Patron Saint of Dreams by Philip Gerard looks great. Short stories, work well at the beach, I can time my flip-over, makes for perfect tanning. Little choices made or ignored shape who we are, how we turn out. His Essays explore the whimsey of fate, I chose his book, and I like whimsey!!! Next one that I grabbed?, is The Emotional Life of your Brain by Harvard neuroscientist Richard J. Davidson. He says we have the power to alter our emotional style. How we perceive the world and react to it. I'm hooked, love brain books, so I'm packed!!!
"BONNIE are you sure?" what is with this Satan and my reading??
"Oh I get it, he knows I'm just going to keep reading Fifty Shades over and over!!"
Damn that devil!!! such a pest.

Awakening Joy

I recently read an article about seven simple ways to awaken Joy.
These are their ideas: Imagine Happiness
                                 Memorize Happiness in your Body
                                 Reframe your Fate
                                 Strategically Diffuse Worry ( Like that is going to happen??)
                                 Let Go of Feeling Busy
                                 Experience the Bliss of Blamelessness
                                 Seek the Good in Others
I think there are some good ideas, I like the idea of letting go of the busy feeling. I like Bliss duh!!! Imagine yourself happy(happiness in your body) NO!! I want the real thing. If your fate is constantly doing laundry, it is hard to reframe!!! I do firmly believe that Joy is not just for the lucky few.

My seven simple ways to awaken Joy are as follows:
Wear summer pajamas for longer periods of time                                                                             
Have great girlfriends who give you A Grey Tie!!!!                                                                                
Music will fix anything, it is the key to my heart                                                                              
Look for the goodness in people and lower your expectations!!! People tend to be cra-cra!!!
Read and read some more                                                                                
Six and seven, make up what your joy may be, we are all so different, and know my list is endless.........

I was walking to the sewing lady, Grace, today and the heat from the asphalt took my breath away, it was glorious. I thought what do people want, this is heaven!!!!

I was listening to some new CD, and the voice of angels filled my car, Music is Joy!!!!!!(Thanks Nat)

Bill(hubs) and I just went to a restaurant, that was awful, bad drinks, bad food, and I looked at him and said," We could be in India!!!and Brewster's in right around the corner!" 

You deserve Joy, I'm sending you some via this blog.

Two Speeds

Where has May gone? Tomorrow is the 18th, last day of school AND my last day of work. That is work outside the home!!! Retirement is a welcome friend, I just want to enjoy it!!! Which has been a slight problem, in the past. You see I have two speeds, one-climbing on the stage of The Rolling Stones Concert, or two-spending hours sitting by the ocean. I can be very still, calm or hanging from the rafters. AND soon to be sixty years of age. All these things unleashing at the same time, it is bound to be another journey, saddle up!!!

I'm ready.

The other night watching "Harry's Law", the main character, played by Kathy Bates (love,love) woke up looking like we all do, eye mask, ear plugs, breathing strips, non just f**ked hair. She gruffly said, " This getting old sucks, I miss the ages between 18 and 49!" Love Ms. Bates, but the words they give her to deliver are jewels. She just wanted a few years back, it was just perfect. I don't think I want any years back, they all molded me just so....Bonnie-ish....and I'm good with that.

The new prospect of not being in the work force, I'm good with that also.

There is Joy to be had.

Turn On A Dime

 My friend Nancy, had a daughter graduate college last Saturday, and Sunday morning her other daughter was dead. A traffic accident had swept her away from us, at the age of 25. Of course lives have been shattered, with no relief in sight, and I search for words.

How do I tell her, I love her, and I understand. I lost Ward, I did not lose Brooks. Our first born children are gone, and my ache for Nancy is that I do know. Do I tell her that she will feel insane on many days, and see Brooks face in many places. She will smell her, and hear her voice at times. Maybe I warn her that she may think all of her teeth are falling out, from gritting your teeth so much, that you think your teeth are crumbling. I think she should know that it is OK, to stand outside in the dark for hours listening to nature, and how all your senses are so tuned in. Often it is better to let someone else drive you, because for some strange reason tears flow harder when your foot is on the gas pedal!! Compassionate Friends saves parents and siblings lives after tragedies. Talking, screaming, and laughing with people who are members of this horrible group of strangers that have lost children, is healing. Continuing to work can help or not, we are all so different in our grief journey, I can only pass on my story. Shock is your friend, there is much in the first year that is just gone, and maybe that is good?  There was a "peace" that came to me, because all my fears were gone. You see, having a child die, is every mothers lifelong fear, and I had faced it, as you do now Nan-Nan. Time does not heal, its just time. Time does keep moving, and somehow we move with it.

When you are stronger(I know that seems like never) I will come stay with you for a weekend, and sit and hold you, and have you tell me all about Brooks. I want to know everything about her life of joy on this earth. We are lucky, these precious kids....our kids......we would only change the ending.

From a state away, I send my love and prayers.

Some Called Him Robert

The movie Bob Marley, or maybe its just called Marley, is playing at some off the wall art theater downtown. Friday evening, keeps me near the home, but I want to see the movie. So I begin to chatter about who may want to go see it with me, KNOWING my son Hart would be the only other free spirit in the room!!! Bill and Emma were not even sure who I was talking about, they crush me!!!  It's Friday evening and I know chances are slim of seeing Bobby wail, when Hart said, "Mom you know first run movies are on demand, or Roku , or coming through the TV somehow!!" WHAT, movies at the theater, I can watch from home, hook me up!!!
Lo and behold, there it was, a feast for my eyes and ears. I could almost smell the pot through the screen, or maybe it was the dreads!! You know that hair had to smell, but I could not go there, ruin my "Come to Jesus" with Bob Marley. The movie is long.....long......SOME LOVE long.....but special, hot Jamaica weather special.

Bob Marley had eleven kids with seven women, his rules were a little off center. He was not voted father of the year, or husband material, but they all adored him. Robert, as some called him, was a Rastafarin, an odd religious sect, that I think people in Jamaica lean towards, due to humidity!!! Honestly, poverty, tons of weed and humidity=Rastafarin!!! The man was gifted, he could put a spell on you with his music, and for that I love him still.

Marley died at the young age of 36, from melanoma cancer that had spread all over his body. I hope he tells his Rastafarin god person, that taking him so early was a big fat mistake. While he is talking to the man, he can say thank you for leaving us behind with such music!!! It's only fair, I never like to mess with chicken voo-doo gods of any kind.

Thank you Bob Marley for singing about Peace and Love, and stirring the pot!!( The political pot, people!)

JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT of WRONG

I know...I cannot stop talking about Shades of Grey!!!! In fact I felt the need to scan all three books once more, dare I miss something!!! My entire month of April has been caught up in his damn tie!!! The grey one!!! My girlfriends and I have hung on every word, and made up our own words if needed!!! I have tried to figure out, dissect why I am so attached to this little story. Of course it is saturated in "mind -blowing" sex, that has never had me turning the pages so slowly before. The romance is the exchange of glances and e-mails, and when he touches her bottom lip with his thumb!!!The true story, that stirred lust in my heart??and naughty bits!!! was that she, Anastasia, NEVER has to do laundry. Nor does she need to go to the grocery store, or cook. She has a personal shopper, her closet is filled with clothes. She has her GYN doctor make house calls!! CG washes her hair, now that is some hot stuff!!!! Did I mention that he tells her hourly that she is beautiful, and she is his MORE!!! As my feet hit the floor this Sunday morning, and I stopped to clean the cat vomit off the floor, before my coffee, I took a breath!! No wonder women are sucking the words off of the pages of these books. I just need more people, and maybe a grey tie!!! Above photos are of strangers, all looking for Christian Grey and folded laundry!!!

Sixty is Looking Better.....

For several years now, I have declined invitations. There was no strength to share, I needed it all to survive. Fear and Dread hounded me, and to walk even among friends was difficult. It seemed crazy to pretend that I was alive, even when my heart was beating. Little did I realize that love inherent is the human family. My friends and family continued to lay low, and try to embrace my isolation. I knew in my heart that strength comes in many forms,this past Sunday night it came in the faces of my friends. Roars of laughter, echoed for hours, causing people seated near us, to want what ever we were having!!! Years ago this would have been common for me, dinner with friends, not so much since Ward's death. I have been taking baby steps, even with some of my dearest friends. This Sunday night, I felt like something lifted. We celebrated one of our girls turning sixty, and I think I received all the gifts!!! The food was exceptional, the wine flowed freely, and time seemed precious to me once again.
Let's do this again real soon. Sixty is looking better all the time, there is certainly strength in experience, and lord we do have some stories!!! Fifty Shades of Cra-Cra!!! I love you.