Turn On A Dime

 My friend Nancy, had a daughter graduate college last Saturday, and Sunday morning her other daughter was dead. A traffic accident had swept her away from us, at the age of 25. Of course lives have been shattered, with no relief in sight, and I search for words.

How do I tell her, I love her, and I understand. I lost Ward, I did not lose Brooks. Our first born children are gone, and my ache for Nancy is that I do know. Do I tell her that she will feel insane on many days, and see Brooks face in many places. She will smell her, and hear her voice at times. Maybe I warn her that she may think all of her teeth are falling out, from gritting your teeth so much, that you think your teeth are crumbling. I think she should know that it is OK, to stand outside in the dark for hours listening to nature, and how all your senses are so tuned in. Often it is better to let someone else drive you, because for some strange reason tears flow harder when your foot is on the gas pedal!! Compassionate Friends saves parents and siblings lives after tragedies. Talking, screaming, and laughing with people who are members of this horrible group of strangers that have lost children, is healing. Continuing to work can help or not, we are all so different in our grief journey, I can only pass on my story. Shock is your friend, there is much in the first year that is just gone, and maybe that is good?  There was a "peace" that came to me, because all my fears were gone. You see, having a child die, is every mothers lifelong fear, and I had faced it, as you do now Nan-Nan. Time does not heal, its just time. Time does keep moving, and somehow we move with it.

When you are stronger(I know that seems like never) I will come stay with you for a weekend, and sit and hold you, and have you tell me all about Brooks. I want to know everything about her life of joy on this earth. We are lucky, these precious kids....our kids......we would only change the ending.

From a state away, I send my love and prayers.