I Like A Little Dinge

Title is a pearl from Ben Napier (Make Something Good Today, book)

This current situation of, hanging out with the family, has me looking closely at everything. Normally I look toooooo close, I turn over the rock, dig a hole, keep digging, buy a plant, watch it grow, learn all I can about the rock, soil and plant, then worry about the weather.
I PAY ATTENTION, to words and actions, movement and reason for the movement!!
What I am trying to tell you, this hunkered down virus time, is difficult!!
So I keep moving, reading, working in the yard, visiting with mom and hubby, few kids here and there. Write letters, paint, and stew standing up!!

My family is lucky that I can entertain myself and I like a little dinge!!
I left hand prints from all my grandchildren on my windows, for months, just enjoying their little fingers. I like a clean house, just not orderly.
In the above mentioned book, the Napiers write-We are all houses, altered by time and circumstances. Our lives shaped by the good and the bad, and we take it all in and make it a part of us.
I think we are our homes, patched together with this mess of a life. We are tender as, raw biscuit dough, ( from book) and haunted by what-ifs and, worst case scenarios.
During this year of 2020, all the days, are large and limited. It will take work to navigate these waters. I wish you strength and abundant joy to be your best version of yourself.
   Today is Fathers Day, and facebook sent me a memory from 2007 or maybe it was 2010, I have shot short term memory!! That explains so much.
I had called my father on this Fathers Day morning, and my brothers had done the same. We had apparently called back to back. Note-my father never talked on the phone!!! I asked daddy how he was? Simple question, right?? He spoke, " I have been on the phone all morning with you kids, checking on me.!!" his day was not going so good. He continued, "I am fine, now bye!" and " If you send me any shirts, I am giving them to Tommy(my brother)." I held the receiver a tad away from my howling laughter, and said, " OK Homer, and we love you too!"
My daddy was very different, if he hugged you, some animal of ours had been run over in the driveway.
 He quizzed us on old movies, old music, history and cowboys. I have a doctorate degree is strange things to remember. He was Yoda with a drawl. He taught us all to know the ins and outs of a car, and convinced us, that we could never learn. He tried to teach me golf for about five minutes, and told me in no uncertain terms, do not ever try this again. I played tennis instead!!! He never unpacked a suitcase in his life, while traveling, because I promise he was not staying!!
I can also say for sure, no one could love us anymore then he did. We knew it, we understood his ways.
I miss him, but I have stories on top of stories.
My old boyfriends still tell Homer stories, not everyone one wants to watch a boil being lanced before a date!!!
He made me pull off the road laughing so hard, I could not see. Also made me so angry, I jumped out of a moving car, because he was trying, in his way, to teach me to drive.
We were lucky to have him so long.
I will not call you today daddy, but I will write about you.
Thank you for being you
Number one daughter
Bonnie

Bring Me All Your Dreams

  Bring Me All Your Dreams
         You Dreamer,
     Bring Me All Your
          Heart Melodies
    That I May Wrap Them
    In A Blue Cloud-Cloth
Away From The Too-Rough Fingers
           Of The World.

Langston Hughes

   Mom has been living with us since March. Daddy has been in all my dreams, a guest appearance, is guaranteed. My father passed away recently, or it feels recently, if you want extra info about him. He was never in any of my dreams, not one. Now he is visiting on a nightly basis. I told mom, he is just checking on her, through me. However, he is not asking about mom, he seems to be helping me, find lost items, and giving me directions. ( he gave all of us directions, all the time!!) ( road rage, hung close to dad, in a car. Even explaining how to do anything!!was his wheelhouse) ( God Bless him!!)
( I do know how to get to Main Street Dad, 67 years later, still!)
Being a big dreamer, I write down a bunch, because I remember my dreams, and sometimes, I just can not figure them out.
The other morning, I woke up and began to write. I was celebrating Brenda Brickel and my birthdays, (a friend from high school, love her) in a big world of our birthdays. ( Brendas birthday is not the same as mine, if you are thinking that) I never saw Brenda at the party, I was looking for her. I did get to see so many people, that I have probably loved at some time. Dream lover, that I am.
Ron Howard was so nice, a good hugger, Nancy Sinatra still was walking them boots!!,all the Harry Potter kids, allowed me to be in the book or the movie, so exciting. I could just walk onto any play, that I have dreamt about being in, boom, Rent, The King and I, all original cast.
I was wearing a cute red hat, and had lost my glasses, and purse, which is in every dream. There were also so many doors to open!! I was lost, as a ball in tall grass. That's when I saw daddy, and he showed me a few doors to open, they were all good choices, and told me to look at Waze on my phone to find the way to the beginning of my birthday. ( note, he never owned a cell phone, nor would have told me to use Waze!!)
 I found the start of the party and it was over, as if there never was one. I felt OK, missed the cake, and never found Brenda, but I knew how to go to the parking lot.
Always nice to see old friends, Melinda Youngblood Brewer was there, in a huge, lavender flower hat, like and old lady at church. We laughed so hard, and neither of us knew why.
I woke up a little later then my 4 or 5 am call time, I think it was around 6 and I panicked!! Half the day was gone.
I wrote as much as I could remember down, to later think of it.
I did not find the words to describe how happy I was, it was just a sweet feeling.
The world today, is so harsh with virus, protests, and a 30/30 TV program on Lance Armstrong that has sickened me!!!
I looked to Langston, to find some answers, and I did.
A blue cloud cloth, wrap me up, I bring you a very special dream.
Daddy go visit mom, I know which way to go.

I Stand Aghast

Not totally true, and you can not fact check me.
I am in a sitting position, front room window, with nada to say.
My mother wished me a Happy June, this morning, so I know the month.
I have three lists going, and nothing is checked off. Again.....I did look for a mink stole and can not find it, can any one in my family direct me to where it is. I found the mink and fox jacket, but not the stole. I found the dentist number, I have a tendency to GRIT my teeth to a powder, when stressed!! Why was I looking for my animal skin/fur things?? I don't know, just cleaning out closets and my cluttered mind. No reason.
Someone idiots ( use that term with ease) have been on my blog, like a hacker, only writing down, like those games you play on FB. I may need number one son, to go investigate. What my smile tells me, ( that is the repeated blog hack) I don't need to know, because I am not smiling!!

The C virus is here to stay, people are acting like it is a normal summer, and let me tell you, its not.
There are so many rules at out neighborhood pool, I think I will have to take the packet with me. Normally I would just be required to bring my towel, and know the code to get in.( which means I would call one of the kids to tell me the code) I go to free swim, no lifeguards ( no George Garcia, Nicky Brown, all the darling lifeguards of my youth!!) to save me, I hang out for a spell, swim, read, pink up, and done. Are all these rules for me??

AND now, this horrible protest, war zone, of people who are unheard.

I believe in protest, I have walked in every march for a cause. I grew up in the 60's, I know how to burn my bra, fight aids, love all people whom go by an initial LGB....etc. I followed the Black Panthers, marched in Civil rights groups, I believe in equality, for all people. ALL, that is ALL people!!!!
 I do not believe in violence, looting, pot stirrers, uneducated, lazy, BAD people.
BUT.....where do you channel the anger? The fear?
You don't destroy where you live, and that Gucci purse?? Steal food for the family, then we can talk.

Poverty, lack of education, racism, and a political system that needs an overhaul, I hear you, we can not breathe. I have been to my own mountain top, not yours. I will walk with you, all of you, to make myself heard. I will not support stupid actions, of violence, that does nothing but make a cause look worthless.

We, WE are all in this together, in my heart, my actions, and my service to others. Am I a liberal pussy, maybe in some eyes. I prefer to call myself a liberal tiger mom, who has been to Laurel Canyon, I heard the music!!!  Peace is in my soul, how do I get that for others to follow. Writing, voting, living a good human life!!!
Loving people, even the ones hard to love, I love you, and put down that brick.

Now I have to call the dentist, I have no teeth left!!

I stand Aghast

Nothing Good Happens Outside-Larry David

I so wish you all were sitting beside me, laughing at my massive amounts of notes!! They are random, crazy fun. I know at the time of writing, their is a purpose of all. What that is, honey is another chapter.
Lionel Ritchie plays loud in the background, velvet!! Mom is feed and having her personal time of washing, and brushing, and letter writing. The good doctor, is at his favorite place, Kroger grocery store, masked and gloved, getting, god only knows what. I am just thankful I don't have to kill a chicken, and cut it up!! I thank the almighty daily, for being born in this time period. Even with a horrible virus, I have it good!! Pre cut up chicken, thank you!!!
We have been hunkered down, and I heard Mr. David say that nothing good happens outside, anyway. Stay inside. He was not referring to virus, just life in general, just chill and enjoy your space.
Still looking at my notes, I see my blood pressure written down from February, a password or two, and this pearl, "You and me, sitting in the back of my memory." Now that is noteworthy.
On the back of that page I see, Social Distancing does not mean disengagement. I think I have passed that on to some family members. ( God Bless um)
"If you can't measure it, you can't improve it." in convo with hubs one morning. Talking about , we need data, testing, Dr. Bill, Princeton Science, I agree dear one.
 Hard to believe, but I have read a few books, planted some flowers, and cooked enough food, to feed the continent of Africa!!!
The Dearly Beloved, by Cara Wall
The Island of Sea Women, by Lisa See
Here are some quotes from both, that will remain with me always.
..She had died from mother love.
..Her house is the nest where she hides the joy, laughter, sorrows and regrets of her life.
..parents exist in children
..obligations are the fuel for life.
..born from humidity( this is the song of my life!!)
..doilies do not hide bad furniture( wow and wow, and wow)
..house cobwebbed with worry and swept clean by relief
..friends would forever be her stitches, her ballast, her home
Books to read
1. House Made of Dawn by N. Scott Momaday
2.Writers and Lovers by Lily King
3. Holding On To Nothing by Elizabeth Chiles Shelburne
4. Suffer Strong by Katherine and Jay Wolf
5. Make Something Good Happen by Erin and Ben Napier

It is important to write things down, and have many books waiting for you.

This is a time, of change, the climate is uneasy. I listened to a speaker that my friend, Bird Woman, had posted this week. Wonderful lady and I cant remember her name, but she is divine.
She began to ask, " What do you need to pack for the day?" To stay positive and let your light shine!!!
Mother of God, what do you pack in your suitcase of this life, to shine??
Well, this morning, I packed, music, books, notes and a pen. Wonderful computer to use, and knowing right this second, my family is good, and I don't have to cut up a chicken.
The day is beautiful and may my light shine on you, over this blog.
Love, Love, Love

What Moments Define You?

   May has blown in with strong winds, rain and today, blessed sunshine.

   Warm weather and sunshine, change even the Covid feelings around the world.
   My husband asked me yesterday, if I had blogged about the virus, and our isolation? Stay inside orders, should have giving me a wealth of stories, but...…I have been working hard on myself to stay in a good place. The fear and horror of nursing home patients, bodybags stacked up in ice trucks, so many people dying and sick. Loss of jobs, and hurting, sadness, and the circus of fools, in the White House. I don't know what to say.
   I think I know some answers, or questions, that I could run by some high political people, but they aren't listening. I would like to ask, protesters, acting like terrorists', to use words, not machine guns to get your point across. Angry people, they are not listening to you either.
It is a very unstable, different time to be hanging out of this earth of ours.
I was reminded yesterday of the 60's, early 70's and thought, geez that was so raw and unrested people.
We survived that period, we humans, have a strong spirit. I do have hope, but right now, it is meek in my heart.
Yesterday a dear friend, texted me to tune into PBS American Masters. So I did.
I love that my friends, all of them, know me so well. Know my likes and dislikes, enough to nudge me in the right direction.

 It was about a Native American, Momaday, Alfred or Scott. ( looking at my notes, who knows??)
He is so wise and brilliant, and I had to clutch my heart at every word, that spilled from him.
House Made of Dawn, is a book, I am going to read, when I stop typing to you.
The title of this blog, was said by him, and I thought, no kidding. Bad or Good moments, things that change you, even the smallest word, can turn the oxcart around. It was about the storytellers, the Native American storytellers. The oral tradition, and their history ( that we took from them) so rich, and so lost. An entire group of people, thrown away. Never throw people or words away. ( I feel like that is what we may be doing now)
He used the word, DELIGHTED, several times.  Delighted in Life, that is how we should feel every single day. He was delighted, when someone referred to him, as a story teller. The sun dance, was a way of worship, thanksgiving, for food, and another day. I think we have stopped singing and dancing. We are all teachers, and writers, and healers, we ARE!! Use our talents, tell your story, help someone, share some food, or company, even at a distance.
This moment defines you, this very moment.
Delight in being here.
And keep hope alive, by our thoughts, words and deeds.
Thank you HTA, your little message, turned my day around, and surrounded me with Peace.
I will watch it again, to see if I missed a single word.

The Human Capacity For Burden Is Like Bamboo

   Far more flexible than you'd ever imagine. ( continued from blog title, Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper)
   Just this week in April, I put on makeup to listen to an opera singer online. During the mascara swipe, I laughed, talking to myself, "Bonnie he is blind!" I was sure he would know it was me listening, I wanted to look nice. My friend Perlotta let me know, that He Knew!!! Friends are the Gorilla Glue of life. Love my friends.
  Also same week, I think???
  Husband said, "Wizard of Oz is on TV?" ( knows I love the movie) I told him, I was good, did not feel like watching Dorothy, but I may have said, " That person singing sounds like Judy Garland!!"
  People, this virus, is changing all of us.
  Such suffering and horror, and together time!!!
  What do they call it? Stay home time?
  I love home, and my family but I need things!!!
  I don't really need anything, ( that is not totally true!!)
  Paul Simon is playing on Alexia right now, I need them both!!
  I need a new President, period. ( Let the facts talk !) ( We may forgive you for voting for this human) ( but.....I will have to pray hard for forgiveness)
 I need spring plants. I know my nursery, has curb pick up, but I like to touch plants, and commune with what is coming into my yard. ( I get the same ones!!) ( maybe I can do it online!) ( will they understand, my purple and yellow, design element!!) (YES, I may be high maintenance )( No I am not, I am very particular !!)
 Each night before I go to sleep, my prayers are for all the people, you know, essential people, who are still working for us. So many angels among us, I pray they get paid for their hard, dangerous labor. Teachers, truck drivers, postal workers, nurses, doctors, all care workers, any and all, OH, Grocery delivery people . ( one at my door right now)
Corona Virus, has changed us, and I think for the better. I hope so.
It is a heavy burden on the human race, but we are known for adaptation.
A world full of suffering, heartache, and strong opinions, I am a Dreamer! John Lennon told me so.
I need the Beatles music !!
My mom is with us now, and has good days, and not so good. I remind her, that we all have those.
Life is what it is, and we all hang on. Some hang on the rope, and are very still. Some swing on the rope, and soar.
 Shooting for the stars, seems right in my wheelhouse around this 2020 year.
Be safe, love each other, keep learning, and pray that my nail people come back!!( OK, maybe its not at the top of my list, but damn if its not pretty high!)

Where Did You Go? MARCH!!! I am Talking To You

When you have a blog for 12 years, and then don't write for a month. Something is UP!!

Let us start in the beginning.
Flu A, jumped on me and my Wyatt ( g-kiddo)
My 50 year high school reunion, I had to miss. ( Broke my heart) ( our class of 70, Andrew Jackson Senior High, was and is remarkable. Friends for life, love them all)
Sent my son, Hart and the Dr. ( hubs and father of Hart) to Florida, like was planned to pack up my mothers home and bring her back to live with us.
Throw in a virus, that is killing, right now, 1 person every 17 minutes in New York City.
The all return, mom is very ill. ( big move)
Bonnie, (me) is still tired from the Flu.
And The United States has put the entire country, almost, on a complete lockdown for the elderly.
AND now that includes me!!! Bill and Mom, and a slew of other humans.
Groceries are flying off the shelf, news causing panic.
Second week, mom is much better. Her cute self is showing up. Still very weak, Flu Bug, Corona weak.
I have always known I was a tiny (????) bit spoiled, but these days, I have gone to my knees, and the back deck at 4 am to pray, Hard!!!!!
I have had cleaning people, who are like family, almost 40 years. Now they cannot come, and I miss them. I never wanted to clean, like my mother, all the time. A spotless house, that smelled of pledge and bleach, not happening. So even when first married, and no money, we had help!! Maybe not new furniture then, but I was not going to clean the floor with a toothbrush, evah!!! ( mom didn't do that, or did you mom??) ( I just remember Aunt Dot and a few others.)
We have yard people, that can still come, and I tell them with prayerful hands through the door, Thank you a million times!
After the children had grown up and out, and it was just the two Barons, we ate out a LOT. Why cook, like Thanksgiving everyday of the week??
NOW, I am cooking like Mrs. Cleaver in pearls!!
Three weeks, I have cooked, and I feel crazy!! I want Mexican food, and a Margarita the size of my thigh!!
I don't order food out, little iffy of nobody being tested for this virus, cooking.
I cancelled my hair appointment, don't get me started on nails!!!
I firmly believe, if momma is happy, I may be sweeter?!!
My seamstress, Grace, I need all the time. Short people, need to have all things altered.
Online shopping, no fun, not going anywhere.
My flower shop does have curb side pick up, I may have to cave a little. ( ask a child to bring me, spring annuals!!)
Oh March Madness, you also took away sports, its not good.
I do feel so blessed, so blessed.
I love having my mom, here and safe.
I love my family, near, far, and miss them so much.
Bill and I are retired, so we were use to each other, and very thankful we have a huge house, we need our space.
Animals are ok, Vet is doing curb side.
I had a visit with my doctor, over the phone.
We all need to be tested, everyone, the person in charge of this dropped the ball. Now we are in the trenches, of very few people have been tested. Hospitals are under staffed, and without equipment and protection from this horror.
I see the glass half full, always, but now I hesitate to drink from the cup!!
What is in that glass?
Oh heck, I will still drink, I know what I put in that glass.
Love, Joy and Hard Science thrown in. Stirred by Jesus, and another day.
Be safe, smart, love wins, with a little music turned UP!!!