On A Different Note

      Humans of New York photo and words, that I saw this morning, were from Mumbai India.
   Elderly gentleman that said, " I'm trying to live my life without conflict, so I don't say much."
     When you have a personal blog about the nuts and bolts of your life, being quiet is not in the cards. However, I can change the record, flip the vinyl, turn over a different stone, not discuss politics but every few months!!
    He ( you know He is) wants to drain the swamp. My birthplace and home, being Florida, I love the Swamp! Save the Everglades, Satan's Humidity is my best friend. Talking about Politics drains me, and that I can control.
    So today, while nature has betrayed me, I will jot down a few random pearls of wisdom.
     One day, last week it was in the 60's and I was one inch away from doing yard work. Mother Natures hurricane winds said this, " You will never learn Bonnie, I like to tease you." I had nearly taken my coat to the cleaners, my hope was soaring, and then the temp dropped to 13 degrees. ( wind chill factor) ( I think it was in the 20's) I tell her, all the time, I do not tease well. She just keeps blowing hard!!So I had to regroup my sunny disposition.
   I remembered that mom always told me, that I was conceived while Patti Page sang, The Tennessee Waltz. That makes me feel special, so I look for my sheet music, before I sing loud and proud, my happiness is returning. ( It takes work, people!) Forever, I repeat, how music is my church,and can change the climate of my heart in a second! Cold weather, go away!! you mean spirited soul. From that moment of clarity, I decided to watch a new documentary on David Bowie's last five years. HBO, and it is fantastic. Handsome, beautiful, weird, ahead of his time, Ziggy, powerful, music ran through my veins. Complete joy, and so thankful he had been on the earth with me, so lucky!! ( Take that MN!) ( The space heater, is probably helping some!!) ( but I give credit to music 100%)
      The Doctor and I had finished our courses, and began to look for two new ones. ( World History and Buddhism, done and done!) We decided to sign up for Ancient Lit from Yale, and History of Cathedrals from Harvard. One from Coursera, and the other from edX, ( I found a Beatles course for next time!! ) I am convinced you should never stop learning, its not easy, but a fantastic thing, these online courses. Most are free, unless you want a certificate or credits, and at this time, neither of us want homework or tests! Just all the knowledge we can squeeze in. Bill, number one hubs, was talking about Chinese, at sometime, we may need to take separate classes!!
    Well, I am looking at my notes, and I think I have covered most of my thoughts from yesterday. They are totally only important to me, but maybe amusing to you, or enlightening ( Buddhism course coming in handy) I write to heal my heart, and just because I like to. Enjoy your Sunday, I hope the weather treats you well, and if its not to your desire, find a different note!! Another record, a different online course, a hobby, a passion, a good book, You control the sunshine in your life, and buy a space heater with a long cord!! Toasty feet, take that gray, cold, weary day!!

What Does This Say About You?

    While in the prone position, waiting for sleep, my better half had to turn on the news.
     Wait...
     Let me back track a little...yesterday afternoon ( he likes to report to me the news, that I do not want to hear!) Dr. B said, " You can not make this stuff up", and precedes to tell me that the commander in chief, called places that some people come from Shitholes .
     I stopped my reading, glanced over my left shoulder and said, " I just do not believe that." " I think that may be fake news, no president would ever say something like that.?" ( the same man, that talked about grabbing pussies, and Mexicans were rapists ?) (no the word SHIT is so ugly, he would never say that ?) I told Bill, it is just one source and I just can not believe such trash. AND for sure I can not control it, if it is the truth. ( please don't let it be the truth) ( I know it is, well...maybe not)
    So back in the bedroom, hubby turns on the news, and it is a firestorm about the twitter fool, that is our elected official.
    I started to cry, I told him, ( darling hubs) "This is why I don't watch bad things before I go to bed, its so upsetting"
   " What does this say about the people who voted for such a man?" I vote my party, so I understand if your desires run the Republican platform. But if your party puts up a racist, narcissist, insane person, you need to jump ship.I voted for Granddaddy Bush one year, because my party picked the wrong person, and they were faltering, and I just knew it was not working. I may have cried in the voting booth, but I wrote President Bush later about my dilemma. He wrote me a lovely letter, about understanding my concerns, and that he would do his best to be a good president. I was a young mother, and I felt better. I would support him, without my full heart, and work hard to improve my own party.
    This election of Mr. Trump is completely different. You say you voted against Hillary, but at what cost. You are now participating in this man's actions. You co-signed his job application, and voted him in. You hide behind your Christianity, as if Jesus would ever condone anything that this man says or does. You Jesus is not the one, I know. What does this say about you?
   This is a very big question to answer.
   Probably you felt the same way about President Obama, I do not know. I did not think there was such a big divide, but maybe there was.
   Mr. Trump talks, about his base, and his people. That is even more alarming then him in office, who voted for this man, has always been my question. Some say ignorant,I just can't believe that is the cornerstone of the Republican Party, but what were you thinking? He is vulgar and nasty, and not very good at surrounding himself with good people.
   All I know for sure, is that I am so disappointed in his people, whomever you are. I think surely you would not have this man in your home for dinner, much less let him make decisions for your grandchildren.
   I think I will write President Bush, the oldest one, and Barbara, I need some more guidance. My heart is heavy, my country has some big holes in it, and the President Elect says "Shitholes" like it is everyday language. And he only wants people from Norway to come our way? Norway is laughing as I type. The entire Global world, asks that he stays away. People take a Global History Course, and look at the Worlds History. It may be too late to learn from this mistake, but I have to believe in Hope.
  I believe in the people of America, I just do. I will not lose hope, and I will not stop resisting this election and the mistakes that have been made.
   I will let you know what George and Barbara say to me, and that says a lot about me! I reach out to all sides, to fix this catastrophe. And if you do not think there is a problem, well that says a lot about you. 

Licking and Hanging On

     If I had 100 years to try and explain my wonderful relationships with all my girls, I could not find the correct words.
     However, it has never stopped me from trying.
     Girlfriends are the glue, that holds us all together.
     Just yesterday I had the opportunity to lunch with the best. Friends from years working in the school system of Fulton County. We gather several times a year, for a long lunch gab fest.
    We laugh very hard, take bad photos, eat well, and may have a drink or five. ( no five is for dinner) (not always) ( maybe always) ( we are all on wine, now) ( maturity)
     One of our buddies, I will call her, Allison ( some names may not be real to protect us) (or not)
is going to The Golden Globes this weekend, red carpet ready. So we all had to put in our requests.( this may be where the title came from!!) ( thank you Vicki and Karen for reminding me to jot this down in my brain) ( always looking out for each other)
   We may have begun to talk loudly, " If you see George Clooney, lick him and grab hold of his ankle!" OK only two of us said that. With a, " And don't let go!" and we continued, search for all of the Robert Redfords of the world, that we would just like to say "Hello" to. That Ryan from La La Land and The Notebook, we love him, and will John Snow be there? Ohhhhhh Jamie Fraser, or the guy that plays Prince Phillip from The Crown!!!
     Allison this is our chance, stalk hard!! send us photos, text us throughout the festivity, and dress cute. You represent us, all. We live through your special time, its another of our girlfriend code, SHARE The Wealth of knowledge about our crushes. A, then excitedly said, " I can not wait to see Nicole Kidman!" " What, find me Keith Urban!" could have been someone with a name that starts with B?! ( we just want to see the dresses of the girls) ( well, that is not totally true) ( we love them to)
  We have no shame.
       We also, probably, for sure, tried to talk the only single person at the table into having a mini romp. We were all in agreement that 28 is not too young, he is not off limits, he plays a guitar!!
AND if he stays on his cell phone, just close your eyes!! The rest of what was said, is vault worthy. Just know that the little guy, our server, may never be the same. When one of my partners, in friendship, hollered the word MOUNT him, we never saw our server again. ( not true) ( he adored us, even  if he was a little scared) ( we are adorable people)
    Grown, highly educated, funny, beautiful, wonderful female resistors, unleashed and in love with life and each other. I love all of my girlfriends, and I miss the ones I can not lunch with. I just saw so many this summer, love them so much.
    2018 is witch titty cold, and began with friends.
    Blessed beyond the Universe.
    Missed you Perlotta!!( MP) ( we sent her photos)( she was snowed in at Charleston) ( what is happening in the world) ( all this damn cold weather) ( We love you)
Jane, Susan, Harriett, Nancy, B.A. all my girls, I love you to the moon and back.

Did I Forget To Tell You About.......

      I sit here and reflect back on the year, a sobering thought to me. One, it goes so very quickly, and did I blog enough of my thoughts, to look back on and smile. Maybe cry, laugh out loud, or just enough to jog a memory or two.
      My hubs, the Great and Powerful Dr. Bill, retired this year, at 70.( maybe 71?? I have lost track) I think he is enjoying his leisure time, although I think he needs to still teach the gifted of the world!! He has me signed up, to do WAY too many serious courses online. We are polar opposite people, who found out that it can work!! This thing called marriage, but...I need some artistic space....he will find his footing.
      I had major hip surgery this year, with very good results. No pain, just a little worn out in the recovery phase. A good time to think without meditation or medication! Sort of zone out with the pain, and truly find some weird kind of calmness. Natures way, of centering your thoughts. I had good helpers,
     My mother and father are still alive and kicking. I feel very fortunate to talk to them daily, even if I have not had the ability as of late, to skip down to J'ville. Soon, I will make that familiar drive again, I hope so. Very few people my age, have one or both of their parents, its a challenge, but one I am grateful for.
   Keith, Kelly, Brian, Emily, Adrian, Finn, Hart, Nicole, Wyatt, and Emma, my babies are all good.
  Grown up, good humans, that I like and admire on many levels.
       Wyatt Heyward Baron, is our newest Baron. Will be one year old, soon, like maybe next week. ( ( you know I do not for sure, know the month we are in) Think his sweet birthday is Jan 4th, but it could be the 6th, or is that the party?? I do know all of my grandsons are born in January, to help their Uma(thats me) not have such a hard time remembering the dates!!!
        Wyatt has added such joy to our family, I can not find a word that describes it. He wakes up happy, goes to sleep happy. Its infectious, unbridled, take your breath away happiness. I hope it stays with him forever. The world has a way of sucking that joy out of you, so soon. He has to know that he was born to shine and be happy, and I will tell him all my days. I hope all of my children, grandchildren, know that their life is precious and they are so worthy. Do not hide your light under a bush, you are born to make a difference. To be the change, that you wish to see in the world. Shine on, my babies, and your babies.
     Each year their are so many losses, which is just the life cycle. There is no permanence, we are in constant motion. ( I am working on my Buddhism course!) There is no self?( that is a hard concept)
and who you surround yourself with matters!! ( my mom, the Buddhist that she is not, told me that a long time ago) ( You lay with dogs, you get fleas?!, something like that)
    Sam Sheppard, and Tom Petty were two of the deaths that touched my poetic heart. So many others, but their light still shines, and that is heaven working.
    I will not discuss the election, it is crystal clear, and yet there are those that still want to drink the Jim Jones punch. I release my anger, and hope our country works for the people. All the people, all of the time.
     May 2018, which I like the sound of, bring you all that you need, healthy days, and love in abundance. I wish for you to do something for others, without anything in return. Enjoy your good and bad days, keep moving and learn something new each day. ( I do wish for Florida Gators to have a good football season, purely selfish, and I don't care!!) ( I do not like to lose!)
    Happy New Year, a clean slate, and so many colors and brushes to choose from!! Paint a beautiful picture, your own, remember its your story.

Christmas, Keeps Coming

   This time of year, is emotional for all, I think? Dread, hassle, traffic, church, music, football, nativity, lights, food, relatives!! Many feelings surface, and when a person has lost a child, this holiday, at least for me, takes a toll. I try to keep my eye on the manger, and remember what 'Mary' had to endure, and Joseph!! Riding an ass while preggars, would have put me in a mood!! but having a baby in the hay, Joseph would have been walking!! No room in the inn? There was not anyone who could have helped this couple?? What kind of Christmas Spirit was in this town, Oh wait, there was no Christmas yet!!! but someone could have made them dinner, right???
   Mary lost her son, at around 12, when he went out into the world, and again at 33. ( I think that was his age) She, if you believe, watched her boy die on the cross. I like to think, she had so much faith, that is the only thing that could have saved her, and sometimes that is not enough.
    My son, Ward died at 25, I remembered Mary that very morning we found him. I told God, that I was not mad, but I could never trust him again. So Mother Mary, had to help me, she was a mother, she knew my heart.

   To this day, I call on her first.
   I like to celebrate the baby's birth on this December 25th, even though we know not the actual date.
   I think about his birth and death, many times through the years. Knowing that another mother knows my pain, brings some comfort. There are so many people out there, with all kinds of loss, grief to not 'get over' and Christmas can be hard.
   I totally ( love that word) believe it is all the weathers fault for any mood altering. It has been gloomy here in Hot Atlanta for a couple of weeks, maybe 4! And next week, cold and melancholy blah!! It will require a little extra work, but it is not impossible.
   I waking telling my hubs the other day, that grief just drops over me, like a weight. Then it is gone. Thinking about all the Christmas days that have been in the past, with me as a child, and then with me with little children. I remember most every single Christmas day, what I was wearing, what gifts
came my way. Later I recall my own babies Christmas Days, the smells, the laughter, the unbridled excitement of young children. Tomorrow, it will be my newest grandchild's first Christmas. He will remember nothing, but again, it will be etched in my mind and heart. It is such a magical day, even for the club that I now belong to. I want to look at old photos, and watch videos of past Christmas Days, but fear I will never be able to do that. I think the pain would be so great, that I could not come back from. Maybe one day? I like to just think of all the good days, good feelings, joy in unwrapping a present!! from a child's eye.
  This one perfect day, that is not so perfect, touches so many.
  I think even for those who celebrate differently than I, see the magic in his birth. The baby in a manger, with the animals, kings and shepherds near. A star so bright, that would have been enough for celebrating! I love bright things that shine, I would have so been right in that stable, next to the sheep!! asking Mary if I could hold the baby for a minute, or hour, or forever. I for sure, would have brought them something to eat and some new clothes, a blanket, a promise.
  A promise to always celebrate Baby Jesus in the hay, and remember his Mommy  and Daddy, knowing that they had so much joy and heartache coming their way.
  Christmas keeps coming, try and remember the reason.
  Joy To The World

         

It's A Wrap

    Sunday I read two pieces of the paper, and one includes my horoscope.
    I like to read book reviews, living section, and comics, with my star findings thrown in.
    So yesterday was no different, my day was semi planned, and I read my scope. It said I would see both the ugly and the good side of life.( which I think is probably everyday!) ( I seldom see Ugly!!)
You know how careful I tend to be, with what goes in my head. Well, this scope bugged me.
    I shook my head and thought, no one believes this stuff. (but it was in my head!!)
   My daughter, Queen Emma, came to wrap my gifts. She knows all to well, that I would give you a gift in the bag, from the store. My mother made her own bows, and probably made her own paper!! So gift wrapping was always a bust for me. I don't think I even ever tried, knowing that they would not look like my moms. She would spend hours on ribbon and bows, using only her special paper cutting scissors!! God forbid you touch them, or the ones used for cloth!! ( I never sewed either, after she made me take a seam out, a dozen times!! My thought was, Who would see it!!) Funny how things in growing up, mold you one way or another. I was lucky to get her cooking skills, and her ability to spot a good antique!! Be a good friend, and keep up with people. Writing I also got from mom, so its an even mixed bag. ( I do wish I could sew and wrap a gift!!) ( not learning now)
   Back to my horoscope, the day was turning out gloomy, and I thought maybe that was the ugly??
   The hubs and I went, to a Sing-A-Long at a local church to sing Handels Messiah. ( Hart said, " I bet dad is looking forward to this!!??) Hart will learn, trust me!!
   This was my good, I love to sing and in church with an orchestra, and choir!! ( I think I would have liked to have been a conductor, maybe next life!)
    We sat in the alto section, and I was ready, sheet music in hand. When during the singing, a lady in front of me, a little to the left, kept turning her head around. The first three times, I kind of thought, maybe she has a neck twitch!! Then a few more times, and I knew, she needed more Jesus!! I think the lady next to me and myself were turning the pages too loud!! We both liked to see what was coming, and where our parts were. We wanted to be ready!!
   I thought OK horoscope, this is the ugly, why would you even come to a sing a long, and be so snooty in church!! I noticed she had a balding spot in the back of her hair, and I thought maybe that made her act ugly. Her haircolor was a little off also, not everyone can do auburn!! I noticed she had her music highlighted, so she had done this before, so she did not have to turn any pages!! Damn organized mean person. Well, Hallalujah chorus began and I sang so loud, to reach the heavens. What beautiful music, I touched the ladies hand next to me, she had a lovely voice. Bill Baron did not sing, but he stood, and watched his wifey sing to her hearts content!! ( Hart, another lesson)
  I asked Bill if he noticed the evil eye of the lady in the red jacket was giving me, and my singing partner. ( stranger with good voice, next to me) He said "No, but I did see she had highlighted her music book" I then asked him, if I sang all right? ( you do know I can not sing a note!!) My beloved said, " I did not even hear you!" Well, I guess that is good, I fit in with all the beautiful singers. I thought about all my years in Chorus and Choirs, and how my cousin Becky had the most beautiful alto voice. I always sing, good next to people who can sing!!!
  That poor woman, needed to highlight her heart more. She could not damper my joy at singing this beautiful music, I swear I think I sounded a bit like Barbra on For Unto Us A Child Is Born! Toward the end, I was Mahalia Jackson!!
    Good and Ugly, normal, its our reaction, always!!
    Keep singing, keep having daughter wrap gifts, keep dragging hubs to all things, keep loving and
    forgiving. ( I wish I had hugged that mean lady!!) ( next time) ( remember to bring a highlighter!)
    It is almost Christmas

History Repeats Itself

   This past month of November, has been one of healing and bundles of college courses.
    My new hip is awesome, I am five weeks post op, and I was able to "cane" my way into the nail salon, for my nails. So I felt somewhat healed. My toes will have to wait, they are not ready to reach the pedicure station, but soon. When the hubs picked me up ( still cannot drive) I told him, "Some people were just meant to have paint on their nails, and I am one of them!" I felt complete!! Forget Tom Cruise, " You complete me!" BS, Fire Engine Red Nails cures all my ailments.
   I took a walk in our neighborhood park, which I may have ranted that it was not Paris, BUT...I enjoyed it. Why do we not have beautiful, manicured parks and fountains, and gelato stands?? with a merry-go-round near by?? Boxwood hedges cut perfectly, adorned with benches every two feet, I need an English Garden, or Versailles!! Instead I walked Newtown Park, past the soccer field, dog park, and poop bag station. The Veterans Park area was lovely, had a new fountain, and pine trees!! We don't do fancy here in the States. We have lovely botanical gardens, in a mass produced kind of way, just not a walk to a pretty serene park. Needless to say, I was very happy to walk with no hip joint pain so I had to lift my eyes to the heavens anyway, and maybe dream of The Tuileries .

    When at the house, my retired Dr. B. has me now taking two college courses at the same time. I explained that I only want to do one at a time, but these two overlap!! Plus they are sooooo different, your mind has to switch gears, and that takes a few minutes. Maybe lunch, a nap, another walk!! No lets squeeze these brain cells, while we can.
    The global History course is almost finished, and it has been fantastic. Eye opening, to me, about how history repeats itself. We began around the 1300's and are now in WW1, and then I think about todays political climate, it is all the same. Very disturbing to see how little we have learned. I encourage all people to take this course. It is under Princeton edX, online courses, Global History, very, very interesting journey. And if that is not enough, we are taking through coursera, Buddhism and Modern Psychology, which is right up my ally!! Still through Princeton, it is wonderful. I am trying to find my mindfulness. Nirvana is out of the question, but Joy, that I can grasp. I love to study religions, Keeping Baby Jesus near and dear, with a Namaste  thrown in. I have a very hard time, making my mind calm and quiet, so Buddhism helps me center my thoughts. This is another good course, next we will go full tilt into Art History, I have to enroll us quickly before Dr. B decides we need some organic chemistry hoopla!!
    Today is December 1, David Robertson's birthday, whom I miss. Gone to soon, but nothing is here long. Feelings, physical bodies, all short term.( Buddhism already working) Bones can be repaired and some pains can go away, some stay. History, Religion, a good cup of coffee, life is what it is, forever changing, and not. Education is a daily reminder to learn and grow, to be the change that will make a difference.In a good, positive way.
      Hope your decorations are up and glowing.
      December joy, look for it.