Mother Of Dragons

    It is difficult to let May roll on without touching base on being a mom.
    For any parent who has lost a child, Mother's Day can take you to your bruised and battered knees. To Mother's all over the world, it is still a day to wash clothes!! and worry about feeding the herd.
   It is an unyielding gig, often without music!
   AND most moms would not trade it for anything, a mystery unfolds daily.

   I would need to add another room for additional baggage, for all my stories. So I will just share with you, my overnight carry on of mom stories.

   Stepmother of two, came with my marriage to Dr. Bill. Joint custody, and a boatload of boy smells.( I had two brothers, but mom took care of them) ( I think I was in shock for at least two years) I was young ish, and we grew together. I had never cooked before either! There was a lot of fun, and anxiety. We survived, and they are two of my favorite people. Both unique, handsome, educated and strong. They make me laugh, and they take good care of their "other" mother. Little did I know, at the beginning, how lucky I was to have them.

  Ward came out of me, slowly......and was a terrible baby......I thought.....I was in the twilight zone...who cries that much?? and never sleeps?? again I was in total shock, a complex child forever and a day. We were by ourselves for the week( B and K came on the weekend), and learn we did,so much from each other. He was a genius, and I knew I was in for a ride. We laughed and cried together, until he left us at 25. I think in my heart he had lived his full life, and was done. But a mom, never is done, we miss him.
   Hart came three years after Ward, the perfect child. ( I know that is a hard title to live up to) Never cried, slept all the time, ( I woke him up to play with him) and grew up to be awesome. He was a terrible eater, but by then , you realize I was a young mother of four boys!! and I did not care if he just ate bagels!!
  I lived at the doctors office, did not even make appointments, just showed up!! Daily, with cuts, bumps, bruises, you name it!! Once Hart had a He-man sword stuck in his ear, and Ward a jelly bean up his nose in the same week.
   Four years later ( yes I  have been seeing a shrink by then!) we adopted Emma from India. ( I needed a girl) ( I had to know the full circle of all kinds of mothering!!!) ( note. we lost a little girl from India, a year before Emma, Ami Grace died of heart problems before she came to be with us) Emma came from India with head lice and sever malnutrition, and she was the Best!! drank ten bottles of milk the first night, I did not put her down. She was in and out of the hospital, the first few months, and after those kinks...she became a super athlete!! Yes that is right, my little girl, became my tom boy child!! Rocked every sport know to man. She received the Excalibur Award her senior year, for most outstanding athlete! I kid you not, the child is barely five feet high, and for many years weighed nothing!! Four brothers and her mom and dad, had a ball with her. We still do, unless she hasn't had food, and she can bite you!! I remind her often, as we look at pictures, " Oh Emma, look at all those cute dresses I put you in!!" She is my traveling buddy, and number one girl.
    I think I was 38ish when Emma arrived, and by then, this mother business was a piece of cake!! ( and I was heavily medicated) ( Sort of a joke??)
    Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, EVER!!! and I am still doing it.
    Never do you stop being a mom, it is a forever thing.
    So May we celebrate mothers day, I celebrate everyday. Thankful to Baby Jesus that I made it though some of the hard stuff, and that I can still remember the delicious stuff.
    I close my eyes and I see my babies, and then my young boys, all lanky and goofy. Emma giving them a run for the money, and taking over the house!! Would I change anything? Yes, a few, but I know my God had my back.
   Mothers Day in the Merry Month of May, and this Mother of Dragons says, " Thank You" to all my children, and to my hubs for being the best dad.
  Who needs a gift, I have mine.( Kids you know that is not true, mom likes gifts and lots of them, but don't let dad buy them, he needs guidance!!)
   I Love being your mom

The Art Of A People

-Is A True Mirror To Their Minds.
                            Jawaharial Nehru

               Art explodes in the sunshine of the summer months. ( I think we are still in spring? but in my heart it is summer!)
              Farmers markets show their bounty, festivals burst at the seams, and I pick up a paint brush.  In the winter I draw out what I will paint in the summer. I can not even try and explain it, my very being, is much like the tides. Moon phases, weather patterns?? I paint in summer. The paper the brushes, the squeezed out tubes, I love the process as much as the final product.
            In the dim winter light, I just don't feel the juices flowing. I may felt, or play with textiles, but honestly, I just read. Yes I still read in the summer, but winter is my storing up months of reading. I may have been known to read 3 to 4 books a week, Its Winter!!! I am cold!! I have to read. BUT come summer...it is all about the paint. Watercolors love the summer, the water and paints seem to create on their own, I just happen to be holding the brush. Pastels adhere to the paper better, and cause me to pause at the ease of this medium. I think this year, I may even try my hand at oils. The thickness of the paint, or the ability to make broad strokes and see them, excites me to my core!!
          Just in the last two weeks, I have gone to this one antique store, looking way to long, at these watch faces. YES, not watches, just several containers of watch faces. I think they are calling me, and I don't know what to do with them. Wonder whose wrist they have been on, and who collected all of these? Summer wakes up my imagination and these worn out, worthless watch faces.( I will keep you posted!) ( They have a story to tell!) 
         I hope you find the time, to create. In the yard, in the kitchen, on the canvas, through the lens, daily devotions to catching the big fish, let the light pull you to create. Go to concerts, new restaurants, fresh tomato sandwich! Summer is delicious, and so beautifully busy.
       Chihuly is here in Atlanta, Basquiat at the High, Braves in the outfield, fresh cut grass smells all over the place, it is a wonderful time of the year. If you look closely in your town or city, there is so much waiting for you, explore. Weddings are a constant in June, Fireworks in July and Hot August Days, look for some water.
     I think we are still in May, you know I don't pay to much attention to the actual calendar, but the sunshine and tides!! that I know personally. I feel it, I hear it, I taste it, the art of the people in summer.
     Grief lives with me, but it takes a backseat this time of year.
     Happy Mothers Day to all who mother!
     Create something fantastic, I know you will.        

        

Seek The Bigger Canvas

   In the art studio of life, seek the larger canvas. I think the stars may have been speaking to me? ( Is that where horoscopes come from?) It continued on ...using words like plentiful and creativity....I soaked it all in....and thanked whomever wrote this little tidbit.

      Seldom do I check my horoscope, but once in a blue moon came up yesterday. It read,
       Art comes is so many forms, from food, to music, photographs, books, a sunrise, birds chirping, I thought I had seen it all. Not all-all!! but my fair share. Until my buddy introduced me to Mapplethorpe. HBO has a documentary called Mapplethorpe:Look at the Pictures, so I did.
      I had never heard of him, or had I ? He was young and boyish looking, in a relationship with Patti Smith (?)

which is interesting enough. The time period was important to the story, and he used Polaroids, another very strange art form, but I was in. My Perlotta explained to me, that I needed to think outside the box, ( I can do that) and to expect many views of the male penis! ( Is that art?) ( OK! The human body, lets think freely)
   I continued on with my watching of an artist in another world.
I loved it, the story. I find it fascination how people, all people, survive this earthly life. I forever find interest in how the catholic church molds people.( all religions do, but the scars of the catholic church are so rich!)
I love the human body in anatomy class, and  depicted in so much art. However......it can turn to gross in a second. I do not consider bodily function as art, ( remember this is my blog, you may indeed love it!) I am not a fan of pornography, but I have to be honest, I don't know what classifies as that. Maybe, OK, for sure, Mapplethorpe pushed that envelope over that cliff!!! ( The Bigger Canvas!! I am trying!!)
   He did mixed media and interesting things with emulsion!!( that sounds nasty! but its not!), taking the picture off the Polaroid and letting the image float on another piece of material.( you would have to see it!!) ( maybe) He took wonderful floral pictures and had a good eye, truly. His placement of objects and lines, were perfect and new. He wanted to be a Warhol , but his timing was off. I think some of his stuff was better. ( BUT I am not a Warhol fan) He was a gay man, in the aids fever. It took his  life, in its gruesome teeth. I think maybe art had consumed him much earlier. When ambition trumps art, things can go haywire. Dope and the seventies, narcissistic qualities running rampant through his veins, with catholic quilt on your back!
A gay man and a Polaroid camera.

I am glad to have learned about this young man. ( I picture him as young)
He would have made me nervous in his company. He was too raw, and careless, but he was an artist.
      Did he inspire me? Not really, but he made me think. Thinking is also art, or at least food for the artists soul.
   I continued on my research and read Patti Smith's two books, so my canvas grew. I learned so much more, about Robert and she, plus was blown away by her writing skills. Just Kids and M Train. I think she has others. Now she is an artist, creature of mystery and a life lived. ( she still lives, unlike Prince, to which I will never recover!!)
     The HBO show, watch is you are brave and a little off center!. Read her books, if you are curious and love the written word.
     If you love the arts, seek the bigger canvas, in this studio of life.
     The adventure, the journey, miracles, art is all around you. You canvas is huge!!!

Goodnight Sweet Prince

      I have been thinking long and hard about what to say about this wisp of a man. This Prince of music.
      This Purple reign of his. The master of privacy, and a tightrope walker between male and female, magic.
      Yes, that is what I know for sure, he is magic.
       Decades of music, that speaks to the masses.
       Lyrics, that I hope you look at again, tell stories like the poet that he is.
  
       Little Red Corvette is not about a car at all!
       Entertaining, fascinating, watching us watch him.

      His small frame of passion, preaching Jesus and Sex, and all the drama between.

      My heart is so heavy, and thankful we had him, and will continue to have him, for generations to come.
      Maybe the next group will have a Prince, I sure hope so.
      They come around , not so often.
      And they leave early, with us wanting more.

      He is Magic, and I will forever take a cup of that! Fill me up, you Purple giant.
      Enjoy the journey, taking with you so much love.
      

I Can See Clearly, At Least Out of One Eye.

        The cardiologist that I saw last week, for a surgery pre-op, told me that the reason I had cataracts so early ( I already liked him!) were probably due to working in Radiology and Cardiovascular lab for nearly ten years. All the radiation of my youth, had come back to cloud my vision. I explained to him, I would not change a thing, having loved all my early working years at a teaching hospital. AND I added, there were many interns and residence doctors in our halls of medicine.
       So on Tuesday I had my first operation to see clearly. A very simple operation, with a big outcome. I just had a very giant problem with the process of preparing. I could not wear any makeup for four days!! I had full makeup on in labor, how was this going to happen. I expressed my concerns, to which HE (eye doctor) did not have a clue to my problem. I asked if I could even wear lipstick, and again he looked at me funny. I have worn makeup since I was twelve. Its a part of my life, in a big way. My routine, is all about getting fixed up!! So on the day of surgery, I took a bath, washed my hair, and stood in the bathroom. NOW WHAT?? I could not even wear perfume or hairspray, no lotion, no jewelry, I may have started to shake.
   However I survived and asked the nurse in recovery room to go get my purse from my husband, ( another thing I like to have near) so I can at least put on some lipstick!! She poo-poo'd my request." It makes me feel better, and that should be part of your job, " I was thinking that, but the Michael Jackson juice was still flowing through me a tad, I surrendered  to the autopsy look of paleness and regret.
    The next day I had to go to the followup appointment, I had makeup on one side of my face, and a little blush on the paper tape holding the big hunker of an eye patch. My other eye doctor, SHE ( just saying) hollered and thought I was brilliant, and shinning! Even if it were not true, I felt so much better. Is that vain, or just being a girly girl. I don't care, I like to look nice, and it requires a hefty American Express bill.
   I still cannot wear eye makeup this week, because the other eye is coming up soon, and I don't want to mess up the doctors brilliant work, so I follow the rules.. Lucky for me I wear glasses, so it is not so clear, but I know. My eye lashes don't bat the same way!! I feel naked, never do I need to feel the freedom of no cosmetics.
   I can see clearly, out of one eye, that I may have a serious addiction problem. ( addiction of all kinds runs in my family) I now have several eye drops, and I wanted to put them in a cute bag, so I went upstairs to my many makeup bags, and began to empty one out. Forty tubes of lipstick rolled all over the sink counter, I laughed so hard, and then thought, this is serious. One, I was so excited to find all of this lipstick, I had forgot about this bag. Second, I rounded up the tubes so fast, you would have thought it was crack cocaine! Not everyone needs to know all of my secrets!! ( then why do you have a blog Bonnie? computer is talking to me)
   My tools of beauty may be on a long time out, but I know they are near.
   I can see Clearly, and sometimes that is an EYE OPENER!

Angst And A Green Bean

      Very few, if any, will understand the amazing title of this blog.

      It is not important for us to understand everything.
      You can imagine all kinds of meanings, you are free to think out loud.

      If you are like me, and have the best friends in the world, no explanation is needed.

      It was a moment in time, and the title just spoke volumes.

      I will let you know this about me, I am not a thin person. I have been curvy all my life.
      It is my glorious body, and I have never had just one green bean.

      Enough, its just a wonderful title, enjoy it!

      Now for a few Sunday thoughts, I love Bonnie Raitt.
      My hubs, Dr. B., thinks that it is warm outside and I am freezing. I agree that it is sunny, but my bones are cold! I need it to be 80 degrees in the morning. Surely by now, after so many years, he knows this.
      AND I need to clean the back porch from all the pollen, but I have been waiting for warm weather!!
      Today may be the day, may be?

     About my friends.....If I look back over the 8 years of this blog....I would be willing to bet that there are many times I have used the word friends. I love them.
     Last night we celebrated a big birthday of one of our own.
     We all have shared so much, heartache and happiness. Laughing all the way.
      All of my life, I have held tight to my friends, and they are people that I hope you know.
      Childhood friends, school friends, work friends, neighborhood friends, church friends, far away friends and up close friends. I have a village that has molded me, honored me, and cried with me. Jane, Susan,Allison, Maria, Natty, Laura, Gemma, Kathi, Karen, Lynne, Malia, BA, Kaye, Vicki, Harriett, Dianne, and that is just a sprinkling. I could not mention them all, and their significant others, sometimes they travel in twos, or a herd.  We are connected by "It" this cord that remains long and stretching for years, months or days with or without seeing each other.  We are a crew, of stories true and embellished. Photos, in the vault and some the world has seen. ( thank you P for Papi last night) What a wonderful feeling to know you have so many that you can call, to help and to say, " I Love You."
    So on this Sunday, I say " Happy Birthday Lenny Purwin" we love you to the moon and back, and maybe to Pluto!! A good time was had by all, and if I saw one more fork, I was going to scream!! So much food, it was fit for a king! You, my friend.
     David B, sorry we had to talk about "summer grooming" but you were sitting among the girls. Your wife, explained to us in French, something about Hay and A Gate, I think I will steal that for my next blog title!!!
    Sunday is a day of thanks, and M,T,W, Th,F and Saturday too!!
    I count myself blessed, No Angst and a Green Bean for this gal.

Whatever Lola Wants.....

     This time, last weekend, I was anticipating the musical Kinky Boots! 

     Whatever the day is in this windy April morn, I still have the urge to put on a pair of thigh high red boots and sing.
      It matters not, day, time, or style of music, I will be singing.

     Recently there was a thread on Facebook about what twelve albums you would always travel with, and it stirred up my angina. 
     Well let me think about this? I took a stroll to my album pile, and looked through a few, that have been with me, for forty or fifty years. Would these be on my list? I guess so, I still have them, and my Hart has a few. ( I think he has my original Beatles first album, and maybe a few more.)
     
    It is always hard to decide what to carry with you. 
    So here is a list and trust me, I could go on and on....

     Eat A Peach by Almond Brothers, gosh even typing this brings back so many memories, and I smell pot!
     Abby Road by The Beatles, I think of Susan and Paula
     Crosby, Stills, Nash 1969 sitting on that couch cover, I still love all these songs( huge crush on Graham Nash)
     Tea For The Tillerman by Cat Stevens, just the first notes of these songs, I have to grab my chest.( I also have his music as a Muslim Man, he is anointed with a gift, I think he is now called Yusuf and I love him)
     Sweet Baby James by James Taylor, cried so hard when I saw him in concert, thought Jesus was going to take me up, right then!! I think that is how angels must sound!
    Captain Fantastic by Elton John, a great album, and Reginald is my Captain!
    Piano Man, by Billy Joel, I saw him on stage at JU, ( Jacksonville University) I swear, I feel like it was the gym, he was a baby and so was I. I looked at my friend and said, " Remember this night, it is historic!!"
   Experience by Jimi Hendrix, oh my goodness, he burned up a guitar, how lucky we were to have him for such a short period of time.
  
  I cannot choose, what about all my Motown?
    Little Anthony and The Imperials
    The Supremes
    Smokey Robinson, I wanted to marry!
    Temptations
     
     Another time...
     Leslie Gore
     Ricky Nelson
     Bobby Darrin
     Connie Frances
     Bobby Vinton

  Mom and Dad's music
     RoseMary Clooney
     Patti Page
     Perry Como
     Dean Martin
     Andy Williams

Folk Music, Gospel Music, New Music
    The original cast albums of Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar are in my album pile, I guess they stated my love of musicals, who knows?
    Jackson Brown, Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell, Paul Simon, Barbra and Bette,.
    Country music has always been in my wheel house, from Little Jimmy Dickens, The Carter Family, and Loretta to Carrie and Keith Urban.
    Pop music, Boy bands, Prince!!

I cannot choose what to take, I choose all. 
I choose to sing Christmas carols twelve months of the year, and woke up this morning to children's songs, that Mrs.Nail taught me.
   Music heals me, breaks my heart, sets my feet to tapping and often shakes my booty! I have no shame, I will sing and dance at the drop of a hat, or the turn of the record.
   Whatever Lola wants, I am with her?him? oh heck, who cares, just put on the red boots and belt it out!!