Every Picture Tells a Story? Does it?

In the past week or so, Facebook, posted a fantastic photo of a friend of mine. Doug Griffin holding his surfboard, posted by The North Jetties group in Florida. (a huge spot for surfing, in my youth, and today, maybe?) I came upon it, and smiled, gosh Doug is so sweet in this photo, holding his beloved board. I replied, Great Photo.

Never in a trillion years, did I think to read anything into this photo. I had assumed, (mistake) that it was a surfing buddy, or his wife Paula had posted a recent good photo. Later in the day, I saw that this posting had others commenting, so I looked. RIP was written, on a comment. I LOST it!! No where did it say he passed, so I asked if he was dead or alive. I got several answers of YES. YES what?? Finally, Harriet sent me the article, that talked of Doug's passing. Cancer had consumed another precious human. I had a clarification, of something that I honestly did not want to hear. I was sick. 

I could hear my mother talking, when she lived with us, before her death. " Bonnie, you are just about the age when you start losing friends." she alerted me. " Mom what a thing to say, we are all young and here now!" That was two years ago, and mom has died. I told her, " Speaking to the heavens, you are right mom!! but you didn't have to warn me." 

 This mild mannered, darling boy is gone. The grown man, who comforted me about the death of my son, Ward, age 25. He softly listened to my grief and asked questions from his heart. We talked about his life and mine; it had been years since we had exchanged even a hello at a high school reunion. He reached out, at a time, when people stayed away. Grief scares people, and loss of a child is a big Grief. Doug Griffin, held my pain, so I could breathe a minute.

Now I have to hold my grief of losing him.

At one of our reunions, I ran to Doug, (maybe walked fast) and he held my face. No words were spoken. Once again, I knew he continued to hold me. 

We were all so happy, when he married Paula. She anchored him, and continued to let him shine.

He was not perfect, thank goodness. He was very imperfect and filled with joy. I don't want perfect; I do want Doug to still be here. 

I cannot say Good-Bye, it just does not seem the right fit.

I love you Doug Griffin and that's it. I hope you carry with you all our love. I can see you in the hall of Andrew Jackson, near your locker. You turn and smile at me, no words needed. My friend for a LONG time, I'm smiling back.

  Jesus, my wheel is broken, but please continue to take hold of it for me. I trust your direction, but I don't have to like it.

My love to Paula, family and friends. Send him off with good music, love and a smile.

Much Love

Bonnie Blackman Baron

Technique Is What Happens When You Run Out of Inspiration-Rudolf Nureyev

 I have seven notebooks filled with words and thoughts. Now to piece them together for a blog. After so many months. (time out, I have to take off my bracelet) 

Let's start with Olympics, from my beloved France.

My favorite thing so far, has been Snoop Dogg, and the real goat at the golf course. I give them both 10 stars. Snoop is delightful, and the goat was just trying to get closer to the ball, the course backed up to a farm. Several workers of the course had had the animal surrounded, and looked at each other, thinking "Now What??" Big smile from yours truly.

Each morning, yes very early, we watch something on the Telly. I wake up ranting a tad, to my husband, who thinks the Olympics are serious stuff. (I think that they are different) One morning it was Badminton, Isn't that lawn games in summer?  What time is Croquet? I want jump rope and Jacks added to that day.

Next am I saw a floor exercise person, almost flung off the matt! Well now, I'm a wreck. I hollered to my angel husband, " This is like watching a car wreck in Daytona!!" Then horse jumping was on, I could watch the horses, be beautiful. A happy face came to me. Until one horse hit three bars or beams, whatever they're called, and down I went. Can not watch this either. Soccer too slow, I watched all of tennis, but I watch tennis each day of my life. Womens basketball is fun, swimming, not happening. Diving, can't watch, thanks Greg Louganis. Boxing, breakdancing??? skateboarding??? I know there is a card game going on somewhere, Go Fish! I love the opening and closing ceremonies. They inspire me. I saw where I had sat in the Tuileries Garden, so often during our stay in Paris. It was spring and beautiful and my spot. I read daily, praying for a ray of sunshine. I hope they did not move my chair for that big lighted balloon looking thing!!! Bring me the ballet, of people watching. Now that I will pay for.

Hmmm..you know that I have not even touched my notebooks, let me look a minute.

You can love a memory, but a memory cannot love you back. Not sure about this quote, I found in a book I am reading, about the elderly. (that is us, peeps) Book called ELDERHOOD by Louise Aronson.

Wonderful book, people should start reading it around 50, I wish I had. However, in my early 70's it's still great. OK, About the quote, I think memories do love me back. Most, Not All, comfort me, cause me to clutch my heart, inspire me, make me question some things, and accept the memory as it is. Joy wrapped in the madness of life. How do we grow older and not be bitter or show dread?? Heck, It is another job. There is no retiring from! I look forward to each moment, good, medium or Hallelujah!!

This book is good.

Another one I have read, is My Beloved Monster by Caleb Carr. Written from the cat's view, told by his caretaker. Very different and if you know cats, it is soooooo Cat like!!

Ok last little quip from my notebook, I only have seven left to go through.

You do not need to fill up the whole day. This just jumped out at me, people are so busy, and chaotic. They make me nervous. Planned up the ying yang, controlled and loose change. Just leave some room, for things to happen, to look around at the beautiful and the not so pretty. Pay attention, take a mini nap, right now we have had a hot summer. Rejoice in the heat, it bakes the meanness out of you, or causes you to snap, Your choice!!!

Until next time, my gentle reader (watched season 3 of Bridgerton at least 6 times!)

Love August Birthday people.

Bonnie love coming your way

Do Not Lie in the Wreckage

 You lie down, you lay something down/object!!!

This is why  SAT tests were not my delight. I will argue, that you lay your body down, that is an object. 

Above title is correct.

I think that I read that, in Isolation Journals by Suleika Jaouad. Substack App. (Wonderful site)

(thank you Purwin for your info)

We all have some personal wreckage, that we just have to step out of. I have luckily stepped out of a few car wrecks, heart break wrecks, death happening to loved ones wreckage, or long dark days of winter!!

I have not been able to write, read very little and no painting this winter. The cold and gloom, after Christmas lights, do a number on me. We also have a new grandchild, Jack, that brings joy. He comes after many months of uncertainty. Hard pregnancy for my Emma, and delivery, and post delivery!! I think I was just SPENT!! Drained, and winter got me.

Its February now, and I can breathe knowing that sunny days will be coming, and my sense of hope returns. I need light. My primary doctor, loves to see me this time of year, do we increase meds!!?, No, says I, I need some sunshine. She smiles. I have been cursed with daddy's bone density but blessed with his sense of humor, win for me. Mom blessed me, with the love of lipstick, writing, and gift giving, while the horrible gift of worry about everything also came from her. I think I have hung onto their best gifts, and added some of my own. 

We all have to not lie in the wreckage, of DNA sometimes!!!

My doctor told me to go somewhere warm, I told her I was headed to Boston, to continue my cold weather blues. However I will be seeing my big boys Keith and Brian, and most importantly grandsons Adrian and Finn. Its Adrians senior year of high school, and we wanted to see his last few basketball games, and Finn Baron made the varsity basketball team, as a freshman, so joy will be had!!!  I like to eat breakfast with them, at this little place in Marblehead, next to our rental house, that serves the best banana pancakes I have ever had. Also, a cup of coffee that will hold a spoon upright in it!!!

Family either puts you in wreckage or pulls you out, often both. Many times, a good therapist, Jesus and prayer beads!!are needed.

Music also is my lifeline, The Grammy's last night, took me to my knees. Joni Mitchell has been a part of my life for so long, and she held me to her heart, with each note. Billy Joel, is another big player in my life of rescue, sang a new song, about Leaving the Lights On, sounded very familiar. I was not sorry about that either, felt like home. John Batise took me to church, as usual, he is anointed, as my Aunties would say. AND Tracy Chapman singing Fast Car, with a famous country singer, whom I do not know, was a balm to my soul. Music and Smart people, creative, giving, loving, people will most likely be the blessings to raise your spirits. At least mine, though in some grandchildren and sunshine, I am good to go.

Enjoy your day, do not lie in any wreckage, crawl out and start dancing. Works wonders.