In Case I Go To.......

  INDIA??
  Chances are very slim, I have a problem with a cacophony of sounds, smells, colors, people. I think India would hit me in the face with ugly and beauty at the same time. I have aged too much to be able to pick my way through. I think. However, I have always wanted to go, and pray.
Eat, Pray, Love is my mantra, and I think her trip to India either inspired me, or keeps me at bay.
My daughter, Emma, is adopted from India, and I do hope one day, she gets to see all the good, that helped make her. She is very much like me, even though she would say, not Really!! We had gone to see Slum Dog Millionaire years ago, and about half way through the movie she leaned over, and said, " You know we could never go there!" Granted the streets of Calcutta, would pull at me, I would touch every non-touchable person, and she knows it. The smells of poverty, I promise you, I would not make it. I smell things like a dog, all my senses are 10x normal. Emma has asthma, so it may not be the best place for her to visit, but I tell her, "Those are our people." Then we both agreed about curry and rickshaws, big negative. I read every book about India, to better understand my love of their people, and help Emma understand her roots.
  She would probably tell you, I read every book known to man, but that does not negate my love of India.
  Anyhow, why am I going on about this??
  My pray beads, Mali prayer beads broke during daddy's funeral and I have been beside myself with angst.
   I have tried to order them, and three different times, they have come back wrong. One day, I told Bill, I cannot pray with chia seeds!! I need my beads with the red thread and the knot between each bead. They are some seeds or part of a tree, but I forgot the name.
You see, after the book Eat, Pray, Love I needed her kind of beads to pray with, to meditate, to calm my mind, so I could pray!! Its the repetition, and the knot in between!! It causes you to pause, before the next bead. My friend, Jamie, found me some for my birthday about 12 years ago, and gave them to me when Ward died. One, I always like an early Birthday present, it was July, and they saved my life. I continued to hold them, and use them for all these years, and at daddy's funeral, the thread broke. I still use them, but cannot wear them on my wrist or neck, to have with me, as needed.
  All of this, maybe does not make sense, that is OK, its my peculiar tick!!
 The Hubs says, "You have thirty sets of rosary beads, from all over the world, they work." I calmly and sweetly replied, " It is not the same, Jesus or Mary are on those beads, and they don't feel right on my fingers!" ( Yes I do say the Rosary at times, but anyone with ADD brain will know, my mind wanders)
 Why do you need beads, you may ask?
 Here is a normal prayer for me, no beads.
 Jesus, Jesus, are you listening
 I have many huge things to pray about, ( I wonder what the name of this polish is on my nails, I love it) 
Take care of my mom, you know she needs to eat, and move up here. ( I think I am going to throw her in my car, next trip) ( that polish had sometime to do with the color of a pigs tail!)
My family needs you, heck we all need you, this country is messed up. ( people need to travel more, they really don't understand the world) ( but it costs so much, how are the poor suppose to travel)
( maybe read more books) 
Thank you for my bed, and husband, OK maybe I should have put him first!! My husband and my bed, and my pillows!!!
Ok, now I am getting antsy, have I told you about my bead problem. ( those kids in those cages need food and medicine, they are not worried about prayer beads) I KNOW THAT, but in order to pray for each person, say their name, their request, I need beads.
 I will keep looking, my throat is closing up, thinking about them. Can you calm me down.
Please look in on all my love ones, that should be up there with you, or zooming around the universe. Smile at them, or touch them, they are pretty neat people. You made them!!!
OK, this is getting on my nerves,
Keep loving me
Your child
Bonnie
Now can you see my problem, I either need to go to an ashram and learn to pray better, or just find some beads. ( Jesus, do you hear me, send me some or guide me to the website) ( the knotted ones)
 It is a gloomy, rain drenched morning, a good day to pray, and I am without beads.
 My blog is a little prayer, I think I am good for the day.
 Hope you have said yours, and keep me in your prayer loop!!
 Eat, Pray, Love you
Bonnie
Note the above beads, top no knot, no good, bottom has knot, but wrong bead!!!

These are sandalwood with knots, but they are not right either. 

my research begins