Wheels Up

     I have about an hour before the DIL picks us up for the airport.
     We are headed to Barcelona, Spain for a few weeks.
     Daughter and son, are on animal and house duty. Lucky that they live so close, and are semi willing to house/animal sit, but to hear them, I may not have really asked them!! PLEASE, they owe us a hundred times over, and they know it. I just want them to be thrilled to do it! Smile and do a good job, precious babies of mine, I may even bring you a present.
    I am trying with all that is in me, to be looking forward to this adventure, but life had other plans. My baby brother, age 58, Tommy died last week. We were startled, floored, yet not surprised. He had begun a self destructive course in his life, that we can't know or explain. The only thing I know for sure, is he is gone. My parents and his son, are crushed. My brother, Benji and I lost without him, and his friends, that are many, rocked with sadness to their core. My husband Bill said this while we were home in Florida, " Everybody liked Tommy!" which is true. Was he perfect, god no, who is? He is pure Tommy, and for him, that was enough. We just wish he could have made some big changes, but he would ask us "why?" He said he was happy, with his life. So I have to believe him, even though I think at 2am on any given morning he was lonely. Addiction, to gambling, alcohol, drugs, food, one of them is bad enough, but our Tommy lived large, touching and turning over those stones too many times. We loved him anyway, adored him. Prayed for him, screamed at him, laughed with him, and sometimes had to walk away. What I know for sure, is no family loved anyone more then we loved Tommy!!!
    We held his hand, in the funeral home. they would not let us see his used up 58 years of hard living life. We kissed his hand and held on for a few minutes more. Mom, his son Evan and I, holding on with love, telling him to go with glory, free of a hurting body. I promised him we would be all right, and it may have been a little lie. Because if he knew we were basket cases, he may have hung around worried too much. I know my brother.
   We will be OK, maybe not right now, but we will. We will honor your life, and tell your stories over and over. Your life meant something to so many Tommy. You have to know, you made changes in peoples life, just not so much in yours. I think you were just tired, and that is OK.
    How do I go on this big vacation after all this?? I go with bells on, and your picture in my pocket.
I will speak your name, all over Spain, a long with Wards and Trudys. I want people in every corner of the earth to know my family, to say your name!! with joy in their voice and heart.
   I promise to have a good time, and if you are over in that area, swoop down, and dance with me, because you know I will be dancing !!! Mom , Dad and Benji will be OK, they promised to be strong, but you may need to send them some signs!! I love you kid.
   Now wheels up, fact and metaphor.
   Love Love Love
     B