Did I Forget To Tell You About.......

      I sit here and reflect back on the year, a sobering thought to me. One, it goes so very quickly, and did I blog enough of my thoughts, to look back on and smile. Maybe cry, laugh out loud, or just enough to jog a memory or two.
      My hubs, the Great and Powerful Dr. Bill, retired this year, at 70.( maybe 71?? I have lost track) I think he is enjoying his leisure time, although I think he needs to still teach the gifted of the world!! He has me signed up, to do WAY too many serious courses online. We are polar opposite people, who found out that it can work!! This thing called marriage, but...I need some artistic space....he will find his footing.
      I had major hip surgery this year, with very good results. No pain, just a little worn out in the recovery phase. A good time to think without meditation or medication! Sort of zone out with the pain, and truly find some weird kind of calmness. Natures way, of centering your thoughts. I had good helpers,
     My mother and father are still alive and kicking. I feel very fortunate to talk to them daily, even if I have not had the ability as of late, to skip down to J'ville. Soon, I will make that familiar drive again, I hope so. Very few people my age, have one or both of their parents, its a challenge, but one I am grateful for.
   Keith, Kelly, Brian, Emily, Adrian, Finn, Hart, Nicole, Wyatt, and Emma, my babies are all good.
  Grown up, good humans, that I like and admire on many levels.
       Wyatt Heyward Baron, is our newest Baron. Will be one year old, soon, like maybe next week. ( ( you know I do not for sure, know the month we are in) Think his sweet birthday is Jan 4th, but it could be the 6th, or is that the party?? I do know all of my grandsons are born in January, to help their Uma(thats me) not have such a hard time remembering the dates!!!
        Wyatt has added such joy to our family, I can not find a word that describes it. He wakes up happy, goes to sleep happy. Its infectious, unbridled, take your breath away happiness. I hope it stays with him forever. The world has a way of sucking that joy out of you, so soon. He has to know that he was born to shine and be happy, and I will tell him all my days. I hope all of my children, grandchildren, know that their life is precious and they are so worthy. Do not hide your light under a bush, you are born to make a difference. To be the change, that you wish to see in the world. Shine on, my babies, and your babies.
     Each year their are so many losses, which is just the life cycle. There is no permanence, we are in constant motion. ( I am working on my Buddhism course!) There is no self?( that is a hard concept)
and who you surround yourself with matters!! ( my mom, the Buddhist that she is not, told me that a long time ago) ( You lay with dogs, you get fleas?!, something like that)
    Sam Sheppard, and Tom Petty were two of the deaths that touched my poetic heart. So many others, but their light still shines, and that is heaven working.
    I will not discuss the election, it is crystal clear, and yet there are those that still want to drink the Jim Jones punch. I release my anger, and hope our country works for the people. All the people, all of the time.
     May 2018, which I like the sound of, bring you all that you need, healthy days, and love in abundance. I wish for you to do something for others, without anything in return. Enjoy your good and bad days, keep moving and learn something new each day. ( I do wish for Florida Gators to have a good football season, purely selfish, and I don't care!!) ( I do not like to lose!)
    Happy New Year, a clean slate, and so many colors and brushes to choose from!! Paint a beautiful picture, your own, remember its your story.

Christmas, Keeps Coming

   This time of year, is emotional for all, I think? Dread, hassle, traffic, church, music, football, nativity, lights, food, relatives!! Many feelings surface, and when a person has lost a child, this holiday, at least for me, takes a toll. I try to keep my eye on the manger, and remember what 'Mary' had to endure, and Joseph!! Riding an ass while preggars, would have put me in a mood!! but having a baby in the hay, Joseph would have been walking!! No room in the inn? There was not anyone who could have helped this couple?? What kind of Christmas Spirit was in this town, Oh wait, there was no Christmas yet!!! but someone could have made them dinner, right???
   Mary lost her son, at around 12, when he went out into the world, and again at 33. ( I think that was his age) She, if you believe, watched her boy die on the cross. I like to think, she had so much faith, that is the only thing that could have saved her, and sometimes that is not enough.
    My son, Ward died at 25, I remembered Mary that very morning we found him. I told God, that I was not mad, but I could never trust him again. So Mother Mary, had to help me, she was a mother, she knew my heart.

   To this day, I call on her first.
   I like to celebrate the baby's birth on this December 25th, even though we know not the actual date.
   I think about his birth and death, many times through the years. Knowing that another mother knows my pain, brings some comfort. There are so many people out there, with all kinds of loss, grief to not 'get over' and Christmas can be hard.
   I totally ( love that word) believe it is all the weathers fault for any mood altering. It has been gloomy here in Hot Atlanta for a couple of weeks, maybe 4! And next week, cold and melancholy blah!! It will require a little extra work, but it is not impossible.
   I waking telling my hubs the other day, that grief just drops over me, like a weight. Then it is gone. Thinking about all the Christmas days that have been in the past, with me as a child, and then with me with little children. I remember most every single Christmas day, what I was wearing, what gifts
came my way. Later I recall my own babies Christmas Days, the smells, the laughter, the unbridled excitement of young children. Tomorrow, it will be my newest grandchild's first Christmas. He will remember nothing, but again, it will be etched in my mind and heart. It is such a magical day, even for the club that I now belong to. I want to look at old photos, and watch videos of past Christmas Days, but fear I will never be able to do that. I think the pain would be so great, that I could not come back from. Maybe one day? I like to just think of all the good days, good feelings, joy in unwrapping a present!! from a child's eye.
  This one perfect day, that is not so perfect, touches so many.
  I think even for those who celebrate differently than I, see the magic in his birth. The baby in a manger, with the animals, kings and shepherds near. A star so bright, that would have been enough for celebrating! I love bright things that shine, I would have so been right in that stable, next to the sheep!! asking Mary if I could hold the baby for a minute, or hour, or forever. I for sure, would have brought them something to eat and some new clothes, a blanket, a promise.
  A promise to always celebrate Baby Jesus in the hay, and remember his Mommy  and Daddy, knowing that they had so much joy and heartache coming their way.
  Christmas keeps coming, try and remember the reason.
  Joy To The World

         

It's A Wrap

    Sunday I read two pieces of the paper, and one includes my horoscope.
    I like to read book reviews, living section, and comics, with my star findings thrown in.
    So yesterday was no different, my day was semi planned, and I read my scope. It said I would see both the ugly and the good side of life.( which I think is probably everyday!) ( I seldom see Ugly!!)
You know how careful I tend to be, with what goes in my head. Well, this scope bugged me.
    I shook my head and thought, no one believes this stuff. (but it was in my head!!)
   My daughter, Queen Emma, came to wrap my gifts. She knows all to well, that I would give you a gift in the bag, from the store. My mother made her own bows, and probably made her own paper!! So gift wrapping was always a bust for me. I don't think I even ever tried, knowing that they would not look like my moms. She would spend hours on ribbon and bows, using only her special paper cutting scissors!! God forbid you touch them, or the ones used for cloth!! ( I never sewed either, after she made me take a seam out, a dozen times!! My thought was, Who would see it!!) Funny how things in growing up, mold you one way or another. I was lucky to get her cooking skills, and her ability to spot a good antique!! Be a good friend, and keep up with people. Writing I also got from mom, so its an even mixed bag. ( I do wish I could sew and wrap a gift!!) ( not learning now)
   Back to my horoscope, the day was turning out gloomy, and I thought maybe that was the ugly??
   The hubs and I went, to a Sing-A-Long at a local church to sing Handels Messiah. ( Hart said, " I bet dad is looking forward to this!!??) Hart will learn, trust me!!
   This was my good, I love to sing and in church with an orchestra, and choir!! ( I think I would have liked to have been a conductor, maybe next life!)
    We sat in the alto section, and I was ready, sheet music in hand. When during the singing, a lady in front of me, a little to the left, kept turning her head around. The first three times, I kind of thought, maybe she has a neck twitch!! Then a few more times, and I knew, she needed more Jesus!! I think the lady next to me and myself were turning the pages too loud!! We both liked to see what was coming, and where our parts were. We wanted to be ready!!
   I thought OK horoscope, this is the ugly, why would you even come to a sing a long, and be so snooty in church!! I noticed she had a balding spot in the back of her hair, and I thought maybe that made her act ugly. Her haircolor was a little off also, not everyone can do auburn!! I noticed she had her music highlighted, so she had done this before, so she did not have to turn any pages!! Damn organized mean person. Well, Hallalujah chorus began and I sang so loud, to reach the heavens. What beautiful music, I touched the ladies hand next to me, she had a lovely voice. Bill Baron did not sing, but he stood, and watched his wifey sing to her hearts content!! ( Hart, another lesson)
  I asked Bill if he noticed the evil eye of the lady in the red jacket was giving me, and my singing partner. ( stranger with good voice, next to me) He said "No, but I did see she had highlighted her music book" I then asked him, if I sang all right? ( you do know I can not sing a note!!) My beloved said, " I did not even hear you!" Well, I guess that is good, I fit in with all the beautiful singers. I thought about all my years in Chorus and Choirs, and how my cousin Becky had the most beautiful alto voice. I always sing, good next to people who can sing!!!
  That poor woman, needed to highlight her heart more. She could not damper my joy at singing this beautiful music, I swear I think I sounded a bit like Barbra on For Unto Us A Child Is Born! Toward the end, I was Mahalia Jackson!!
    Good and Ugly, normal, its our reaction, always!!
    Keep singing, keep having daughter wrap gifts, keep dragging hubs to all things, keep loving and
    forgiving. ( I wish I had hugged that mean lady!!) ( next time) ( remember to bring a highlighter!)
    It is almost Christmas

History Repeats Itself

   This past month of November, has been one of healing and bundles of college courses.
    My new hip is awesome, I am five weeks post op, and I was able to "cane" my way into the nail salon, for my nails. So I felt somewhat healed. My toes will have to wait, they are not ready to reach the pedicure station, but soon. When the hubs picked me up ( still cannot drive) I told him, "Some people were just meant to have paint on their nails, and I am one of them!" I felt complete!! Forget Tom Cruise, " You complete me!" BS, Fire Engine Red Nails cures all my ailments.
   I took a walk in our neighborhood park, which I may have ranted that it was not Paris, BUT...I enjoyed it. Why do we not have beautiful, manicured parks and fountains, and gelato stands?? with a merry-go-round near by?? Boxwood hedges cut perfectly, adorned with benches every two feet, I need an English Garden, or Versailles!! Instead I walked Newtown Park, past the soccer field, dog park, and poop bag station. The Veterans Park area was lovely, had a new fountain, and pine trees!! We don't do fancy here in the States. We have lovely botanical gardens, in a mass produced kind of way, just not a walk to a pretty serene park. Needless to say, I was very happy to walk with no hip joint pain so I had to lift my eyes to the heavens anyway, and maybe dream of The Tuileries .

    When at the house, my retired Dr. B. has me now taking two college courses at the same time. I explained that I only want to do one at a time, but these two overlap!! Plus they are sooooo different, your mind has to switch gears, and that takes a few minutes. Maybe lunch, a nap, another walk!! No lets squeeze these brain cells, while we can.
    The global History course is almost finished, and it has been fantastic. Eye opening, to me, about how history repeats itself. We began around the 1300's and are now in WW1, and then I think about todays political climate, it is all the same. Very disturbing to see how little we have learned. I encourage all people to take this course. It is under Princeton edX, online courses, Global History, very, very interesting journey. And if that is not enough, we are taking through coursera, Buddhism and Modern Psychology, which is right up my ally!! Still through Princeton, it is wonderful. I am trying to find my mindfulness. Nirvana is out of the question, but Joy, that I can grasp. I love to study religions, Keeping Baby Jesus near and dear, with a Namaste  thrown in. I have a very hard time, making my mind calm and quiet, so Buddhism helps me center my thoughts. This is another good course, next we will go full tilt into Art History, I have to enroll us quickly before Dr. B decides we need some organic chemistry hoopla!!
    Today is December 1, David Robertson's birthday, whom I miss. Gone to soon, but nothing is here long. Feelings, physical bodies, all short term.( Buddhism already working) Bones can be repaired and some pains can go away, some stay. History, Religion, a good cup of coffee, life is what it is, forever changing, and not. Education is a daily reminder to learn and grow, to be the change that will make a difference.In a good, positive way.
      Hope your decorations are up and glowing.
      December joy, look for it.