Let Us Discuss

   I hope by now, or the near future, you have watched Ken Burns Vietnam Series on PBS.
   I enjoy his work, and his time doing research, and near fairness of details.
   I was certainly on the fence about watching this program, it is long, and painful. ( How many sentences can I start with "I"??)
       Let me start again.
       The series Vietnam by Ken Burns, is a must see for all people. My age, especially, it was our war.
These were our glory days, filled with some pretty big changes. My father fought in the Korean War, and he explains how futile these so called wars were. At this point I can not argue, my reason for protesting this war, I just haven't the energy to explain, or change a persons mind. I can say after I saw this series on PBS, I was very proud of my stand against wars, and especially this monstrosity.
     I hate that any young man, or any person had to die in this war. On either side, such a cost was paid. All wars, have the same chance, of someone not coming home. This war, had no glory, no purpose, no reason for these humans to leave it on the battlefield. There was no battlefield, just jungles and rice farms. There was no military plan, it was a cluster f*ck of a mess, and a high price was paid. I did not breathe the entire, long series. The hubs and I were very quiet while it was on. We had lengthy discussions about all aspects of what we had seen and heard. I had to call my father, and ask him some personal things, that I have never asked him. He was very honest, and curious as to why now,  I was asking him.
    My heart was so heavy with regret, and utter contempt for our government for keeping this charade going. My family always has known my personal feeling towards wars, violence, stupid guns all in every cray crays hands!! I also have a strong belief in respect for your country and military people. I honor all whom have even gone to basic training!! I am so sorry there were wars that you had to go too. Especially when they had nothing about protecting our country. ( which is a catch phrase warmongers so like to use) I understand War World1 and 2, it had a plan and purpose, and an end result in stopping bad things from happening to people all over the world. The Korean War and The Vietnam War and us in Afghanistan for 17 years, there are no reasons.But I can not beat this dead horse, people have such strong beliefs contrary to mine. Which is normal, I just hope even if you disagree with me, watch this program. Take notes, learn something and thank a veteran for all that they have done for us, even if its against your belief system.
   My brother in law, Michael Baron served over in Vietnam . Ken Delaney an Andrew Jackson Grad, lost his young life over there. So many, in all our wars. This particular war, the times we were living in, very powerful stuff. Take a minute to watch, its the least we can do.
     So much more to tell you about, but I will end this blog. It deserves its own page. 

The Cirus Is In Town

     One of my earliest memories is of my father telling us of how he always knew when the circus was in town. They would march the animals in a parade, with all the fellow actors in the big top.
It was a big deal, Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Baily. Daddy would tell stories of Joe-Joe the dog faced boy, and other circus freakish anomalies. Stories of his youth, are vivid in my mind, there were so many!! Gene Autry, Disney, Little Jimmy Dickens, Davy Crocket, Dracula, I thought these were my relatives. They were at dinner with us every night, in some form of story. And that is just the tip of the Homer, that me being first born, heard these stories the longest.
      Guess that is why, when Cirque Du Soleil comes to town, I will try and be there. Now this is not my daddy's circus.This is my circus story to tell.
     My friend, Brooks Ann, turned me onto this gem of a circus years ago. In fact Emma's first one, she slept on the bleacher floor. Now they have nice seats, and my baby is 29.
   Recently we just went to see Luzia, the new cirque that is playing in Atlanta.
   I love the big tent most of all, the costumes and the play. It is very much like an opera, or play with circus acts through out. This one was entirely in Spanish, most I have seen have been in French.
The acrobatic acts are great and so close, all of it makes me nervous. There are people all over the place on ropes and swings, and poles, your head is constantly turning. The stage design is over the top fantastic, and to be completely honest, I don't know how it all gets put up. You will be watching someone hanging onto a pole, dressed like a hummingbird, when the workers put up a different set. It is movement in its finest form. Everybody has a job, and well oiled machine. This particular cirque had water involved that was a game changer. I can not explain it, how it works, I just know that it is magic. Yes this circus has magic, advanced magic, minus the smell of the animals. The animals in this circus, were built and operated by people, and I could not breathe watching them. I felt like they were alive. There is still a child like quality in all of us, that needs this magic.
    My Beloved Hubs, and daughter went with me this time, and there are two tiny tents to go through before you hit the big top. That have shirts and programs, with refreshments. I saw a flowered headband that lit up, and of course had to have one!! ( I am worse than a child!!) Every one needs flowers in their hair, and then it lights up!! I told Emma to call me Freida!! I think it was lost on her. ( I looked just like her) Then we went to our seats, middle, center, perfect. ( too expensive but so much is anymore)  Emma and I nearly jumped out of our seats several times, and I may have screamed, ( I happen to not be a quiet person) We were fascinated by their bodies, ripped with muscles, and tiny people. I explained to Em, I never even could do the Monkey Bars!! these people are amazing.
   Then this contortionist just appeared, I never saw him, and he was flying a freak flag of double jointed body parts. It was pretty near daddy's Joe-Joe the dog faced boy, times a million. I looked through my fingers, honestly it was horror show weird, in a good way?!?
     I hope at some time you get a chance to see Cirque Du Soleil in your city or near. It is worth the extra money, and  think of all the stories you can tell.
    I still listen to daddy tell his.

Learning To Fly, But I Don't Have Wings-Tom Petty

       I just wish for a day, or a minute you could feel what my heart feels.
       I spent hours recently watching the Netflix documentary on Tom Petty, and was crushed.
       So many waves of emotions went though my body, it was pure joy juice flowing, and I wish for you all to feel it. Maybe Tom Petty doesn't do it for you, and that is perfectly fine, I just hope you find something that touches you, I want you to feel my joy.
       The early seventies were our years, my years, and there was Tom. Gainesville called him theirs, but we all claimed him. He was tortured, gifted and pint size. He knew music, inside and out. He was a wonderful poet and songwriter, with a monkey on his back. I feel stunned, that is he is gone, and so grateful for having him . ( Not literally, but those days are a blur!)
   As I was watching, I thought, no wonder my mother worried, I would have left town and followed him, if our paths had crossed ever so closely. He was smooth, southern poor, long hair hippie redneck, who played the guitar, that was his ticket, and I would have been on that train!! Life is so interesting, the twists and turns. Their rehearsal at the old farm house, with Mudcrutch, made me nervous, Lord please don't let me see myself!! Or Harriet, or anyone else I know. AND if I see myself, please Jesus, pray I have clothes on!! It was a different time people!! We had burned our bras by then!! He was always learning to fly, and now he has the wings of flight. Music and lyrics, my drug of choice.
    While I have just returned from jury duty, I am still so happy with just the weather, and the book and books I consume on a weekly basis. I just wish you could feel my heart!! Reading is one of most important things in my life. Two this week and last, Brene Brown's Braving The Wilderness, is wonderful. I stay away from too many self help books, but I like her. I think most people should read it, unless you are perfect. If your are, great, I need some help.
                    Here are some line....
               * When you are grateful for what you have, I know you understand the magnitude of what I have lost. ( So Powerful)
              *Are you will to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome? ( wow)
              * Joy matters ( My motto)
              *I'm convinced that discomfort is the great deterrent of our generation. ( get out of your comfort zone)
              *we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us.
              *I belong to myself. I am very proud of that.
              * Oliver Sacks writes, " Music, uniquely among the arts, is both completely and profoundly emotional!!" ( Yes profoundly to me)
              * we have to catch the moment of human SPARK!!!
I could go on, but I will let you discover her jewels.
  My jury duty book, was LIMP, by Simon Eli ...something, cant see his last name on the Kindle, think it starts with a V. So far so good. Only two lines to tease you.
               * Her entire body appeared to be in the grip of an all consuming disappointment. (wonderful)
               * seemed to consume the entire bathroom mirror ( loved that line) ( reminded me of years in front of a mirror) ( I think he was talking about his nose)
          A funny memoir.
I wrote three blogs while on jury duty, also, or at least jotted down some thoughts. These were two of the them. Later I will tell you about my circus (cirque) adventure yesterday, just know that I yelled out " Is that Tarzan". More to come.
        Life is what you make it, seriously.
        Oct 30th is my hip surgery, more stories to come!! Always looking for good material.
        Later Gator! ( oh heck, that reminds me, Dr. B, hubs and I were watching the Gators play this weekend, and I was expressing my dislike of the coach. Bill says, " He has a pretty good record, you know?" I may have snapped my head around, " Well he just does not SHINE!" Shinning is important people!! 
   

Restart, Do Over, Yikes....Stay Focused Bon

    So much goes on in the ADD brain of mine, I have to hit rewind, restart, do over, several times a minute, hour, day. ( no HD, never hyper, just scattered)
    So I have told you about this Global History Course, that is wonderful but time consuming. Well, I may be part of the problem, which is OK! Dr. B and I were on the second lecture this morn, and I just zoned out, this is what I was thinking.
                 a. I smell really good, I love to smell clean (sniffing my arms)
                 b. Hope Marina Scott is OK in California, those fires are so horrible
                 c. Ward has missed so much, I hate that.
I then heard China transformation, Shit birds!! I will have to start over, I have heard nothing.
Go back, first thought, after I take notes and write the years 1368 to 1644, Teacher man's shirt looks crisp today!!! OK..... am back, Did you know that the planting of Mulberry trees, and Chinese irrigation systems, caused the elephant population in southern China to go extinct? I think the trees were for the silk worms, its all interwoven, and after the elephants left, population exploded!! Needed more people in the fields. I love history, we are also on the medical branch of this history course. Science and Medicine for each period, extra!! I love Extra!! ( I had to take some time off, to wash clothes and blog! Duh!!) ( I will not suffer alone, you are going with me!!)
     Reason for blog, I woke up feeling so wonderful. Seriously thrilled to the bone to be alive, and as I hung my legs over the side of the bed. I pondered why? this feeling of excitement.
    Oh yes, my dream. I had the opportunity to visit with an old friend last night. Ever so briefly, or long, its hard to say in a dream, but we got to see each other after about 47 years or so. I have thought of him, over the years, wondering the "If's" of his life. Last I talked to him, I had just had Ward, and he was laughing at how much I loved Sesame Street. He was on his way to some Arabic country to work, he was a pediatric cardiologist. I never figured out the why, he was going. He had been in the Carolinas for a long time. I screamed when he told me he was leaving the States, I like to know where my people are, at all times. That was just too far away, and he mentioned something about his kids were grown and did not need him anymore?? I told him that was not true, and he told me that was the new mother in me talking. It was a short, phone conversation that said much, and left much unsaid. Dr. R.D. Jackson, is my friend, mentor, love and buddy, I don't know what happened to him, the rare bird that he was. When I was in the cath lab, he was one of my bosses, and cantankerous to work with. I was the only one, that could deal with him, and it became my job and my privilege.
I adored him, and got to see him last night, and visit. It was great, I think we both looked young, we were not the old people of today. But the years had gone by, because we had so much to talk about, and then we were quiet. Sometimes, words are not needed, even in a dream. I wish that I could have a redo dream. Rewind, go back, visit him again. I wish I could explain this feeling in my heart, for this person. I think he knew, he gave me a ceramic toad one day, to apologize for acting ugly in the lab. I told him, while we were both scrubbed in, whispering through my mask!! " You are crazy if you think this frog is going to make me forget you are an asshole today!!" I could see his smile, though his super thick black glasses. He was one of my most favorite people, and I miss him. So thankful for my dream, he seemed good, it just was not enough time. I guess it is never enough time.
Sitting and talking with Dr. Jackson, or trying to concentrate on Ming dynasty, sometimes you just have to hit pause, and restart.
Stay focused Bon 

Photos-my head is always in the clouds, and its wonderful!!

Dead Cat Theory

    The week has been full of knowledge and weird sightings. Beautiful weather, and only one doctor appointment. A banner week has been had, and you know I like to share my wealth.
    My hubs was telling me a story, and as usual, I was just getting bits and pieces. So I asked the "Who" said that? He started at the beginning, UGH! I just need a few highlights, not a full repeat. After he told me the entire story again, I asked if he could verify it, because I trust nothing anymore.
He told me to just type in Bob Schieffer and Dead Cat. I needed a few more words, but I found it.
     The news person, Bob Schieffer, was talking about Trump, and why he won. How he won, and how he was not governing now.
      Let's just say, you go to a dinner party, and someone throws a dead cat on the table!!! What are you talking about the rest of the night! THE DEAD CAT!! The Trump style is to get up, and throw dead cats about on twitter all day, and none of us concentrate on whats going on in our government.
Worldly events are not addressed, wars could be happening, but we just see the fluff!! or should I say dead fluff!! Mr. Schieffer said, " He throws about five dead cats a day." He is a game show host, a Carney worker(these are my words) and it baffles my mind that people voted for him. But its not so much about those people, more that I appreciate a good quote!! One that I can use again and again.
     Second thought of the day to share, when your husband retire, things change. Most of it good, the other very different. We go on errands together, and the universe knows this is not right!. We were coming down the road from Home Depot the other day, when I screamed. Normally I would hope that he, the hubs, would stop the car. Retirement has kept him driving, he is not listening to my cries of , WE MAY NEED TO SEE WHATS WRONG, or THIS COULD BE A PHOTO OP!! STOP THE CAR!! I saw about thirty ( maybe 10) giant vultures, hovered over a deer. They were big and hunched over, so dedicated to eating that deer. ( and I saw Bambi's eyes) Never in 65 years of earthly living have I seen these creatures, so many, in the burbs!! Not even moving a feather as we drove by, they owned that street. I covered my eyes, and told Bill, I need some water to wash my eyes, I can never unsee this horror!! When he, so slowly, said, " What did you see?" I asked him to stop the car, anytime, that I cover my eyes and scream!! It is important, or could be. Joy or Horror, you have to take a picture. He then proceeded to tell me that he thinks he may have seen a vulture on cartoons. I said, " These were the size of small humans, at a feast!" It was an October freak fest and I had no photo, except the one in my brain that will not let go of that image. I have been so anxious at night, going to bed, thinking about these creatures. So far no horrible dreams, but I know they are lurking up in my noggin, damn birds!! I wonder why the people who lived in that house, did not call someone to pick up the deer body? and they could not have come out of their house with these giant gross birds in the yard. That is why that have critter catcher people!!!! Call someone!!!
  And last but not least( I love to start a sentence with little old and!!) Bill, my retired husband, has us signed up at Princeton doing this course in World History, and it is great BUT.....it is taking so long. So I asked him this week, maybe in the future we should read about the entire course before we sign up, because I just scrolled down the screen and noticed something. It said, You should expect to spend 6-8 hours a week on this lovely course!! Mother Mary, I needed a sign!! Of course I am learning so much, its all there in your brain, it just takes a professor from Princeton to dig it all back out!! and a husband who thinks nothing of 6-8 hours of study.
    Hope your October is full tilt, with a corn dog thrown in!! ( fair season!!)
    Mine is forever amazing.

October Free Falling

              I sit here at the computer, having just registered for jury duty, and worn out from yesterday.
I think I have been on enough jury cases, but I guess you have to be 70 to be exempt. I think maybe they should have professional jurors, its there job to be fair and not angry about going to court. I am not ever angry, I like being on a jury, I am just too tired anymore to listen to much. However I will do my best, to read two books, while I sit for hours, waiting for the best system that I am aware of. It will not keep me from bitching about some big flaws in the American Judicial system. I will call the night before with hopes of not going, let the young take the reins, AND take their cell phones away on the way in! Just a thought.
          I love the month of October, it seems almost perfect in Atlanta, still warm but cool slipping in at the dark of the night and wee hours of morning. The Sun remains strong, and for that, I raise my glass to the sun gods!!
          This October has started out so horrible, with people cut down by an automatic weapon, in Vegas. At a Country Music Festival for the Love of Jesus!! So many deaths, so many hurt, why does anyone have an automatic weapon and tons of bullets?? That is not a hard question, is it?? Makes no sense. The news says there were no RED FLAGS concerning the shooter? Maybe 16 weapons and enough ammunition to restart Vietnam, would have been a flag?? Again, I just feel too tired to fight the good fight. How do you convince people, no one needs automatic weapons?? When so many are in bed with the 2nd amendment. I don't care if you carry a gun, lay in on the front seat of your car, in your purse, under your mattress, just don't but an automatic weapon. It seems so simple, and YET...here we go again...having the same conversation, after another horror show.
      And if the hurricanes were not enough last month, Puerto Rico is still sucking air, and there is no excuse. We were in Haiti in two days, we are still in Afghanistan, and that place is uninhabitable. We could have helped these people sooner, No excuse, none. Its wrong, big time, wrong.
    AND then Tom Petty gone, I just fell to the floor. He was one of us, our age, our home state, our brother and friend. The petite blond southern musician, who took our heart with him. Petty plays loud as I type, reminding me, of how lucky I have been to have seen so many greats, and what they have left behind for me, forever grateful. He did not have the best voice, he had our voice, and we heard him loud and clear.
      I pause, and can't find anymore words.....Pain and suffering and Joy....all in this mixed bag of life...I can only speak for myself, but I am still willing to carry that bag, for a long as I can.. Life is precious, and should be well lived, in October on a bad day, or a good day...I will take it....
( I think I can remember something about mushrooms, Gainesville, Tom Petty early 76, 77???)
( vault is there for a reason)!!!!!