Make A Plan, But Know When To Improvise

            My brain has been on overdrive, this month of change.
            Mainly due to a hurricane that threatened my family and friends.
            I have lived away from Jacksonville, my hometown, for 36 years. My choice, and thankful for the reason. I married and moved, simply put. I have been lucky to be able to go home often, until recently.
           I can still get home, but it takes much more effort and I can not help that much when I am there.
           I have also been lucky to have brothers, cousins and friends who have stepped up to care for my parents, so sweetly.
           The hurricane, and seeing that my parents were safe, took a village.
           AND then they returned to their house with no power for days. The are 85 years old, and worn out. Not totally, they constantly surprise us.Getting them, to a hotel for two days, and then to worry every second, if they were feed, and had all their ducks in a row. Stressful from afar. As usual, they seem to rally, and do better then I ever anticipate. So my worry is usually, to no avail, but tell that to my head and heart! My brother and his extended family came up here to Atlanta for safety and fun. My baby brother, was in charge of mom and dad, and kept us up to date on all of dads antics!! He is so spoiled!! and we still love him! ( Homer)
          I had Bill going to Home Depot for lanterns, for Benjie(other brother) to take home with him, to mom's house. I was ordering solar phone chargers, all over amazon!! ( I think they may be getting several!) So many people checking on them, and trying to keep themselves from blowing away. It is hard to be away, and I wish they could travel here. So I could spoil them. (Yes mom is spoiled too!)
         To them it is impossible, and I have to respect there wishes. So my brothers and I make a plan, and know when to improvise. For now.
        None of us, know if we have tomorrow, so we have to do today, what we can.
        I have talked to my parents everyday, all of my life. That has been and is, a huge blessing. Even when we are mad, and don't talk, we still hear each other.
       They are good for now, so I can breathe a little.
     
        I was waiting to eat breakfast with the hubs this week, and I have a thirty minute wait. He was returning from the doctors office, and I may have just been a tad early. So I had a few minutes to think, pray, meditate out loud. I told Ward (my son), nothing really matters to me, except that you are not here with us. I said it out loud, and I felt such sadness to realize this. I was just frozen in pain, and it left me. However the thought, remained with me, even til this moment.
A few days later, I had dinner out with hubby and their was no one in the restaurant. I told him, that I love coming to eat , and no one is here. He replied, "You use to be social, loved being around people, all the time." Without skipping a bite, I said, " that was all before we lost Ward, I am dead inside." So powerful is grief. Apparently it likes Mexican food!
    I am not dead inside, but I am changed. When a hurricane comes, and scares me, my broken parts get all jumbled, and I have to regroup. Worry and fear, sit in wait, then profound grief crawls back in.
    October winds devastated so many, floods and horror, I pray for repair all around.
    October political fall-out is the most toxic carnival ride, that I will not get on! (I am with HER)
    October weather in Atlanta is, pretty much, amazing. The sky is so clear, it takes your breath away.
    I have a plan, A,B,C and F**king D( as my brother would say), but this October we have had to improvise! We did good, all of us.