I Know Crazy!!

      There are a few days before we elect a new president. The country has gone mad, with the two humans, seeking new employment.
      The choices seem beyond clear to me. You choose crazy, because you are familiar with these kinds of people, or you choose a shady lady, who can run this country with her hands tied behind her back. I use shady only for the fact that it rhymes with lady! The email scandal, is a mute point to me. I think she and Bill may have bodies in the basement??? Eleanor Roosevelt had them also, skeletons rattling every room, she should have been president. Barbara Bush could have whipped this country into shape. Women in the White House, are strong, beautiful people. We need a women to wrangle all these crazies out there.
     But to be fair, I always do my research.
                             Who are these people willing to vote for this man? I have to know. So I decided to read, White Trash. The 400-year Untold History of Class In America, by Nancy Isenberg. ( no, not everyone fits into a category, but there is a huge vein of very bottom of the barrel looking people at Trump's speeches) ( Maybe the word is "simple", I am trying not to offend the multitudes, a woman wearing a t-shirt with an arrow pointing to her private parts, saying "Trump can touch this!" is trash.")
( Seedy, Igno? are these adjectives selective? of the whole)( I can only write from my voice)
                      This book, should be read in all history classes, high school or college, it is so fascinating. With or without an election, to bring this story to my attention.
        I think the word trash makes it crude, no one is trash, its how the class came into being, and the many terms that have been used over the past 400 years. Since England shipped us all there thieves and other loose change people!!! Classes of people, seem to revolve around land ownership, maybe still to this day. Where we live, how much education we have, work ethic, ability to do better than your parents.
        This is not an easy book to read, but it is a journey we all need to take. It is easy to look at a person, and judge, I confess to that 100%, but I did my reading and have a better understanding of my looking at this group of Trump people, in not such a harsh light. It is an insurmountable task to raise up people from poverty and ignorance, but I believe you can.  I have come to learn that cotton fields, made the south rich and poor at the same time, we had no food!!! only cotton!! I read that White Trash was not just a southern term, pockets of poor people were all over. There was a name of prairie dirt farmers, and oil monkeys from up north(thinking all worked in steel mills and factories). Piney woods people, and Sandhillers, were named that because of the land they lived on. Poor white people were cursed because they were consigned to the worst land. Highly inbred, (think !!not many people on the colonies!) alcohol and dirt. In 1755 poor people had to wear badges, women were just for breeding, slavery corrupted all white men, rich and poor. Puritans were obsessed with class rank, the church right at the top!! Who sat in the front of the church nearest the preacher, now they were special. Being without land, owning property separated everyone.
       This book covers 400 years, so I just touched on a few pages.
       The anger and ignorance that never goes away, baffles me.
       All people have worth, White trash, or Thugs is just a name, for waste and I do not believe in waste.
       However, I was interested in its origin and why I come away from listening and looking at Donald Trumps backers freaks me out. ( they probably say the same about my liberal la-la self)
       I , at least, try to understand. I have people I love, that probably have voted for him. I love them for a reason, I just don't understand their choice.
       Take the time to think about us at a whole, and how we can grow together.
       Read this book, and a million others, about our country and how it came to be.
       Be a part of the solution.
       And I will try not to judge so harshly, but come on....The lady with the arrow pointing to her VaJayJay!! This is going to be hard, but I know Crazy, so I will try harder.
                              

A Small Window

        As I sit, in this familiar spot, I hear nothing but tree cutters. Chain saws, next to chain saws cutting down branches that flew off last week, and a few that needed to be clipped. The noise of the chipper is deafening, but the smell of cut wood is divine. A branch here or there, lets in the sunshine a little more, and that, my friends, is glorious.
      Lucy, who is petrified at the noise, sits with me. We are natural observers, of people and their tools!!
Lucy Mae is my black lab, if you need a reminder.
      Our subdivision, has big trucks all over the place, we are getting new streets. I guess its asphalt, all I know is that there is so much noise. Street workers, tree workers, and we watch. ( If I screamed right now, no one would hear me, its so loud!!) (I have asked them to shake the berries out of the trees before they chip it, is that too much?) ( the birds and squirrels need those berries) ( I have a family of chipmunks that live under my front stairs, save the berries!!) ( wait, I may have to go get some twigs, for winter nests!) ( Gosh, let me go for a minute)
     
      OK, back to you, I have scavenged for my outside animals, we are good. ( I wish you could see grown men, with chain saws, shaking the berries off the limbs)

      My October blog today was going to be about my reading, and I may get to it. Tomorrow, maybe, I cant think.
      I will say about the title, I have a Small Window of Time, that I can go to sleep. Last night, because of The Walking Dead, TV series, I missed it. First of all, I have to be careful at what goes in my brain, all the time, but especially at night. Second, if I miss my window opening, trying to stay up, my brain says, "Too Late, you are toast!" and I will be awake for a long spell. Last night I saw horrible things, scary and sad and could not go to sleep. So today I am reminded of my small window, and structure/routine that my body requires. We are such creatures of habit, and the older I get, my habits rule! Plus by 64 you had better know yourself pretty good, and take care of your body/mind/spirit. Lord I cannot watch anymore Zombies......
    So let me pause, and write tomorrows blog, do a little research, and I will get back to you, when the noise dies down, and I have gathered up the sawdust, some little creature may need it!!( I think this is a run on sentence, extraordinaire!!) ( I could go fix it, but...) ( nah)
   Later
   B

Guilt, 70% Off

     I saw this advertisement for a store, its name was GUILT, and they had a 70% off sale.
     A bargain will always cause me to stop, look around, and maybe purchase. BUT a store named Guilt?

     Guilt is not part of my vocabulary. So I can not, even online, browse a store with this name.
   
     Guilt reigns supreme in mothers of the 40's and 50's, running into the 60's and beyond. I have never bought into that horrible feeling, that especially women, put back on themselves.
      Remorse and regret, certainly I meet daily.
      Toxic Guilt where it is an offense, crime, violation against moral or penal law!!! Good lord, that even sounds horrible. Jewish mother quilt, Catholic confession guilt, mommy quilt, its not healthy.
      That was just something that caught my attention, this week.

      I am desperately trying to not have the TV on, any news, or look at anything on social media, about this election. People have to be very careful, what they put into their brain. Do your own research, and feel good about your choices. Honestly, I may have to see a doctor, after this election. It has baffled me, this total break down in human behavior.

       I have voted, and held hands with this black young man, at the booth, because I was so emotional. ( I asked him, to pray with me) I made the sign of the cross, and was so thankful to live in a country where you can vote. ( but ashamed of people in our country) ( not all, but 40% at least)
   
      The weather is beautiful, and touches me so much, and I want all these angry humans, to just go outside and sit with yourself, and do good things. Heavens to Betsy, be kind. In thought, words and action. Be the change that your want to happen, we have to work on ourselves first, and then change the world. ( I think that is probably in a Bob Dylan song) (dang, I may have to pay copy write laws)( no I said his name, so its good) ( Maybe it was Michael Jackson?? no, that was We Are the World?? OMG, I can not think of all the people who I borrow from!! just know that I do thank all!!)

I have no remorse, regret or guilt for rambling!!
   and abrupt changes of thought, hang on.....
        I looked up the origins of all my ancestors names this week, so much fun.
                                  Williams-Scottish
                                                   Irish
                                                   Welsh
                                   Baron- English
                                                Northern French
                                                German-if spelled Barun, years ago
                                    Talbot-English
                                                French
                                    Blackman-English
                                                      Scottish
                                                      Irish
                                    Hartley-English ( Kent and Devonshire)
               
                                   Bonnie-All Scottish ( Bonny)
                                                Middle French ( Bon)

So much fun to look up all your ancestors. We have our tree pretty full, but will continue to work on more, when Bill retires. ( I am making plans for him!!)

              That is about it, on this hump day in October. Hot in Atlanta, climate change is real, do your research, don't be stupid! I will embrace the heat, but you heat haters better make some plans.
              Mom and Dad are good, still many repairs from Matthew , but they are hanging.
              All my kids, are good. ( And if they are not, don't tell me! I am in a good space right now!)
              Enjoy your quilt free day, its 70% off!!!
              Love
              B


       
                                   Hartley-English(Kent and Devonshire)

Redefining Boundaries.......

.......of Literature.

                 How many decades has it been? Five or twenty? We have listened and knelt at the altar of Robert Allen Zimmerman, or as I call him (my personal friend) (you know I believe this) Bob Dylan.
                 If you have been lucky enough to hear him in his youth, that poets voice speaks ever so softly. However if you have heard, the old crooner that he is now, it is much like spitting out gravel. I count myself on the receiving end of both. I heard the rarest of birds, decades apart, who composed for my generation.
                This past week, unless you live under a rock, you know Bobby won the Pulitzer Prize for Literature. I felt like a mother hen, one of my own, had a trophy!! Some were in awe, and others distraught. ( such division in our country these days) ( maybe always) (sad) ( I think I should be using hashtags, instead of my parenthesis) #Iamtoosetinmyways
                Now back to my thought...two sides for every coin, works when you win! My soul is on the side of love, love, love for this man's work of literature, poetry, words of my heart. For days I researched
all of his song lyrics, trying to pick a favorite. Lay, Lady, Lay was high on the top, I promised myself YEARS ago, I would have a big brass bed! and I did most of my married life. I just thought that song was so sexy??Lord I will have to look up the date when it came out! I may have been a baby?? When did I start thinking about sex, Lord, this is therapy stuff!! All Along The Watchtower, Like a Rolling Stone, Knocking On Heavens Door, A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall, Rainy Day Woman, Tomorrow is a Long Time, Shelter from The Storm, It Ain't Me Babe, Maggie's Farm,  forever continues.
Go back and read some of his songs, it is a beautiful experience. A folk master, troubled, drug fueled, recluse, Jesus and Moses on his side, a medicine man, serving up joy juice. He wrote his own journey, and took us with him.
               When my boys were little, I don't think Emma was born, we would listen for hours to The Traveling Wilburys. One of my favorite group of artists all together with Bob.
                Years later at an outdoor festival in Atlanta, I took high school and college aged boys, mine, to Music Midtown, to expose them to Bob. Well, I lost them, or they lost me!! and I stood by myself, next to the stage, under the stars, holding my heart. Tears flowing, and me, happy to see Bob Dylan. He was rusty and fit like a glove. He so deserves this award.
                 ( Oh, I did find my children, they had gone back to Wards dorm, and left their mom to be with her hippie music!) ( They were lucky I did not run off and join the band!)
                 Or maybe I did, metaphorically speaking! Blowing in the wind, I think their is an answer in there somewhere.
                love
                B

Make A Plan, But Know When To Improvise

            My brain has been on overdrive, this month of change.
            Mainly due to a hurricane that threatened my family and friends.
            I have lived away from Jacksonville, my hometown, for 36 years. My choice, and thankful for the reason. I married and moved, simply put. I have been lucky to be able to go home often, until recently.
           I can still get home, but it takes much more effort and I can not help that much when I am there.
           I have also been lucky to have brothers, cousins and friends who have stepped up to care for my parents, so sweetly.
           The hurricane, and seeing that my parents were safe, took a village.
           AND then they returned to their house with no power for days. The are 85 years old, and worn out. Not totally, they constantly surprise us.Getting them, to a hotel for two days, and then to worry every second, if they were feed, and had all their ducks in a row. Stressful from afar. As usual, they seem to rally, and do better then I ever anticipate. So my worry is usually, to no avail, but tell that to my head and heart! My brother and his extended family came up here to Atlanta for safety and fun. My baby brother, was in charge of mom and dad, and kept us up to date on all of dads antics!! He is so spoiled!! and we still love him! ( Homer)
          I had Bill going to Home Depot for lanterns, for Benjie(other brother) to take home with him, to mom's house. I was ordering solar phone chargers, all over amazon!! ( I think they may be getting several!) So many people checking on them, and trying to keep themselves from blowing away. It is hard to be away, and I wish they could travel here. So I could spoil them. (Yes mom is spoiled too!)
         To them it is impossible, and I have to respect there wishes. So my brothers and I make a plan, and know when to improvise. For now.
        None of us, know if we have tomorrow, so we have to do today, what we can.
        I have talked to my parents everyday, all of my life. That has been and is, a huge blessing. Even when we are mad, and don't talk, we still hear each other.
       They are good for now, so I can breathe a little.
     
        I was waiting to eat breakfast with the hubs this week, and I have a thirty minute wait. He was returning from the doctors office, and I may have just been a tad early. So I had a few minutes to think, pray, meditate out loud. I told Ward (my son), nothing really matters to me, except that you are not here with us. I said it out loud, and I felt such sadness to realize this. I was just frozen in pain, and it left me. However the thought, remained with me, even til this moment.
A few days later, I had dinner out with hubby and their was no one in the restaurant. I told him, that I love coming to eat , and no one is here. He replied, "You use to be social, loved being around people, all the time." Without skipping a bite, I said, " that was all before we lost Ward, I am dead inside." So powerful is grief. Apparently it likes Mexican food!
    I am not dead inside, but I am changed. When a hurricane comes, and scares me, my broken parts get all jumbled, and I have to regroup. Worry and fear, sit in wait, then profound grief crawls back in.
    October winds devastated so many, floods and horror, I pray for repair all around.
    October political fall-out is the most toxic carnival ride, that I will not get on! (I am with HER)
    October weather in Atlanta is, pretty much, amazing. The sky is so clear, it takes your breath away.
    I have a plan, A,B,C and F**king D( as my brother would say), but this October we have had to improvise! We did good, all of us.
 

Life Starts All Over Again

         

     Life starts all over again
           when it gets crisp in the fall.
                               -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Mr. Fitzgerald was a very romantic, daily drunk person. So this little ditty that I found, means nothing!!
I think he was talking about crisp gin and tonic and maybe Zelda had started her parade on life, all over again.
          Of course I love him, and his darling wife, I just am not going to buy into to this crisp fall, start over madness.
          Does anyone start over? Each day you get up and start over, but there is a huge ton of baggage strapped to your leg. Some may have a carry-on, but honey I have three large pieces, held together with duck tape!! They are full!
         After a certain number of years on this planet, we have stories. I choose to remember great moments, and beautiful days, but this crisp air steers me to some heavy things.( remember, if you read my blogs?? I am trying to embrace the coolness)
        This past Friday, I had to pull out a sweater, with my shorts on!! Not a red carpet look, but I had a chill. Then on Saturday, I brought out my blanket. YES, the blanket came out, with only one hand holding my coffee, and just my eyes and mouth showing, I was down for the count. ( note..I love my blanket and I told her how happy I was entangled in her threads!! She is the best) ( my family gets my old blankets, I get a new one each Christmas, that is always top on my list)(Barefoot Dreams is the company)( I think Oprah had them on her Best list one year, and I have been a devoted Barefoot Dreams person, for many years) ( I also get their robes, the best!)
      Never mind my sells pitch, I was ready for the weather change. Then a tiny panic started slipping in, what about my outside plants?? I need a plan, for when the temperature drops!! ( Below 80!) ( NO freezing, I know) So I hollered to Bill, that I need some help with moving plants. ( He hates anything in the yard) We planted yellow mums, they make you feel better, we moved around some ferns, and two trees. I pulled some weeds, and gathered the deck plants into an area, so one sheet or quilt would cover them!! I am ready, not ready.
     October decorations are out and about, and it brings up, all the memories of my babies. It is not easy, all mommies have so many memories.
    Fall is crisp, and things do change, but start over again?
    I think that it is just a new day, with a chill in the air. We make new memories and carry the old ones around with ease. Those adorn us, instead of being dragged behind us.
    Maybe that is what F. Scott was trying to say, " Its another day, Yes! Where is Zelda?"