An Open Book

       When you write a personal blog, chances are people may seem to know you. The inside and outside of my very dwelling. My daily prayers and curse words. Pets, family members, pain and happiness, I may be an Open Book. I think it was my grandmother that said, " Don't tell everything!" That concept is lost on me, wide open useless information that seems to resonate with so many. Its fun!
      For example this morning, I had a ping on the phone, that means a message is coming my way. One of my dear buds, who is in England these days, HTA asked me if I had heard the messages she sent me, about Mick Jagger! So I listened, a voice mail, dream sequence, about my Rolling Stone love, Mick. The smile I had was massive, I was tickled pink, that she knows me so well. ( It is nice when we randomly think loving thoughts of others!) ( and tell them)
       It reminded me, that time between visits, is a blink of an eye. We know, via the internet, so much more about each other. I take it a step further with a blog. A blog that started out in grief, and continued in personal growth and just for the joy of writing, thinking, living large! I reap the rewards of my exposure, and I hope one day when my kids, kids read all of my blogs, and laugh loud and long. Knowing that part of me lives in each of them. It is never just my story, its others as well.

     Now if you know me sooooo well, you know I had no plan for this to be the blog of the moment, but.. on a dime, things can change.
     My singular purpose today was to encourage you to one; have Netflix, two; binge watch both seasons of Chefs Table. I have enjoyed this series to my main aorta!! Inside the lives of so many different kitchens and lives of these genius people. I have hung on every word and picture, these artists of food.
Passion jumps off the screen, and inspires me to cook, explore, love harder, it is delicious.
I insist you watch it, life changing goodness.
    And just to keep you in the loop, my coup is empty. My only daughter, Princess Emma, moved out two days ago. We are very happy for her, to spread her wings, and put her own thumbprint on the world. I think she stayed at home so long, to look after us, following the death of our Ward. Plus she was the baby and only girl, I may have held on a little tighter!! Anyhow she is done grown! and gone. We celebrate all the things she will accomplish, with her Mother Theresa spirit of taking care of others. Have fun Em, make good choices, find joy and passion in all things. Love Love Love, you hardheaded angel.
    Until later, enjoy, share your story
    

Hold Your Crouching Tiger!

       I wish I could tell you where I heard the above title of my blog, but....so often I just write things down. Things, words to ponder, phrases crack me up, and I jot!! With all the recent attention to plagiarism, I have to be very careful?! I wish they were my words, because they are delicious. This is just to let you know, I know, that I snatched them from somewhere in the universe, and I do not apologize!
     So hold your damn crouching tiger!!
   
     The temperature still is scorching, funeral and all.
     A teacher friend of mine, left this earth, and took with her some love from a bunch of us. She had a graveside service during this heat wave, and my gals all looked a little wilted. We had discussed on the way to the festivity, how long we could last? We agreed that no graveside service should last more than five minutes, no singing, no scripture. Just a big, we love you to pieces, but we are old and cranky. ( Nalley would agree!) We had also decided if the sky opened up and a monsoon was to show, we had to do a drive-by. Walking on wet grave areas, scary and the humidity spikes!! ( we did bring umbrellas) We also brought a cooler, in the car, because we may not last the 45 min drive to get us home. ( little did we know, that it would take us over an hour, to even get on the right road) Laughing and sweating into our shoes, via crevices!! we said our goodbyes to a grand dame. There was a train whistle and birds singing, and that was enough to let us know, V knew we were near.

    Once my crew had been on every back road in north Georgia, we found a BBQ dive, to eat and chat in.
    We discussed politics, out loud, in Trump country! Then we went into a big discussion on tits! boobs, breast stuff, or as we call them Torpedoes! There is not a soft talker among us. As usual it was delightful, and expected. I love these girls.
     At the end of our long....lunch...and the funeral....we were spent!! The heat had won! When low and behold, Natty pulled a gift out of the back seat. An early birthday present for me ( Pur had given me a gift at the house, love early gifts! and they know it!)  A funeral and presents, this was a banner day! Vawnee was soaring, we survived the heat ( almost had to sit on Mr. Palermo's tombstone, but did not, thank goodness) Creamed corn and pulled pork, were yummy, conversations were off the charts, touring Gainesville Georgia, a trip!! Girlfriends a huge plus, I hope you have some as precious as mine. I love my girls, all of you, near and far!!
     We arrived home, feel out of the car, laughing still. Did I tell you Natty got a speeding ticket just picking us up!! She is young, still likes to go fast. She is our driver and we love her. ( but don't get anymore tickets, we depend on you, Driver of Daisies!)
     Its Saturday, again, and I am so glad to be able to share my stories.
    ( left out the trip down confab, about Kotex, periods, 7th grade, pinecone clots!!)
    Enjoy your day, write it down!!

Christmas In July, or The Stranger Da Betta!!

             

When I was growing up, mom wanted us out of the house, period! If it was hot as hell, she would say, " Let the heat, beat the meanness out of you." or " Go blow some stink off of you." We were going to be outside, rain or shine, hot or cold and those were the rules.
               If anyone was acting up, too much energy, dad would blame the heat. He would say, " Beware, its a hot one today!" ( you know we lived in Florida, chances of it being hot were pretty good) During the race riots of the sixties, dad said, " Its the heat." So I grew up thinking, the heat would cure me or make me crazy!
            These past few weeks, I have blamed the heat! Such toxic turmoil in the country and around the globe. Heat, humidity and assault rifles, not a good combo. ( I can hear daddy, loud and clear) The political climate is off the scale of heat induced circus behavior. It is embarrassing, both sides of the coin.
            Terror in all nooks and crannies, I don't understand such hatred, surely it is the heat.
            The only thing I can do, as one person, is teach my children how to be good humans and put up a tree! Yes, a Christmas tree in July! So that is what I did on this past Saturday. A small white, lights a glow, tree in my den!! I think we need to be reminded of the baby in the manger, and who doesn't need some twinkling lights, now and then? It was peaceful and caused us, to reflect, quiet our minds for a minute. I thought about gifts, so I did some retail therapy also, UPS is my friend, Happy Christmas in July! I only kept it up for a day, I felt better the next morning, it had served it purpose. Pure Joy, finding it, is a full time job. Life is a beast, a true giant troll, that you either embrace or fight every step of the way. There are bad people, places and things, that we spend a life time, trying to fix, change or stay away from. Some times, you just have to throw up your hands, and put up a tree!!
          Or crank up some music, Hozier blasting, and the New Lumineers song Ophelia, perks up every cell in my body!!
          My teaching family lost a friend, this week, another friends child is in the battle of his life, My girl is moving out (that is a good thing but..), My parents celebrate turning 85 this year, there is pain and joy, running through all my people, such is life. This wonderful life, that test us, inch by inch, day after day.
         Lord, I may have to drag out that tree again, just leave it up!!!
         I think its the heat!
         Anything above 90, stirs the pot! and it is at boiling stage!!
         I don't even know what to say? We, the people, are in dire need of a drink from the well of love and kindness, and I think Jesus, you may be holding the ladle! Help us, help ourselves. I don't think I can pray anymore about this mess, I release it all to you Baby Jesus, and put up a tree!

Pick a Card, Any Card

    Two Elizabeth Gilbert jewels from her new book, ( think it is called Big Magic?? something, read it)
            1. Emotional pain makes me the opposite of a deep person; it renders my life narrow and thin and isolated!!!! ( this is how grief weaves its web!)
            2. Martyr says;  " Nobody will ever understand me." ( totally!) ( I just tapped into my twelve year old self)
                Trickster says; " Pick a card, any card!"
             3. ( I found another one) "Don't dwell on your failures. You don't need to conduct autopsies on your disasters!"
   Gosh, words can be so powerful. We often jump from Martyr to Trickster, quickly. Balance is so key to keeping you whole, and can be dull!! We have to stop trying to find answers to everything, no autopsy today!!
     July has been very warm, hot to some, but I prefer to call it toasty! This Sunday afternoon, after the tennis, is just rolling along, so slow and lovely.
     This coming week, we remember Our Ward, leaving us.
     In nine years, people have asked so many questions, and I have so few answers.
     Lang Leav said, " I think it was like hearing every good-bye ever said to me-said all at once." I think he must know profound loss.
      I know that you never get over the loss of a child, at any time.
      I know that I daily wish for Ward to be back with us, and I get scared because, how long could he stay? What if he had to go back, I would not survive that again. So I do not wish for him to come back anymore. I see him in my dreams, and I have heard him, touched him, and woke to remember it.
      I concentrate on loving him, and have stopped asking so many questions.
      I can not wish, my wish button is gone.
      Wards light continues to shine on, though me. I honor him, by leading a full and glorious life.
      He would say, " Pick a card momma, any card!"
      There is no gambler in me, but I will step outside the box, finding joy in the living.
Elizabeth Gilbert said, " Interesting outcomes are just awful outcomes with the volume of drama turned way down!"
      The most horrible thing happened to our family, and the best thing happened. We had almost 25 years with Magic, Big Magic, Our Ward.
     

                    

From Pines To Palms

Basically North Florida is South Georgia with a beach. Beaches and Palm Trees are a game changer! I just returned from a quick turn-a-round to check on my parents. Mary and Homer look great for nearly 85, their bodies would not agree. Their issues are very common for older people,it is just not common for us kids to realize it. We think we understand, until you see their day to day hardships of just getting bathed and feed. Honestly, it takes them longer, but they are still getting it done. Both look so cute, frail but precious. Weary, worn and worthy! It was great to just visit and see my brothers also. HOWEVER.....forever it is my home state and things are very different down there. I can not go home,( and its not the home I grew up in) and not wish to see every person I know, or visit my stomping grounds. I go to see my parents, period. It does pull at my heart, it has been like this for years. I want to see so many people and there is never any time. So while I am visiting with my family, I think about you all, and so many memories. This visit mom decided to talk about every boy that I ever dated since Kirby!! I looked over at my daughter, Emma and asked, " Are you enjoying this?" ( I knew she was eating it up!! All her moms heart throbs and maybe not so hot ones!)This went on, IN DETAIL, for hours.... Mom and I had a great time, Dad even chimed in!! about how he liked all my beaus! There is a warm feeling in visiting your past, and having your parents enjoy your growing up as much as yourself. ( dad did stop us when we started to discuss my starting my period, and cramps!!!) The sky looks different down south ( you notice I don't think Georgia is south! It is a beach thing)The smells, are extremely different, salt water and paper mills.Humidity that drips off every cell in your body. ( there are no good hair in Florida) No clothes, No shoes, No common sense! It never changes, and that is not always a good thing.( Jacksonville is seeing some growth and I do see it) (but..there remains so many things that need to be changed!!) ( the good Old Boy mentality for one)I love Florida sooooo much, it touches my heart. My brother, Tommy was sitting in the kitchen, yelling to us some news, "Orangutan is loose in Busch Gardens!" And I thought....that is the news? I laughed for hours. You see Florida is my flying monkey, my stories, my home and no one tends to the animals!!! The circus runs year round, and its free. We parade our crazy, and let it wear a crown!! We march to a different drummer and he damn sure has a drink in his hand!!! I drove through Starbucks and this cute fella was hanging WAY OUT the drive through window, screaming, " This humidity is killing my face, and do you love Jesus?"then he continued, " I am not suppose to say that, but do you?" Laughing very hard, I said, " Yes I do, and can I have an iced Latte, Praise the lord!" My home town is special, moss covered secrets and a rhythm few know. I feel lucky, that I can call it mine.