I Just Needed A Few More Days

  As much as I pine for summer, it pulls at my heart.
  Everything is so bright and magnificent, flowers pop with color.
  Smells of fresh cut grass wafts through the wind, and animals of all kinds flutter and swarm.
  and yet....
  This is when we lost Ward.
  I don't want him to miss anything. I want him to be willing to pull off the road, for the perfect picture.
  He was my journey, my adventure, my boy.
  I just needed a few more days.
  How many?
  I always think if I could hold him, and just tell him I love him and that he is perfect one more time, but I know that would not work. I could not say good-bye again.
  How about five more years, and he would get better, not want to take any drugs, not want anything for a quick fix. Would that have been enough? No, there are no answers.
  I just keep moving and hope for each day, to make him proud.
  I saw this quote this week, and it reminded me of all my children, but especially Ward.
                          Every Child is gifted
                       They just unwrap their packages
                            at different times
I remember when Ward was in K, or preK, who knows, they test people soooo young, which is insanity!
They told me they (teachers) wanted to test him for the gifted program. I was delighted, "Sure you can test him, I am so glad that you see his gifts, like me!" The teachers looked at me strange, which would not be the last time! Of course he passed with flying colors, and they wanted him in all kinds of "talented" classes, when I said, "NO"
I would like for him to show his talents in a regular classroom, he does not need a label of any kind. Talented and Gifted, well he knows he is this from his family. He is an artist, he knows three languages, he reads and writes stories now, he will shine, period!!
But....don't you want him....not to be bored??
"Ward will never be bored, I refuse to allow it, and I have faith in teachers."
Teachers testing, "Are you sure?"
"Oh young teacher that you are, I am so sure. He is the best, the brightest, so smart and he needs to just be regular, like I said he will shine!"
Ward would make good grades all of his life, even all through college. He never had to study, he was gifted.
He was also socially not right, and would still be labeled with ADD, Autism , depression, OCD, the kid had it all. He was gifted, and it came with some other things. Such is life.
He was a challenge, and a joy. He was a square peg and there was no hole to fit in.
I just needed a few more days, I think.
Maybe he was just done, he was so gifted.
Ward your mom,( me) is still suffering some neurosis, a little depression, a few character disorders or two, and a lifetime of joy.
Seven years seems like a minute, and a lifetime.
But I will be OK, you see, you left me your gifts.