No Suffering For Me, Thanks Hollis

   I love to write on Saturday mornings, when everyone is home, and bothering me! Why does this day pick me, to have great material to get out!! I cannot question the heavens, just start typing.
  As always on Christmas Eve, I haul the family to church, nearly kicking and screaming. Usually someone says, "I went last year, its your turn!" I yell, " Oh Holy Night, get in the car!" So you see, how my going to mass, never begins with a certain peace. So this year, Bill, Hart, his girlfriend and I went(.I have to mention that the mink and fox coat ( which I like to call The Alice Brown) attended church on my shoulders. ( I never get a chance to wear it, but this year, I put her on)
   The church is two minutes from our house, we could have walked, but then we would have missed the parking hassle. I think you need to add that, before you enter the place of worship. Then there are the 150 steps to get into the church, so that by the time you do find a seat, you are huffing and puffing, and singing praise for making it into the pew. This year it seemed, hot to me, so I took Alice off, and put her behind my back, because the pews , Iam certain were used in torture chambers of long ago. I looked at my people, with the thankful eye, glad to have them with me. I noticed sweat running down their faces. My God it is sweltering, and eight more people are squeezed into our pew. The lady next to me is breathing loud, and the man in front of me, looks like a character in the Simpsons cartoon. Lord, I just want to see the baby in the manger, and panic is rising. I look at Bill and say, " We have to go." Of course, he says "WHAT!"
I repeat, " I have to go home, right now, I'm hot." Of course he says, " Are you kidding?" By then my mink is on my body, and Iam getting the kids up and out of there!!!  He is thinking someone from PETA is looking at me, with an evil eye. I tell him, " I know what you are thinking, this was a gift from my favorite aunt, I'm wearing it, Damn it!!!" ( we still were in the church!"
  We got to the car, and all of us are breathing easier, and I say, " That was horrible."
   Hart pipes in, " Mom, Jesus wants you to suffer!"
   " The hell he does, he is kind and wants me to work hard and prosper!" I so sweetly ? explained!
   " Who in the hell taught you about Jesus?" now I am on a rant.
   My creative profanity is flowing, " I just wanted to sing some Christmas Carols!"
Christmas Eve at The Barons continues to be a good story. When we arrived home, Emma said, " Wow that was quick, I should have gone!" "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" another holy mess. I love my family and Jesus!
   And how Pray tell do I morph into Hollis Gillespie, I don't know. Something she taught me about writing, that "You Will Offend People" So religious nuts, get over it, I love Jesus, and he understands my sarcasm.  Family members, you are always fair game!!!! It is my personal blog, how can I not mention you, the truth will set you free!! You all are my stories, friends I include you also. Sometimes I will use initials, but most of the time YOUR full name. Hollis taught me, not to tone it down, and at the same time, TRY not to rip out a persons heart.  Hollis Gillespie, is a local Atlanta author and teacher of writing. If you ever get a chance to take one of her classes, Shocking Real Life Writing Seminars, TAKE IT! even if you don't want to write, she is so much fun. She has a new young adult book out, "Unaccompanied Minor", which is a change for her. Her other books like "Confessions of a Recovering Slut" and "Trailer Trashed" hold a place on my bookshelves and in my heart. So I will read this one also, just because. ( Sometimes I think Iam a young adult!?)  Hollis, Thank you for encouraging me to write. I love you and Jesus.