Sybil Reads.....Everything!

  I wish you all could sit here with me, and go through my writing process. I have changed the font, and size several times. Of course I have hand written endless ideas, and pray for a connecting dot.
  This is my monthly book review blog, with several forks in the road.
  You see, being brilliant, even in my own eyes!!! takes time. You need the proper clothes, yes clothes.
  It is winter-ish and I'm freezing. So after the turtleneck shirt, sweater and the heat cranked up, I wrapped up in a scarf. Now I need to stop and take some photos of this look, for the visual learners that some of you may be!!! Now you can fully understand, all my delays.
  The kindle is near, the for tablets that I scribble on are scattered all around, several magazine articles for future blogs, peek up at me!!!knowing their turn will come. A thesaurus and dictionary, my best friends, ready to slow down my writing and in some cases, speed it up!!( no I do not use dictionary.com, I like to look words up on paper)( sometimes I even sniff the pages) Now I may be ready to write??
  The title says it all, or it should, I read like SYBIL! Which personality picks out the books, I never know, it greatly amuses me. Eclectic reading, is a wonderful thing.
  My list for this month of dreary February is as follows; My Beloved World-Sonia Sotomayor, The Twelve Tribes of Hattie-Ayana Mathis, The Lizard Cage-Karen Connelly, Year of Wonders: Novel of the Plague-Geraldine Brooks, The Fault in Our Stars-John Green.
Know that all of them had good points, and will not appeal to all, you have to find your own Sybil reading pattern.
  I will just give you a glimpse of my net, that is cast WIDE!!
The Lizard Cage fascinated me in its title, and premise. A book about a prison in Thailand, does not make me have goose bumps, but it called me and I answered. The Thai-Burma border camps, towns, rebel army, talks to me. This is a story about faith, (Buddhism), and freedom. I read this book, in honor of the Chea family, who taught me much more, then the reverse. Survival comes in many forms, The Lizard Cage is about living, not just surviving. A message for the masses.
Quote: Shoes bereft of feet are capable of making terrible accusations. The people who scurried along the roads before the evening curfew knew ghosts were stepping into those slippers.
           " Because your breath is your teacher."
            The only way to end the war is to stop hating the enemy.
           ..a gesture both discreet and laden with promise.
The Fault in Our Stars is one of my favorites, for this moment. This is a story about children who die. Not a real beach read, but life altering. For it really is about living. Living with a time bomb of a disease strapped to your body. It is a love story, a comedy a must read for humans. We humans have lost so much about how to live, and how to say goodbye, how to love with our whole hearts. No words can help me explain to you this story. It is a sparkler on the fourth of July.
Quote:( I should say quotes, but you get the point!)( maybe I should just call them my highlighted stuff??)
            His every syllable flirted( that is just precious sweet!)
            So I wasn't lying exactly. I was choosing among truths!!!!
            "That is one thing about pain," Augustus said "It demands to be felt."
            " Not your fault , Hazel Grace. We're all just side effects, right?"
           " Oh I got over it darling. It took me a sleeve of Girl Scouts Thin Mints and forty minutes to get over that boy!" ( Awesome line)
           ..like everyone in that room, would go on accumulating loves and losses while he would not. ( My Ward, I hate what he misses.)

Well, this has zapped me, in a good way. I love to share my stories, and am healed in the process.
February and books, this Sybil girl is happy.
Now isn't March just around the corner, this scarf is choking me!!!

           

When I love, I LOVE!

  February continues on, this month of love.
  I'm sitting here at my kitchen table, sun streaming in the windows, not a sound to be heard, and I am loving this day. The olive green sweater is keeping me toasty and I have loved wearing it all day. My Valentines flowers were spent, so I cut them up and placed the remains in my kitchen windowsill, keeping the love blooming another few days. Love takes effort, and the ability to recognize it all around you. Often we have to train ourselves, especially women, to be worthy receivers of love. Love ourselves first, and spread it around.

Since my Ward died, I have struggled to find the love . I was broken, I still am. In my cracked spirit, I looked harder for love. Searching not only for answers, that will never be found, but in a reason to keep going. I begged for joy and happiness to come to me. Little did I know, I had to discover it was all around me. The smell of a clean house, dog kisses, my kindle! When trying to make an appointment with a doctor, a real person answers the phone!!! can take you to your knees!! Orange infused olive oil is glorious, and I forgot how good, Crunch Berry cereal is!  The sunshine on my face, even in winter, are the hands of God.
Friends are love, and having my parents still with me, love fills my cup.

One of my old boyfriends said, "Bonnie you love with all your heart and a kidney!" To which I said, "Is that a bad thing?" I think I may have been suffocating him, but that is a WHOLE other blog!!! When I love, I love. Sometimes it is easier to love, occasionally it can be difficult, but it is never hopeless. Its a job, a big job, I work hard at it.

This February day, I want to leave you with this quote I found, by one of my friends Gilda Radner. I hope she knew how much I loved her, I believe she did!

  I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next-Gilda

Life is love, wrapped sometimes in tacky ribbon, but it is there for all.

I love my blog
 bbb and I love lowercase letters!!!!               My kitchen sink, love it!!!

That Its Later Than It Seems....

  Jackson Brown's lyric, in the above title, is ever so present lately.
  Each passing decade seems to bring with it, great insight and past memories into focus.
  This week I have had a friend lose their mother and a friend lose a spouse. I also learned that a dear friend, who is also sixty, is having a baby. My mind and heart are spinning. I want to grab every moment, with everybody, and it is just impossible.
   Computers have helped in so many ways to increase the level of communication, if they could somehow get the "touch" figured out. Skype helps some, but it is not comfortable, to me. Hugs, Kisses and a pinch now and then!!!(if needed) (grand-kids!!), you see its later than it seems.
   Now that I'm a stay at home person, you would think I have all the time in the world?? This does not seem to be panning out, time is flying. Whole months are gone, in a wink, and I feel like the Christmas tree was just up.
  I ask my loving family, daily, what day it is? I could look at a calendar, or my phone but I need someone to repeat what I already know!!! Its February, are you kidding me!!! next week is Valentines Day, and I just today learned it was February.
  Emma and I are going to see my parents and brothers at the end of this month, I hope that is not tomorrow. Bill and I are talking about going to Paris in May, Spring break in late March, April the kids may come down, AND it continues to rapidly turn into summer...Stop..I want to enjoy each second....its later than it seems.
 I have had physical therapy on my left shoulder for many weeks, and have several more to go, which suck a couple of hours of my precious days. I think, when that is over??, I may have more time to fill up with fun things?? until ......another ache sidelines me. Never, I have the hope of a twenty year old, still in my body.
Tonight, dinner with friends, tomorrow volunteer at the Humane Society and celebrate Bill's birthday, MAYBE take a minute to look around and take a deep long breath, and enjoy all that is here and now.

It may be later that it seems Mr. Jackson Brown,(whom I adore!!) ( Yes I remember he hit Daryl Hannah, I have blocked it out!!) I on this day in February(I think?) promise to soak it up!! All of this thing called life, soak, soak, soak.....its a beautiful thing.