February, It's Still Here

After a two week battle with a sprained ankle and rotten cold, I'm convinced being healthy trumps everything!!! Honestly, I am whipped. I still have no good audible voice, but my fingers are working, so I can still TALK!!! Depression in the winter likes to hang around. When you are sick, and its winter, the Big "D" not only hangs, it takes root!! So I battle, and work hard to find my joy. Throw in unbearable grief, the battle is LARGE!!! My burden is huge, but I'm determined to find every joyful moment, and eat it all up. These last, almost four years, I have been on a mission to live. A scavenger hunt for reasons, to keep going. It is the most amazing gift, this life of ours, and I devour it!! Love it all up. It does require, some work. Hard work, all day, everyday, AND in the winter, sweet Jesus, its hard.
A sweet friend of mine, who recently lost her young son, asked me, " Will I ever find joy?" I touched her and reminded her how "new" her lost was. Five months, you are still are not sure it is true. You are looking for your child around every corner. You are raw, so fragile. The newness of this pain, covers you. Grief is heavy to carry around. It is lonely, but joy is still there. It is all around you, but if I told her that right now, it just seems impossible, so I don't. We just share our stories of our boys. That is our joy. Joy waits for her, just like it did for me, and I find comfort in knowing that. Ward will have been gone 43 months, February 13. He remains a joy to me.
I have a friend coming to Atlanta next week, to go to Emory. He has been diagnosed with ALS.
Where is the joy in hearing that news? Well, there is and we will find it, I'm on a mission!!!!
I pray for miracles, and for winter to leave me standing!!! Is it still February?