Sedaris Family, a Black Lab and Ear Plugs!!!

All my weeks are just different degrees of grief and this week, was ...not so good.
My heart was hurting, or my chest, or maybe my left arm and back? So I went to see if I was "checking out". Grief and anxiety are great friends, I just hate it when they show up together. The doctor thinks that maybe, I have arthritis in my neck, had a few x-rays. EKG was normal, good blood pressure , so I see her in two weeks. I wish there was an instant cure, for missing my child.

I do know some of the miracles that have helped me, during these past, almost three years.

Reading David Seadris books and articles ( thanks Jamie), having a fairy wand from Amy Sedaris (thanks Maria), a black lab, named Lucy Mae(thanks Bill for walking her so much) ( thank you Hart and Emma for loving her up!!!), and Ear Plugs ( thanks cuz-Leigh-Leigh!!)(and face masks, cute ones).

These things helped me live, not the 63 grief books that I have consumed!!! I did not want to read about the phases of grief, I needed HELP, and still do.

The above miracles were just a few, I have had many.
The ear plugs helped calm me, by shutting down the noise. My mind was still spinning, but it was quiet. I did not want to hear the ambulance come take my child away. Also if I didnt hear anything, maybe I would not miss , not hearing Ward's voice. I could hear my own heartbeat, and at the momemt of acute loss and grief, it was a comfort.

Reading Amy Sedaris cook book makes me scream, and her brother David Sedaris sends me into fits of laughter. They were my grief books. Laughter has kept me alive.

A new puppy, two years ago, kept me busy. Lucy healed my family. She continues to teach us.

Yes this week has been hard, but between good doctors, good friends and a loving family, I will be ok. Those were the first words that I told Ward, when we found him laying on the bathroom floor, dead. " I will be OK Ward, it's OK, it's OK, I will be OK", I was worried that he would be so worried about me. I'm trying Ward, don't worry. I keep getting miracles.

Now if I can just keep the cats away from my ear plugs!!!