Every Picture Tells a Story? Does it?

In the past week or so, Facebook, posted a fantastic photo of a friend of mine. Doug Griffin holding his surfboard, posted by The North Jetties group in Florida. (a huge spot for surfing, in my youth, and today, maybe?) I came upon it, and smiled, gosh Doug is so sweet in this photo, holding his beloved board. I replied, Great Photo.

Never in a trillion years, did I think to read anything into this photo. I had assumed, (mistake) that it was a surfing buddy, or his wife Paula had posted a recent good photo. Later in the day, I saw that this posting had others commenting, so I looked. RIP was written, on a comment. I LOST it!! No where did it say he passed, so I asked if he was dead or alive. I got several answers of YES. YES what?? Finally, Harriet sent me the article, that talked of Doug's passing. Cancer had consumed another precious human. I had a clarification, of something that I honestly did not want to hear. I was sick. 

I could hear my mother talking, when she lived with us, before her death. " Bonnie, you are just about the age when you start losing friends." she alerted me. " Mom what a thing to say, we are all young and here now!" That was two years ago, and mom has died. I told her, " Speaking to the heavens, you are right mom!! but you didn't have to warn me." 

 This mild mannered, darling boy is gone. The grown man, who comforted me about the death of my son, Ward, age 25. He softly listened to my grief and asked questions from his heart. We talked about his life and mine; it had been years since we had exchanged even a hello at a high school reunion. He reached out, at a time, when people stayed away. Grief scares people, and loss of a child is a big Grief. Doug Griffin, held my pain, so I could breathe a minute.

Now I have to hold my grief of losing him.

At one of our reunions, I ran to Doug, (maybe walked fast) and he held my face. No words were spoken. Once again, I knew he continued to hold me. 

We were all so happy, when he married Paula. She anchored him, and continued to let him shine.

He was not perfect, thank goodness. He was very imperfect and filled with joy. I don't want perfect; I do want Doug to still be here. 

I cannot say Good-Bye, it just does not seem the right fit.

I love you Doug Griffin and that's it. I hope you carry with you all our love. I can see you in the hall of Andrew Jackson, near your locker. You turn and smile at me, no words needed. My friend for a LONG time, I'm smiling back.

  Jesus, my wheel is broken, but please continue to take hold of it for me. I trust your direction, but I don't have to like it.

My love to Paula, family and friends. Send him off with good music, love and a smile.

Much Love

Bonnie Blackman Baron

Technique Is What Happens When You Run Out of Inspiration-Rudolf Nureyev

 I have seven notebooks filled with words and thoughts. Now to piece them together for a blog. After so many months. (time out, I have to take off my bracelet) 

Let's start with Olympics, from my beloved France.

My favorite thing so far, has been Snoop Dogg, and the real goat at the golf course. I give them both 10 stars. Snoop is delightful, and the goat was just trying to get closer to the ball, the course backed up to a farm. Several workers of the course had had the animal surrounded, and looked at each other, thinking "Now What??" Big smile from yours truly.

Each morning, yes very early, we watch something on the Telly. I wake up ranting a tad, to my husband, who thinks the Olympics are serious stuff. (I think that they are different) One morning it was Badminton, Isn't that lawn games in summer?  What time is Croquet? I want jump rope and Jacks added to that day.

Next am I saw a floor exercise person, almost flung off the matt! Well now, I'm a wreck. I hollered to my angel husband, " This is like watching a car wreck in Daytona!!" Then horse jumping was on, I could watch the horses, be beautiful. A happy face came to me. Until one horse hit three bars or beams, whatever they're called, and down I went. Can not watch this either. Soccer too slow, I watched all of tennis, but I watch tennis each day of my life. Womens basketball is fun, swimming, not happening. Diving, can't watch, thanks Greg Louganis. Boxing, breakdancing??? skateboarding??? I know there is a card game going on somewhere, Go Fish! I love the opening and closing ceremonies. They inspire me. I saw where I had sat in the Tuileries Garden, so often during our stay in Paris. It was spring and beautiful and my spot. I read daily, praying for a ray of sunshine. I hope they did not move my chair for that big lighted balloon looking thing!!! Bring me the ballet, of people watching. Now that I will pay for.

Hmmm..you know that I have not even touched my notebooks, let me look a minute.

You can love a memory, but a memory cannot love you back. Not sure about this quote, I found in a book I am reading, about the elderly. (that is us, peeps) Book called ELDERHOOD by Louise Aronson.

Wonderful book, people should start reading it around 50, I wish I had. However, in my early 70's it's still great. OK, About the quote, I think memories do love me back. Most, Not All, comfort me, cause me to clutch my heart, inspire me, make me question some things, and accept the memory as it is. Joy wrapped in the madness of life. How do we grow older and not be bitter or show dread?? Heck, It is another job. There is no retiring from! I look forward to each moment, good, medium or Hallelujah!!

This book is good.

Another one I have read, is My Beloved Monster by Caleb Carr. Written from the cat's view, told by his caretaker. Very different and if you know cats, it is soooooo Cat like!!

Ok last little quip from my notebook, I only have seven left to go through.

You do not need to fill up the whole day. This just jumped out at me, people are so busy, and chaotic. They make me nervous. Planned up the ying yang, controlled and loose change. Just leave some room, for things to happen, to look around at the beautiful and the not so pretty. Pay attention, take a mini nap, right now we have had a hot summer. Rejoice in the heat, it bakes the meanness out of you, or causes you to snap, Your choice!!!

Until next time, my gentle reader (watched season 3 of Bridgerton at least 6 times!)

Love August Birthday people.

Bonnie love coming your way

Do Not Lie in the Wreckage

 You lie down, you lay something down/object!!!

This is why  SAT tests were not my delight. I will argue, that you lay your body down, that is an object. 

Above title is correct.

I think that I read that, in Isolation Journals by Suleika Jaouad. Substack App. (Wonderful site)

(thank you Purwin for your info)

We all have some personal wreckage, that we just have to step out of. I have luckily stepped out of a few car wrecks, heart break wrecks, death happening to loved ones wreckage, or long dark days of winter!!

I have not been able to write, read very little and no painting this winter. The cold and gloom, after Christmas lights, do a number on me. We also have a new grandchild, Jack, that brings joy. He comes after many months of uncertainty. Hard pregnancy for my Emma, and delivery, and post delivery!! I think I was just SPENT!! Drained, and winter got me.

Its February now, and I can breathe knowing that sunny days will be coming, and my sense of hope returns. I need light. My primary doctor, loves to see me this time of year, do we increase meds!!?, No, says I, I need some sunshine. She smiles. I have been cursed with daddy's bone density but blessed with his sense of humor, win for me. Mom blessed me, with the love of lipstick, writing, and gift giving, while the horrible gift of worry about everything also came from her. I think I have hung onto their best gifts, and added some of my own. 

We all have to not lie in the wreckage, of DNA sometimes!!!

My doctor told me to go somewhere warm, I told her I was headed to Boston, to continue my cold weather blues. However I will be seeing my big boys Keith and Brian, and most importantly grandsons Adrian and Finn. Its Adrians senior year of high school, and we wanted to see his last few basketball games, and Finn Baron made the varsity basketball team, as a freshman, so joy will be had!!!  I like to eat breakfast with them, at this little place in Marblehead, next to our rental house, that serves the best banana pancakes I have ever had. Also, a cup of coffee that will hold a spoon upright in it!!!

Family either puts you in wreckage or pulls you out, often both. Many times, a good therapist, Jesus and prayer beads!!are needed.

Music also is my lifeline, The Grammy's last night, took me to my knees. Joni Mitchell has been a part of my life for so long, and she held me to her heart, with each note. Billy Joel, is another big player in my life of rescue, sang a new song, about Leaving the Lights On, sounded very familiar. I was not sorry about that either, felt like home. John Batise took me to church, as usual, he is anointed, as my Aunties would say. AND Tracy Chapman singing Fast Car, with a famous country singer, whom I do not know, was a balm to my soul. Music and Smart people, creative, giving, loving, people will most likely be the blessings to raise your spirits. At least mine, though in some grandchildren and sunshine, I am good to go.

Enjoy your day, do not lie in any wreckage, crawl out and start dancing. Works wonders.

 

Weekend at Bernie's or Rosemary's Baby?

  I have not blogged all summer or early fall, my plate has been full-UP!!!

The husband, had Aortic aneurysm surgery, in his lower abdomen, sometime in these months.

He is doing good, me, not so much!! Nerves shot!! but thankful for sure.

AND my daughter, one and only, became pregnant, yeah, and went into the hospital in Tampa, for seven weeks, High Risk for anything to happen. They sold their house, moved in with, The Parents, ( that is us!!) She continued bed rest and weekly, high risk doctor appointments, her husband started a new job.

I have no nerves left, they left the building.

November 19, Baby Jack was born, after a long, horrific labor. Beautiful black hair, tiny miracle baby.

They should be leaving the hospital today, I hope. Photos to come, after their little family, makes the birth announcement. There were several health things going on with mother and baby, but I think today, they may get a green light.  (You know in the back side of my head, I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall) My devotion for the last several days, weeks, months, have told me, in faith, to trust my lord and do not worry. I tell him, that I have left all my worries at the foot of the cross, and that is just not happening inside my head!!! I love Jesus, and he knows my heart, but I have tried to teach him about my anxiety scale!! I look around the room, and ask him, " I know you are here!!" " Can you just put your hand on the back of my neck, and release that shooting pain of stress running up and down my spine?" He smiles a lot at me, and I think hands me over to Mary, who tells me, " Go get your beads, Bon!" " Pray without ceasing." 

Thanksgiving is here, and honestly, I don't know how it got here. I have very little memory of summer; I think it may have been super-hot.  

My brother Benjie and his wife, Linda were just here, which is always a blast. In fact, this was the second visit in just a few weeks, He knew, sister needed him. Both Bill and Linda, our better halves, hang onto every word we say. Every story we tell, and we have a million!! they look in awe of our ability to remember, embellish, act out, and fall out in fits of laughter. 

From swill runs, on the back of Poppys truck, to visiting graveyards every Sunday, this was entertainment for people in the south with no money!! Of course we had the beach for free, and church, those were out other social activities. We had no air conditioner, one bathroom, and played outside until the street lights came on. We would compare bug bites, and any other cuts or stepping on nail stories, to see which kid had the best day. Our Knees looked like a war zone, from skating, and we each had a story to tell mom, why we did not need to go to the ER, or want mercurochrome spread on us!!! I was the oldest, so I got the bath water first, then Trudy, last the boys got the same water, and they could have cared less!!! At times, yes, we even took a bath where they cleaned hogs, it was a thrill!! How clean we got, well, I would say we sparkled!!

All my aunts and Uncles gave us so many stories, Benjie said I did Aunt Frances, so well. I told him Thanks, just as she would have said it!!" BEN-JAY DARLING CHILD, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, PRECIOUS ANGEL.NOW HONEY, CAN YOU GET MY PACK OF CIGS, WHEREVER THEY ARE!! OH SAL-LAY WHERE ARE MY CIGGIES!"

OK, now the title of the blog, I started in June.

My only political opinion, period, 

I would take Weekend at Bernie's (Joe) set him up in a corner, and have strong people to help him, or us, make good and fair policies for the nation over Rosemary's Baby (you know who) Satan in the flesh. Or his demon companions. 

Someone on Facebook, recently said " What are you all scared of?" I wanted to say, " Iam scared in every cell in my body that you would ask that question?"

OK Political rant over, I cannot take on all this chaos right now, I have a new grandson.

I need my strength, four grandsons for Uma.

My neck feels a little better, thank you Big Man in the Sky, don't go anywhere, I am a work in progress, and highly favored, I know. Blessed and I will pass it on. That baby in the manger, reminds me every day, that the cross is empty, and I have a friend in Jesus. LA-ORD STAY CLOSE!!! ( I do sound like Aunt Frances!!!!!

Haiku To You, Minus Two Marbles

 I never blog in the afternoon, so hang on!! This may go off the rails..

Library visit this week, 10 random reads, because no reason. My Kindle has 10 books to read at all times, because it makes me nervous not to have a list going!! Ready at all times.

The library was great fun, Hubs looked up the books for me, and yelled the numbers that I should be looking in!! There was not a soul in the place, but we were kinda loud. (Old Person rights!!) " IS THAT 809.2" ?? whispered me, nah!!  " I found it, now look up poets, of all kinds!" its a small library, he was only a few aisles over. I need a card catalog system, the computer looked sticky!!

I got this one book on Haikus, and I have so much fun. I have always liked a good Haiku, the 5-7-5 rule. I never knew that it could be random lines or even one word. How it is written on the page, it is just delightful.  Subjects, techniques, forms, allusions, all to the beat of the drummer, writing them.

It's a living genre, enjoying its evolution.  

The Book is Haiku in English

The First Hundred Years by Jim Kacian, Philip Rowland, and Allan Burns

(Yes I have dog eared the pages, I will iron them back) 

Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;

Petals on a wet, black bough.

Gunther Klinge

Indian summer. 

Even a small affection

has its urgency.

Scott Montgomery

her silence at dinner

sediment

hanging in the wine.

Ann Atwood

dead center

in the center of her flowers

GEORGIA  O'KEEFFE

Jane Reichhold

Autumn

taking a dirt road

to the end.

I could go on and on, each page a heart stopping sigh of beauty. E.E. Cummings wrote his vertically.

There were a few 5-7-5 Haiku's, but it was rare, and isn't that wonderful,

 evolution is amazing, even in poetry. Caroline Kennedys book, She Walks in Beauty. Long, long poetry, but beautiful ones picked from her heart. Some of these books are old, but poetry stands the test of time. Thank you, Mrs. Wells, for guiding me to love it. (and I forgive you for sending me downstairs so often for my dress or skirt being so short!)

Now turn, the other morning, I was putting on my face, and had a great idea about my art studio and I was running it by Hubs, he liked it also. I went into my other bedroom, (I have four upstairs, that are now mine, all the babies have gone) to get dressed feeling pretty smart, when I looked down at the dress I had on, and it looked funny. I felt for the tag, I had it on right, it was off looking. I started looking around the room and there it was, MY BRA!!!! I have worn a bra since the third grade, I do not know what it is to not wear one, and I forgot to put it on!! I said to myself, " Well, you are two marbles short today!" How many marbles are left? I need to hang onto to these pearls rolling around in my head. I put on my bra and the dress was perfect, I just laughed, and thought. Blog material, its all a story, every word, thought, movement, good or bad. It doesn't have to have the right number of syllables in order, its all good. Just write it down.

Life people, you control your narrative. 

BARBIE MOVIE, Thank You Greta, Next Time Throw in My Hamster, Snowy.

  

  I have some issues, phobias, quirks, but they are all mine and I claim them.

One of them is movie theaters. After the massive shooting, a few years ago, I feel nervous.

I watch people, I have a hard time paying attention to the movie, I have even left a movie, just overwhelmed. Has it stopped me, not really, but it did steal some joy. My life has always been at the movies, my father loved movies. He took me to see Davy Crocket, at age 5, I think. Took me home, because I had to go to the bathroom, and I would not go in the bathroom, by myself. (so maybe this movie issue started earlier then I think!!) We went to the drive-in, a lot, again during The Birds, poking out people's eyes and Dracula, I wanted people to walk with me to the bathroom!! No one would, Dad or Mom, I think they thought they would miss something. Mom usually caved, but it was daddy that usually would take us, so we were on our own.

All my dates and friends time was at the movies, it was our thing. Then when James Bond and other mature movies would come out, we all would go, and the first curse word, mom went to the lobby!!

We all stayed and watched the film, and she would be so angry, that we did not follow her cause!!

Everything was not The Sound of Music!!! 

Back to Barbie, I had been putting it off, but one day, I told Bill to get ready, we are going.

Midday, few people and I was ready. I have a very personal relationship with Barbie, I remember the day and time of day, she came into my life. In the black and white swimsuit and high heels, beautiful.

1959 or 60, not sure, but it was my birthday and I have never believed in waiting for the day of, to get your present. So I would ask, and beg, for my early gift and I think Trudy told mom to just give it to me. (God Bless Her) It was the begining of a lifelong love of Barbie. 

So, when the Movie began, a few minutes in, there she is, my Barbie in her swimsuit, big screen size. I had to clutch my heart, and tell Bill, "There she is."

Then there was the Barbie car, on the screen. My Barbie car was on my side porch, where I played because the concrete floor was so cool. My hamster Snowy was out there also, so he played Barbie with me. In fact, he took over my Barbie car, moved in!!Took all his food and floor shavings into the floor of the car, took over. Forget his cage, he was living large. Until the next day, and I noticed Barbies foot was chewed off. I sent him back to the cage, and went out back to hose out his junk, so Barbie could ride again. All of her cute shoes were worthless to me now, but I still like to see them and touch them, and remind her even one on one foot, looks pretty good. The sunglasses were the bomb!!  Her purses, clothes, hats, and then there was Ken. Maybe came that Christmas, but I can tell you the truth, he did not look like Ryan Gosling!!! I would watch Ryan sleep!! Ken not so much, his hair was like fuzz painted on. One time I tried to get some ink off his face and went up into his hairline and there went the hair!!! My Ken was always just a friend. I think Barbie may have liked my brothers GI Joe better. Barbie and I did not need Ken anyway, Trudy, my sister, got Midge one year, and she came to live with me. Trudy hated dolls, and her sister, ME, loved dolls and stuffed animals. The Movie was silly and joyful, and their bodies moved like dolls. I loved seeing all the Barbies grow into great careers and still be beautiful, from farmers, to doctors, teachers and astronauts, Barbie was and is, perfect. I think even her boobies changed through the years, to please all of us who have, and have not.

I loved the movie, and My Husband loved the movie, and if you didn't like it, that's ok, I guess you never had a Barbie Doll like mine. I love the dancing and singing, and an hour or so, of lovely childhood memories. AND who doesn't like a PINK movie!! Delightful, thankful for Greta and all the cast, for taking a big chance, my heart is happy. 

Now Mattel, if you can make a Ryan Gosling doll, sign me up!! I know there is a Barbie doll in my house somewhere. Maybe even one with both feet!! I still love you Snowy.

She finally stopped going, and Daddy too. TV had all that they wanted.

Books and Barbie, with A Hamster Thrown In

 

 Summer is in its last ray of glory, August will be here and gone in a blink.

My husband, however says, that is not true, summer is just beginning??? He is from Buffalo, New York, no more words needed!!!

I have lived at the PT building all summer, sciatica, knees, shin splints, throw in a little ankle pain. All left leg, after a few falls. Have been in pain flux for about two years, ( feels like thirty) but this guy, my PT person, is helping soooooo much. I can not move a muscle right now, just fingers!! He has hands like my brother Tommy. Big and Strong, maybe too strong, but he just smiles when I spaz out!!! I had dry needling, and it worked, so we will see. I think I may need to be hooked to two horses and pulled, in different directions, Mr. PT thinks that may be possible!!!

Now back to my blog, after I get Bill to put a fan in this room, I need circulating air.

I have read two books, in the past month, two ready to go, are Half Broke Horses by Jeanette Walls and The House We Grew Up In, by Lisa Jewell. Demon Copperhead, finished and Women of The New Testament by Joyce Koo Dalrymple.

Barbara Kingsolver, my favorite author, for her first, say five books. She got married, and I did not like her next four or so books, broken hearted. My penpal, she was off my reading list, until Demon Copperhead, I gave her another looky loo. For thirty pages, I told my husband, she is back, I'm so happy. Then I sat out back, on the deck, for a binge read and I looked around outside to see if someone was playing a trick on me. Where are you going in this book, Barbara? I kept reading, it was torture, not a highlight that called me to save. I did not care about the characters, or reaching the end, but I did. I could not grab hold of anything, but I will share the beginning.

1. Most families would sooner forgive you for going to prison than moving out of Lee County( or Duval!)

2.Teach Satan some cute puppy tricks, while you're at it.

3.Could spend the rest of my life asking which it was, suicide or accident. No answer on that line.

4.Face like a country ham, chest like a cement block.

5.If you ever met a middle school girl, you know what they are: volcano eruptions of bullshit.

6. It's football. Take that out of high school, It's church with no Jesus.

7.I was living like a flat tire.

8.like kyarn, rotten meat. ( My father used the word kyarn a lot)

9. I was counting up hardships nailing me to the cross I'd dragged down this road.

That ended around page 47, the flow and the adjectives, stopped. The similes, metaphors, logic, character development, over. Not Everyone gets a Poison Wood Bible in their lifetime, but her early books, I have read several times. God Bless her, for 47 pages, I still think, she is a brilliant writer, just not this time.

Other book I picked up, was to support a friend's sister. I thought it was a book, book. Reading, but it was a workshop book, lessons, questions and work!!! I frowned, but dove in. I love a good course in learning. This book required me to get my Bible off the Mantel, and read someone's words, that they think Jesus may have said. I was very proud that women were even mentioned in the Bible.  Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are basically the same story written a tad different. There were other books in the Bible that you needed to look at, so that helped change it up. I think I will send the author my book and answers, I study all religions, I like to learn. To just answer questions about The New Testament was enjoyable, but my answers are probably very different than people who believe that the Bible is the holy word of God. I don't fear God, or think that he would judge who needed his help first, as in the Lazarus story. Mary the mother, Mary Mag, sitting at Jesus Feet? We have to remember the times that these stories were written in. Serving food and cleaning his feet were probably what men expected. I don't know for sure, I just know, that some people followed him and some didn't. I do follow Jesus, he knows me. My life was not changed by this book, but it was a very nice, looks into women in the Bible. It caused me to re-read many books of the Bible again. I still think that Mary told Joseph that this barn, is the pits, and tell the kings and Sheppard's, to take off their garments and make my baby a bed. If an Angel comes down while you are sleeping, to tell you, that you are carrying the Christ child, you don't just say, OK!!! She believed, Blessed Mary that she was/is. I tell The Good Lord, daily, Thank You for dropping me in the time period that you did!!All the women in the New Testament should be Sainted!! In fact all women period!! What a force of nature and joy, we are. ThankYou Joyce, for reminding me of that. Now my question to you? Will you do an Old Testament Women in The Bible book, I'm in.

I have been too long at the keys, so I need to wrap it up, Barbie and Hamster will come tomorrow.

I promise, and thats Iffy!! I will get to it. Its written, and good.

love

B