The beach is not always a place, Sometimes it's a feeling !

  The Salty Mule in Canton Georgia gave me a card with the above message on it. The title of my blog, I so appreciate all the people, places, things that jump out at me, for my writing pleasure.

I was born in beach country; I know what beach hair is.

The beach is my happy place, saltwater runs through my veins.

The dermatologist knows how many hours of my life were spent without sunscreen.

We just returned from the beach and with much help, the fam helped me to the water. ( my knees are wonky still) It was the hottest day in years, off the charts hot, and sitting on the waters edge, I felt nothing. Nothing but joy, My son and grandson, hung with me, for shell knowledge. I also had to revisit why we were not going to the sandbar, and where the sharks lived, we were not going to be their lunch. ( Jaws, and Brother man Benjie flying me over hundreds of sharks in Jacksonville) My motto, is you have to see your feet. Yes I swam out to the dark water when small, tried to surf, took little boats out, fell over in one, and swam to shore. I have been caught in undertow and riptide, but I knew to swim to the side, until I could break free.( Susan remember that boat with Jeff Owens and I think Pelegrini? and maybe Lee Carrol that fell over and some stayed with the boat, but Jeff and I swam back) ( or is that another story, that I just have pieces of??) well I know Jeff Owens and I were very good swimmers, I sure miss him and Lee. Damn, now I feel sad.

OK, back on task, which you know is not going to happen.

I live my life Beach Feeling!! 

My darling daughter asked me yesterday, why I had not written about her wedding???I told her I have been recovering and not thinking of anything wedding related, since it had consumed our past year.

So I gathered some memories, and things I had saved for this very moment, and The Salty Mule, card came out of my pile. We ate there while taking stuff to the venue. Emma got married at a barn, I will have to ask someone the name of it. I want to call it Fendley Farms?? Farmstead? with Charles in Charge. It was lovely, what I remember of it. Charles took care of everything, and Emma and Jamie picked out most everything, so I had to almost just show up.( I did have some input, but honestly, the kids drove the car on this wedding) 

My most favorite things about the wedding are spending the wedding day, with Emma's bridesmaids who had all been friends since they were 2. Stacie, Lauren, Erin and Ali. Malia three of the girls mom and I had been neighbors with all these girls. Next door neighbors, with revolving doors. A wonderful group of women, including my Emma. We ate and laughed and danced and discussed A LOT!! All day we were in this darling house. My cousin Leigh-Leigh was there, taking care of business, I can not do anything without her!!! I promise, her laughter will take you to your knees and her organizational skills, wonderful.( did I say Malia was with us all day too?) ( Stacie I wished Bonnie Busbin could have been with us) Stacie had the best hair, and I loved my false eyelashes, until I found them stuck to my glasses during the reception!! My dress had been altered wrong, my sew person, knows me. I like big clothes, its a texture thing. She turned a big dress with a waist into an empire dress!! I never need attention drawn to my torpedoes!!  Had to wear it, it was not the end of the world. 

Next favorite thing was all of my children and grandchildren were together. Nothing, not even the beach could top that. Finn walked me down the aisle, Adrian read a poem, and Wyatt stole the entire show. Ringbearer, dancer, human child!!!

Friends, near and far, relatives, strangers, all had come together after covid!! our numbers were kept down for a smaller wedding, out of pure fear of if we were going to be lucky and have this thing!!! So some of our buddies on both sides could not come. I think all our loved ones, sent their love through the country Canton Sky, we felt it.

There was, as in all weddings, a current of discontent, in some areas. We Michelle Obamaed it and rose up! I looked at Jamie and Emma and cried like a BAD CRY!! Their love for each over the past four years, is felt by anyone who has been around them. This day was no different, they ooze high school first love joy, all the time. Everything was beautiful and crazy, and we had cows!!!

I felt my brother's hand on my shoulder during the wedding, I love him so much and miss all the Blackmans that have passed. I thought about my Ward and all he has missed being gone, its extremely hard to be so happy and sad at the same time. Then you crank up the music, and all is well.

My girlfriends and I took the house down, Brian did a good Footloose, and Benjie may have pretended to be Jagger!!Brooks Ann, Nancy, Jane, Malia, LOVE SHACK will never be the same. Emma thank you for dancing with us for SuperFreak, Rick James was very proud of us.

I wish you and Jamie a real life, filled with all the feels. Good and Bad, normal everyday lawn mowing stuff. It is never easy in this world. It is your job to make it good. Its a job, get dressed, show up and look for the joy, its all around you. 

Maybe I will do another wedding blog, I left out the story about Stacie and Ali washing your feet like Jesus!! to get the teal dye off your feet, from the wet grass!!Those shoes, got thrown away.

Love to all the people who came to the wedding and shared the hoopla

Love Wins

Bonnie

Life in the Serengeti-Thank You Beth Dutton

    I have not had words flowing, or time to type them.

    My family has asked me, why have you not blogged mom?

Because in the Serengeti, it's all about survival. I have a loose thread and am walking on hot coals, at the moment.

Watching others take care of your mom, who is every inch, in her nineties, is strange, hard and a gracious sigh thrown in. She has horrible days, and not horrible days. Navigating all of these transactions, is a journey for both of us, and others.

The brain and its decline are just beyond words sometimes. We all count our blessings and gather strength in our own ways. 

Now throw in your daughter's wedding plans, that have been going on a year, and you have two weeks until the day!!! Oh wait, and the little darling and her beau, decided to move to Tampa area, before wedding. Let me think, trauma, illness, wedding and moving. I may have to use the F word, many times!!

Bill, hubs, turns 75, big party. Emma, daughter, only one, has a big wedding shower, same weekend. Wonderful, wonderful time, YET....I could not walk the next week.

To Ortho I travel, pulled pork, left knee, arthritis, Bakers cyst burst, can not take pain pills, in misery. Sleeping downstairs, because I cannot get upstairs. Finally after three days, get upstairs, and then I have to get down. Well guess what happened to the right knee, torn meniscus, and knee went caddy watchy, and I am midway down the stairs. Two knees down, and Mom in assisted living, and Emma in Tampa, and Bill 75!!!!!! The vultures and hyenas are gathering forks and plates.

Shots in both knees, cane and life is coming back to whatever we call Normal in The Baron House!! When all of the sudden, this crazy knee stuff has caused my new right hip replacement to start hurting like the devil. Only when i try to pick up stuff off the floor or get clothes out of washer and dryer. Like it does not want to work right, so Monday back to Ortho, for some chatting. I need to be at a weeding in two weeks, and on my feet, and they don't call me The Dancing Queen for nothing. Nothing is working and my slim mental capacity is swirling the drain.

Then, the child, Wyatt Heyward Baron, spends the night. He says, in bed, "I love you Uma" but " I love my Dada and Mommy more" and I said, " That is OK precious, it is supposed to be that way." Then as his eyes are closing and I am watching this glorious angel, he says. " Did you know I am the only one who has an Uma?" I whispered, " well Adrian and Finn, have an Uma too." Wyatt opened his eyes and looked at me like a crazy person and maybe in a Boss Baby Voice said, " I mean in my school, not our family UMA!

I think I saw a tiger in this jungle of mine, and I knew I was home, and all would be ok.

Lavender is waving at me, outside the window, and the cushion beneath my arse, is working like a charm.

I will try and blog more, but....no promise here...Life in the Serengeti requires all eyes on the landscape of my life. Thank God I have Jesus and Tarzen in the same jungle.

Love

Bonnie 

No Time, To Sit With Christmas

 I think we are in January of another year. Very exciting to see 2022. The numbers roll off my tongue, delightful. They happen to look pretty neat also, look at it again, 2022. ( the font looks small, I may change it and lose everything!!) ( my hands are cold) ( and my mind is circling the drain) ( December was a Biatch!!!)

Mother Mary has been going downhill since she turned 90. Not eating, weak, checked out, is about the best way to describe things. That was in October. November, same.

December, to the hospital, and then to rehab for 21 days. She went from there to Sunrise Assisted Living, Palace of the Elderly. She needed more help, medical and social, and all of the above, to try and thrive. Many changes to all of our lives, hard on the heart and mind. We all know, including her, that it was time. This playground for oldtimers!! is 2 miles from our house. So we can go up there, in a minute. Over the weekend, I went for a banana drive by. She has not been eating good, and I had this banana that looked perfect, so up I went. We took everything in her room at our house, and remade her studio room, the same. Even the clothes are in the same drawers, so she can feel the comfort of being here. Surrounded by photos from birth to now, of all of us, our children, and grands. She has a pillow of our lab Lucy, whom she loved, to look at. She even has a photo of Dan Rather, one of her many loves, in the bathroom, signed by him to her. Everywhere her eye looks, I wanted her, to laugh, smile, see joy and beautifull things. She has a new black iron daybed, with a quilt from her niece Vicky, a Barefoot Dreams( my favorite company)

on her bed. It is a darling studio, tiny kitchen that she says she will never use!! OK!!, a huge picture window to fill the room with light, and Mount Pisgah rings the church bells on the hour. With covid raging, the food is brought to her room, soon, I hope they can all meet up for things, dining room, church,baking club( which she will not do) Bingo( she hates!!!) singing and exercise groups. Pt is in the buiding, and a beauty parlor. 

It is only day 5, and she is weak and tired, but she said tonight, she felt a spark of life!!! I told her, I will take it. Get up, stand up, show up, walk, eat and smile, were my words of wisdom for her today. Any prayers you may want to offer us, we are thankful.

The month has been so full that, I did not see or sit with Christmas. When we were putting away the decorations, I had Bill leave the lights on the trees one more day.

I told him I need to sit with Christmas, with the baby Jesus ( from a broken nativity group) in my hands, held tight. I closed my eyes, and just sat with the glow of the trees, thanking the heavens for all our blessings. I told Christmas goodbye, and that I will keep my eyes on the manger and the empty cross. AND I would appreciate a little added attention to my mom, God of all. She is weak, tired, fearful and you have her name in the palm of your hand. Hold her, walk with her through this journey. 

Covid hit our families, and took some Christmas joy away, BUT......then their was Wyatt. We were out to dinner, and we saw a bunch of firemen, in uniform, and I told him to look. They saw him and waved, and I told him, they are some heros, so of course he was intrigued. We were eating and he stood up, "Where are they Uma?" I told him not to worry, Uma has her eye on them!!! When we left, I took his hand and way out into the parking lot, we went to look at the three trucks, just Wyatt and I. We touched every surface, looked at the hoses, holes, ladders, tires, we may have almost kissed them, the TRUCKS!!!! We went slow and talked about firemen heros. Wyatt said, " Uma you know everything." Which I agreed!! and then he said, " Uma, you show me so much." and I held tight. That is Christmas.

Hold tight, is my mantra this year. 

Love wins

B

PS My two best Christmas gifts this year, was an ornament made out of an okra!! Thank you Jamie Charbonnett, and talking to Finn Baron, who is not a man of a lot of words!! for a lengthy facetime convo, for the first time every!!! 

"UMA, I Want The Soft One"!!!

    My darling, almost five years old, grandson Wyatt is one of a kind!!! I have had the good fortune to watch him grow, all these few years. He literally cracks me up, and he can work a room. 

He was on the couch the other day, with snacks on hand, wanting a blanket. I gave him his PaPa's blanket.

He said , "Uma, I want the soft one, yours!!" I agreed, "Well of course you do, its new and mine!!"

(Pa Pa has my old one, passed it down) "Would you like to come get it?" the teacher in me was coming out. "No, you bring it to me." angel child spoke. " I would love to, and wrap you up and sit with you and touch your hair!!" the mother in me speaking. He side-eyed me, and said OK, but....only three head taps!!

Last night at dinner, at our favorite Mexican restaurant, he wanted the kids bowl of taco sauce. " I want my own", may have been his precious words. Of course you do, who wouldn't. I agree with him, 100%. 

Is he a tad spoiled, of course. School will teach him to share, and you can not always be first in line!! His parents have that job of balance and "no" rule. He knows, I don't play bad manners, and I most probably will sit with him in Time Out!! ( Who wants to be alone in Time Out?? Not me!!) So we talk things out.

We all have bad days, but we are good humans. I believe in fun, while you are learning and growing. Sharing is very over rated. Reading is a life saver, sports, and I tell him, I would have asked for the soft one also!!!!! More Taco sauce bowls at the table, makes sense to me, I support his ideas, and work on his delivery of them!!!

I tell him to not hurt people, learn how to grow things. Play the piano softly and loudly!! Yes Bang it out!!!! Dress up and show up with your best self, that you will find each year. Only on this earth for such a short time, and how much you have taught all of us. Uncle Benjie calls you, "Full Throttle!" and it is so you. I hope teachers , neighbors and family, embrace all of your magic. Reel you in for some of your moments, and open up the flood gates for the rest. You are a big bear in a little body. A rock n roll baby, who only plays a Fender full blast. Who is an artist, even now. Patient with paint and colors, and stays in the lines, which your Uma has never done!!

We all learn from each other, all our days.

My two other brilliant, loving, crazy grandsons, Adrian and Finn, have already heard most of Uma's pearls. I love all three of you boys so much, and I expect greatness in all that you do.

And I will always touch your hair, leave lipstick on you somewhere, support you, and pinch you, if needed!!!  This November weather has me being so thankful, and maybe a little melancholy. Time is so short, and the day is so beautiful. 

Fall leaves in Atlanta have been over the top colorful and rich, I'm headed out right now to take some photos. 

Thank you to all men  and women who are or have been in the military. 

Enjoy your day people, write your story.

B

I Have No Title

 I have a title for my little essay of nothingness, but I cannot find it. I have looked, and it was awesome, no can find. The title gives me my push, my beginning, guides me. Now you know, I may stray far and wide, but here I am with no title, so hang on....I'm pissed off from not finding the damn thing, and it still on my mind where I put it!! ugh........

Lets start with this book, The Enlightenment of Angelina by Joshua Berkov

It was precious, raw, disrespectful, lovely and like all families, more truth then we sometimes want to hear.

Hear are a few pearls...

Having children is like a game of Russian Roulette. You never know which kid is going to take you out!!

The effects of old age and illness are like predators stalking me in the dark.

Her cheese never quite make it onto the cracker.

"Try to stay present. I know it's hard, what with all that spit and vinegar rolling around in that addled mind of yours."

Cantankerous hornet of a woman!

Charlotte has always been stubborn like it was baked into her at conception.

Read it, if you can find a minute.

Book that I am almost finished with now is Finding Freedom by Erin French.

Couple of words to ponder...

The best way to avoid stepping on his wide radius of broken glass was just to keep quiet. ( gosh this happens all the time)

My depression had severed my ability to care.

A good person, in a bad place, can do things she would never imagine. ( sad)

My father saw emotions as a sign of weakness, and weakness was not masculine. ( Ugh)

Now let me tell you I thought this was a book about food and cooking!!! It said something about cooking from scratch, or starting from scratch?? Well there is food and cooking in the story, but....I think it is about survival, not to swallowed alive, and do not feed the haters, they bite.

I hope for a good ending, I will let you know. 

Next coming up is Stanley Tucci's new book, TASTE, My Life Through Food  I know this will be about food and cooking, right??? Who knows, I love Stanley any kind of way!!!

So there are three books for you and if you don't read, well, I just don't understand why not.

None of us have enough spare time, but we can make some out of thin air, if needed. Most people need a good read, try it. Books on tape, have someone else read to you.

Weather has turned cool here and I never did find my title. It all works out, Later.

B

Two Quarters and A Hurricane

  At sometime during my busy week, I ran by the tomato man. He will only be open for a few more weeks, and I may have a panic disorder over fresh fruit and vegetables!! I refuse to eat a yucky tomato, cucumber, plum, peach, I eat in seasons!! and summer left the arena a few weeks ago. Berries in the local grocery store are from, God only knows where, and they look like my Big Momma's skin!! Kuddos to those who jar and can, fresh things to eat!!!! Now if you are confused, so be it, I  am heading to a point.

My tomato man, likes cash, so I always have some on me. ( that comes from my parents, insisting that we all had to have cash on us at all times!!) ( Only dad would encourage all the bills to be in order and facing the same way!!)( For years he would ask to look at my wallet, and shake his head!!) ( I may have dollars and change scattered and smothered in my purse!! Under the lipsticks!!) 

Wait a minute....back to my tomato man, I gave him a ten dollar bill the other day, and he returned me two quarters. I had not seen change in so long, coins. I smiled and thank him, for my money.

They were shinny and felt good in my hands. Where to put them?? The cup holder of the car, now holds masks and hand sanitizer. My purse is really just a bag for lipstick and a few ID cards. Sunglasses are at rest in my bag, so where does the change go?? Well, I will just drive home and hold onto them. I will put them in a little box, to save and show my grandchildren, whom have never seen coins!!! I had my tomatoes , plums, cucumbers and two quarters. I was and am a happy girl. I show up, pay attention and love each day, the little things count!! Until.......

My husband, the beloved, stops my quarter story the next morning and asks me if I know about this Hurricane in the ocean?? I knew nothing, did not know names, where it is, where it may be going??

I think I only pay attention to things that light up my world!! So I felt a little shame, and promised to be more in tune with the world and news of the day. ( which is not even close to true) I know about some bad things, but I can't fill my brain with horror stories, or I will not get out of bed!! Depression is my companion, and I keep her at bay, with any tools I have. Tracking a damn hurricane, was not on my list, so I thanked Dr. Bill for keeping me in the loop of despair. I got up from the CNN den, and found the birdseed to feed Chip n Dale. I have taught my chipmunks, how to eat quickly and stay under the bushes from the Hawk. Bill then told me, " I was making my pets, large by feeding them so much, that the hawks will be very happy." I  told him, to turn off that news, it was making him crazy!!" Then I go upstairs to see mama Mary, who read the obits for entertainment. She is a news person, 24/7, local Georgia, Local Jacksonville, and all morning and evening news. She truly had a pretend on air love affair with Dan Rather, and my brother had him call her from the golf course!!! She loves news people.

I need sunshine and good human stories, and flowers, music, and on occasion a good tomato and two quarters!!! Having some blinders on, just ask the horse, keeps me looking forward, doing good things, and thinking about how brilliant the human race is!!! I live with Hope, Big Hope, and that, my friends, is all the change I need!! It fits in my heart, even when my purse is full.

Give Yourself Margin

 I have a couple of pretend moments of free time, to touch base with you and my thoughts.

( I write the blog for my sanity, but you never know, it may soothe your soul too)

This book, Give Yourself Margin by Stacie Bloomfield came to me via dish towels!!!

I love dish towels, especially cheesecloth, with unique design. I like to give them as gifts, they mail easy, and I love them. So you on the receiving end, may feel my love upon arrival. Stacie runs a company, called Gingiber, look it up. Love small business, run by artist.

She mentioned her book at some point of me stalking her, and I jumped. It is small and terrific, and I will pass on to someone, who can pass it on to someone else.

She mentions in order to pivot in this sweet life, we need more margin.

Make room for community, Show up, DON'T DISAPPEAR FROM YOUR OWN STORY!!!!, Listen to your gut, sit with uncertainty, the world needs all of you, and on.........and on.........

Some of her gems, I have heard a million times, some were new. I like the illustrations also, its just a pearl of a little book. Buy one for you, and pass it on.

This morning with Mary (mom) we talk for about an hour about anything that pops up. I listen to the same stories, maybe with a different twist. She asks me the same questions, and I answer with a little more detail. I often ask her, how did we get off on Barcelona, the people watching and sweet Harriet, today, we had no idea!!But it was a good story, even with the loss of Derek, the story of his passing and me watching out the window, in Barcelona, to see if his cells, and joy were off on his journey. After hearing about his death, I ran to the window, I know I saw him, like a comet in the sky far away.

Mom said, that gives me goosebumps Bonnie. I agreed, and told her I'm glad she got to hear the story.

Remember she is eating her breakfast at the same time, we are ratting about random stuff.

Then she said, " I declare..." about something, but did not finish, but that was good enough. Who says "I declare" anymore, I hollered!!!! So as I was making my bed, and getting ready to shower, I became a southern bell of crazy, seeing what went good with " I declare" ( use your Scarlett voice)

My favorite was, " I declare, he is a complete imbecile." I must have said it a million times!! crying laughing. There is so much I dislike about the south, and so much I love. You just have to find a balance of crazy that is front porch kind. AND pray for all the other swamp ignorance about racial injustice. I can not forgive some things, but I hold near to my heart the good southern roots of my DNA. Moss and sweet tea, and our use of words, southern writers are my favorite. I like heat and humidity, and cringe if I see a wife beater shirt. I played at the creek, with the best. I declare, I am a smart, strong southern, liberal, lucky, blessed and highly favored daughter of the south. I give myself margin to make mistakes and enjoy winning. 

Enjoy your Sunday, listen to people, show up!! Be kind, fair, love is love. 

Talk later

B