Fall Back, well I have Not stabbed anyone, Yet!!!

 I have been under the weather for a LONG spell and did not have the energy to share.

There is a small ray of sunshine, shinning on me, so I will try and purge.

My knees have been an issue since last May, so far, gel shots (that took me to my knees) have helped so much. Miracle stuff, at least for so many months. (I did tear another meniscus, but I know how this story ends) (knees good ish)

October the first I had an ambulance ride to the hospital, after I told my beloved, that something was not right in my chest and jaws. I entered the ER with 22 people working on me at one time. I thought, this is not good. They kept me, for further studies. Three IV's and a talk with Jesus, later Omar Sharif, the cardiologist, came in early the next morning to say, " You know you had a slight heart attack?" Well Precious, I did not know, but the word slight, means what exactly? He proceeded to tell me I was headed to the Cath Lab. I did not have much time to think about checking out of the earth, but I did thank Jesus for sending me a doctor that looked like Dr. Zhivago. All of my nurses and doctors were very smitten with my ability to have lipstick on at all times!!! They were also aware that I had spent my twenties in the Cath Lab, even thought things had changed sooooo much. We had wonderful conversations about my early career, and it would have been so much fun, if they were not going into my arm. This doctor was from India, and we bonded over my daughter Emma, who was born in India. I told the doctor, I thought my arteries were open, and I was right. However, the muscle part that was damaged, some myopathy, was due to stress. Stress induced heart attack, go figure.

He asked me if I meditated, prayed and I showed him my clenching hand filled with my beads!! He asked me my hobbies. I paint daily, read, retired, raised five kids, lost a son at 25 years of age, and he stopped me. You have a broken heart. Yes, I do, but I feel calm. I put my 91-year-old mother in an assisted living facility, a year ago. He stopped me again, honey, you are stressed. My only daughter married and moved away, and a hurricane almost took her off the planet, now he is holding my hand. He told me he sees joy in my face, I said, I know right. The muscle of my heart can repair itself; we hope. No new meds, just a big adjustment of how I cannot fix everything. The level of my gritting my teeth, has to decrease, and continue on my search for all that is positive and good.

I told the doctor that, the political climate, and I can no longer exist. He said, turn it all off!!!! 

F

The time change spins me around, and I have been working on not letting it get to me. At 70, people this is not easy. AND if that is not enough end of October had horrible cough and sinus infection, because of the friggin hot October and November, petri dish weather.

Bill and I both just tested positive for Covid, and I am vaxed up the Ying yang!!! The medicine they give you, is a beast, hurt my stomach, and felt like poison to me. I think we are fine, my taste buds have not returned, and we are still hanging in quarantine, but my nerves are shot!! Having a blog has always helped me release my thoughts, good and bad, so here it is. A few bad days does not make a bad year, evah!!!

We had a new roof put on yesterday, thank God for ear plugs, and a good book. The husband told me it has a 30-year warranty, and I felt so much better!!!! I hope the good lord keeps me around to enjoy it, but if you don't get a Christmas card from me, now you know why. Trying to chill, which is not working, I'm going to order my cards right now, its stressing me out.

Love you all,

B

Approaching 16 days........

 My Fitbit says today is the 15th, but I trust nothing. She, the bit, tells me I sleep four to five hours a night. However, she does not tell anyone, that in those hours I am looking for my purse or a bathroom in the streets of Calcutta!!!!

So just go with the title, and you will be fine.

Happy Birthday to me, was August 1 and it was pretty big. The sound of seventy and I are still not in a good place. Olivia Newton John just died, and she was 73. Wait a minute, that is pretty close to 70. Are my ducks in a row??

I saw my primary doctor last week, and she, so kindly, said " You look wrecked Bonnie."

Quickly I told her she was too young for the movie " Valley of The Dolls" but I am beyond the valley, and we laughed.

I do know that when you start blow drying your knees, something has changed!! Birthday weekend I got turned onto some oils, of Arnica, Lavender, and something else?? from a Farmers market. I did not purchase locally, I was headed to lunch, did not want to carry a bottle of oils. The witch doctor, (sweet lady) let me try it and my knees were better!! So, when I returned home to Amazon, I looked up all the ingredients and found my stuff. It works wonders (with a lot of Tylenol) (and gel shots) but it is oil!! all over my knees, and it needs to dry before I put on a dress. (wear dresses in summer) so out comes the dryer!!

I wish you could see me, I cried from laughing. Is this seventy? Have my tiny knees thrown in the towel after carrying around this slender and graceful Buffalo Carcass. God Bless the human body. I promised my young self that I would go gray at 70, so we will keep trying, I have colored my hair since middle school, I love hair color. Both of my parents did not have but a few strands of gray hair, I want my cousin's white hair!! May have to come from a bottle!!! What does a person do while drying their knees?? Look for scissors, I need bangs!! Never a good idea, 70 is kicking my butt!! and it has only been a few days!! So now I had to move up my hair do appointment, for repairs. Year-round summer hair is my syle , people think I have just returned from the pool, I just agree. Not everyone needs to know about my knee drying, takes away from drying my hair! Good Lord, I think I just felt a cool breeze.

Summer has been a hot one, and I have been super happy. Heat cures all. Fall batting her eyelashes at me, has increased my anxiety, and angel child Wyatt started real school, and I had to lay down a spell!! My older grans Adrian has his driver's license, and he knows Uma is a wreck. I remember the freedom of driving, so I caved and wished him wonderful days !! (And just now my throat is closing up!!), Finn my middle jewel, wants 800.00 pair of sneakers, I told him to go to the thrift store, salvation army, what 13 year old wears 800.00 pair of shoes. Yes, Uma likes nice things, but darling middle child, girls just care right now that your teeth are clean!! take that info form Ums and run with it!!!

At 70 I need Joni, CSNY, Stones, Beatles throw in a little Chris Stapleton and I m good. Music never changes with any age, and that my friends, is a much better drug of choice.

I pray a lot and The Holy Mother and Moses keep telling me, "We Got This Bon-Bon!"

Enjoy the rest of this August month, pay attention to what is around you. Laugh all the time, and ugly cry if you need to.

70 is feeling better already, sometimes you just need to blog!

The beach is not always a place, Sometimes it's a feeling !

  The Salty Mule in Canton Georgia gave me a card with the above message on it. The title of my blog, I so appreciate all the people, places, things that jump out at me, for my writing pleasure.

I was born in beach country; I know what beach hair is.

The beach is my happy place, saltwater runs through my veins.

The dermatologist knows how many hours of my life were spent without sunscreen.

We just returned from the beach and with much help, the fam helped me to the water. ( my knees are wonky still) It was the hottest day in years, off the charts hot, and sitting on the waters edge, I felt nothing. Nothing but joy, My son and grandson, hung with me, for shell knowledge. I also had to revisit why we were not going to the sandbar, and where the sharks lived, we were not going to be their lunch. ( Jaws, and Brother man Benjie flying me over hundreds of sharks in Jacksonville) My motto, is you have to see your feet. Yes I swam out to the dark water when small, tried to surf, took little boats out, fell over in one, and swam to shore. I have been caught in undertow and riptide, but I knew to swim to the side, until I could break free.( Susan remember that boat with Jeff Owens and I think Pelegrini? and maybe Lee Carrol that fell over and some stayed with the boat, but Jeff and I swam back) ( or is that another story, that I just have pieces of??) well I know Jeff Owens and I were very good swimmers, I sure miss him and Lee. Damn, now I feel sad.

OK, back on task, which you know is not going to happen.

I live my life Beach Feeling!! 

My darling daughter asked me yesterday, why I had not written about her wedding???I told her I have been recovering and not thinking of anything wedding related, since it had consumed our past year.

So I gathered some memories, and things I had saved for this very moment, and The Salty Mule, card came out of my pile. We ate there while taking stuff to the venue. Emma got married at a barn, I will have to ask someone the name of it. I want to call it Fendley Farms?? Farmstead? with Charles in Charge. It was lovely, what I remember of it. Charles took care of everything, and Emma and Jamie picked out most everything, so I had to almost just show up.( I did have some input, but honestly, the kids drove the car on this wedding) 

My most favorite things about the wedding are spending the wedding day, with Emma's bridesmaids who had all been friends since they were 2. Stacie, Lauren, Erin and Ali. Malia three of the girls mom and I had been neighbors with all these girls. Next door neighbors, with revolving doors. A wonderful group of women, including my Emma. We ate and laughed and danced and discussed A LOT!! All day we were in this darling house. My cousin Leigh-Leigh was there, taking care of business, I can not do anything without her!!! I promise, her laughter will take you to your knees and her organizational skills, wonderful.( did I say Malia was with us all day too?) ( Stacie I wished Bonnie Busbin could have been with us) Stacie had the best hair, and I loved my false eyelashes, until I found them stuck to my glasses during the reception!! My dress had been altered wrong, my sew person, knows me. I like big clothes, its a texture thing. She turned a big dress with a waist into an empire dress!! I never need attention drawn to my torpedoes!!  Had to wear it, it was not the end of the world. 

Next favorite thing was all of my children and grandchildren were together. Nothing, not even the beach could top that. Finn walked me down the aisle, Adrian read a poem, and Wyatt stole the entire show. Ringbearer, dancer, human child!!!

Friends, near and far, relatives, strangers, all had come together after covid!! our numbers were kept down for a smaller wedding, out of pure fear of if we were going to be lucky and have this thing!!! So some of our buddies on both sides could not come. I think all our loved ones, sent their love through the country Canton Sky, we felt it.

There was, as in all weddings, a current of discontent, in some areas. We Michelle Obamaed it and rose up! I looked at Jamie and Emma and cried like a BAD CRY!! Their love for each over the past four years, is felt by anyone who has been around them. This day was no different, they ooze high school first love joy, all the time. Everything was beautiful and crazy, and we had cows!!!

I felt my brother's hand on my shoulder during the wedding, I love him so much and miss all the Blackmans that have passed. I thought about my Ward and all he has missed being gone, its extremely hard to be so happy and sad at the same time. Then you crank up the music, and all is well.

My girlfriends and I took the house down, Brian did a good Footloose, and Benjie may have pretended to be Jagger!!Brooks Ann, Nancy, Jane, Malia, LOVE SHACK will never be the same. Emma thank you for dancing with us for SuperFreak, Rick James was very proud of us.

I wish you and Jamie a real life, filled with all the feels. Good and Bad, normal everyday lawn mowing stuff. It is never easy in this world. It is your job to make it good. Its a job, get dressed, show up and look for the joy, its all around you. 

Maybe I will do another wedding blog, I left out the story about Stacie and Ali washing your feet like Jesus!! to get the teal dye off your feet, from the wet grass!!Those shoes, got thrown away.

Love to all the people who came to the wedding and shared the hoopla

Love Wins

Bonnie

Life in the Serengeti-Thank You Beth Dutton

    I have not had words flowing, or time to type them.

    My family has asked me, why have you not blogged mom?

Because in the Serengeti, it's all about survival. I have a loose thread and am walking on hot coals, at the moment.

Watching others take care of your mom, who is every inch, in her nineties, is strange, hard and a gracious sigh thrown in. She has horrible days, and not horrible days. Navigating all of these transactions, is a journey for both of us, and others.

The brain and its decline are just beyond words sometimes. We all count our blessings and gather strength in our own ways. 

Now throw in your daughter's wedding plans, that have been going on a year, and you have two weeks until the day!!! Oh wait, and the little darling and her beau, decided to move to Tampa area, before wedding. Let me think, trauma, illness, wedding and moving. I may have to use the F word, many times!!

Bill, hubs, turns 75, big party. Emma, daughter, only one, has a big wedding shower, same weekend. Wonderful, wonderful time, YET....I could not walk the next week.

To Ortho I travel, pulled pork, left knee, arthritis, Bakers cyst burst, can not take pain pills, in misery. Sleeping downstairs, because I cannot get upstairs. Finally after three days, get upstairs, and then I have to get down. Well guess what happened to the right knee, torn meniscus, and knee went caddy watchy, and I am midway down the stairs. Two knees down, and Mom in assisted living, and Emma in Tampa, and Bill 75!!!!!! The vultures and hyenas are gathering forks and plates.

Shots in both knees, cane and life is coming back to whatever we call Normal in The Baron House!! When all of the sudden, this crazy knee stuff has caused my new right hip replacement to start hurting like the devil. Only when i try to pick up stuff off the floor or get clothes out of washer and dryer. Like it does not want to work right, so Monday back to Ortho, for some chatting. I need to be at a weeding in two weeks, and on my feet, and they don't call me The Dancing Queen for nothing. Nothing is working and my slim mental capacity is swirling the drain.

Then, the child, Wyatt Heyward Baron, spends the night. He says, in bed, "I love you Uma" but " I love my Dada and Mommy more" and I said, " That is OK precious, it is supposed to be that way." Then as his eyes are closing and I am watching this glorious angel, he says. " Did you know I am the only one who has an Uma?" I whispered, " well Adrian and Finn, have an Uma too." Wyatt opened his eyes and looked at me like a crazy person and maybe in a Boss Baby Voice said, " I mean in my school, not our family UMA!

I think I saw a tiger in this jungle of mine, and I knew I was home, and all would be ok.

Lavender is waving at me, outside the window, and the cushion beneath my arse, is working like a charm.

I will try and blog more, but....no promise here...Life in the Serengeti requires all eyes on the landscape of my life. Thank God I have Jesus and Tarzen in the same jungle.

Love

Bonnie 

No Time, To Sit With Christmas

 I think we are in January of another year. Very exciting to see 2022. The numbers roll off my tongue, delightful. They happen to look pretty neat also, look at it again, 2022. ( the font looks small, I may change it and lose everything!!) ( my hands are cold) ( and my mind is circling the drain) ( December was a Biatch!!!)

Mother Mary has been going downhill since she turned 90. Not eating, weak, checked out, is about the best way to describe things. That was in October. November, same.

December, to the hospital, and then to rehab for 21 days. She went from there to Sunrise Assisted Living, Palace of the Elderly. She needed more help, medical and social, and all of the above, to try and thrive. Many changes to all of our lives, hard on the heart and mind. We all know, including her, that it was time. This playground for oldtimers!! is 2 miles from our house. So we can go up there, in a minute. Over the weekend, I went for a banana drive by. She has not been eating good, and I had this banana that looked perfect, so up I went. We took everything in her room at our house, and remade her studio room, the same. Even the clothes are in the same drawers, so she can feel the comfort of being here. Surrounded by photos from birth to now, of all of us, our children, and grands. She has a pillow of our lab Lucy, whom she loved, to look at. She even has a photo of Dan Rather, one of her many loves, in the bathroom, signed by him to her. Everywhere her eye looks, I wanted her, to laugh, smile, see joy and beautifull things. She has a new black iron daybed, with a quilt from her niece Vicky, a Barefoot Dreams( my favorite company)

on her bed. It is a darling studio, tiny kitchen that she says she will never use!! OK!!, a huge picture window to fill the room with light, and Mount Pisgah rings the church bells on the hour. With covid raging, the food is brought to her room, soon, I hope they can all meet up for things, dining room, church,baking club( which she will not do) Bingo( she hates!!!) singing and exercise groups. Pt is in the buiding, and a beauty parlor. 

It is only day 5, and she is weak and tired, but she said tonight, she felt a spark of life!!! I told her, I will take it. Get up, stand up, show up, walk, eat and smile, were my words of wisdom for her today. Any prayers you may want to offer us, we are thankful.

The month has been so full that, I did not see or sit with Christmas. When we were putting away the decorations, I had Bill leave the lights on the trees one more day.

I told him I need to sit with Christmas, with the baby Jesus ( from a broken nativity group) in my hands, held tight. I closed my eyes, and just sat with the glow of the trees, thanking the heavens for all our blessings. I told Christmas goodbye, and that I will keep my eyes on the manger and the empty cross. AND I would appreciate a little added attention to my mom, God of all. She is weak, tired, fearful and you have her name in the palm of your hand. Hold her, walk with her through this journey. 

Covid hit our families, and took some Christmas joy away, BUT......then their was Wyatt. We were out to dinner, and we saw a bunch of firemen, in uniform, and I told him to look. They saw him and waved, and I told him, they are some heros, so of course he was intrigued. We were eating and he stood up, "Where are they Uma?" I told him not to worry, Uma has her eye on them!!! When we left, I took his hand and way out into the parking lot, we went to look at the three trucks, just Wyatt and I. We touched every surface, looked at the hoses, holes, ladders, tires, we may have almost kissed them, the TRUCKS!!!! We went slow and talked about firemen heros. Wyatt said, " Uma you know everything." Which I agreed!! and then he said, " Uma, you show me so much." and I held tight. That is Christmas.

Hold tight, is my mantra this year. 

Love wins

B

PS My two best Christmas gifts this year, was an ornament made out of an okra!! Thank you Jamie Charbonnett, and talking to Finn Baron, who is not a man of a lot of words!! for a lengthy facetime convo, for the first time every!!!