OM.....Oh My God, OM.....Oh My God

      I do not have a quiet brain.
       You may not even care, which is certainly fair, I just have to explain to the universe sometimes, my very being.
       I go to sleep thinking about 100 different subjects and wake up with the same 100, with a few added, due to dreams!!

       So my mantra is as wound as I am, OM......(try to clear my mind, think of nothing) Oh My God.....
       I seek calmness and a quiet soul, and it is not a part of my DNA!!
       My prayer life, is much the same way. I scream, no cause for alarm, my wishes, desires, thanks, forgive me, prayers 24/7. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and I then may switch over to a song, I Serve a Risen Savior, or This Little Light of Mine, or Brick House by the Commodores !!!
        My third eye is blinking all the time, and my heart is about to burst with so much love.
      
    I study all religions, poets and teachers of the world. I feel like if I am at my best, I will give my best to others. I did not know it would be a life long journey.
      On going to the grocery store , early am, I prayed, Om......Jesus....just let me go in, and come out in one piece. I just wanted a loaf of french bread. I bought some flowers, in the beginning to set my mood. The bread was easy, and I found a few others jewels. I headed for the cash register people, no one to be found!!! I asked if anyone was around, and could I go down any isle?? No one, I pulled the flowers to my face!!! Om....Namaste...Baby Jesus...can someone help me.... this little guy comes from beyond the doors, all cute and in panic mode!! Just oozing sweet nothings my way, knowing that I may have needed some Valium or a hug!! I got my little things and left, and thanked my god, for a good little outing. ( I believe in thanking god for everything) ( or at least the stars and their alignment) ( or the forest? whatever works)
  Life is a circus with carney people running the show, flying monkeys and clowns. But the smell of candy apples and cotton candy, saves the day.
      I think I will add that to my daily prayer/mantra.
      OMMMMM.....Candy Apples, Cotton Candy, Baby Jesus, Moses and love....... This joy stuff is a full time job....My cleaning people are here, praise Jesus, the dog wants to go paint with me....Life is good..

Summertime Is Always The Best Of What Might Be -Charles Bowden

E.B. White wrote, that even the crickets felt it was their duty to warn everyone that summertime can not
last forever.
   Before I say goodbye to August, I never leave this month without the stories of my August babies.
   Hartley turned 32 yesterday and Ward would have turned 35 on Thursday this week.
My favorite people are born in August, and those happen to be two of them.

Let me start with Ward, by August 26 of that year, I looked sick. My skin was yellow, my feet and ankles were mammoth, and I needed this child to come out. My labor was for 24-28 hrs, I think it was 26, but over the years it changes. It was the end of time, long!! Back in the no medication days, I was dying. We believed in pain, the natural birth cult, along with nursing babies til 1st grade! ( a very slight Lochte-like story) After my darling husband( we were newly weds) had three, maybe four full meals brought to him, in my room, by the nice nurses, I asked him to go home, he was making me sick!! I asked to die, or have him reach up my hoo-ha and yank this child out of me. He continued to eat, somehow, me screaming made him hungry. He went home, and had to be called back to the hospital, for my section. Our baby was born, and I was numb, and happy.
I did not know anything about babies, or my body, after having a child. We were in for a long, loving, bumpy road.

Three years later, I was knee deep pregnant in August. Hart was born on the 21st.
Ward and I were sick, my mom had come up to take care of us, and I went into labor.
Bill came home from work, to drive me to Trenton, N.J. hospital, where they were more concerned with my breathing, or lack of breathing, then my labor pains. I had pneumonia and with a c-section baby, they were nervous. I made sure I had a female doctor for this child, because male doctors can not make the right decisions about labor pain. They have no form of reference. My new doctor, she knew!! She had even had c-section babies, so I was in labor with Hart for about 1 hour! ( not counting all day little labor)
He was a big baby, and went home wearing 3 month baby clothes! He was solid, or maybe I had just grown in three years, and could handle a baby better. Maybe both, he was good and I was seasoned.

I brought him home, and Ward wanted to nurse with him!! I told him, he would not like my milk anymore, but he was going to have his way. He tried it, and turned up his nose, but he felt included, and that seemed to make us all happy.

My August boys, took my heart and still have it.

We had many August months through the years, until Ward died. We never forget his birth, and will celebrate it always. He was the best of what might be.

Hart continues to shine and now he shares that light with his bride. He is one of my best, I have five best in all!! Keith, Brian, Ward, Hart and Emma, you are my Summertime, my Best.

I Know.....It

   It, could be anything.
   The IT I refer to in the above title, is Summer is over.
   Last night, I had the back door open, and the hubs said, " the air keeps going on, why do you have the backdoor open?" I deeply sighed, " Summer is over, you know." Dr. Baron reminded me, " Bonnie it is 94 outside." Really.........screaming ever so slightly, " Don't you smell it, can you not hear it, do you see what is happening?" me continuing in my sweet lady like way..." Summer is leaving, its over!!"
  About two days, ago, I felt it. My feet hit the floor, and I shook my head, I knew what was going on. I walked downstairs, and opened the front door, the smell is different, the sound is altered. There is a hush, around me. Mother Nature gently nudges me, because she knows I have to tread lightly into change. I think she is telling me, that we have a few more warm days ahead of us, but the key word is few. Even the word holds no weight!! FEW??? what does that mean? A few more minutes, a child asks to stay awake. A few more bites of cake, says the birthday girl. A few more days of summer, my heart sinks. But I have a few more days, so you better well believe, I will be hoarding the heat.
   Seasons, are lost on me, I would prefer summer days and nights.
   I like color, and new growth, cacophony of birds, no shoes and tomatoes!
   But change is good for you, someone who was frozen must have thought!! Misery looks for change, not me! I have a heart that is very content with sunshine, so I hold on. By a thread, I grasp for the light of summer, knowing she will leave me.
   I should be thanking her for this long, hot summer. I will, and do, salute each day sucking up the smell of fresh cut grass like a crack head. Holding the last of summer tomatoes in my hands, touching, smelling, tasting, loving all that juice of summer. Shared with friends and family, meals, music, and magic.
    I Know It......another August on the run......you have been delightful...come back soon......an almost Haiku.
    Almost is much like few, I know it.....summer joy in the simplistic words and ideas!! or mistakes!
   

They Didn't Give You Quite Enough Information

     One of my Birthday gifts, was a CD of Billy Joel's Greatest Hits!! from my travel buddy, queen Emma.
     It is out of this earthly world, so good.
     I get so busy, I forget to hear.
     Listening is a skill, that requires soooo much work. I think I  have always been a talker, a story teller, a gypsy with something to say. So listening, I need constant reminders to Be Quiet!!
    Every song, that Billy sings, is so familiar, he has a piece of my heart.

    One, " Only The Good Die Young" I have played over and over and over!!! I have been freaked out over the joy of this one tune, and the words are poetry from Brooklyn maybe, or the Bronx!! or Maybe Jacksonville in the early days!!
                                         Come out Virginia, don't let me wait
                                          You Catholic girls start much to late ( not sure that is true, another blog)
                                       But sooner or later it comes down to fate
                                           I might as well be the one ( there is always, The One!)
                                       They showed you a statue and told you to pray
                                           They built you a temple and locked you away ( tried to)
                                        But they never told you the price that you pay ( amen to that)
                                           For things that you might have done.....
                                                       Only the good die young

                                       
You know I can not just listen, I have to read in between the lines, under them and over the top!!

                                      another verse, not in order
                                       You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation
                                                    You got a brand new soul
                                                     And a cross of gold
                                        But Virginia, they didn't give you quite enough information ( HellO!!)
                                                     You didn't count on me
                                                When you were counting on your rosary( not enough prayer beads ever !)
              
It is just one of those songs, that I lay at the altar of Best!!
There are so many out there, give them a spin or two, it will take you to all kinds of places.
                      My g-kids are here so, my time is not my own, I have a 10 minute turn around time here.
                      Listening to them, reminds me, that they are so smart, funny and going through so many changes. Growing up is hard!! And being a grown-up, is even harder. So I just listen, to the house hum around me, enjoy this brief quiet moment, waiting to here of the next adventure that they are having right now, with some ultimate Frisbee golf!! I have no clue, so the men were in charge of that one. ( lord help us all) ( I hope they make it back) Then to the pool to soak up the remaining minutes of summer, who is trying her best to sneak out my back door.
                     Enjoy your day, and turn up the volume around you!! Good or Bad, there is a lesson in the noise!

Thank My Lucky Stars

    Mom, the bearer of bad news, text me this am, about a death of a friend of mine. She is the watcher of the obits, and I am thankful. Having lived far away for the past 36 years, she keeps me in the loop. The Jacksonville loop of crazy good, and insanity bad. ( Its a Florida thing!)
     While thinking about this sudden loss of an important character in my youth, Dr. Allan Schonberg, I was spent with happiness that I had him as a friend, teacher and work brother.
      We were students together, I in the cardiovascular lab, and he was an intern in cardiology. We grew up together, learned and made mistakes together, and he always promised I would go with him, when he went into private practice. AND I did, we worked side by side, for many years. We knew each other so well, that there was no need for words. I was his assistant in the lab, in the office and at his home. We were family, young foolish and very responsible at the same time. He had some demons, but honestly it was the 1970, the year of uppers and downers, in the hospital world. Gambling was in his blood, and it cost him more then people can imagine. I think and hope that through the years he fought hard, and found a peace and love of his family,children and grandchildren. Looking at all the pictures on his obituary confirms this for me. He has happy eyes, with people loving on him. A career that spanned forty years, and a hint of mischief still remained. I loved him, warts and all, and will miss him forever.He taught me so much, and even sent me to that course at Princeton to meet my Bill. ( to which he never forgave me, for leaving him! but I had to cut the apron strings!) ( Husband beats Boss, forever!) The day I had to tell him, I was getting married, was one of the hardest. He was happy and furious, pretty much how he was his whole life!
      We met up with he and Brenda in New York, a year or so later, I was pregnant and we went to a play. We also marched in the Gay Pride Parade, ate and he still tried to convince me to come back. I know I was good at my job, but somehow, I think it was just the closeness that we had, that he missed. He said, " How can I train anyone, you know me. I will take years to train someone!!" I told him, he was wrong, someone wonderful will come, and put up with you, and make your life better! He called me several years, to check on me, and my babies. I would see him, whenever I went home. Then, as with life, our contact stopped. People go in different directions, its normal. However you never forget each other, or the stamp that you make on each other. It remains, and then they are gone. I know he always knew what he meant to me, so I feel comfort in that.
     He was 70 years young old. Much living went down in those years. I celebrate your life Allan, and know that you are trying to make deals wherever you are. Just sit back and enjoy, thank your lucky stars that they aligned so nicely after all these years.
      Love is always going out to you, from me, your partner, sidekick, friend.
      I count myself Lucky to have known you.