It's Not Always Tidy......

     or convenient, or ever-lasting.
         I think this snippet of a sentence was referring to love. How powerful love can be, but comes with a full baggage of stuff. Yours, mine and ours!
        I have written before, about all my loves. ( Well, maybe not all, in detail!) ( Sue knows the real details!)(and they are vault worthy!) I love, have a passion for all  kinds of love, for many things. Songs,smells, foods, people, love, love, love. It comes easy to me. ( no I'm not easy, but I did come up in the glory days of birth control pills!) ( another blog)
     This week I have loved a few things sooooo much, that I had to put pen to paper.
     Finished up 13 hours of the Roosevelt family saga on PBS.( not sure if it was on this channel, but you can find it) I love history. Like a high fever, I get delirious about our American history. This series was beyond anything I have seen , of late. I was a tad obsessed about dentistry , with Miss Eleanor looking so bad. I had to stop the program several times. ( Bill stopped it, because I would not stop talking about poor Eleanor) They had money, did they not have dentist back in the day, or people to help her look better? Just some thoughts. I love her, as she was, but.....did any of her girlfriends say, " Girl, you look awful!"
  I was, not surprised by FDR's need for attention, he had women in several different houses. Old flames, and cousins rubbing his crippled legs, what is with these men in power. OR should I  rephrase that, " What is wrong with women, do flock to these men of power! They are not leaving their wives!"
  Yes he did wonderful things for our country, I love some of him, I know love is not tidy.
   TR was pretty much crazy. He would be on medication today, or in Betty Ford. ( Do they still have Betty Ford places?) However, he had his moments of greatness also, I love bits and pieces of him too. Love sometimes is not convenient. I think I left the series, wishing that I loved a president like the people did, in earlier days. They LOVED their Presidents. I like mine, I want to be passionate about my party, again. I want to respect Congress, both sides. I'm not feeling the love.
    The last thing, maybe, that I want to leave you with, is the best line ever said.
    If you watch the TV show Scandal, you will understand. It too, is about Presidents!
    The poor presidents wife, who is in a bad place, said to her cheating husband, the President, " Just to let you know, I have not shaved in a long time! ( she pointed to her private parts!) It is like 1976, down there!!!!" I screamed with love for her!! The best spoken word, I have heard in ages!!
    Love is where you look for it! Its all around us, keep looking.
    I love my family, this week!(Ha!) I love my animals, my art class, Pebbles cereal, Christmas cards picked out early, Love, Love, Love, its all we need.
   If you are reading my blog, feel the love coming your way

.....If I Were A Bird

 I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns.
                    George Elliot

Oh but I am not a winged creature, nor do I wish to be. 
I remain, a girl of summer, and know what comes after fall.
    Today is fantastic in Atlanta. Mornings are too cool, beyond crisp but the afternoon is divine. Maybe it will hit 79 degrees today, sun is shinning and I am holding strong for these last days of September.
   The windows are open, my inhaler is within reach, and my sleeves are long on my shirt. 
    There is change is the air, and so many people feeling glad for this season.
    I shall not let my melancholy reach out and touch all you Fall Freaks!
    Enjoy your hayrides, and apple picking. Pull out the pumpkin decorations, with a witch or two. 
    I will join in on the fun, and count the days until June. Maybe if I am lucky May will be hot as blazes, and pull me out of the winter funk, that has yet to appear.
    I have learned how to adapt, living up North! North Georgia has seasons, I need to fly south for the winter. Maybe I am more like the birds then I realized.
   Miami, Key West, I need a winter nest.
   I am a bird!!!!

Mama, Where Is He?

    Mama never calls late at night, unless someone has died.
    Or I should say texts! Yes, she is hooked up, line and sinker.
    Last night, I get a random text, it goes as follows:
    M-Did you see Kenny Rogers?
    B(that is me)- Where?
    B-On a commercial?
    B- Dancing is sucking. ( I thought she may be watching!)
    M- Dancing with the stars, he is in the audience. Ready for the casket.
    B-No, I will look, damn ( Joan Rivers, Robin Williams, now Kenny!)
    B- At the beginning, or right now?
    M- Never in my life, why is he there!
    M- Camera keeps going to him. Dresses in very bright colors, Probably 150 lbs.
    B-Lord, I will look for him.
   ( Bill run it back, so I can find Kenny, mom says he is not long for this earth!)
   Many texts go by.........
    M-He has a green coat on.
    B-MOM, that is Tommy Chong, he is going to dance.
    M-Now Dad is wondering if it is really him. Are you sure? Does he look like Kenny Rogers?
  ( Now, crying, laughing so hard)
    M- I was ready to go to his funeral!
    B- We just had Kenny in the coffin!
    M- I love Kenny Rogers.
    B- Me too, now stop it! I have been searching for him an hour!
    M- Who is Tommy Chong anyway?
    B- an old hippie, comedian. ( that is enough info!)
    B-Bye
    B-Mom this is my blog for tomorrow, thanks!

 Mom and I texting, is crazy in itself. The things we find to chat about, are worth their weight in gold!
I love that my parents care about everything and everybody! and keep me in the crazy loop!!
 I forgot to ask your consent to publish our stuff mom, but I did tell you thanks!
Number one daughter, researching Kenny Rogers right now, to make sure we didn't miss something!

Listen For The Story

   A day in the life of ME, is hysterically funny.
   Honestly, I could not make this stuff up, if I tried.
   So I will share, listen for the story.
       September and October are all scheduled doctors appointments, much to my chagrin. Dentists, eye doctor, regular doctor for physical and flu shot, dermatologist, hoo-hoo doctor (GYN), mammogram, with a few hair-do appointments thrown in. I don't know how I squeeze them all into a few weeks, but I do, and it makes me think something must be wrong. Although these are routine visits, your mind can start to make up stuff. Yesterday ( I think) the eye doctor said I was a good candidate for Glaucoma. What a thing to say to people! I asked her if I get a trophy if I do get it, and she barely coughed/laughed. I then asked if I was getting it? She said no,we are just looking hard! The dentist wants me back to play around with a shadow he sees, under a permanent bridge that I have had , in my mouth, for 24 years? I reminded him that I feel perfect, but he sees a shadow. So we have to take the good bridge out, to see that its OK, but we have to make a new bridge, because you now have broken it??
    That was the start of this week, so today when I had no where to go , except to the gym, I became rattled.
    I woke up singing, Christmas carols and the Backstreet Boys, " Tellll  meeee whyyyyy, I did it my way" while I poured my coffee. Then hummed We Three Kings , on my way to the couch. I paused before sitting, and smiled at Bill, telling him, this day is going to be different. I don't think he heard me. That is perfectly fine.
  I strolled around the house until nine, and tried not to think too much about 9/11. I said a prayer, and left it at the alter. I have to do that more often these days. Leave it at the foot of the cross! Period.
  Gathered my workout clothes and headed to the gym. ( You know if you are reading this, I never made it! )
  Since I was driving near the mall, I could swing by and get Emma something else for her birthday. ( I thank Jesus daily for a daughter, they are so much fun to buy for!!) So as I look, thinking and walking, I convince myself that this is my exercise for the day. I will walk some more, to make my Fit Bit happy, stupid thing!
So I parked far from the stores, walked and walked, and then went to the grocery store, for silly things. Like sunflower seeds and spinach for a salad. I could have shopped like a normal person, but then it would not be me. I like small quick trips to the food store. If I lived in Paris, I would be doing this daily, so I like to pretend.
   I return home, maybe some lunch? but nothing seems right. So I skip it, and realize my big toe hurts. I think, " Well, glad I did not go to the gym, that would have made it hurt more!?" I sit for a minute, start to read a book, fold some clothes, do the dishes, blah blah blah. Its not enough!!! I need to work out, so I go pull weeds, and of course get so off course, I cut flowers and then arrange them, after I looked for a good thirty minutes for the right vase!! Now that is some moving the old body! I thought I could still swing by the gym, I have my clothes on, tennis shoes tied tight!! Who will put that salad together for supper and the chicken, I forgot I bought mushrooms, oh I want to do something good with these.....and now I need something to eat, Geez its almost two o'clock, ugh too late, I will just have some yogurt.
  Did I tell you about the witch hat that has been on my kitchen table for three weeks, why put it up now, its near October! It is just too much fun, this life.
   I read somewhere this week, someone said, " May Your Walls Know Joy!"
   I promise you, that my walls know joy, we listen for the story, its important.
   Even when it seems like a nothing day, its awesome, Listen close, tell your story.

I may go to the gym tonight, I will let you know:)

"Coconut Oil Seems To Do Everything. It's The James Franco Of Oils."-Lena Dunham

     I love funny people, and this line from Miss Lena won the prize this week. It has nothing to do with this blog, which I have decided this is a pattern for me. Somehow I will try to weave it into the story, but as of this second, I don't see that going down easy.
    All this week, with Fall breathing down my back, I have had a hard time, finding the joy. Not totally, but there has been a breeze of darkness hovering. So I have to work extra hard, or fall head first into gloom, and that is just not going to happen. To manage grief, is a full time job, summer lightens my load. Many things trigger grief in abundance, but as a rule, each day is a pleasure.
   Yesterday, I went to get some glasses fixed, and the lady said, " You did a number on these!" Oh no, she has to be kind. Me, " Well I fell at the art center, where I take classes, and I have cataracts!" She settled down, a little. My cataracts are babies, and  don't effect my sight yet, but she needed to be sweet! So I had a lovely time with her, trying on frames, that I did not need, but may in the future. She wrote down all the ones I liked, so I would not have to look so hard for them again, next time! ( Oh I did fall and break my toe, that was why my glasses were haywire) I left the place, feeling better and she felt better for being kind. Yes I did have to guide her, but its my job. People can take you down, or you bring them up, I am on the up escalator, so they better hop on.
   I felt so much better, that I stopped by the frame people, with some of my art. I walk in and this man, comes after me, to help me. He was near running, and said, " Can I help you?" Stepping back, I replied, " Not at this second." and he turned around. I thought that my tone, may have been a little sharp, so when I needed help, I went to him. I said, " Can you help me now, I'm ready?" He smiled and said, " I will try." He was wonderful, we had a great time talking about art, and my ideas for the frame and mat. I explained how he was way off in his choices, and he agreed with me. I had to help him, for the next person! I had a lovely time, and went on my way home.
  This may not sound like much to shout about, but it changed my morning, and I could make my afternoon work. Coconut oil can not fix all things, maybe James Franco can! but I would be willing to try both, you have to work hard at this loving life stuff. Add loss of a child, and it is an hour by hour job. Lucky for me, so much makes me happy.
   This morning , before my eyes were fully opened, I told Bill, " Ward was in my dream last night,"
Bill said, " That is great, how old was he?" Filling my coffee cup, " He was young, maybe 8, and he spoke to me." ( He has never talked in a dream, and he is usually older in my dreams) Dr. B. said, " That's funny,"
Me, " No its not funny, its wonderful. I asked if I could touch him, and he said yes. Then he laid beside me in my bed." This was a miracle, and nothing but joy in its purest form. So today, I have a full heart. Emma is headed to Auburn, Hart hopefully will help Bill take the cat to the vet tomorrow, and I will be at a sleepover with my girlfriends. We need to send Joan Rivers off with a tip of our hats, catch up, we were busy all summer, and just laugh. Laugh long and hard, and love on each other.
   I live a life of wonder, beauty and peace. AND if you are reading this, I pass this on. Celebrate something, or at least buy some Coconut oil, I hear it fixes everything, or call James! tell him Lena Dunham sent you.