Most of the Time

     I think on any given Sunday, we seldom connect all the dots.
     My dad would say, "Its just life, Bonnie."
Well life is a full cup of poison, most of the time. You have to not drink from the cup, or rinse the damn cup out!
     A friend of mine, who lost her daughter recently, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Of course, I don't get it. There should be a set of rules, that when you lose a child, you are done with things that hurt you.
But then, it is just life, in a nut shell.
What to say and do?
I went to buy a scarf, earrings and a make-up bag. I want her to look darling, when she feels beat down. Chemo, the cup of poison, heals and hurts. How can you hurt anymore? My heart aches, I will get this package in the mail, with my love and kisses.
    You know, if you read my blog, that the end of the month is book time. Or as I like to call it, My drug of choice, books.
 I read three this month, really four, but only one I will brag about.
 French Dirt by Richard Goodman - about a garden in the south of France. Love France, love gardens end of review!

Think Jung! How I Found Meaning in My Life-by Paul Marshall Wortman- I love the search.

Stitches, A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne LaMott- she is one of my favorite authors, and this book will take you about an hour to read. I will say that I highlighted so much of the book, that I lost the flow. So I read again. ( I also recommended this book to my friend who I talked about earlier, it calls her name) It will probably speak to you all. It is about life, and the ride. She talks about how easy it is to stay on track when we are feeling full of goodness. Then what happens when things fall apart, and they do, for all of us. Anne mentions solace in nature and art, and maybe if we are lucky, the quiet satisfaction of our home. ( theses three things have, and continue to keep me above water)
A couple of jewels are as follows: Ram Dass said that we're all just walking each other home. This is the sweetest thing I have ever read. The comfort that we can offer people, is like walking each other home. That is fantastic.
  Ms. Lamott speaks of feeling that we are barely pulling ourselves forward through a tight tunnel on a badly scraped-up elbow!! (Yikes! you feel that!!)( life is a beast, but hang on, get the bandages out!!)
 She also says we live stitch by stitch. (love that) and if you fixate on the big picture, the whole shebang, the overview, you miss the stitching!! ( pay attention!)
  Barry Lopez wrote, " All that is holding us together are stories and compassion.( You can tell Anne Lamott is a reader)
 She mentions that you never fully recover from some hurts. Then she says, that all you can do is say, "I get It" ( That is what I want to say, and it just doesn't come out of my mouth)
 Robert Burns said it best: " Life is but a day, at most."
(That kind of sounds like what my daddy said," Its just life Bonnie.")
"Without stitches, you just have rags. AND we are not rags!" says my author friend, Anne.
     We are precious beings, full of hope and heartache. That is me speaking now.
     Read this book, and think of my friend.
     Fill your cup with joy, and hold on. Lord its a crazy journey, but Iam loving it!!!

I Do Not Know the Date, but I Have a Plan B, C and D

 This bears repeating, October has been a warm biscuit kind of season in Atlanta.
I mentioned to my family, that I was sure that God was smiling at me, until we had a cold snap!
Last week, blankets were thrown over me, and I was shaking! My number four precious son?( I was being generous with precious on that day!) Hart said, " Mom, you need to move way down south, it is not that cold!"
   "HART..can you bring me some wood for the fireplace?" and " I have been saying that for years, Key West calls my name!"
 So what do we do, when it is winter in October? Go to the movies to see, 12 Years a Slave. Yes it was a good movie, and yes it had wonderful actors, BUT all I could see was the moss in the trees and the sweat soaked clothes of everyone who lived on the plantation. I could smell the humidity, and I felt alive and happy. When we left the movie, I was sure it had been filmed in my beloved south, when Bill said, " I think it was filmed in South Carolina or on a sound stage."
Husband, from Buffalo New York, I replied ever so sweetly, like fresh cut sugar cane, " Bill, that was filmed near a swamp and some long ass moss growing from those trees! that is deep in the belly, south." and " I will look it up when we get home." ( born researcher that I claim to be)
 We had not been home five minutes when, only daughter, sweet angel Emma hollered, " It was filmed in Louisiana, Mom!"
 Yes, in the Bayou, snake infested swamp, cotton picking state of crazy plantations and some wrong doing, for sure. I took a deep breath. Bill said, " You know your moss Bonnie" well now, " Thank you, Thank you ever so much!" but it remained cold in Johns Creek. However for a brief couple of hours, I was warm.
 Horrified of slavery, and the times but embraced by what I knew the south could be, one day, I hope.
The moss still holds some secrets, and pain from the past. The movie told the familiar story, that many choose to let lay in the history books. This story of Solomon, from 1853, had to be told. It is all of our history, and we hold our faults to the stars , so we can remember, never let that happen again.
I hope people see the film, and we continue to grow.
I have to admit, its my nature, that I think I would have been good at picking cotton. I like the way it feels coming off the plant, I like heat, and I love the songs of the black people. Its the white people who I would have had a problem with, I often have no filters when thinking and speaking, and don't take kindly to whips. My life would have been very short lived.
Bill says, " You thought all of this about the movie, during the movie!" and " because it was a cold day, it spoke to you?"
" Yes, I can not just see a movie, or read a book, or wake up each morning, I need a plan, A,B,C and maybe D" said I." You are a lucky man!"

Reginald Dwight and a Friend

       This past week I have noticed that Elton John has been on the morning shows.
       He has a new album out, The Diving Board.
       I half pay attention to morning TV, but I like to hear it going all over the house. I heard he was going to sing, and turned my eyes to the screen. The pianist was turning it out, once again, and I had to sit down.
His pudgy fingers effortlessly skim the keys, and make magic. I moved closer to the source. His voice, never perfect, has matured and is raspy well worn, Captain Fantastic!
     Later he played Rocket Man, and changed it up, until I thought I would faint. I held my heart with my hand, for this beautiful melodic memory of a song.
    He is a master with a friend.
    A person whom I have loved for so long, Bernie Taupin.
    This is the first album( I know its a CD or whatever they are called now, I happen to be stuck in the 60's)
since 2006 that they have collaborated on. My memory bank was flooded with emotions. Bernie and Elton, the lyricist, poet and the piano driven Sir.

                       -Its a little bit funny
                         this feeling inside...
    go ahead and sing the rest, It is Your Song
Another line from that song- If I were a sculptor, but then again, no- Bernie's lyrics are the finished art piece.
You can read his lyrics, as if, a book of poetry. Songs from my generation, into the now.
This duo, these minstrels tenderly and rambunctiously delivered something special to us.
They have done it again.
I may not have married a music man, but Sir Elton and Bernie have a piece of my heart.

Look Around You, Amazing!

     People ask me, how is retirement?
     I have to think long and hard, about an answer.
     My principal asked, and I said, " It is always the last day of school." I think that pretty much sums it up.
     Then as usual my crammed full brain, began to think.
     My first year of not having to be at work, was an adjustment. I missed all of my friends at work, and the very process of teaching children the ins and outs of middle school.
      As the second year, has come around, I feel much more at peace.
      Actually I feel thankful, and my plate is full.
      Time still escapes me, the days fly by, and I look for more hours.
      My desire to learn continues with a fever, and my search for joy is in every waking day.

     This October has been so delightful, and the sky, a color blue, that I have no words for. I was telling my beloved, Dr. Bill, many times over, had he seen the sky lately. I think he said yes? after 33 years of marriage, you pretend to hear each other. " Seriously, ( I mean business) have you seen it, look at these pictures I took today!" spoke I in my most gentle southern way?? I have lost him, so I go around the house to continue to enlighten him. " Bonnie, (that's me!) you have not seen the sky in years, you have been at work!" Bill answered from who knows where. Oh my, he is so right. ( That is just a thought, I would not say that out loud)
   Retirement has given me the opportunity while I still have a few brain cells left, to look around. I feel like a toddler, who is seeing things for the first time. My camera, and cell phone, travel in my pockets, I want to be ready! Just this weekend, I was at Home Depot buying mums and a tiny frog was just sitting. On my mum! I yelled at Emma, "Look, you never see this!" as I dropped my purse getting my camera out. I took the picture, and it was awesome. It was a moment of joy. I go into the store to pay for my flowers, and I proceed to tell the cash register lady about what happened, she wanted to see the picture. ( Em would tell you I forced it upon her, hmmm....) In her excitement, she said, " This picture is better than any I have seen in National Geographic!" I KNOW, you have to be ready to see the world. ( Picture is on Facebook, if you care to look)
  My senses are at 10+, things taste better, smell divine, music emits colors!!! ( I know all of this could be some drugs coming back to haunt me, if I had ever inhaled??!!) Those crazy 60 and 70s, lord that is a whole other story!!! Back to my blog!.
  In the fall last year, I was sitting in front of our bay window, my reading spot when I started to stare at the trees. They looked funny to me, something was amiss. I grabbed my camera, and carefully went to see what I was seeing, it was a squirrel blending in with the tree, wrapped in dead ivy vines. It was amazing!! nature in its glory and I have the time to see and do all!! Yes the laundry never goes away, and for some reason people still need to eat!  But time is on your side, you can lolly gag around and stuff gets done. That is the difference, I guess. Your pace of living is more of a stroll, instead of a full sprint.
  That my friends is retirement for me, just doing and being in the now.
Look Around, Amazing!
   Look close you will see the squirrel!!!

My Sixth Child

   Before I began to ramble, I encourage you to write down everything. Last week two titles, one of a book and one of a newspaper article, thrilled my soul! and are semi responsible for this next blog. ( The newspaper article was a book review, so both titles of books, sent me to Nirvana) I scribbled one on a scrap of paper that I use for my prayer jar, and the other I ripped out of the Sunday paper. ( we still get the real Sunday paper!) ( not for long, I am sure soon it will be read online!)
   The first book title, is Five Miles South of Peculiar! I have not a clue to what it is about, but you know I will read it!! Surely it is about Florida, guessing?? The next book title/newspaper review is Fringe Florida, another yummy adjective describing my sixth child, Florida.
  You see its like your children, you can call them crazy, off the charts, pains, but no one else can.
  Same with my beloved Florida. It is peculiar, to say the least. Different, is a understatement. Cast off of normalcy, yes BUT..it is my normal, all the crazies, I love it. My baby, my wonderland of fringe!
We are a different group, us Floridians. We are raised in humidity and insects, with Jesus being crucified a daily conversation. Homes on wheels and trucks with giant tires, scatter the landscape. Florida now has an overgrown population of boa constrictors, that is not anywhere near normal! Alligators can be in your backyard or on the golf course, and no one flinches. Palmetto bugs the size of small cats, live with us, bug control does not work. The weather is close to heaven, with a storm around the bend. Lighting is entertainment, along with freak shows at the fair. When asked as a young girl, " How was your date?" often the response was, " Fine, we just rode down main street!"  Your mother never had to question where you were, outside was the answer. Our weekends were at the beach, end of story.
  Weird resides in Florida, with wife beater shirts at football games considered dress up clothes, to cuts off being a staple! Moonshine and Moonpies, peanuts in your coke!, watermelon and fried chicken go down easy. We wake up with sunshine and orange trees, surrounded by oceans, so we look at Tiny Pete, the midget man at the fair, with baby fetuses in jars. We are the Fringe, thank you baby Jesus! Write it down, but don't say anything about my baby!
 
 
  

I Read Like the Ink From the Book is Oxygen, and I'm Gasping For Breath

      I do not know where the quote in my title came from, I just grabbed it and hung on.
When you read tons of material, and take notes, sometimes it becomes hard to remember where you found the words. So I give credit to whomever thought, and wrote the words in my title, and I thank them, for saying what I feel every day.
     Now that September has slipped away from me, without my sharing my book list, I will put September reads in October. I think we are only a few days into this October, but I have been known to be way off before!!
     I continue to read massive quantities of books, but the ones in September were fair. At this time in my life, I want over the top, take me to my knees, wonderful and these were so-so.. I certainly had a couple of very good and different reads, but to have four that I would caution people to read. Makes me sad. I still offer them up to any takers, because maybe you will find the jewels in one, that I did not see.
My September Book List, this 2013;
1. Maya's Notebook: A Novel by Isabel Allende.  This book started strong, and then I lost the characters charm. They became annoying, and I did not care what happened, but I stayed with it. Sigh...
Here are some of my highlighted lines, "Since we're going to suffer, lets clench our teeth," she said. Pain like that, pain of the soul, does not go away with remedies, therapy, or vacations; you simply endure it deep down, fully. ( I think I could have said that!) Another one, Both, destiny and genes, determine what we are, and cannot be changed;if the combination is virulent, we're fucked, but if not, we can exercise a certain amount of control over our own. ( I love long run on sentences!, and the word virulent!)
Of course there is more, but not loving this one so much.
2. Simple Dreams: A Musical Memoir by Linda Ronstadt; Horrible, I may never listen to her music again! I wanted juicy details, nothing, she gave up nothing! This one is not worth the time to download it.
3. Sister Mother Husband Dog by Delia Ephron; Anything by an Ephron sister, Iam reading. It was delicious. You be the judge! Denial was a talent she greatly admired. She could have been gentile, except, of course, she wasn't.( wonderful line of words)" Hazelnuts are what's wrong with Europe."( this just made me smile. All siblings have different parents. We were all born at different times in our parents marriage. (such truth in those words) The illness of alcoholism, sadly breeds a staggering self-absorption!( another truth) My sisters death brought death into the light of day, and at this age death feels like a car length behind( I love the Ephron women) A must read for women.
I also read Remembering Smell by Bonnie Blodgett, fascinating book, loved it.There are too many highlights, and I have forgot to number this book, I think its four!! and I do not feel like fixing it!! I will just write one,(maybe two) There is no word in any language specifically meant to describe the smell of an old sock!!( genius!) Especially in the spring, when the water of the lake is "suspended in sunlight, sharp as the breath of an animal." ( Beautiful)
5. ( my fatigue is waning!) Last on my list, was Being a Rockefeller, Becoming Myself by Eileen Rockefeller. It was history, and family and magnificent. Loved it. Again too many highlights to post, but...
Sometimes I find awareness in a single flower petal. If I stop to savor the spoon of its creamy flesh, the whole day blossoms, just like a peony. ( Yes, that is grand writing)
Rafts are good metaphors for life. The more buoyant the material, the easier it is to stay afloat. I learned that buoyancy has as much to do with attitude as equipment ( Lord, that is a fact!) ( and I am no Rockefeller!)
Long before I learned how to read words, I read emotions in my mother!!( wow!)
    Now you have a clue, about some of my September reading. I always like to end my blog month, letting you know whats out there in the world to read, and hoping that you will share with me, your finds along the way.
   Reading is so important, try it. Yes, I know there is dinner to make, and laundry to fold, you have to carve out some time to read. Its a balm, or a burden?? Your choice. Enjoy the journey.